1950. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 88


  • Girls should know better than to share certain information about female uniqueness with boys. Female mystery is far too influential and advantageous to females to disclose it to the immature. [75]
  • I’m a man. If you’re not interested in what I do, you’re not interested in me. If I’m not interested in you as a unique person, then I’m not truly interested in you for more than sex.
  • Givers are happier than takers and it starts here. Givers show trust and it earns the receiver’s respect, which adds to the giver’s trustworthiness and self-respect. Takers lack respect and it earns distrust, which adds to the lack of respect for the taker. However, the taker takes because it embellishes his self-respect to put something over on someone else.
  • Mothers nurture and teach right and wrong. Fathers teach obedience. If father doesn’t teach unconditional obedience to mother as his first objective, kids learn how to play mom against dad and vice versa. The more mom-authority that grows silently and uncontested out of father’s support, the more able she becomes for building respect for him as CEO of the home.
  • Men think they know everything and expect to do what they expect. When women explain themselves and disclose their inner thoughts, men gain immense advantage and conquest become piece-of-cake easy.

9 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

9 responses to “1950. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 88

  1. boomer babe

    ..WHAT? no VALENTINES DAY?
    i knew it. When GUYS talk about not needing V’day, it means the woman they are with doesn’t mean much to them. Even when women are alone without men, they will celebrate V’day. I’ve just went to a ladies tea that celebrate the BIG DAY…lol
    men really don’t care–and if a guy wants to have all of the stuff like ‘cards’ etc, it means he has been spoiled by other girlfriend in his life.

  2. Once_Great_Still

    Guys do understand that Valentines Day is important. They are just more compartmentalized than women out of necessity to meet the unique and grueling demands that are placed on men. Guys do not have time to sit around a couple of weeks before VD day and emote and plot about how they want VD day to go. They realize that their wife/gf is going to control the whole thing anyway, including whether or not VD day is celebrated appropriately with some sex. So if you go into a Halmark store a week before VD day you will see a bunch of women and no men. Two days before, same scene. On VD day itself, especially around the lunch hour or just after 5 pm, you will see nothing but men, frantically trying to come up with something, fighting over whatever cards are still left at that point. That’s just the way we are wired. I have seen this over and over through the years. I continue to repeat the same pattern myself. It’s just the way I am wired. There were too many other crises and demands on me in the last couple of weeks to fully realize that VD day was sneaking up on me and I had better do something. Besides, trying to pick out a card or gift for a woman is excruciating. You are putting your heart on the line. Who knows what the f*** is going to please them, it is random and totally out of your control. All a woman has to do is wear something from Vic’s Secret, or even nothing at all, and you are happy as a clam, no risk whatsoever. But you try to find a card or gift that will please them, yeah just try that, see how that goes for you. It is a perfect opportunity to jerk you around and ruin VD day as far as you are concerned (no sex). So do you want to look forward to that a week or two in advance? F*** no, you put it off like a dentist’s appointment as long as you can.

    Sir Once_Great_Still,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another man joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Thanks. You clearly describe men in action. Much of the cause comes from gifting women who are critical, suspicious, or ungrateful of men on everyday matters. Modern men learn to have low expectations of success. Why risk extra effort when the result will be the same anyway? Women can be made happy momentarily, which pleases them. It doesn’t mean they are satisfied, which displeases men. So, why waste time or money on the unachievable? Or so the modern male mind seems to work.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear Once Still Great: This is great perspective from a man’s point of view, something us women don’t hear very often.
      This is how women think about the occasion: “No Valentine’s Day treats = he doesn’t love me!” Also , here’s how conversations go with women:
      Friend: What’s your husband doing for you for Valentine’s Day?
      Me: “Nothing, my husband works a 14 hour shift and he’s usually wiped out to go anywhere, besides, we just went out for a nice dinner last week.”
      Friend: (with horrified look) “I’m so sorry for you!!!!”

      • boomer babe

        Thanks for responding and i could understand your husband being very BUSY and he takes care of you, .. but I say this BECAUSE i’ve been seeing many young women by their boyfriends extravagant gifts for V’day and just had to ‘say something’ (young women are giving away too much)

  3. Lindsay

    What about if the guy doesn’t by u gifts for v day or bday, anniversary.? I told him I’m a simple person… I wouldn’t care if he made a vday card out of a paper bag. I still would of been happy with that, but no he decided to do nothing. I see no effort.

    Your Highness Lindsay,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    By claiming to be a simple person, you’re declaring yourself unimportant, undeserving, and lacking self-respect. He has more important people to think about and please, such as himself and ???. You don’t see effort that’s aimed elsewhere.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Here’s the question: how do you convert from being the “simple person” as Lindsey describes above who needs “not much” to being one who is “deserving”? I can see building up one’s self-respect as key, but what if hubby is already in the habit of getting off the hook. How does she “convert” him to doing more in this arena without becoming “selfish.”

