For over forty years I’ve been plagued by the questioning of a former subordinate employee. I was a college dean and she an amazingly beautiful 18-year old newbie to the work force. She asked to meet privately and very innocently and seriously asked with the implication that I was old and wiser: All I want is to be happy; how do I get it? We raised three sons and no daughters, I had recently left the Navy, and I had experience with only one female employee. And anyway, men don’t think about ‘happy’. I was totally unprepared and embarrassed with nothing of consequence to offer. The predicament still stirs my memory (I even recall her name). Working with this blog I found the answer and wish I could finally convey it to her.
My original thoughts about this subject were revolutionary in expectations for marriage but reason prevailed. I offer principles and explain processes for improving both personal habits and marital results. The purpose is simply to tell women why and how to enlarge their natural deposit of happiness.
I’m sorry, but I don’t intend it as advice. You’ll have to study thoroughly and reason yourself to success. Only you can figure out what you can and should do, what you owe yourself above and beyond what you owe others. And remember this above all: Happiness is a process and not a goal. You work for it, but you never really get all you hope for.
These principles pave the endless road toward what women seek:
• Happiness comes from one’s sense of gratefulness, which is a recognizable expression of what one appreciates internally. Thus, appreciative thoughts beget gratefulness which produces elements of happiness. The more that women find ways to appreciate self, beliefs, others, and events, the more they generate an attitude of gratitude, and the smoother and more certain is their road to happiness.
• The female nature harbors a strong urge and unique talent to find happiness. The urge and talent enhance feminine mystique, female modesty, monogamous aspirations, and the rest of the feminine side of the female nature. Women are thus enabled to find appreciation where men can’t and produce gratitude that pleases the finder.
• People see an attitude of gratitude as reflective of someone’s inner spirit. However, happiness accumulates deeper inside one’s psyche and doesn’t show outwardly. A person may be happy, but it’s more of a spirit and the specific details of why escape them. In fact, if one interrogates self for the presence or cause of their happiness, the details tend to run together and morph into confusion or more questions. Ergo, happiness is more real when it’s not even thought about. It’s more process than goal.
• What you record in handwriting lingers much longer and stronger in your memory and psyche. So, keeping a handwritten journal of what you appreciate and are grateful for both reinforces your desire and strengthens your drive. Recording success redoubles effort.
• Faults and criticisms prevent finding gratitude and even squeeze gratefulness that should be obvious into irrelevance or oblivion. Negatives overpower positives by a wide margin. Women can’t just open their hearts. They have to smother negative thoughts and attitudes that reside there. New habits can smother and displace many bad habits that make relationships and especially marriage crumble before the unknowing and often unaware eyes of women.
The female heart works in deliberate ways.
• Only women can do what I describe; their hearts are sufficiently open. Men can’t do it; their nature fights against it. However, men easily learn to appreciate, encourage, support, and love a woman when she practices the art I describe below.
• Something for women to appreciate exists in everything and everyone if they but find it. The more persistently they try to uncover what are blessings to feminine eyes, the sooner and more easily they smother negative thoughts and habits with new and affirming ones.
• All women long for happiness, but many find, pay attention, and criticize the faults within themselves and others. Rather than appreciating what they like, they focus on what they don’t like. WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, so such women feel good about spotlighting what they don’t appreciate, or they have either the hope or intention of making something or someone more easily appreciated. It can be fun or so many wouldn’t do it, but it makes women do U-turns on the road to happiness.
That completes mile one on the road to happiness. A woman learns and practices the art of finding blessings for her in everything and everyone she encounters.
Mile two comes next at #1809 and looks at finding happiness with herself.