Perhaps for eons, woman-talk claims that husbands want a whore in the bedroom. Wives that believe and act on it weaken their marriage. The male nature prevents men from marrying whores, and even the expected appearance of one in the bedroom attacks husband’s self-respect.
The need for self-admiration motivates men to do more of whatever earns it, and wife’s whorish behavior may temporarily and even repeatedly fill husband’s need. However, self-respect applies precautionary pressure to prevent or recover from uncomfortable endeavors. While husband may momentarily disregard his self-respect and take advantage of wife’s whorish behavior, thoughts of having married a whore cause his masculine self-respect to haunt him; he self-defensively finds ways to blame wife instead of himself. Consequently, as he endeavors to retain or recover his self-respect, blame causes deterioration of his respect for her, his love diminishes accordingly, and their marriage weakens.
All of the above begs the question: What is whorish behavior? Basically, it’s a wife abandoning her female nature in favor of duplicating the male nature. She may assertively and immodestly displace husband from his initiating role with the intent to please husband first, bypass her own needs, or ensure her own sexual longings are satisfied. Or, she may follow husband’s lead and participate in activity that offends her natural modesty or female sensibilities.
It begs another question: What is non-whorish wifely behavior? Common sense dominates how she parlays her female and his male nature into marital intimacy and bliss. She displays respectable modesty and invitingly inspires husband to initiate activity that teaches him that post-coital intimacy is her reward for his orgasm. She accepts and respects her sexual uniqueness that makes satisfying him (it’s so easy) and afterplay intimacy (he needs some teaching) more important than her orgasm (he should eventually learn to master the art of producing that).
By believing that men want whorish behavior and participating that way in the marital bedroom, women also weaken their own expectation for intimacy to follow sex. Men marry for frequent and convenient sexual release. Orgasm restarts a husband’s frequency, but his steadily decreasing and already minimal foreplay combined with no intimacy afterward turn bedroom action into mere convenience or new adventure for him and potential misery for her.
Men with a whore expect to command the what, when, and how of what happens. Wife is thereby pushed to assume the role of obedient servant devoted far beyond submissiveness to pleasing him. On the other hand, husband devoted to a loyal and submissive wife in the bedroom expects to primarily please her. The difference lies in their minds and hearts. She’s his woman, wife, and mutually devoted bed partner. They don’t even think about whorish behavior much less her being demoted to whore. Why should she act like a man in search of bedroom ecstasy? As a wife acting with common sense, she indirectly commands respect with feminine modesty and female sensibility. As recipient of his energy, she calms his natural search for new adventures. In that way, she compounds his bedroom dedication into permanent loyalty to her as his own private, exclusive, and uniquely attractive sex partner.
Next, prostitute or porn, which is worse? It’s posted as #1803.
I think this is tangentally related: Sir Guy, do you think it benefits ladies to ask what their man prefers by way of dress? Specifically, what he thinks of as appropriate or not? This comes to mind specifically because of an incident I encountered last week. I relative (privately) hinted that my skirt was “too tight.” I was very humiliated, so later I (privately) asked my husband for his opinion. “Is it immodest?” I inquired. “Well… um… um… well… let’s just say I catch myself looking at you OFTEN and thinking, ‘Hmmmm! Mmmmmm! HMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!” he said. Well, I was mortified – not because my husband thinks that way, but because he probably feels I’ve had other men thinking that way, too. Guy, I threw the skirt away. But it makes me wonder what else I might own that my husband finds not-so-appropriate. I went through my closet and threw a few more things out. I want very much to be modest! But should I ask my husband / get his opinion of my dressing-style??
Your Highness Anne,
Nah, don’t ask. He doesn’t know. You just have to try things and gently/privately inquire INDIRECTLY, if you really seek his opinion. In all likelihood he has no opinion and really doesn’t care to find one even if you inquire. He’s no expert in what makes a woman attractive except for her body and all the stuff collectively that she covers it with. He will let you know if you’re ‘out of bounds’. He looks at the whole you and not closely at the specifics. Since he first saw promise in you as his wife, he credits you with clothing tastes that are suitable for him.
You might stir the pot with frequent questions like this. “Am I pretty enough for you today?” “Do you feel good being seen with me?” “You have any ideas how I can make myself appear more attractive for you? Those are actually too direct, so slow it a bit and experiment as indirectly as possible. If you’ve been married many years, you may not like some of his answers. If you receive his disapproval, tread very lightly after that.
I admire your pursuit of modesty and hope you make a great role model for other women.
Guy
Thank you, Sir Guy. I will use only the most indirect means to ascertain his preferences in this area… and meanwhile I think I’ll do another once-over of my closet with conscience piqued to make sure *I* don’t disapprove of anything else in there!
