1851. When Guys Hit on Girls and Young Women


Friendly reminders about human nature when men hit on females:

  • Females can dominate and guide a man’s behavior before they yield to his conquest. They only need quick wit and determination to remain chaste in order to overwhelm his bluffs.
  • As hunter-conquerors, men hit on females primarily for sex and, in some cases, secondarily for a mate. If she shows signs that she’s easy to conquer, she loses value as potential mate. She adds significant value by successful resistance.
  • When a guy hits on them, females are forced to act on what they see more than what they hear. Ears are their major strength. Females gain advantage by ignoring what they see until they can hear what makes a guy of interest to them. It’s a momentary judgment call, and his words reflect his respect.

Even though I express it this way, don’t take what follows literally for you to do what I say. You have to fit it into your personality and ability to succeed at what you plan. I merely offer suggestions but keep in mind the reminders above.

When hit upon, you struggle with uncertainty depending on what the hitter looks like. You shake off whatever emotions hit you, reach for a response that’s proper for you in the situation, and continue as your feelings guide you. Lack of a standard game plan puts you at risk because the guy receives feedback he can exploit to more quickly get you in bed. He gains the advantage whether he’s a dreamboat or a determined nobody, and whether you let him talk you into listening further to his pitch. Even if you turn to something else or send him away, other guys witness or hear of the rejection and learn how to exploit your feedback.

If you have a standard response designed to put all the advantage on your side, you can dominate hit-on situations. I compile a list of options below from which you can adapt one or several or make a mixture to reject guys gently but affirmatively. Make up something comfortable and easy to recall and say habitually.

Your main goal should be to avoid living to be an old maid. You need a Mr. Good Enough to win you with his merit and virtuous character. The following objectives lay the groundwork. Never show anger or dislike of the hitter regardless of his looks. Your credibility soars when other people see that you don’t discriminate—a guy is just a guy until he starts to earn his way into your heart. (Don’t open your heart easily; make each guy earn his way through actions that make you trust him.)

Treat all hitters the same regardless of their looks, appeal, or apparent hunk-of-your-dreams. You enjoy compliments so reject each guy politely, smilingly, and honestly with a retort that rejects him for the present but subliminally encourages him to try again.

All hitters should be encouraged to try again. It enables you to separate the sex-hunters from the mate-hunters. If ‘undesirables’ return, than use the same retort each time so that you don’t have to explain yourself; they’ll eventually get your response as final. For ‘returnees’ you find hopeful for your future, proceed to the next step of determining their worth and ability to earn your heart.

Here are suggestions for possible retorts with you always smiling throughout each encounter. (Anger and other negatives discourage the mate-hunters.) Always smilingly stare the hitter down; it reinforces your dominance of the situation.

  1. God says I shouldn’t, and I listen to Him first and foremost. (If the guy responds, Do what? You say, Ask God.)
  2. Guys are never more handsome than when they compliment a lady. But handsome isn’t nearly enough thank you very much. (If he responds What is? You retort with You figure it out.)
  3. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when I have time to hear you explain your intentions. (NO, not now, later.)
  4. Thanks for the compliment. If you give me a list of your virtues, I just might read it.
  5. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when you’re teaching a Sunday school class. (Oh, you are now? Then tell me [sincerely and not sarcastically] where and when and I may join you some Sunday.)
  6. Thanks for the compliment. I’m proud to have stirred your imagination. (If he asks what you mean, respond with You figure it out.)
  7. Thanks for the compliment but I’ve had enough for one day.
  8. Thanks for the compliment. Do you seek a mate for life? No? Then why should we talk?
  9. Thanks for the compliment. My daddy taught me to ask for the ring first.
  10. (Finally, if a hitter won’t give up.) We’re both lucky. You know what you want. I know what I don’t want. See you later.

By now, you probably complain that you can’t say those things. Your first step to avoid old-maidhood is to separate those guys only after sex from those dedicated to winning you as a mate. Based on the nature of men, the rejection options above tend to discourage the former and encourage the latter.

