Category Archives: Dear daughter

2018. Favored Quotes—Collection 41


These quotes reflect the wisdom of ladies who comment on the blog.

“At times I think “yes I am great catch” then comparison, the thief of joy comes along.” [Reading Up at 1972, emphasis added by Guy.]

“The conversation contained the words ‘stop it’ which I would repeat several times over the next few months. I never raised my voice; in fact I spoke much more softly than usual, as I knew he felt as badly as I felt. Neither of us had wanted this type of interaction. I forgave without needing an apology (although he did give one).” [Lauren about Guy Jr. at 1493]

“See I have been waiting for months for an opportunity to use what you taught us on how to thank men. And I did… it was at work in an email to a colleague who helpful. I typed ‘men are never more handsome than when they help a lady who’s under pressure’! You had to see his reaction. I think I made his day :) It was easier in an email though.” [From Cocoa at 1525]

“I think men love the sparkle in a woman’s eye more than cleavage dumping out the blouse. They love a girl who can work hard and make it look easy, who is full of languor and confidence, and yet humble and energetic. They love it when a woman doesn’t talk too much, but only says things that either need to be said or are wanted to be heard. Men seem to like women who have self-respect because it protects them from having to feel guilty for getting away with disrespecting her, since she won’t put up with it in the first place. Men seem to think it’s fascinating for a woman to defend herself, so long as she doesn’t do it in a way that disrespects his manhood. I think my husband appreciates my talents that help him build up his own self-image, such as my fashion sense in helping him dress, my popularity with his co-workers, and my knowledge of nutrition since he’s in the fitness business. He doesn’t seem to care much about what I wear as long as I’m happy with it, or if I show up to his work events to socialize. I think men want a woman who trusts them even more than they trust themselves. Men want a woman to hold them up to a standard of greatness that is in them, but that they have not yet attained, because their love for her motivates them to reach that standard.” [Maria at 1979]

 

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2002. Grandmother’s Sabotage


I’m unsure how typical this is, but it needs a loud broadcast. A mother’s home can be plagued by her mother’s visits. Sounds impossible, so watch as I report and comment on one wife’s situation. Remember it when you become a grandmother.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I RESPOND IN CAPS TO Her Highness Anon’s comment in lower case WITH PARAGRAPHS BROKEN FOR EASE OF READING.

GUY

——

Sir Guy,

You cite the need of a woman to make herself feel “more important for those to whom she is vital.” I would love your opinion of the scenario I find myself in. I’m a stay-at-home mom to three (ages 4, 2, and newborn). [CONGRATULATIONS]

My mother (who lives close by) [YOU’RE FORTUNATE] visits our family a couple times per week [GREAT!], to spend an hour or so with the grandchildren (my kids). She always shows up with an expensive toy, sugary treat, etc. [FOR THAT AND OTHER REASONS ADDED BELOW, IT'S NOT GREAT BUT UNDESIRABLE. HER MANNER OF GIVING TAKES DIGNITY FROM YOU AS THE MOTHER. IT MAKES BOYS DEPENDENT RATHER THAN INDEPENDENT AND TEACHES DAUGHTERS SOME WRONG THINGS. IT ALSO PUTS YOU AND GRANDMOTHER INTO COMPETITIVE ROLES FOR KIDS’ AFFECTION AND THE KIDS LEARN TO PLAY YOU AGAINST GRANDMOTHER. CHILDREN ARE SELF-DEVELOPERS AND THEY LEARN QUICKLY HOW TO GET THE 'MOSTEST' FROM THE BEST HOSTESS AND EXPECT THE 'LEASTEST' FROM THE NEXT BEST HOSTESS, WHICH ADD IMPORTANCE TO ONE AND SUBTRACTS IMPORTANCE FROM THE OTHER.]

