Post 1747 started re-describing the foundation principles that undergird this blog. Today, we continue with results of how God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize women and men.
Her Wants:
- A woman does not absolutely need a man, but she wants company or assistance at specific times in life.
- Her primal want is for a solid relationship with someone stronger and more influential in shaping events that affect her and her children.
- She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by powerful people, unexpected events, and catastrophes.
- She wants comfort in needy times and companionship for prevention of loneliness.
- Intuitively, she favors one man, because two will not knowingly share her except that one on the sly may cuckold another.
His Wants:
- A man wants the freedom to do as he chooses and especially make himself stand out among others as unique, as a competitor, as a person of significance.
- He seeks the freedom to lay with her or play with her, to hunt or punt, rest or nest, read or lead, think or drink, farm or harm, glean or lean, produce or reproduce, or just do something new or exciting—especially in the spare time he earns from working at his job.
- His pastimes may or may not include his woman, which is a good endorsement of long courtships to form more mutual pastimes.
Their greatest fears and compatible focus on time are next with post 1749.
Someone just recently left a comment on an old blog post of mine [http://katsyfga.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/does-the-bible-say-you-have-to-have-kids/] from “Kate” saying that they’ve been married for 5 years, and though they both said they wanted children at the beginning of the relationship, both wanted to wait a few years to have children. Now, husband is saying he thinks he does not want to have children, while she is desperately wanting children. I think you’ve covered this topic in the past (either in a post or a comment), but I’m having a hard time finding it. Can you point me in the right direction for what women should do when their husband don’t want children, even after they had previously said they did (sounds like “bait and switch” to me)?
Your Highness Kathy,
Other than a short comment added to another subject, I don’t know of having addressed it before. But, I will address it here.
There could be several reasons, and recoverery is pretty much the same for each reason:
+ Perhaps his respect and love of wife have slid downhill. He seeks to avoid throwing out any anchors that might slow whatever he has planned or is just thinking about for his future and perhaps a future without her.
+ He may fear the costs and seeks to avoid new financial demands. Look for it to be likely if they have already substituted pets for babies instead of saving up for baby costs.
+ He may have misled wife earlier.
+ If he’s immature, adolescent-minded, or drifting away from personal responsibility in the home, he’s likely drifting away from whatever their current life is all about. Babies add unsought responsibility.
+ If he doesn’t want to please her anymore, as a matter of personal preference, he won’t want children for the sole purpose that she will be pleased. It’s a good sign of bad things to come.
I suspect their relationship isn’t too solid. Wife’s recovery should first try to solidity it and follow this pattern:
+ Don’t purposely or accidentally forget to take The Pill. A pregnancy will make their relationship worse.
+ Accept his decision without approval or disapproval. Don’t blame him or try to induce guilt.
+ Drop the idea of having babies for awhile. Leave the subject to indirectness and seed planting that aims to make it his idea to have children, his idea to keep earlier promises, and his idea to please his wife’s primal urge to give birth.
+ Study blog articles about the opposed and competitive natures of men and women and particularly pay attention to earning/winning/keeping/restoring a man’s respect. Wife needs to discover once again the glorious results of admiring who he is and what he does through her actions and not just her words. She has to learn to feel important about herself in other ways than depending on him for feedback. It worked at one time to make him think of marrying her, so she needs to restore herself as if he might be flirting with the idea of leaving. Without, however, letting him know that she feels threatened or hopeful of accomplishing something.
She’s in a tough situation regardless of the cause. Whatever he or she does will likely instigate competition. If it happens, cooperation goes out the window and the bell rings for round one of their bout to settle differences.
Guy