2022.1 — Attention Ladies


I’m back on the blog full time.

Guy

 

14 Comments

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14 responses to “2022.1 — Attention Ladies

  1. prettybeans

    Dear Guy, I have recently started reading your blog and I cannot tell you how hungrily I am consuming everything. Thank you for this no-nonsense firm advice (I really respond to firm leadership).

    I am 27 years old and I have recently come out of an 8-year relationship (read dumped) that has left me ragged (angry, humiliated, sad etc). I am hurting however I have a vision of who it is I want to be and I have decided that I will take every painful but deliberate step on the road to recovery.

    Pretty time is fast becoming the best part of my day and it is when I pray, do my devotion and dress up in the best possible outfit that I can put together for the day and remind myself that it is possible to be whole one day. I am writing to request that you provide a list of books that will aid in becoming a more feminine and victorious woman (if you have not already done so then I apologise as I have not yet come across it).

    I came across a post of yours 2 weeks ago which suggested ‘A Return to Modesty’. I bought it, read it and it is a keeper.
    Thank you

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    I’ve a long shelf of books I used to research the subject, but I crafted a different mission than those authors. So, I don’t have a list of recommended books.

    Return to Modesty speaks to the inherent nature of women. Few others do with such clarity and directness. Many authors have something to say about what life today is all about, but few or none base their opinions on the differences that men and women inherit at birth. That is, the ways in which God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize two very different sexes to begin life.

    I offer descriptions and opinions on how sex differences relate and how women can figure out for themselves what will work best in their lives and relationships. No one else bases their writing on what I use, the nature of men and women as they are born. As if, that is, they are born full size adults and motivations inherited at birth float as default values, standards, and expectations beneath those they learn growing up. So, I suggest you expand your thinking by exploring the CONTENTS page for interesting subjects.

    Guy

    • prettybeans

      Dear Guy,
      Thank you for your response.
      I have a myriad of questions but I will first organise my thoughts and present them slowly as and when the opportunity arises.

      In retrospect, I have always been in a hurry to ‘summarize’ everything and get right to the point and as such I have missed out on the essentials of learning which to me are a great deal of discipline and patience.

      Thank you also for your graciousness in protecting my identity.

  2. surfercajun

    welcome back! I hope your trip was relaxing!

  3. Cinnamon

    Wecome back, Sir Guy.

    I’d be interested to hear your take on the points in this article (warning – there is some bad language):

    http://illimitablemen.com/2014/07/20/women-the-death-of-femininity/

    Your Highness Cinnamon,

    A great article. He’s much more eloquent than I but he says the same thing as my blog cites in simpler (I think) terms. I like this paragraph topic sentence particularly well: “You see masculinisation affects women differently than it does men, within men it fosters growth and actualisation, within women it fosters contempt, dissonance and discontent, corrupting the very souls of who they are, stripping them of any desirability beyond the flesh, which too, will eventually fade with age.”

    Thanks for citing the site for my readers.

    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Really interesting article with description of how lack of femininity affects individuals and society as a whole. Thanks for sharing, Cinnamon!
      (P.S. I sure do prefer/appreciate Sir Guy’s writing style, which uplifts women as it lacks the crude language).

      • Cinnamon

        MHW,

        I’m glad you enjoyed the article! Like Sir Guy, I found it to be quite eloquently written. I should add however that I cannot recommend the other articles on that writer’s site; that particular article is a rose among thorns, to put it mildly.

        What the writer does is identify a problem and expound on it with great sensitivity and eloquence. What he fails to do, however, is offer any real solutions. The solution implicit in the piece I linked to is a “return to feminity,” and although this is the correct strategic objective, he tells us nothing about HOW this can be done (I suspect because, like most writers in the Manosphere, he has absolutely no idea). He is an armchair philosopher.

        Sir Guy, by contrast, not only explains the problem (the WHAT), but is a genuis tactician in that he explains exactly HOW to solve it. The writer of the article could learn a lot from Sir Guy, particularly when it comes to the female nature, and I hope that the article I linked to, and not the other artcles on his site, hints at the direction he is moving in. As Sir Guy has written previously, however, men don’t listen to other men on these matters.

        I’ve read widely in this area over the years but no writer I know of actually explains tactics, as Sir Guy does. So I return again and again to this site to learn, and routinely refer other females to it if they are having problems in their relationships with men.

        I do like the writing of Peaceful Wife a lot, and I would say that after Sir Guy, she is the best writer out there on this particular subject.

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        Thanks for the virtual payday. You learn accurately and express it well.
        Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Here is an article by Shaunti Feldhahn that I think the readers here will enjoy.