At first I enjoyed seeing my children enjoy her treats. Lately, however, she has begun undermining my authority [UNDERMINING AUTHORITY IS THE WORST THING AN ADULT CAN DO TO A PARENT, THE DAMAGE LASTS FOR LIFE.] and even saying I’m “too strict for the kids to need to obey me” [WHICH IS WORSE THAN INDIRECTLY UNDERMINING AUTHORITY. IT’S A CONDEMNATION OF YOU AS PARENT.] (she says this in front of the children and I know my four-year-old understands what she is saying). [MUCH DAMAGE HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE. HE’S BEEN PROGRAMMED TO BE A DISCIPLINE PROBLEM BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN DISCREDITED BY HIGHER AUTHORITY.]

Most recently I was concerned when she told me that “isn’t it funny how kids always hate their moms?! But grandparents! these are the ones that they are supposed to love!!” [IT SHOULD BUT THIS WON’T MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER. SHE’S PROBABLY JEALOUS THAT YOU’RE A DIFFERENT KIND OF MOTHER. YOUR EXAMPLE BRINGS TO MIND HER REGRETS AND GUILT, AND SHE FEELS COMPELLED TO COMPENSATE BY OVERDOING IT WITH YOUR KIDS. IOW, SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF RAISING YOU EVEN THOUGH SHE NOW KNOWS SHE DIDN’T DESERVE YOUR LOVE COMPARED TO HOW YOU DO THE MOM THING.]

I told her I never felt this way about her, and I wondered why she made the remark. [IT’S EXPLAINED JUST ABOVE.] Since then, my kids have begun saying they wish they lived at Grandma’s house & that they love Grandma more than me, their mom. [THAT’S TYPICAL AND EXPECTED FROM GRANDMOTHER’S WELL-INTENTIONED BUT WRONGFUL PROGRAMMING.]

I was hurt by this and my husband told the children they were never to speak that way again. [WHAT A GREAT HUSBAND. YOU MAY HAVE MARRIED OVER YOUR HEAD.]

But I already feel cut down in size by my mom [AND WELL YOU SHOULD FEEL], who seems to want to create a sense of her own importance by making me less-important in my kids’ eyes. [JEALOUSY WORKS THAT WAY.]

Do you think I’m reading too much into my mom’s actions? [YOU’RE READING TOO LITTLE, TAKING TOO LITTLE OFFENSE, SHE’S CONTAMINATING YOUR NEST.

To put it in some perspective, my mom raised two kids, but my brother made a lot of bad choices [RESULT OF LESS THAN OPTIMAL PARENTING] (he’s since settled down) and I did not choose the career path they hoped [ROOM FOR ANGER BEFORE AND JEALOUSY NOW].

(I’m a stay-at-home-mom), so I suppose mom may not feel “fulfilled” by us. She once said she had “only regrets” [SHE CAN’T OR WON’T FORGIVE HERSELF, AND YOUR HOME KEEPS HER ON THAT KNIFE EDGE.] when she looked back on her years of raising kids, which shocks me because I thought I had a pretty good childhood!! [IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH. YOU FELT FREE ENOUGH THAT SELF-DEVELOPMENT LED YOU TO BE A SUCCESSFUL WIFE AND MOTHER. BUT YOU DID IT CONTRARY TO PARENTAL EXPECTATIONS THAT NOW GENERATE REMINDERS OF HER GUILT, REGRET, AND JEALOUSY. SHE LACKED CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE THAT SHE EXPECTED TO HAVE. HER CAREER OUTSIDE THE HOME SHAPED HER THINKING THAT WAY.]

WITH NATURAL AND NORMAL OBLIGATIONS OF DAUGHTER TO MOTHER, YOUR HANDS ARE EFFECTIVELY TIED. YOUR HUSBAND MIGHT REACH HER. GRANDPA MIGHT TOO. BUT BOTH ARE UNLIKELY TO CONVERT HER LOYALTY TO HERSELF INTO TRUE GRANDMOTHERLY LOYALTY. THE KIND THAT MORPHS GOOD WOMEN INTO MATRIARCHS.

