1798. Sex Difference Redux—Part 49: Art of Love vs. Lovemaking


Her Highness An Avid Follower and a Lady asked at 1797 for details about enhancing the art of love within a man. She commented in woman-think. I close the gap with man-think.

Loving is a basic and critical component of the female nature. Both love and the art of love originate within individual females. A girl’s mind dreams of love. As a woman, her mind conceives the art of love, and her heart detects failures, measures successes, and judges men according to her expectations.

The concept of love is foreign to the male nature. Men must be taught to value it. Women expect to see the ‘art of love’ flow out of men as if men know how and what to do. However, men know only what they have learned from family, buddies, and previous females in their lives, that is:

  1. Mothers indoctrinate, fathers exemplify, and sisters encourage boys to love and show affection to females. As one might expect, dysfunctional families produce lousy lovers by female expectations.
  2. From teen and adult buddies, boys and men pick up successful tactics aimed at gaining access to more sex. As one might expect, males learn almost exclusively about the art of lovemaking centered on intercourse. The art of love centered on devotion is rarely mentioned.
  3. Teen girls tame boys and young men. They teach males to display loving and loveable gestures in order to earn the favor of females. As one might expect, cheap and easy teen sex produces this in adulthood: selfish and high performance oriented lovers in males and inadequate devotion of males for females.
  4. Adult women condition men to show affection and figure out how to please a woman’s desire to be loved and to provide it. As one might expect, women either upholds standards that teach men the art of love, or they bow to the masculine art of lovemaking.

Out of those experiences, a man stabilizes his version of the art of love based on his personal version of lovemaking. It becomes habitual and difficult to change. Embellishments to please a particular woman come only after she gently coaches him to be more artful in her eyes.

The sexes differ greatly. Women dream of the art of love centered on devotion. Men dream of the art of lovemaking centered on intercourse. Only females can change the masculine focus, but it requires that girls and women generate mutual devotion before yielding to intercourse.

1 Comment

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One response to “1798. Sex Difference Redux—Part 49: Art of Love vs. Lovemaking

  1. Dear Sir Guy,

    Like many of your posts, this one has been another eye opener. I continue to believe (wrongly apparently!) that he is somehow changing. Why??? Because he is doing caring, thoughtful things that make me happy!

    But now I see that he has one set of objectives, I have another set of objectives. What you are telling me is that he is learning what to do so that he will inevitably get something he wants!

    That great freight train of an accomplished professional man has done such lovely things. Yes, I know that is real girl talk!!! But you are saying the dear man hasn’t really changed, he has just figured things out. And he is on a “search and destroy mission” to succeed and obtain his objective!

    He does become pleased when he sees the delight on my face when he brings a present to me at dinner. I read somewhere that the only thing you can do (or should do) for a man is radiate when he has done something that makes you happy. I read that it pleases him greatly to turn you into a giddy child with one of his surprises, to take you off guard. But – a ha! – when he sees you that happy that means to him he is succeeding and he is in control.

    So I suppose deep down this is a male chess game type thing. But it is a wonderful thing too.

    I would still like to know – what do you think about the “mask of disinterest” comment. Should the woman hold back somewhat even though she is delighted by him? Should she let him pursue her, woo her with more intensity by concealing her true heart for him just a bit? Would you say her “mask of disinterest” stimulates him to have more interest in her? If she raises the degree of difficulty does he become further inspired to pursue her? My instinct about it is if I am a little bit more difficult to reach I feel more comfort (safety) as he pursues. Its my way of knowing how close I will let him get. What say ye?

    THANK YOU

    Your Highness Avid Follower,

    If I read you correctly, the more pleased you are at his surprises, the more loving and persistent he becomes at trying to complete his conquest. The ‘mask of disinterest’ may help you, but be advised it could backfire. Only you can anticipate with any accuracy.

    I see your dilemma as this. Is his urge to merge shifting toward devotion for you as potential mate rather than sex target? Perhaps, but you can determine it this way. Is his interest in you aimed at finding out more about who you are, about your values, character, personal history, family connections, goals, dreams, ambitions, and on and on about non-sexual interests? Alternatively, does he continue primarily to woo you romantically, emotionally, and with much intimate touching? If the latter, the ‘mask of disinterest’ may help slow him down until he becomes more interested in devoting his interests toward your goals and dreams and you as mate.

    Guy

    P.S. If you haven’t been there, check out article 27 Conquest Changes Her.
    G.

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