7 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

7 responses to “1851. When Guys Hit on Girls and Young Women

  1. Some Other Guy

    Sir Guy is so right about this.
    Back when I met my wife 28 years ago this technique is exactly how she let me know that if I wanted to have her I would have to be committed. She was very nice to me, smiled and acted coy. She did not act prudish in any way whatsoever. We met at a bar. But the night I met her, she told me she was a virgin and was saving herself for the right man.

    I was not a virgin at the time and had had my share of easy girls. By declaring up front that she was a good girl, she completely set the expectation of commitment. Her tactics instantly elevated her in my eyes. That she valued her virginity and moral character made her someone that was worthy of pursuing and had the effect of making me value her purity very highly. We partied together and had friends that were hooking up all the time. My wife understood that those were just choices that others make. Maybe right maybe wrong but simply choices none the less. She would not make the slutty choices that the other girls did.

    My wife scared away tons of men this way. She had lots of 1 date relationships that ended when she wouldn’t put out But those men were not willing to put the time into her like I did. I may or may not have been Mr. Right. But like Guy says, I was Mr. Good enough who she could mold into Mr. Right.

    • Lin

      What beautiful story! Brought tears to my eyes. So inspiring and thanks for sharing!

      • Some Other Guy

        I appreciate that Lin. What’s interesting too is that my wife’s ability to set that expectation of demanding respect still colors my thoughts and actions to this day, 28 years later. It really is amazing that her setting of the expectations of how I needed to treat her persists over time. Women have a lot more power to shape a man than they might believe.

  2. Peach Blossoms

    “When a guy hits on them, females are forced to act on what they see more than what they hear. Ears are their major strength. Females gain advantage by ignoring what they see until they can hear what makes a guy of interest to them.”

    Sir Guy,
    Isn’t a woman’s weakness her ears – especially when she doesn’t examine his actions to see if they back up his words?

    Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
    I love it when pretty women give me reason to clarify. In the article, I have added this to what you cited above. “It’s a momentary judgment call, and his words reflect his respect.” Let me know is that doesn’t erase what you saw as contradiction.
    Guy

    • Peach Blossoms

      Men are never more handsome than when paying a handsome compliment :)
      Still, wouldn’t a woman be more susceptible to what she hears, especially if attracted to the “hitter”? She could easily convince herself they’re on the same page based on what she hears.
      Also, I don’t quite understand what you mean here – “what she sees”. My experience has been with verbal hits only. If I get what I feel are overtly flirtatious compliments – feels like he’s “pinging” to see what reaction he’ll get – I just thank the guy and take it as sincerely meant anyway, but I don’t encourage further talk in that direction.

      • Catherine

        Peach Blossoms,
        Been thinking about your comments. :) Maybe Sir Guy intends something like an interested man should step out of his comfort zone of actions-only and try to catch her a little with what she likes; words? There’s probably a difference between the guy who uses words to manipulate vs. words to try to respect. A man going out of his comfort zone into words might look really endearing because maybe he doesn’t say exactly the right thing, or he’s ever so slightly awkward without blaming her for it. It’s like how we try to show respect by not relying on words as much and allowing them to draw their own conclusions. Maybe it means to still watch his actions to see if they match his words, and sweet attempts to use words/speak our language is another action they take to impress ladies. :)

        Your Highness Catherine,

        Some men have learned differently, but the male nature operates like this when trying to impress a woman. Men get a woman’s attention with compliments and then shift to selling themselves. They can’t resist, because they identify her need as—she can’t do better—HIM. Whatever level of alpha-ness they possess rises to the surface without even trying. Even though he may be on the prowl, he starts out on defense because he can’t risk failure. The best defense is a faux alpha-oriented offense.

        Another self-centered pressure keeps him for seeing his way through feminine mystique and female modesty. Natural inability to understand those things denies the openness to find out indirectly what she likes to hear. Being naturally direct, men find themselves restrained whenever indirectness is called for.

        Guy

        • Peach Blossoms

          That’s an interesting angle. I get what you’re saying – thank you! :)
          Always so much food for thought on this blog!

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