1708. Dating: Prude and Old Fashioned? Good!

At post 146 Her Highness Kathy asked two questions. I responded to one earlier today as post 1707 and the other below.

“And of course they tell you that you are a prude and old fashioned. What is a gal to do and say to that?” Say, “Thanks for the delightful compliment.” You have him exactly where you need him. So, follow up with these seeds or something similar: “I admire your ability to recognize that I value myself according to what men value most—a faithful wife. However, I’m probably not good for much more than that anyway. I sense by your pressure for sex that you’ve little or no interest in a faithful wife at this time in your life. So, perhaps we should part, as soon as you take me home.”

In today’s social arena, wife-hopeful women have to make men find attractions that exceed genital worthiness. Sorry, but that’s life. Modern men largely pursue self-admiration via sexual encounters. They see little potential for self-admiration in marriage. By you using the words above, the following benefits accrue to your advantage and enable him to see potential for self-admiration while dating but also chasing you for sex. It’s up to you to enable his self-admiration to compound from being with you sans sex.

• Calling you prude and old fashioned is a bluff. You called, went all in, and most men will fold to keep from losing their pot and place at your table.
• Men marry as close to virginity as they can get. From your attitude and words above, your virtual virginity is automatically assumed, but the fight to prove it isn’t over. His future words of commitment to the contrary, he expects to eventually disprove your virtual virginity claims. It takes time, and he has to come back for dates, maybe courtship, and perhaps marriage.
• A man doesn’t marry until he perceives an extraordinary woman, a woman of significant importance in her own eyes, a special embodiment that appeals to and builds upon his sense of self-admiration, and one he’s confident will exemplify complete faithfulness to him.
• Your comments challenged him more than ever to conquer you for one reason. You set the competitive stage upon which he can earn self-admiration just trying to conquer you. If he doesn’t accept it as an invitation, he was only after sex to begin with. You’re just not worth his time and effort, since sex is unavailable. (That too is a bluff, because he doesn’t know what else to do.)
• That you can be a faithful wife will be of interest only after he concludes that if he can’t conquer you, then no one can.
• When he becomes convinced that you’re not sexually active, his respect for you goes up. His self-respect also goes up with thoughts of winning you either for sex or, hopefully for you, much more. Since his love emerges after respect for you is formed, the door opens for romantic love that holds much more promise of sexual pairing. With that foundation laid, you are in charge of doing all the things necessary to get him to the altar.

Men are logical and rational and think women are not. Men exploit female emotions, but they’re vulnerable in their natural strengths. When she challenges him in his supposed expertise, fear of losing to a woman pushes him to retreat from the subject of sex. He’ll depart, or he will wait for another opportunity and she has time to expose the promise she holds for him. Being seen as prude and old fashioned has huge benefits for women, if they just know how to capitalize.

1689. Foreplay: Enough vs. Too Much?

A newbie, Her Highness Girl, has many questions about foreplay. I quote her and provide answers. All mentions of sex refer to the first time together for a couple.

You ask, “What happens when the smallest amount of foreplay gets the man aroused (erect) and then he tries to convince you that you now have an obligation…. because it’s terrible and awful and criminal of you to arouse a man and not finish? It HURTS him. It’s oh so cruel.”

Answer: So what? Terms such as terrible, awful, criminal, not finish, hurt, and cruel are exaggerations made impressive by sounding desperate and blaming you. To be sure, arousal stimulates ambitions but suppressing those ambitions teaches men how to handle themselves around women. How to sacrifice themselves on a lady’s behalf. How to honor a lady’s intent to remain virtuous (aka admirable to him and other men).

You ask, “It would seem as though foreplay unconsummated is torture for him. Is that BS or what? Is it a trick?”

Answer: Yes, it’s torture but self-inflicted. Yes, it’s BS, because an erection interferes with clear thinking, and he can’t bring himself to stop. Yes, it’s a trick, because We All Do What Makes Us Feel Good About Ourselves (WADWMUFGAO), and he feels better by trying harder, exaggerating, or even lying rather than quitting.

You say, “He was great with the guilt trips. I don’t like feeling like (or being told that) I’m a terrible person or a tease.”

Answer: Men know that women are very vulnerable to guilt trips. You can resist best by fighting back. The equivalent of guilt for you is regret for him. So, match his guilt infliction with your regret infliction.

