1981. Compatibility Axioms #421-430


421. Husband may forgive, but he can’t forget. Feminists claim that women need no forgiveness for previous love and sex interests. But, to men, it’s neither love nor forgiveness that counts. It’s her screwing other men, bending to the will of his competitors, and who knows when she may do it again? [145]
422. Her sexual history is best kept secret. In any event, she should never disclose any detail. The first detail will ignite his curiosity for more, followed by his imagining the worst about everything she does not disclose. He will likely pump her for more info, or resentment will accumulate within his ever-active imagination. (Resentment can kill the likeability that is so critical to compatibility.) [145]
423. Females learn the most and best lessons by insisting on retaining virginity, both real and virtual. Keepers don’t dump a woman over that. If he won’t honor her wishes before conquest, he’ll do worse afterward. [147]
424. He strives to get her to yield sex. She seeks his acceptance of something more important. The battle of the sexes revolves around the subsequent battle of wits and wills. It takes a lengthy, likeable, and complimentary courtship to convert him to her way of thinking. [147]
425. She’s of high interest to him. Her insistence on remaining virgin-like injects and stirs uneasiness and uncertainty into his manly desire. It pressures him into the passenger seat of their relationship. He tries harder to earn the driver’s seat by proving himself worthy and acceptable for sex. If he still can’t earn acceptance into the driver’s seat by conquering her, he either hops out of the car or accepts whatever greater ‘price’ she expects. [147]
426. If she doesn’t yield and he dumps her anywhere along the courtship trail, she escapes with a higher sense of self-worth. He was not a keeper, and she found it out without losing the battle of wills. [147]
427. Her refusals to yield earn a man’s maximum respect. Men respect will power and hers tops his best will and effort. [147]
428. If he dumps her for not yielding, she earns the maximum self-respect regardless of what he says to the contrary. It’s also good practice for her. [147]
429. Mr. Good Enough’s love will be based on respect for her. The greater her self-respect, the greater her ability to sustain his respect. [147]
430. Her gentle but firm refusals to yield indirectly tame his masculine ego and condition his dominant nature to accept her as a power to be reckoned with. It brightens her future, polishes her self-image, enhances her self-interest, and promises more worthiness as his potential mate. Thus, women move closer to their dreams and goals by protecting their real and virtual virginity. [147]

 

9 Comments

Filed under courtship

9 responses to “1981. Compatibility Axioms #421-430

  1. Kris

    Sir Guy,
    Thank you so much for posting this information! This is helping me so much for when i start dating in college. I have been looking for a while and this has been the most honest information i have seen. One question that has been rattling in my brain is: How do i exactly evaluate Mr. Good Enough? I want somone who is intelligent, with strong character, and compassion for those around him. I prefer a catholic. How exactly do i look for proof of these things? I hope this isn’t a bother. I just really don’t have lots of experience since i was home schooled, and shy when i did go to school. Thanks again :)

    Your Highness Kris,

    The following is based on making good screening decisions and ultimately an excellent choice of Mr. Good Enough. It works better than trying to fulfill your dreams or expectations. For example, if your hopes and dreams include a Catholic mate, then don’t look for any others. If you dream of a husband who is still dreamy after 20 years, look for the best man, Catholic or not, but the closer to your religious beliefs the better for raising kids.

    To choose the best means that you need to screen many, evaluate a few, crown one or two as Mr. Good Enough, and select the best one. Women have trouble acting on this: Mr. Good Enough becomes Mr. Right after living a couple decades with a good woman. So, the better you are as a woman, the closer to dreamy your hubby will be when your nest goes empty of children. (Men float in the present; women dream and generate the future.)

    I suggest this. Evaluate all men according to your mind and heart. Use YOUR values, morality, standards, expectations, and lessons already learned to screen for red flags. Consider red flags as disqualifiers, simply not good enough for you.

    Proactively disqualify red flagged guys as worthy of you. Passively and slowly accept guys according to how well they display qualities that you admire. Look more and harder to spot red flag rather than admire qualities. Never alibi or explain red flag traits or behaviors. (It softens your heart just when you need a hardened mind to settle your excited state).

    For every red flag that you would like to overlook, force yourself to find at least five gold flags for qualities that you admire. Then, ask yourself this question: Could I live the rest of my life with his red flagged-fault(s) without trying to change them or him?

    Then, and only then, trust your instincts and intuition to judge and match them against your self-interest. You may have several Mr. Good Enoughs to choose from. What’s better than a woman having the freedom to select the best available?

    Caution. When you look for “intelligent, with strong character, and compassion for those around him,” you are dreaming and not hunting and screening. Your hunt should not be about what you want but what you can make some guy want—namely YOU. Make men work to become worthy of you and not the reverse. The better the woman you are, the greater your promise for some man and men marry on the promise they discover in a woman. (Read and learn to fascinate men as described in article 1977.)