So what you are saying is that the ‘sexually aggressive’ woman is not good at all? She loses when a guy claims shyness and he dont have to put out? Money or marriage? This is news, but my daughter knows all about it: she sees many of the girls in her highschool being desperate for LOVE. Many arent with their natural fathers, of all ethnicities where she goes. She sees girls driving their boyfriends and giving all just to have a boyfriend.
Your Highness mYstiQue,
Each generation of girls gets further away from living close to their female nature. IMHO only mature and highly feminine women can find a way to reach an upcoming new generation of toddlers and teach new feminine values, for that is where it has to start.
Guy
Sir Guy, there is something in this post which seems to escape my understanding.
In the very first paragraph you said: ‘The male nature prevents men from marrying whores, and even the expected appearance of one in the bedroom attacks husband’s self-respect.’.
So assuming a man married an actual virgin, how can she transform into a whore in the bedroom, when she never had anything to do with any other man before? Does this strictly refer to the acts they perform together and does this only matter as long as she ISN’T getting her needs met?
I am confused!
Your Highness Wind in the Willows,
Yes, it apples to the acts they perform together, so an actual virgin can qualify for whorish behavior.
I fail to see the connection between the first and second halves of your last sentence. So, I’ll guess that you’re looking for this. It doesn’t matter if her needs are met or not in order to qualify for whorish behavior.
Guy
Now this is why I love your blog! Thank you for the eye-opening insight!
Sorry, English is not my first language …
Regarding my last sentence, you understood exactly what i was trying to ask
Your Highness Wind in the Willows,
It’s far from obvious that English is not your first language. Well done.
Guy
If a wife has deviated from her feminine nature and engaged in whorish behavior — thinking she was pleasing her man — do you reccomend her making efforts to move back more closely to her femine nature? Can she recover some respect? Or has she, in essence, “created a monster”? Horrible expression. I just mean has she created a problem for herself from which she is unable to recover?
Your Highness Stephanie,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
You don’t have a whole lot of room to maneuver and try to shift to a more feminine role. However, my series on Virtual Virginity describes how men react when they don’t get their way regarding sex. Study it and you may find ways to experiment and achieve what you would like to see in the bedroom.
Think indirectness, patience, caution, long term, no or very minor surprises, and adopt and serve something (morality, Bible) or someone (God) bigger than yourself. If he shows signs of losing respect for you, back off and rebuild the respect.
Guy
Another fantastic post. This blog is so edifying to me. I wish we could have a detailed lesson in this: “invitingly inspires husband to initiate activity that teaches him that post-coital intimacy is her reward for his orgasm.”
Your Highness Girl,
You asked for a detailed lesson about this sentence in post 1802: “She displays respectable modesty and invitingly inspires husband to initiate activity that teaches him that post-coital intimacy is her reward for his orgasm.” It’s a tall order, but I’ll try.
I can think of many ways that might work, but the complexities of explaining them overwhelm me. It boils down to this: Parlay your respectability and modesty in the bedroom into gently getting him involved in talking about sufficient foreplay and intimacy after sex. Slowly reveal after quite a few mentions or discussions that nothing he does pleases you as much as closing the pre-sleep period with intimate closeness.
Never complain about the following, but find ways to compensate or take advantage of these masculine traits in your man:
• A man likes to please his woman as long as it’s his idea, especially if he also gets to surprise her.
• A man well spent after sex seeks comfort and snuggling isn’t his idea of it. Men have Affection Delivery Disorder, especially if well spent after sex.
• Sex calms a man’s competitive spirit and makes him less assertive. He’s primed to be more cooperative, provided he doesn’t become irritated at being delayed from whatever is his next objective (smoke, beer, sleep, departure?).
• Holding a woman after sex strikes a man as unnecessary. His emotions have been released, and he expects that hers have too.
• Some but just a few men are conditioned in childhood to proactively show their love in intimate details. Unless taught differently, men tend to avoid intimacy.
As you’ve probably concluded by now, you can’t find a way to get him to change to your liking for intimacy. You can’t see how to overcome all the disadvantages, and I agree the prospects overwhelm you. Quite frankly, I think it’s the toughest to close of all gaps that women usually find in marriage.
However, I have a final suggestion. Without blaming or finding fault in him in any way, snuggle up to him even if you have to do spoons. Proactively find ways to get your need for closeness satisfied by yourself. He’ll probably never satisfy you sufficiently for intimacy even as you seek it. So, learn to appreciate what you have in a well-spent man, be grateful for what you can do with your body close to his, and you’ll grow happier with him.
Guy