THE ROOT OF RECOVERY WILL START TO GROW WHEN YOUR MOTHER FORGIVES HERSELF FOR HER OWN PARENTING RECORD, FORGIVES HERSELF FOR TRESPASSING YOUR HOME’S SPIRIT, AND FORGIVES YOU FOR DOING DIFFERENTLY THAN SHE WISHED. UNLESS SHE CAN DO THAT, DISRUPTION, DEPRESSION, AND DISCIPLINE PROBLEMS WILL PLAGUE YOUR HOME AND WORSEN OVER TIME WITH HER PRESENCE.

Thoughts, Sir Guy?

IT’S YOUR NEST. KICK OBSTRUCTIONS OUT OF THE WAY. SHOW MOM THE DOOR EACH TIME SHE DISPLEASES YOU REGARDING THE KIDS. AS A DISRUPTER, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOUR COMPANY. KEEP YOUR MORALE UP AS BEING A GRATEFUL MOM. ADMIRE HUBBY AS GOOD LEADER, FATHER FIGURE, AND FOR HIS STRONG CHARACTER IN BACKING YOU.

YOUR MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER THIS. LET ME BE THE HEAVY. LET YOUR MOTHER READ IN PRIVATE WHAT YOU AND I HAVE WRITTEN ABOVE. SHE WILL TAKE OFFENSE AND TAKE IT BIG TIME DEPENDING ON WHETHER SHE ACCEPTS OR DENIES IT. SHE MAY DEPART YOUR LIFE FOR SOME UNDETERMINED TIME. BUT SOONER OR LATER SHE WILL PROBABLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SHE WAS WRONG AND RETURN TO YOUR EMBRACE. THE MAGIC WORD OF RECOVERY IS FORGIVENESS FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED AND EVERY THING DONE IN THE PAST.

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2000. Compatibility Axioms #451-460


451. Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature enables virtual virginity to work for her. [154]
452. This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows. [154]
453. The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine standards, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex. [154]
454. Women age most gracefully and charmingly when they intensify their natural femininity early in life. Duplicating the male persona ages women prematurely and leaves them with little grace and charm for their elder years. [155]
455. Women are naturally well-equipped with a cooperative spirit, indirectness, nurture-power, soft-heartedness, and natural but unoffending hard-headedness. These strengths help balance their man’s dominance. Each successful balancing event reinforces her efforts, strengthens her influence, and enlarges his respect. [155]
456. Extraordinary women arise from this model to hold the respect of men for life: She keeps herself looking pretty and modest, fairly independent, and attractive to men. However, she automatically tests any man she encounters as if for a relationship. She doesn’t relate well with those unworthy of her. It applies to all men, not just her man. [155]
457. Femininity in early life captures a man’s attention. Femininity practiced ardently over their years together gradually empowers her as family matriarch in later life. [155]
458. Femininity best improves a woman’s lot in life by inspiring a man to adopt her social and domestic values and expectations usually built upon her girlhood hopes and dreams. But it calls for indirectness, cooperation, patience, and charm used to admire his significance, demo her respect, and show gratitude for and dependence on who he is and what he does. [155]
459. Whether done by one or many women, feminine values and standards upheld strongly and persistently against unmarried sex go far toward reducing male dominance, aggressiveness, and violence. (First principle of masculine behavior: Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Second principle: Men even marry if that’s required.) [155]
460. He measures his manly prowess by her worth after his conquest. Much of her retention value hinges on it. He wonders roundabout and over time: Now that I have, who else conquered this woman, if she is to be anything more than a used sex target to me? [156]

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1999. Compatibility Axioms #444-450