      I don’t know what the case is for Lindsey, but her question resonates with me. I think a lot of us women were taught by our parents (father) not to ask for anything. To be quiet, humble and not wanting in any way. So we have “guilt” imbedded any time we would like something. I don’t think I don’t deserve it so much as I was brought up to never ask for anything or need anything.

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,

      You ask: How do you convert from being the “simple person” as Lindsey describes above who needs “not much” to being one who is “deserving”?

      My response is generic. Each woman has to figure out what works best for her, and it probably starts here. An adolescent-minded man is too self-centered to recognize and appreciate a woman’s contributions to his life. He is also super-sensitive to being told he may be wrong. Such men need years to mature sufficiently to even notice much less acknowledge a woman’s true worth. But each woman may be able to accelerate the maturation process.

      Indirectly, gently, modestly, and without blame she enables her man to conclude these things on his own:

      • He’s not her favorite man. Not that other men are better, just that he’s not currently in favor. She should give up trying to directly tell him anything. Indirectness works far better. For example, disappointment expressed in body language is far more influential than words.

      • Wipe from her mind the thought that he should feel guilty, that he owes her more than he delivers. It may be true, but it will reflect in her attitude and shift him into confrontation mode with determination to disprove all that she claims.

      • What he doesn’t deliver or do to please her is not the target to focus on. Forget his ‘crimes’ against her feelings. Focus on reinforcing her importance to the relationship and allow for time to help out.

      • Elevate the importance of strictly female things. Become more of her own woman. She will gain self-respect by standing up more boldly for herself. Even when she loses arguments, she should be proud of her boldness.

      • Quit complaining. Show disappointment but don’t explain herself. Let him hear gently and modestly what’s important to her independently without connection to him, without any implication of guilt or blame. Use feminine expertise to specialize in silent—aka body language—disappointment.

      • Expand and pursue her own interests without withdrawing from or condemning his.

      • More firmly plant in her mind just what she expects of and for herself—but not necessarily out of him—and stand by it. Defend herself more assertively.

      • Abolish all thoughts of perfect love. Take seriously SomeOtherGuy’s claim that romance novels and stories are the female version of porn. If she’s into such matter, get out.

      • Visualize herself often as super-important in her own life and willing to share when he appreciates it. More attitude than action, however.

      • Study the 25 daily posts titled Dark Side of Feminism in the CONTENTS page. Shape her thinking and behavior around the qualities listed under Femininity and drop her habits shaped by anti-male problems described under Feminism.

      • If things erupt and she has to defend herself, do it boldly and with this thought foremost. The one most fearful of permanently losing the other ultimately loses each battle. So, stick to her guns until the last minute before deciding if winning the battle is worth losing the war.

      You and Lindsay brought up a difficult problem from which to recover. The female heart can be reprogrammed by actions of the owner. Based solely on human nature as defined in this blog, I think the suggestions can bring recovery in some form.

      Guy

      • Catherine

        MHW,
        I’m curious with you regarding, “women were taught by our parents (father) not to ask for anything.” I wonder if in some fathers’ perspectives, they were trying to teach little daughters not to demand what they want, rather than to not want anything at all. Especially if father doesn’t have mother’s support when educating daughter, I wonder if sometimes father’s lessons become distorted a little in a daughter’s young mind. Fathers with these behaviors might have been trying to prepare little daughters for happier lives with men in general and her future husband by not firmly demanding things from them. Just a thought. Another thought might be that fathers were trying to protect daughters from a ‘bad guy’ coming in to rescue them from their needs and taking the most precious part of them in exchange.

        • My Husband's Wife

          Good points, Catherine–and you’re right in my case! Thanks for your perspective and opening my mind here.

          The intent was good and might have gotten distorted by me while growing up and not put in the correct light. My dad didn’t want to have a child grow up to be selfish and wanted me to be able to handle things when they didn’t go my way. This was coupled with the fact my dad was extremely frugal and non-materialist which are great qualities in general.
          Oh strange–I just realized I described the characteristics of my husband!
          So here now, trying to find that balance between “gold-digger” and “too- simple-to-ask-for-much-at-all.”

      • Lindsay

        Yes that’s exactly how I feel. Being humble/simple person. Guy!! I never thought of it in that way. So what are some ways I can demand I deserve things , that I am important without looking like a gold digger which some men would assume if u ask for things?

        Your Highness Lindsay,
        I responded to Her Husband’s Wife just above.
        Guy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s