The subject remains how men love differently than women. Boyhood shapes the man, and mother shapes boyhood when father is absent physically (or mentally a.k.a. disruptively for child-raising). So, for simplicity let’s assume a single mom with only one son hopes to teach him how to be a better man when he grows up.
Her female nature fully equips her with enough knowledge unless she falls prey to doing what sounds better than she thinks, what others claim to be desirable, or what seems to be popular. The farther she deviates from her feminine nature as loveable mother generally, nurturer during his toddler years, leader in the tween years, and coach after puberty, then the poorer the job she will do.
Anyone forced to compensate for someone else has a hard time of it. They often do what doesn’t work well. They try too hard. They compensate contrary to their objective. Without knowing it, single moms too easily end up pressuring boys into disregarding what mom tries to teach. As the result, boys are poorly indoctrinated about how to love and display affection for females.
So first, let’s examine the more unknown but vital features of the male nature that she likely faces.
- This natural operant dominates the learning behavior of boys: What a boy is taught that makes him feel more mature than he expects, he heeds as adult-like, enjoyable, and memorable as part of life. What he’s purposely taught that makes him feel immature he absorbs as distrust and resents it in the present, disdains it for his future, suspects the motive, and disrespects the teacher.
- When he senses pressure, the male nature rams a boy’s thinking into this mold: If you don’t trust me, I don’t respect you. Consequently, micromanaging a boy’s life too easily earns disrespect for mom. A bolder aspect of the male nature prescribes that someone not respected can’t be loved.
- A micromanaged and overly supervised boy can’t grow with and falls behind his peers. Mom makes choices for him. Social skills don’t develop well, and extreme behaviors build up. Such boys are teased, mocked, shamed, and withdraw into themselves. They also tend to harbor great anger and even urges to violence. Mom trying to substitute for missing father can cause the same results. (Look for it in the recent shooting in Connecticut.)
- The male nature is highly sensitive against being told HOW to do something. When told WHAT to do with respect added, males typically do it with far more alacrity than when told HOW. The value to mom lies here: Assign responsibilities to him but let him determine the details of how to do it. Slowly and indirectly promote his doing a better job until he’s proud and she’s satisfied. (Many micro responsibilities slightly beyond his maturity encourage development of his decision-making and self-confidence; the good mom puts up with poorly done jobs until his practice makes perfect or at least adequate.)
- Other helpful features of the male nature appear earlier in this series starting at daily post 1764.
If the single mom heeds those male features in all that she does, she’s on the right road to teaching her boy to be affectionate with women later in his life. Also, by respecting and giving due regard to those male features, she loves him.
However, a loving mother doesn’t make her loveable. Many ‘unloveable’ actions must be avoided, which is the subject of tomorrow’s post.