I suggest you adopt this plan for when you’re accused of being a terrible person or tease. Shock him. Either slap him on the cheek, walk away, or otherwise demonstrate with action that you can’t accept his words much less his belief. Don’t try to use words, because they weigh too little with men and also invite backlash arguments that take away your initiative. Men respect actions, and a slap on the cheek both rocks a man’s conscience and makes him regret what caused it.

You say, “Is a girl supposed to go only up to before he’s fully aroused? How am I supposed to know what that point is?

Answer: There’s no right answer to either question. Avoiding or slowing foreplay tends to keep him coming back, if you otherwise appear promising for his future. Fruitless arousal after fruitless arousal tends to make him tire of you.

Somewhere in between you must figure out what works best for you. Just as it works by delaying first sex, delaying foreplay forces him to pay attention to your strengths and weakness (aka what you promise as mate). He seeks to learn more about you to improve his conquering techniques. The more he finds likeable for mating during courtship, the more he becomes devoted to capturing you for more than just sex.

You ask, “And do you believe that it’s ok to go all the way once engaged?”

Answer: “Ok” is too personal for someone else to judge for you. Yielding before marriage is always risky. To yield with only his words of commitment is dangerous for the female. To yield after seeing evidence in his actions that he’s devoted to you alone also contains risk but not as problematic. You have to figure it out all by yourself.

You ask, “Does a man really want to marry a girl without knowing for sure what he’s getting in terms of sex?”

Answer: Men of course claim they should know. Women are ambivalent, because they don’t know enough about themselves and even less about men. Both premarital and marital compatibility come from many things more important than sex. If a man makes marriage conditional on having premarital sex, dump him before he dumps you. A man truly devoted to a woman sees first sex with her as less important than possessing her as mate.

You say, “I wish I lived 200 years ago when men couldn’t pull all the nonsense they pull today.”

Answer: That’s what you think. They’ve always pulled such nonsense, because God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize men to conquer women sexually. It’s a primary mission that women collectively moderate through cultural values and individually control through fulfillment of hopes and dreams.

If you yield virginity to his words of anguish and discomfort, you’ll regret for life having yielded prematurely. Not that it’s such a disaster, which it may or may not be, but that you failed yourself. You could have done better with another man or having delayed until later.

If a frustrated boy or man perceives similar frustration in you, he will try much harder. When he learns from your superb patience and his self-control that an erected state only frustrates him, he’ll back off some with the foreplay. Then, he’ll turn to influential words and proclaim his commitment in order to bed you. You should expect it. The world works this way: He proposes, she disposes.

Best wishes for making sound judgments. Remember too, “Morals are the work of woman.*”

Guy

*Alexis de Tocqueville, “Democracy in America”

1663. Replay of Tough Concept from Post 217

Commitment is a gift, but devotion is earned. If a man’s commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield sexually, she likely will never see him exhibit devotion to her satisfaction.

Commitment is the promise of togetherness, a mixture of words, romantic love, infatuation, and lust. Only time and the future prove its presence or absence, its accuracy and sincerity, its briefness or permanence.

Devotion is a man’s dedication to a woman so intense that others notice and believe it. It’s observable in his actions that not only please her but require considerable effort on his part. He respects her first as a person, then as a woman, and then as his girlfriend, fiancé, and wife. Her spirit stimulates the softer side of his natural hardheartedness. Her presence softens the harder side of his natural hardheadedness. With a smile in his heart, he accepts the unique and perhaps strange things that she insists upon having or doing. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he fears losing her.

The popularity and willingness of modern men to commit with virtually no devotion to a woman means that women are suckered into the man’s game. To expand a man’s commitment into devotion, he must be challenged by a woman. Preserving her sexual assets is the ultimate challenge and virtual virginity provides it. It doesn’t guarantee capturing a man, but it more easily challenges and keeps a man around long enough to find out who she really is and what promise she holds for his future.

1642. Friendship or Romantic Love First?

Her Highness That Horse is Dead inquired about post 1608 where I said, “I believe that permanent friendship grows out of romantic love and not vice versa.”

Romantic love comes to men through their eyes reinforced with her new looks that never disappoint. She looks so good he’s eager to overlook her faults. The need to forgive doesn’t arise.

Friendship comes to men through other senses. Each of her faults is weighed against her value as companion and not as mate. Because he sees her faults and has to compensate, romantic love isn’t available to inspire forgiveness or forgetfulness. However, enduring love, the kind that lasts forever can arise out of a long and very successful friendship. But, it comes more as accident than expectation beforehand, more as a surprise and late-rising love with romance as much less intense and vital.