444. Wives want to be shown more affection, but husbands stay focused and specialize on their own satisfactions. Men must be trained to show as much affection as women desire. (If his parents didn’t exemplify it in childhood, he’s not likely to improve himself very much in adulthood, except when a long, sex-free courtship requires that he develop new habits for displaying affection to her.)  [153]
445. As husbands see it, anger and aggressiveness are male traits, and a wife should be above such offending behavior. (This makes feminine charm, patience, and indirectness highly effective at harmonizing a pair of self-interested people into mutual interest. Of course it’s not fair, but it exploits both the natural differences between the sexes and her greatest potential as relationship expert.) [153]

446. The greater her feminine virtue, then the greater his respect, which is balanced on the knife-edge that qualities he admire guarantee her faithfulness to him alone. Men expect fidelity first, always, and to be obvious in their woman. (Neither equality nor fairness has anything to do with it; it’s born into men.) [153]

447. A man changes after conquest. By joining the conquered, she loses being exceptional to him. (It doesn’t mean that she loses everything, just that he views and values her differently, and she must change accordingly to hold him. Unfortunately, how he changes is unpredictable, because his agendas remain hidden until he’s devoted and not just committed to her.) [153]
448. If he’s after sex more than her, she’s temporary until the next sex target comes along and maybe sooner. [153]
449. Before their first sex together, and even without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from weaker purpose or character. [154]
450. If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides more permanent alternatives for her than sex before marriage. [154]

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1998. Compatibility Axioms #443 — She Duplicates Men


443. Women generate incompatibility when they endorse male values by copying masculine behavior. Their short-range wishes torpedo their long-range thinking. Their future begins to melt and they later morph into the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom, and misery. (I don’t argue against the comfort or convenience, but only how such things affect men and weaken respect for women generally and each one individually.) A few examples of wrongful copying:

  • Women too easily and too often discard lovely and attractive feminine attractiveness. They copy men with tee shirts, careless hairdos, black or dull and ragged clothes, tattoos, piercings. [152]
  • Either not caring or presuming the right to argue in his face, women compete against their man after conquest, when the male nature expects only cooperation from a conquered woman. [152]
  • Women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom. They let men get by dodging personal commitments, domestic obligations, and responsible habits. Lack of time before conquest prevents words of commitment rising to actions of devotion. Being given frequent and convenient access to sex without marital obligation, men don’t have to provide the extra-female-friendly things that truly benefit women as custom and each woman in particular. [152]
  • By absorbing feminist politics, women condemn the masculine nature while turning off or tuning out their female nature. [152]
  • If she can depend on herself, she doesn’t need him. If that happens, she’s not grateful for him. If that happens, he’s not interested in staying with her beyond the eagerness of romantic love. [152]
  • Women discard feminine mystique. They quit using old school hard-to-get. They mistakenly expect that men appreciate a woman’s sacrifice of her sexual assets. With so little to do to score, men sun themselves later in boredom instead of pleasing women as women wish they could be pleased. [152]
  • Women plead for mutual and meaningful full disclosure, but men have no obligation for being as accurate as women expect. Men hear weakness in her disclosures and use it to get her into bed. It fine tunes men to deal openly but with no obligation for either candidness or honesty. [152]
  • Exposing her weaknesses before conquest reduces the size and intensity of the fascination and promise he sees in her that guides him to the altar. [152]
  • Women think everything should be more equal, so they upstage men by initiating sex. Men welcome it, but it short-circuits or at least weakens a man’s respect that is so essential for enduring love to develop as romantic love fades. [152]
  • Experience with many sex partners hardens a woman’s heart. It makes her cynical, suspicious, and unable to like herself enough to hold a man very easily. [152]

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1987. Self-gratitude—Self-reinforcement by Surfercajun


Her Highness Surfercajun reinforces her self-gratitude this way. She volunteers these factors as presumably significant in her life. Such a sterling contribution rates this separate posting.