    You will find that home schooling has made you a much better woman than your campus peers. Don’t betray yourself, be patient, and one or more Mr. Good Enoughs will find you. Your worth to them will parallel your difference from other gals, so don’t prostitute your values to be popular with the girls. Become popular with men instead by looking up to them as the heroes they imagine they are but that their new-found campus and women’s sexual freedom squelches.

    Guy

    PS. The CONTENTS page at blog top lists a series titled College Girls…. that you may find of interest. Also, I recommend reading all articles with virgin and virtual virginity in the title.
    G.

    PPS. You mentioned dating in college. As I understand the campus scene today, dating is obsolete. Hanging out and having sex——perhaps a redundancy——seem to be the dominant social activity. Let your home-schooled innocence guide you, and you will do well unless you crave popularity over your heritage.
    G.

    • My Husband's Wife

      What great nuggets here! Especially this: “Ask yourself this question: Could I live the rest of my life with his red flagged-fault(s) without trying to change them or him?” Females get into a lot of trouble when ignoring this question.

    • Kristiane

      NOTE: I RESPOND IN CAPS TO your questions in lower case WITH PARAGRAPHS BROKEN FOR EASE OF READING.
      GUY

      Thank you for the lengthly reply Sir Guy.

      I don’t mind being unpopular in college so that isn’t a problem. I don’t really get along with people who are not strong in character or mature. GREAT, THAT SOLVES MANY OF YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS BEFORE THEY EVER ARISE.

      That is one of the reasons why i really don’t have many friends. PERHAPS NOT MANY, BUT THE QUALITY OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL TOP THAT OF OTHERS LESS PICKY ABOUT CHARACTER AND MATURITY.

      I hope you don’t mind if i ask another question. OF COURSE NOT. I suffer from depression, and anxiety and my home life isn’t great. I SUSPECT DEPRESSION IS CAUSED BY STRICT ROUTINES IN YOUR HOME, WHICH IS GOOD FOR YOUR FUTURE. WHEN YOU TAKE THE ACTIONS REQUIRED TO ENTER COLLEGE, YOUR DEPRESSION SHOULD LIFT. IT’S CAUSED BY A SENSE OF INADEQUATE CONTROL. LIVING AWAY FROM HOME WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH LOTS OF CONTROL.

      AS TO ANXIETY, YOU’RE STILL A TEEN AND IT’S NORMAL. IT TOO WILL LIFT WHEN YOU HAVE TAKEN MORE DIRECT CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.

      PERHAPS HOME LIFE WAS NOT ALL THAT GREAT, BUT LOOK AT WHAT YOU BRING OUT OF IT: GREATER MATURITY THAN OTHERS OF YOUR AGE, PREPARING PRACTICALLY ABOUT YOUR FUTURE RATHER THAN ENDLESS DREAMING OR UNCONCERN, DISCRIMINATING ABOUT CHOOSING FRIENDS, KNOWING YOURSELF BETTER THAN MOST TEENS.

      That is one of the reasons why I’m trying to learn as much as possible to create a strong and loving marriage for my future children. FANTASTIC FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND AND CHILDREN.

      While courting, should I discuss these things? If I should when should I disclose these things? I don’t want to be deceitful that’s why I ask. NOT BEING CANDID IS NOT BEING DECEITFUL. YOU CAN BE VERY HONEST WITHOUT DISCLOSING ANYTHING OR EVERYTHING. YOUR MATURITY TELLS ME THAT YOU CAN’T BE DECEITFUL ANYWAY, SO THE QUESTION IS WHETHER TO DISCLOSE YOUR PRACTICAL APPROACH TO CREATE YOUR MARITAL FUTURE.

      FIRST, YOUR PRACTICALITY WILL PREVENT YOU FROM AVOIDING DISCLOSURE OF YOUR DESIRES. JUST DO IT SLOW. LET IT EKE OUT IN WAYS DISCONNECTED FROM THE SUBJECT OF GETTING MARRIED. THE GUYS YOU MEET WILL ADMIRE YOUR INTENTIONS AND PRAISE YOU WHILE TRYING TO GET YOU INTO BED. BUT THEY WILL STRICTLY AVOID (EXCEPT FOR EMPTY PROMISES) ANY THOUGHTS OF MARRYING YOU.

      TO KEEP MEN FROM AVOIDING YOU EXCEPT FOR SEX, YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR INTENTIONS TO YOURSELF UNTIL A COURTSHIP DEEPENS WITH A MR. GOOD ENOUGH.

      Again your advice and articles have been a great help.

  2. AKA

    Really good insight into male psychology. Especially, girls should be hard hearted before marriage and soft hearted after marriage. IE, make him work hard for you before marriage. After marriage, you should be the sweetest, gentlest woman to him. A man that has won you in courtship will not tolerate anything short of admiration in marriage.

  3. What is this “virgin-*like*” and “virtual virginity”? I think of virginity as, “you are or you’re not a virgin”. What’s this in-between talk about?