What does it say about the man who proclaims that friendship comes first? Looking at the best, it says he’s overly cautious, seeks to delay or avoid commitment, avoids risks, and wants to keep his options open.

Looking at the worst probability, he lacks true romantic feelings for her, doesn’t understand women but uses arguments that work for him or other men, has only selfish desires to please a woman, may not have ever examined his own heart and its ability to love, expects to manipulate his way into having sex, or all of the above. Until he proves otherwise to her, he’s either adolescent-minded (aka immature) or has been propagandized by players and their sex-chasing game.

It’s a red flag, when a man claims that friendship comes before romantic love. After all, men know about friendship, but what do they know about love? Compared to women, that is.

1638. Chaste Courtship: How to Extend It

Her Highness Sbaby at post 1637 inquired with this. “If a man proposes pretty early into the relationship, or at a point where the woman still wants to stay in courtship mode for a longer time (as long as she thinks is necessary), what kind of response from her would be appropriate?”

Avoid promising him a brighter future because of what else or more you will do. He needs to conclude that from future developments. So, start by trusting that he will continue as always. In the meantime:

• Harmonize your relationship so that he sees greater promise in you as meaningful for his future. Don’t push but gently develop new or refine old habits that he enjoys with you. Take dancing lessons together? Find new ways to generate fun? Ask him to get your car serviced/repaired? More churchgoing?
• Give him more opportunities to see you run the domestic scene (dates at home) with his help but aimed at providing his comfort. The way to a man’s heart has always been through the stomach. If his career aims high and requires home entertainment, then display elegance that holds promise for his future. If not required for his future, satisfy him more with what he likes than trying to tempt him with your favorite dishes.
• Reward him for chores performed but gift him only for special days such as his birthday and Christmas. (Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.)
• Gently move the relationship away from the secular and toward religion or higher morality. For example, Halloween is only for goblins and children. Living up to a Supreme Being makes one a better person both to themselves and to live with.
• You dressed up to the nines promotes his significance in public. Don’t give away all your secrets too early. Save some for later.
• If he starts to drift away, don’t make a scene. Pull yourself away even faster than he drifts. Withdraw yourself, be patient, and return to ‘mystery mode’. Don’t complain, don’t explain. If you talk him into ‘coming back’, any devotion he may have had will start to crumble and his return will be temporary. Whatever you talk him into will be temporary. As it is from first meeting, he must conclude on his own that he wants you. You have to convince him ‘above all others’, and that won’t happen if you plead, cry, or otherwise reveal desperation.
• Finally, and most importantly, keep your self-respect intact. If he pressures you too much, walk away or otherwise take control of the situation. Your self-respect is far more important for the long range of your relationship than is your giving in to his self-gratifying wishes. (There’s more to that point than just sex too.)

Extending the courtship will challenge your man to rattle the cage and get more of what he wants when he wants it. The bullets above may provide guidance, so keep them as such. You need to play your cards as you determine its best for keeping him attached/committed/devoted. You’re on your own because only you can do it.

1591. Faith

Faith knows no vacuum; it’s always full. Faith based primarily on humans and humanity serves those with the most strengths and inevitably centralizes in powerful men. Faith based on a supreme being induces people to rise above themselves and persuades men to more deliberately and dearly respect women and children.

If a single man believes and faithfully follows Jesus Christ, Mr. Good Enough morphs easily into Mr. Promising. I understand many Christian single men don’t lead very Christian lives. Their lives lack the presence and influence of a very Christian wife (as opposed to a woman). Christian bachelors deserve more credit than they seem to earn. Faith in Christ tops all else for guiding and enabling men to respect women and children and potentially devote themselves to helping fulfill female hopes and dreams.

If not full of Jesus Christ whose standards are perfect and expectations command respect for others, then husbands live up to self-centered emotions and beliefs that are not pleasing to women and children. Specifically, less than ideal and often less than admirable expectations generated by narcissism, self-absorption, selfishness, self-hatred, self-loathing, cultism, ideology, religion, rule of man, witchcraft, sports, adventurism, sex, pop culture, adolescence, or absolute inferiority of females.

Lapsed faith isn’t the same as no faith, which should inspire single women to pry, question, and screen for the difference in early dates and emerging courtships. Good men don’t have to be great Christians; they just have to keep trying.