      It reinforces Sir Guy’s teachings about a man’s need for respect:

      http://www.imom.com/the-five-respect-needs-of-men/

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      You’ve done it again. Great choice for others to study. Mrs. Feldhahn describes modern day offenses to men that link directly to the male nature inherited at birth. Men are just born to react the way she describes. Thanks again.
      Guy

  4. prettybeans

    DEar Guy,
    I have my first question in what is likely to be a series of many questions.

    I grew up in an urban centre where sometime in the last 15 or so years, hugging replaced the handshake especially in the younger generation (under 40s). Typically, when people meet for the first time they share an awkward handshake after-which every subsequent meeting is initiated with a hug – unless the other person is significantly older or is in a position of authority – even then the lines are somewhat blurred. I have always considered hugs to be fairly intimate and though I was never quite comfortable with this practice, I have done this consistently for the last 10 years because I did not have the presence of mind to ‘stand alone’ as it were.

    However, in light of the traumatic events that ultimately led to the breakdown of the relationship that I was in, I realised that I did not take active responsibility for myself in terms of how far was too far, and in a bid to revamp my life and recover and in a further bid to create and enforce boundaries for myself in terms of of physical and psychological intimacy with others and especially members of the opposite sex, I have decided to cease and desist from hugging (there are exceptions in cases of immediate family members and close relatives).

    I currently work and live in a country where this new habit is fairly easy to enforce because everybody likes to mind their own business however I will go home at the end of the year and I would like suggestions as to how to enforce this with the people that I will invariably come in contact with, including old friends (who may likely be offended), my ex and his new girlfriend who both happen to be members of my church, while at the same time – not explaining, not complaining, and maintaining a high degree of graciousness because it is not my intention to appear rude but at the same time I am very clear minded in that I want to limit any unwelcome physical contact.

    I welcome your thoughts and perhaps specific instruction on how to handle this.

    Thank you.

    Your Highness Prettybeans,

    You struck an empathetic cord. I too question intersex hugging as routine greeting and farewell. I admire you for backing away from the practice. The subliminal thoughts that arise in men hugging women is more arousing than appreciating, more distracting than expressing affection.

    Women appreciate the touching but the male nature views that as inviting of arousal, which is both a sign of weakness and acceptance of male dominance.

    As to your situation. Lead by example. Extend your hand first for a handshake. Realize in your heart of hearts that you know what’s best for you and everyone else must bow to your exceptions to their behaviors. You either own yourself or you yield dominance to them, and how and when does that benefit you?

    What’s right is the presence of virtue brought into social interaction. When you do the right thing others will learn to accept your expectations first and perhaps adopt your practice later.

    You will find it easier if you neither complain nor explain. Be stubborn but quiet. Just do it your way and ignore their reactions until they learn to accept you as a unique individual with a will of her own.

    If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask for more.

    Guy

    • prettybeans

      Dear Guy,
      Thank you for your response.

      It is uncanny how in your last two paragraphs you have said almost word what my mother said when I asked her the same question. This is confirmation that I am on the right path.

      Indeed hugs have always been very meaningful to me and I always wondered whether the same ‘meaning’ was being communicated.

      I find that I have a fragile and feeble but rather exhilarating freedom that comes from knowing that I have lost everything. Because now that I have seen the other side of fear, I realize that there is nothing there and I have before me the opportunity to build myself into something wonderful by the Grace of God.

      Your Highness Prettybeans,
      I love it when pretty women see so clearly.
      Guy

  5. prettybeans

    NOTE: I RESPOND IN CAPS TO your comment in lower case.
    GUY
    ——
    Dear Guy,
    I hope that you are well today. [I AM. THANK YOU.]

    This is the summary of the relationship that I mentioned in my earlier post. (I will save you the dramatic details but I will highlight what I think is relevant.)

    Year 1 – We met in college and instantly hit it off as friends. I voiced my stand to purity but did not hold out after a year (there was subtle and not so subtle threat of losing him if I did not give in). [YOUR YIELDING RELEASED HIM TO LOOK ELSEWHERE, WHICH HE DID. HE ALSO DISCLOSED HIS FLAWED CHARACTER (FOR YOU) AND ABUSE OF HIS MALE NATURE (FOR WOMEN). YOU FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU DECEIVED YOURSELF THAT YIELDING WAS BEST FOR YOU AND THEN YOU PROLONG THE CHARADE THAT KEEPS YOU INTERESTED IN HIM. YOU WON YOUR INDEPENDENCE WHEN HE EMOTIONALLY DROPPED YOU AFTER HIS CONQUEST. SO, WHY TRY TO PERPETUATE WHAT’S UNGOOD FOR YOU?]

