1763. Sex Difference Redux — Part 17: Virginity

Two kinds of virginity exist—actual and virtual. The virtual makes a woman powerfully influential as described in the series ‘virtual virginity’. The actual is only attractive to men, but its apparent presence bribes the male nature far beyond its intrinsic worth. Once she yields, it’s meaningless although virtual virginity can restore even greater value to her.

First, the male nature. To fully understand the role of female virginity to males, we need to dispose of the fantasy that male virginity has value to females, except perhaps to the female ego disillusioned by ‘equality politics’. Women deceive themselves by placing high value on male virginity. It’s probably another attempt to bridge this gap. That is, if female virginity is important to men, why shouldn’t male virginity be important to women?

When it comes to sexual relations, men are hunter-conquerors, and boys are little men. To a boy after puberty, his virgin status is a shame, a horse collar label among his peers. If not laughing in his face, they laugh behind his back. It has to do with masculinity and male competition, not girls.

To the girl who is surprised or who ‘nurtures’ a boy through his change of status, three outcomes are most likely. (1) Too much foreplay and he pre-ejacs, embarrasses himself, holds it against her, and longs for the day he can prove himself to another female. So, she’s made herself temporary in his life. (2) Too little foreplay and she’s not ready. Yet, she yields and he learns that girls are easy to rollover, foreplay is not so important, and he longs for the day he can do it again. So, he shifts his focus from her to others and takes early steps toward seeing reward in infidelity. (3) Having many successful sexual encounters teaches boys that adventurous thrills can be found in multiple partners and that one female can be dull. Unless they just married, boys have little future use for the girl who taps their virginity. This makes it a ‘dirty job’ for smart girls and women.

Doubts exist whether a boy could learn such negative lessons about girls from one event. But, many sexual episodes program the mind, especially when they happen in the hormonal throes that program the male heart during puberty and shortly thereafter.

So much for men; their virgin status may be beneficial for their wives. But male virginity has nowhere near the same importance as both actual and virtual female virginity to women.

A bride’s virginity adds greatly to her sense of self-importance; she accomplished her goal of preserving her greatest asset, unsullied as it were. Her actual virginity contributes markedly to bridegroom’s sense of self-admiration. His male competitors highly value female virginity as critical to a man’s competitive stature. He’s second class if he marries a woman other men have known. Even if others don’t think it, the bridegroom does. Men who marry virgins think very highly of themselves; their self-image takes on a proud aura they don’t talk about, which further inflates their self-image. (Remember, this is not about modern day custom but their intrinsic natures.)

This sums it up. Actual virginity has value to men but her yielding ends it. Virtual virginity has value to women if they use rather than cheapen it. In both cases, women are in charge. Female behavior determines social outcomes. As women go, so goes society.

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NOTE: I describe it elsewhere but can’t find it now. One simple strategy delivers the greatest long term benefits to women: She should never reveal whether virgin or not before marriage and never disclose her sexual history before or after marriage. The series ‘virtual virginity’ describes reasons and techniques to implement the strategy.

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