1574. Men Can’t be Taught…

…they have to learn from the actions of women.

Bless her heart, but Her Highness Balle challenges me. Commenting at 1573, she says, “… I came here today to say that after a long time I am tired of dating and being torn apart no matter what I do or say if society is screwed up it doesn’t matter how much I apply your teachings, american men have become pussies (specially those in college) my last relationship only lasted 3 weeks because it’s just how it is right now. I will take a break from this site because it is too bent on just blaming women and letting men be who they are without any fixing…….”  I shall analyze her claim in two parts.

She says, “I am tired of dating and being torn apart no matter what I do or say”… my last relationship only lasted 3 weeks because it’s just how it is right now.” Presuming the two claims are connected, I ask: Do women get so involved in three weeks that they are “torn apart” with breakup? That’s a helluva lot speedier buildup than men expect. If a gal got that involved that fast with me, she would either bore or scare me away. Early possessiveness or just expectations of it by either man or woman doom a relationship.

A three-week relationship plays to a man’s hand. Either she yields sexually and hasn’t taken the time to make herself attractive enough for his investing more in her. Or she refuses to yield, makes herself too tough to conquer, and he seeks more productive opportunity elsewhere. (I don’t know which happened to Balle, but the guy likely defaulted to his male nature in response to her.)

She says I’m too bent on blaming women. I’ve explained it before, but it’s more of what women don’t want to hear.

Balle seems to expect me to educate men but any attempts would be smothered by the male nature, especially the side turned angry and independent over the past few decades.

1. Men have heard it all before. They wouldn’t hear anything new, complimentary, or admissive of female wrong-doing, and so they wouldn’t pay attention.
2. Men don’t care what other men tell them about women. They know all they need to know, except for whether a certain gal is good or not in bed. (The Victorian habit of protecting womanly virtue is long dead, and men aren’t capable of returning it.)
3. Feminists demean male faults persuasively and women humiliate men. It intensified for several decades. Enough to change the culture (why people do what they do in society) and men naturally resent, resist, and retaliate when prodded.
4. Men do whatever women require in order to have convenient and frequent access to sex, and words are virtually useless if they don’t hold the promise of sex. (Men respect actions and easily follow leadership by example. They aren’t usually interested in following someone’s words.)
5. Modern women spotlight and share their most precious asset at no cost to manly independence, and men don’t want that to change. So they’re not inclined to listen to anyone that espouses less unmarried sex.
6. Men have no skills for relationship management and no interest in even talking about it. Relationships just are. That’s it. If she doesn’t like it, let her deal with it. So, attempts to teach men to abandon their faults run head on into masculine skulls hardened by Feminism.

Men simply ignore other men about the subject, unless it promotes male dominance and superiority, describes how wrong-headed women deal with men, or flatters the male ego at female expense. Women may want that fixed, but a man can’t do it, and neither can women by just using words.

It’s a sorry state of affairs. Not that Balle abandons the blog but that she’s giving up on educating the next man with actions that exhibit female interests, sensibilities, and expectations for men. If girls and women don’t do it, it won’t be done.

1485. My Christmas Gift Re-gifted

Ladies: Guy Jr. and a lady friend, Lauren, dreamed up and gave me a wonderful Christmas gift. It means a two-week vacation for me. Daily blog posts continue, because I re-gift it to you. While I lollygag and renew associating with Mrs. Guy before noon each day, Guy Jr. and Lauren share their relationship-developing experiences and feelings with unusual and delightful candor. You will see new love budding, stumbling, and re-blooming in daily posts.

Lauren is a very private person, uses caution for guidance, and has never participated in online discussions of any sort. I am so grateful that she chose to contribute here. For without her glorious input, Guy Jr. would not only have reported a one-sided but an inaccurate and male-slanted version of the story.

Unimpressed by his player persona, Lauren uses WhatWomenNeverHear to whack Guy Jr. and figuratively bring him to his knees. (Will figurative become reality for one knee?) She effectively conquers a man that knows WWNH pretty darned well! (As I smilingly chuckle like Santa Claus.)

Their reconstructed journal over the last six months describes both pursuit of bliss and the train wrecks certain to befall any long-distance relationship. I think of it as old school values trump new school confusion. But, as a gift should surprise you, I shall shut up and just let their story unfold tomorrow. Comments and questions are wanted and welcome.

Lastly, Merry Christmas! I hope you and yours reap the blessings of the real meaning of Christmas.