    Year 2 – I lost a close family member and he declared that he was not able ‘to deal because he was more interested in listening to hip hop and hanging out with his friends. Til today I cannot stand this particular genre of music. This is also when I started hearing rumours that he was fooling around and subsequently lost many friends who I mistakenly believed were ‘out to get us’. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 3 – We broke up and moved to separate cities as part of a school programme. I kept hearing rumours of what he was up to. I met someone else and decided to ‘revenge’. He got hurt – I have always found this to be completely hypocritical of him. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 4 – We attempted to try again – the rumours persisted and I was constantly coming second fiddle to his friends. The fights started. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 5 – The fights continued and intensified. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 6 – An attempt at a long distance relationship. I was totally committed. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 7 – He confessed that while I was committed he was cheating. I did not discover this and in fact only believed this when he told it to me. I was this committed to the point of pure foolishness. His confession was made not in a bid to start over but in a bid to punish me for my conduct in Year 3 and in a bid for him to get on with his life guilt-free. This is also the year he came to Christ (and I am ashamed to say that I didn’t/don’t buy it because he continued his shenanigans in church. They also made him a church leader.) [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    Year 8 – The paralyzing realisation that he never once asked me to be his girlfriend. In one of our last conversations he reminded me that ‘he feels emasculated coming out of this relationship’, ‘I make things to easy for him’ and ‘he wants to conquer’. [YOU DIDN’T WIN BUT YOU ENABLED HIM TO CONTINUE AS BEFORE.]

    At this point, thankfully, there is now no more contact between us – 6 months. [AT LAST, VICTORY AND RECOVERY ARE IN SIGHT.]

    Pertinent points
    – He comes from a single parent home in which not much male affirmation was given – his mother and sisters are all man-haters none of whom are in relationships. [A GOOD SIGN THAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BEWARE OF SUCH MEN.]

    – In the past, I have been very angry and have engaged in conduct that humiliated him in public. [NOW, THAT’S YOUR FIRST MISTAKE, BUT I DON’T THINK AVOIDING IT WOULD HAVE MATTERED. GIVEN HIS CHARACTER AND TRACK RECORD.]

    – He comes across as a mean, malicious, manipulative individual and has accused me of the same. [FINGER POINTING NEVER WINS FOR THE WOMAN BUT THOSE THINGS ALONE ARE SUFFICIENT FOR DUMPING A GUY IF MARRIAGE IS IN HER AMBITIONS. IF YOU WANT A BETTER MAN, BECOME A BETTER WOMAN.]

    – I have never respected him though I was in awe of him at the start as we have had very different upbringings. I was the sheltered, foolish and naive girl and he was the proverbial bad boy. [YES, MANY INNOCENT WOMEN FALL INTO THAT RUT.]

    – like I said, he has come to Christ and I struggle not to judge here because I understand that I do not have perfect knowledge. [YOU’VE HEARD IT BEFORE, THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS. YOU CAN EXPECT TO CONTINUE TO JUDGE UNTIL FORGIVENESS ENTERS THE PICTURE.]

    – I have also renewed my committment to Christ and now I understand that self-righteousness is just as much of a sin as all the rest – afterall, I was right there engaging in sin with him. [THAT PUTS YOU ON THE RIGHT TRACK. STAY THERE WITH GOOD INTENTIONS TO LAY A LONGER TRACK INTO THE FUTURE.]

    Today I have a few more questions:-
    1. Is it a sign of madness that I still think about him? To still hope? [NOT MADNESS BUT SILLINESS AND CHILDISHNESS. READ TODAY’S ARTICLE, #2024 SECOND BULLET, ABOUT CONVERTING HOPELESSNESS INTO HAPPINESS.]

    2. How come I was so disposable to him? Is it really as simple as the fact that I was conquered hence on to the next? [YES,, BECAUSE IT PROVED THAT HE WAS NOT AFTER YOU BUT AFTER SEX AND HE ‘PROMOTED’ YOU TO BOOTY OR FRIEND WITH BENEFITS.] Does it not matter that we were once friends? [NO]

    3. When I think of him I feel my skin crawl; I am completely disgusted with him (and when we were still talking I made that known), the thought of his frequent infidelity and even the choice of women – all women who are ‘shocking choices’ for lack of a better description. [I HATE TO REMIND YOU, BUT YOUR ALIBI THAT YOU’RE NOT A ‘SHOCKING CHOICE’ REINFORCES THE THOUGHT THAT YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM. SINCE YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT, YOU CAN’T ACCEPT IT AND THEREFORE YOU KEEP SEARCHING FOR WHAT YOU DID WRONG. YOUR SECOND MISTAKE WAS NOT DUMPING AND FORGETTING HIM AFTER YEAR 1 OR 2.]

    4. We have not spoken in months and I think this is best thing however I am at odds to describe the sense of guilt and shame that I am struggling under when for all intents and purposes he appears to have walked away scot-free. I am very angry primarily at myself for consistently allowing myself to be used and abused. [BUT YOU STILL WANT REVENGE BY BEGRUDGING THAT HE “walked away scot-free.”]