  1. I am grateful for… a healthy body that works for me and serves my family/others.
  2. I am grateful for…ideas and words that I have that will help lift others spirits.
  3. I am grateful for…a smile (braces) that my parents paid for that serves others.
  4. I am grateful for…. listening ears and feminine attention when a perfect strangers tells me their story, stops and then says, “Why did I just tell you all of that?” …I just smile.
  5. I am grateful for….no hospital bills or the fact none of us needed expensive medicine when my husband was unemployed for over 3 months.
  6. I am grateful for…the little things my husband does for me “just because.”
  7. I am grateful for… flowers that were picked from the side of the road than from a florist. (I still remember from so many years ago and remind him.)
  8. I am grateful for…my children and the one that was taken away.
  9. I am grateful for…tears that spill over innocent children and animals.
  10. I am grateful for…advice given to me that help my family and I in turn can share with others.
  11. I am grateful for…a tender heart that shudders when someone speaks to me harshly. Reminding me how words can hurt our heart.
  12. I am grateful for…found books, articles, websites (this one), that make me a better person inside.

Editor’s Note: I love it when pretty women do my job so well for me.

 

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1986. Self-gratitude—A New Beginning


 I’m frustrated. I can’t get the subject organized and written as I would like. So, I start at the back-end and will let your questions bring out the reasoning and details for a front end.

Women have to earn happiness, and it’s a three-step process. First, they find gratitude within themselves for who and what they are. Second, they find gratitude for other people and things in their lives. Third, they continually reinforce self-gratitude for two reasons. 1) It tends to easily weaken by comparisons to other people. 2) You can find gratefulness outside of yourself only to the extent that self-gratitude floods you own persona. The more grateful for self, the more gratitude you can find and appreciate until you realize that you’re happy.

After more than six years and a million words written, I’ve concluded lack of self-gratitude is the severest and self-induced shortcoming among females. It causes less control of self, which leads them into misery in the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, and gloom and doom. They pay too little attention to keeping their self-gratitude sufficiently inflated and pay too high a price at the box office of society.

So, I have compiled a list of things that should make women grateful when they adopt and embody them as values, standards, and self-expectations. The list is a start. I will maintain it by editing as readers convince me I should. I will also add new things at the top so readers can immediately see that new ones have been added.

You need to make a believer of yourself about each item that can be fitted into your personality, belief system, and roles in life. Remember this as you study each item. You can’t be grateful for yourself until you show yourself that you’re worthy by living up to your own standards and expectations. You have to live up to yourself in order to generate the self-worth that steadies and readies you to associate gratefully with others.

I suggest that you adopt, review, and rehearse daily until you believe some or all of the factors listed below. Consider your whole life in light of each. Where and how does each fit into your life? How does the absence of such beliefs make your life less worthy or successful? How does or can the presence of each improve your life? Make as many as possible a part of your convictions and beliefs. Start here by visualizing yourself.

I am grateful for myself because I:

  1. [Next new one goes here]
  2. [Have] the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been giving the gift of caring for. [MLaRowe]
  3. As a nurse can help others. [from Nancy]
  4. Have a nice, more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I finally began to restore it.
  5. Can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa.
  6. Depend on my man by doing for him rather than him doing for me.
  7. Am capable more of giving that taking and am grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself.
  8. Am capable of finding new ways every day by which to show to my man how he is respected for who he is and what he does.
  9. Am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read the signs of it.
  10. Can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt.
  11. Am worth any man but only a few are worthy of me. I have all the qualities I need to make one earn me and I work daily to make those qualities become virtues in the eyes of the best men.
  12. Refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities by spotlighting my objection with word or departure. No more F- or C- words or similar filth in my presence, and that’s just for starters.
  13. Grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to miss a single good day of life if they thought they were the cause.
  14. Have learned that commitment is of the mind and mouth and devotion speaks of the heart through actions.
  15. Recognize my man is short of providing all the affection that I would like to have. But he provides enough and I’m just glad our roles aren’t reversed such I would be the one accused of giving too little.
  16. Recognize that my man’s handiness is the birthright equivalent of my prettiness. Pleasing each other comes easily in those domains.
  17. Have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My free will enables me to make the best choices that maximize the benefits to all concerned.
  18. Enjoy promoting my man’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. It’s such a vital part of his sense of significance that I am unable to let my attitude be construed as a threat.
  19. Get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones.
  20. Want a man of my own, but who is unchangeable except before conquest and after many years of age when more maturity and less testosterone morph him into Mr. Right.
  21. Use to our advantage how my man focuses primarily on the present and I focus primarily on the future.
  22. Promote my man’s producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving as the primary foundation for the strengthening and preservation of our family.
  23. Can assuage my fear of abandonment by promoting and helping my man promote his sense of significance.
  24. Am the primary determinant for brightening my future within our future together. It all depends on the choices I make, man I choose, and relationship we develop with my relationship expertise.
  25. Appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me.
  26. Can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly please myself with how truly pretty I am.
  27. Feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men.
  28. Am honest in all affairs of the heart. I can handle the disappointments it may cause, because I’m overly grateful when Mr. Not Goodenough departs.
  29. Have so many blessings to count. Let me see now, which are the best at this moment in my life?
  30. Think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else.
  31. Forget after I forgive. Forgiveness is the true expression of ultimate power, and true forgiveness causes the giver to forget.
  32. Appreciate and use my instinct and intuition that prompts me to be kind and tender hearted. I acknowledge two things. 1) We women are born to be good, and our kind and tender heartedness enables us to do good. 2) Men are born capable of doing good and become as good as we women teach them to do good.
  33. Am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I.
  34. Can visualize peace and harmony in my home and know that I must determine what it is without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing in hopes of getting it, and blend the contradictions as if nobody is wrong.
  35. Appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or use of my will power comes when I forgive myself.
  36. Know how to find and screen Mr. Good Enough and that he will be blessed to have me behind and helping lead him to all his victories.
  37. Don’t need my man’s faults to fade away soon after we marry. I’m patient enough to watch him morph from Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right over the span of a couple of marital decades.
  38. Resolve my own problems. That’s where I’m most independent and so considerate that I accept blame rather than impose it on others. My self-worth soars with each instance of sacrificing myself to lift blame from others.
  39. Can reward myself at the mirror in numerous ways such that I don’t crave overly much recognition when away from it.
  40. Can eagerly honor this rank structure in our family: husband, wife, mother, father, and children.
  41. Love my ‘new self’ at breakfast after mirror talk and enjoy the calm atmosphere that I bring to launching family into their respective days.
  42. Unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people who I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t.
  43. Am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband while reserving the free will to take exception when appropriate.
  44. Reap great pleasure spreading my self-identified joy wherever I go but especially in my own home.
  45. Find gratefulness in all that I and my loved ones do.

How grateful do you now feel about yourself? More or less than when you started the list? Regardless, you should be energized to study further and consider options you had trouble accepting on your first viewing. The more self-gratitude you purposely generate by accepting individual factors, the sooner the misery multiplex will fade in importance and happiness will find you sooner.

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1984. Compatibility Axioms #442 — Relationship Malpractice – II


442. The big emotional connections don’t hold a man. The repetition and accumulation of her incompatible habits ruin his interest in living with her. Such as:

  • She spends contrary to his frugality. [164]
  • She calls his ego troublesome, while she blithely claims women have no ego. [164]
  • She denigrates his ego, when it’s the outward expression and protector of his sense of significance. [164]
  • She makes herself feel good at his expense. For example, she accommodates the kids while ignoring his priorities or even presence. [164]
  • She rides herd on him to prevent little mistakes. Or, she imposes her will or preference for how things are to be done. [164]
  • She tells him how to handle and solve his problems at his place of employment. (Husbands keep silent about their work to prevent wife’s interference and to prevent her judgments about what he tells her—which can never be the whole story.) [164]
  • When associating with his male friends, she tries to act like one of the guys to win their appreciation for either her or him. [164]
  • She tells him HOW and WHEN to do things instead of citing WHAT needs to be done and let him work out the details. [164]

 

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