    Your Highness Sharonwithmaryandmartha,
    It’s explained in the series listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top. Look for virgin and virtual virginity in the titles.
    Guy

  4. thetruth01

    Sir Guy,

    I’ve been bored lately because guys at my church don’t ask women on dates and if they do the women have to pay for themselves. So I’ve been accepting dates and rides from random man I meet when I go out. It doesn’t lead to anything, but I get entertainment and food for the night. I do want to get married, but there aren’t a lot of options out there so I just want to have fun until I meet Mr good enough.

    Also I was thinking about going to scientology again, I never joined I just took life courses there. The guys were gentleman there it’s just I felt it was a cult and they tried to manipulate me into joining, but I did meet some nice men there.

    Your Highness Thetruth01,

    We become like those with whom we associate. Perhaps you can meet nice men there, but do you think they will adopt your values and standards and live up to your expectations? Or, would you adopt, adapt, and live up to theirs?

    I know. You’re looking for entertainment and food, but that reflects an innocence to these old eyes that bodes future misery.

    Guy

    • thetruth01

      Why would it bring future misery? My back up plan is to go back to school since I don’t like the field I am in. And hopefully I can meet some decent guys. I’m only 22 so I think that could work. I also came up with going to meetups, but they usually require you to spend money no too many of those.


      Your Highness Thetruth01,

      You ask, “Why would it bring future misery?

      Your excuse is to find decent guys with whom to play around with. But your apparent true aim is to find men who will date you, pay for everything, and otherwise relieve some of your anxiety about having enough entertainment and spending your own money. It’s too narrow a focus and self-centered an attitude for what you hope to achieve.

      You expect guys to step up to your expectations about things that men reserve as their discretion. Guys can’t accept your attitude all that well; instinctively they react negatively. They likely tell themselves, “You want some guy dumber than I.” You’re left to continue searching for likely venues, where you’ll probably alert more men to turn away from your interest.

      You may make greater progress and avoid future misery by adopting expectations similar to these.

      • Anything you get out of men you have to earn.

      • You earn it by displaying some qualities that all men can admire, and it starts here: 1) Dress attractively as men enjoy seeing a woman. 2) Encourage rather than tamper with masculine discretion. Men want to do their own thing and their own way. (Expecting you to help pay for dates is one way of discovering how easy you are for that and other things. You don’t have to like it, but you need to develop a method to overcome rather than complain about what’s so popular today. You’re worth more than to be treated that way, but you have to earn your way out of the ditch that other women dug for you.)

      • You expand and promote your earning power by displaying other qualities that some men or one man admires, and that includes character, personality, smiles, vanity, sincerity, and on and on and on and on.

      • You enable one particular man to lead you as a couple, while you gently and indirectly learn to lead him. Visualize him as the head and soul and you as the neck and heart of the body of the family you all may put together someday.

      Misery abounds among modern women. They have to dig themselves out. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of recovery. I propose prevention for you.

      Guy

      • thetruth01

        Hello Sir Guy,

        I see what your saying, but I don’t know if that’s me. I’m probably blind to my own ignorance and don’t want to hear what you’re saying. But I learn quickly so if things still aren’t going where I want them to in a few months then I will believe and take your advice.

        Your Highness Thetruth01,
        I understand. I wish you the greatest success and emotional fortune wherever you’re headed. My final suggestion: Make the big choices from your heart and don’t let the mind-made minor choices interfere.
        Guy

  5. mellow

    Dear Sir Guy,

    I would like to ask, what manner of physical and emotional things are required by men to truly feel loved by their newly wedded wife? While assuming both were virgins till marriage.

    Your Highness Mellow,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Start here. Admire his performance in bed. However poor it may be for you, find something to admire and let him take it from there. Gently plant the seeds of admiration for his foreplay and intimacy afterward. Never, ever, ever find fault with his bedroom manner or performance. If he can’t admire himself for pleasing both of you in bed, he will someday look for another bed. If he prefers the wham, bam, thank you, ma’am approach, don’t admit disappointment even to yourself. He will improve depending on how well you depend on your heart and patience instead of your mind and what you deserve.

    Admire him. Depend on him. Look to him for leadership. Smile a lot. Smile a lot. Find reasons to smile even more. Be grateful for him, yourself, and what you have NOW. Don’t start complaining about what you don’t have for your nest. Be patient. Be sincere but find ways to act happy even when down. To act pleased for little reason. Don’t push yourself on him for a lot of touching or intimacy. Work up to it gently and welcome his initiatives.

    Don’t let boredom set into your home, but also don’t ping on him incessantly to do things. A great deal of his time in the home is spent in recovery mode for tomorrow’s battles on the job. That means quiet thoughtfulness even with the TV blaring.

    You conquered him for marriage before sex. He paid the ultimate price to have you. He now deserves the highest order of rights and privileges that you can bestow on a man so honorable that he temporarily set aside his nature just to have you by his side in eternal commitment.

    Retain your courtship modesty. It will serve you for life to retain his respect.

    Continue to be the same woman he married. Indirectness and patience are your most effective weapons to get what you want or expect. Stick with your feminine self and enable him to abide by his masculine nature.

    Guy

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