    YOUR THIRD MISTAKE WAS IGNORING YOUR HEART THAT PROBABLY SCREAMED AT YOU TO DUMP HIM MANY YEARS EARLIER. HE’S NOT EVEN WORTH A FRIENDSHIP. YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT FOR DEALING WITH OTHER MEN IN YOUR FUTURE.

    The Lord commands me to forgive but I am sincerely struggling. [PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE LORD. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED. FIRST, FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT ENERGIZES YOUR GUILT AND SHAME. IF YOU CAN’T DO IT, LISTEN MORE CLOSELY TO THE LORD. SECOND, FORGIVE THE GUY WHO CAUSED YOU SO MUCH GRIEF. FORGIVENESS IS THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. BY USING IT, YOU ELEVATE YOUR STATUS, STATURE, SELF-CONFIDENCE, SELF-WORTH, SELF-INTEREST, AND SELF-IMAGE. I GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL CLEAR YOUR HEART AND MIND SO THAT YOU CAN PROCEED WITH A NORMAL LIFE.]

    At the same time I have an almost manic desire to completely overhaul my life. YOU SEEM TO BE WELL UNDERWAY, AND FORGIVENESS WILL JUMP START IT.] Completely. I have already changed my wardrobe and I am working on complete body (physical, mental and emotional) fitness. [GOOD, NOW READ UP ON THE BLOG ABOUT MIRROR TIME AND PRETTY TIME AND SELF-TALK WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND (MIRROR IMAGE).]

    5. Is there recovery from all this? [SURE, AS SOON AS YOU DEDICATE YOURSELF TO DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU FIRST AND ABOVE ALL OTHERS. THEN, RECOVERY WILL COMPLETE ITSELF WHEN YOU LEARN TO FIND GRATITUDE IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS.]

    Thank you for reading all this and if it is at all possible I would appreciate feedback from Mrs. Guy as well. [I REGRET SHE’S NOT AVAILABLE, BUT HER THOUGHTS ARE EMBEDDED WITH MINE ABOVE. FOR MORE THAN SIX YEARS SHE COACHED ME ON THIS BLOG.]

    NOW, DARLING PRETTY BEANS. I HAVE BEEN HARSH ON YOU. BUT IT’S A REFLECTION OF HOW YOU HAVE BEEN HARSH ON YOURSELF. NO WOMAN DESERVES WHAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH EXCEPT AS SHE INVITES IT ON HERSELF. PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME ON THIS BLOG PUMPING YOURSELF UP WITH GLORIOUS THOUGHTS ABOUT THE NATURE OF WOMEN FIRST AND YOURSELF NEXT. WOMEN ARE DESIGNED TO WIN MORE THAN THEY LOSE, BUT MANY HAVE TO PAY A HIGH PRICE BEFORE THEY CONVINCE THEMSELVES OF THAT NATURAL PHENOMENON, THAT THEY ARE THE SUPERIOR SEX AND DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY IF THEY ONLY TREAT THEMSELVES THAT WAY.

    • prettybeans

      You have accomplished what only my father ever has – you have made me laugh and cry at the same time :)

      Thank you very much Guy.

  6. Cinnamon

    Prettybeans,

    Go to the CONTENT section of this blog and study, study, study like your life depends on it. I like Boot Camp for Girls as a starting point, but other readers may have different favourites.

    Once you start to understand the underlying nature of men and women you will be on the road to self-knowledge, and your behaviour will change. Soon after your relationships with men will change significantly for the better. You will gain a confidence you didn’t realise you had, for one.

    Sir Guy’s teachings are like a very complex but beautifully woven tapestry with many intricate parts. It takes a lot of time and dedication to study this material and see how it all fits together, and it will take some time for the deeper ideas to “click” but when it does, the benefits will astound you.

    Your Highness Cinnamon,
    More payday. My smiles continue.
    Guy

  7. prettybeans

    Thank you Ms. Cinnamon

  8. prettybeans

    Dear Guy,
    I hope that you are having a good day so far.

    When you have some time I would like your thoughts on this.

    http://manhood101.com/principles_101.pdf

    Please be warned that:-
    1. It is quite long (300 pages), and
    2. There is some unsavoury language

    Thank you.

    Your Highness Prettybeans,
    I perused the whole contents list and read a few articles within as samples. So, I’m not qualified to critique it. However, I found this out. Dealing with pop culture details and consequences, it has no relevance to WhatWomenNeverHear. Moreover, I dislike the authors’ finger pointing with endless blame and apparent bitterness at worst but clarity of writing at best.
    Guy

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