1757. Sex Differences Redux — Part 11: Bonding

Women bond as easily as they provide sex after emotional lead up and foreplay. Causing much confusion to modern women, men don’t bond that way and are more complex than women.

The bonding process for both is simple, if one just considers their respective natures. View a man and woman as if they just emerged from the womb as full size adults with distinctively different roles in life. They’ve not yet learned anything about life or dealt with other people. No experiences, no beliefs learned, and no development of personality. Just the male and female natures in the raw, as it were.

The woman’s process starts with touching and completes with their first sex together. She senses that he also bonds and is captured, and she expects that he’s hooked. She does what makes her feel good about herself; her self-love blossoms as she more and more tries to demonstrate that she’s his Ms. Right. It satisfies her need for self-importance. However, such demonstrative actions to prove her value are usually wasted. He bonds from other stimulants.

If her gratitude arises out of their post-coital relationship, her happiness follows. If her gratefulness for him doesn’t follow her efforts, their relationship crumbles. Her bond with him may shatter, but even if she learns to hate him, it seldom completely leaves her heart.

The man’s bonding process begins with her attractiveness that stirs his loins. It concludes with his conviction of her likeability for who he is and what he does. Sex with her is not only unnecessary, it interferes with uncovering her qualities that hold promise for him and thus weakens his conviction about her likeability.

Men bond from this. She’s attractive and likeable. He respects her for her self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control. She amuses, uplifts, and pleases him. She respects who he is and appreciates what he does. His conviction confirms her likeability and he wants to keep her around—provided, that is, if the price to be determined over some lengthy time ahead isn’t too high. (For example, if she speaks too early of marriage or discloses her sexual history, the price jumps too high.)

If their relationship sours, his bond with her follows suit. Sex will only lure him back temporarily. To restore his bond, he needs to start over by seeing a new and reinforced self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control as she denies sex to him. He sees new promise, and such an epiphany opens his eyes to reappraising what else and new she has to offer him for a different kind of life together. (His nature works that way, and it’s why virtual virginity works.)

The sexes are vastly different in the ways they bond as couples. The process becomes infinitely more complex after values, beliefs, and expectations complicate both men and women in real life. But the essence is as described above. Sex with him bonds her; the promise he sees in her as likeable companion or mate bonds him.

Note this for your diary/journal: She’s in charge of whether to provide sex. She’s also in charge of cultivating herself such that he sees that she holds promise for the present and his future as he foresees it. (Her words don’t hold such promise.) In both cases, she acts and he reacts. Got it? Women determine all bonding. Thus, as women go, so go relationships, marriages, society (what we all do), and the culture (why we all do what we do).


Filed under sex differences

4 responses to “1757. Sex Differences Redux — Part 11: Bonding

  1. Anon....

    I notice when little girls are around, they love babies but boys love to explore and fix things in general. Feminists tried to change this. I actually dont like that we are the ones in charge of the relationship either BUT it is what it is. One of the reasons IMO we are in a fiscal cliff today is the breakdown of marriage~someone needed to care for the fatherless children.

  2. My Husband's Wife

    I have two questions on how males “bond” to women:
    1. In addition to the above, does a man “bond” to a woman by doing things for her or spending money on her? Is it different before marriage and after?
    2. If a girl is asked out by a male friend that she is not interested in as a boyfriend and he offers to pay, should she decline the offer and pay for herself since she is not interested in earning his devotion and doesn’t want to give him the wrong message?

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

    1. Essentially yes. However, spending money on her is somewhat different. It depends on how he relatively values money against non-money actions.

    If he’s a penny-pincher, he will dodge spending and favor other actions—more texting, phoning, cheap dates. He bonds by seeing that she accepts who and what he is. But he’s also learning that he doesn’t have to spend much to please her so she may not be able to spend much once they marry.

    If he’s a big spender and does little else, he’s probably not bonding. Just in it for the sex or other short-term goal. OTOH, if he also does many other things to earn her regard and she accepts who and what he is, then he bonds better. However, he’s probably prone to excess spending and a credit risk if they marry.

    2. Nope. Part of her education of learning about men is to act feminine and deserving of every man’s interest. Letting the guy pay isn’t giving him the wrong but a hopeful message. If she can’t stand to have guys hoping to develop a relationship with her, she’s either too fearful or doesn’t feel good enough about herself that she deserves it. Witnessing a guy’s hope teaches her how to handle other men. It’s valuable experience. (Obviously, I’m not talking about kooks or guys of whom she fears abuse.)


    • My Husband's Wife

      #1. I see it now and it would depend on how he spends money which makes sense. And it’s true–what they do in dating, they will do while married. A key item a woman needs to evaluate in her perspective spouse.
      #2. Learned something here for sure, although I’m not the one who is interested in dating (ha ha)! I have read so much info out there that tells both men AND women that the women should pay for ALL dates. It’s the standard advice now.

      Thanks for addressing all these questions. In my family, there two generations of girls–40s (married) and then the 20s (all dating) and we all discuss your blog. I’m the one who asks any of the questions we can’t figure out–so it’s really 6 girls worth of questions here. I hope we’re not too much to handle!

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

      Thank you. You make delightful what was already a pleasure. I love it when pretty women gang up to discuss the blog and what readers have to say.

      As to women paying for dates, they let men escape, which means they are expanding the man’s game in which women get an ever shorter stick with which to continue the battle of the sexes.


  3. Magnolia

    “Note this for your diary/journal: She’s in charge of whether to provide sex. She’s also in charge of cultivating herself such that he sees that she holds promise for the present and his future as he foresees it. (Her words don’t hold such promise.) In both cases, she acts and he reacts. Got it? Women determine all bonding.” …Love it!

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