1852. Pre-nuptial Agreement or No?

At post 1850 Her Highness Miss A inquired, “How do love and money go together? Are they incompatible?” Money is but a tool for the implementation of love, a method of interlocking devotion of one to another. On the other hand, love of money plus excessive love of oneself cripples mutual love one for another. But that isn’t what Miss A is after.

She also inquired about pre-nuptial agreements. Her Highness Lady Lurker gave the woman’s view as the man planning to escape with little damage in case breakup occurs. I don’t contest the woman’s view but express the man’s. A pre-nup protects the man against the worst case loss of half of his wealth and much future income. It seems obvious, neither side trusts the other based on the experience of other people.

• I favor pre-nups only for what soon follows. Marriage occurs and I strongly favor it over all other forms of coupledom.

• I condemn pre-nups; they enlarge the window for one spouse to betray the other. Rather than man-up and take the risk of judging his woman’s sincerity and commitment to him, men shred their woman’s dignity with lack of trust. Pre-nups facilitate breakups. They invite betrayal whenever spousal differences energize and compound disagreement into greater dislike and distrust one for the other.

• It’s the man’s game. Pre-nup negotiation strongly favors the prospective groom. 1) He’s cognizant of his financial status and capability whereas she isn’t. 2) He’s less emotionally involved and can easily envision separation and divorce. 3) Any fairness included in a pre-nup depends on how his heart views her as a divorce opponent. 4) The prospective bride’s devotion to him makes her virtually incapable of imagining breakup. 5) Pre-wedding anxieties convince her to apply no pressure against his wishes, so she sees little need to protect her longer range future. 6) By determining he needs a pre-nup, his commitment and devotion weaken and reduce his interest to prevent future separations. 7) He uses anecdotes of men stripped by vengeful exes to question his prospective bride’s dedication to him, which—as a self-fulfilling prophecy—tends to magnify her wifely shortcomings.

In the end, a pre-nup underwrites his suspicions. He views her as possibly inclined or capable of dumping him for his money and divorcing him vengefully. Or, it underwrites the ease and cheapness for his escape from marriage. It’s a man’s tool to better orchestrate the man’s game of marriage with fewer obligations.

As women go, so goes society. They generated the need for pre-nups when some began to adopt feminist values, abandon their female nature, betray their man, and vengefully half-empty their man’s pockets. Consequently, women acting more like men shift dominance of cultural values away from females. Marriage weakens in both commonness and importance. Other women act more like men even though the true, soft-hearted female nature doesn’t host thoughts of betraying one’s man. By thus causing inter-gender trust to fade, women scuttle female control of cultural values and turn dominance of the culture over to men. It has dire consequences for women far beyond pre-nups, such as raising kids without a father present.

In any event, each woman is free to accept a pre-nup arrangement just as each man is free to propose it. Everyone has to figure out what’s best for them.

1851. When Guys Hit on Girls and Young Women

Friendly reminders about human nature when men hit on females:

• Females can dominate and guide a man’s behavior before they yield to his conquest. They only need quick wit and determination to remain chaste in order to overwhelm his bluffs.
• As hunter-conquerors, men hit on females primarily for sex and, in some cases, secondarily for a mate. If she shows signs that she’s easy to conquer, she loses value as potential mate. She adds significant value by successful resistance.
• When a guy hits on them, females are forced to act on what they see more than what they hear. Ears are their major strength. Females gain advantage by ignoring what they see until they can hear what makes a guy of interest to them.

Even though I express it this way, don’t take what follows literally for you to do what I say. You have to fit it into your personality and ability to succeed at what you plan. I merely offer suggestions but keep in mind the reminders above.

When hit upon, you struggle with uncertainty depending on what the hitter looks like. You shake off whatever emotions hit you, reach for a response that’s proper for you in the situation, and continue as your feelings guide you. Lack of a standard game plan puts you at risk because the guy receives feedback he can exploit to more quickly get you in bed. He gains the advantage whether he’s a dreamboat or a determined nobody, and whether you let him talk you into listening further to his pitch. Even if you turn to something else or send him away, other guys witness or hear of the rejection and learn how to exploit your feedback.

If you have a standard response designed to put all the advantage on your side, you can dominate hit-on situations. I compile a list of options below from which you can adapt one or several or make a mixture to reject guys gently but affirmatively. Make up something comfortable and easy to recall and say habitually.

Your main goal should be to avoid living to be an old maid. You need a Mr. Good Enough to win you with his merit and virtuous character. The following objectives lay the groundwork. Never show anger or dislike of the hitter regardless of his looks. Your credibility soars when other people see that you don’t discriminate—a guy is just a guy until he starts to earn his way into your heart. (Don’t open your heart easily; make each guy earn his way through actions that make you trust him.)

Treat all hitters the same regardless of their looks, appeal, or apparent hunk-of-your-dreams. You enjoy compliments so reject each guy politely, smilingly, and honestly with a retort that rejects him for the present but subliminally encourages him to try again.

All hitters should be encouraged to try again. It enables you to separate the sex-hunters from the mate-hunters. If ‘undesirables’ return, than use the same retort each time so that you don’t have to explain yourself; they’ll eventually get your response as final. For ‘returnees’ you find hopeful for your future, proceed to the next step of determining their worth and ability to earn your heart.

Here are suggestions for possible retorts with you always smiling throughout each encounter. (Anger and other negatives discourage the mate-hunters.) Always smilingly stare the hitter down; it reinforces your dominance of the situation.

1. God says I shouldn’t, and I listen to Him first and foremost. (If the guy responds, Do what? You say, Ask God.)
2. Guys are never more handsome than when they compliment a lady. But handsome isn’t nearly enough thank you very much. (If he responds What is? You retort with You figure it out.)
3. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when I have time to hear you explain your intentions. (NO, not now, later.)
4. Thanks for the compliment. If you give me a list of your virtues, I just might read it.
5. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when you’re teaching a Sunday school class. (Oh, you are now? Then tell me [sincerely and not sarcastically] where and when and I may join you some Sunday.)
6. Thanks for the compliment. I’m proud to have stirred your imagination. (If he asks what you mean, respond with You figure it out.)
7. Thanks for the compliment but I’ve had enough for one day.
8. Thanks for the compliment. Do you seek a mate for life? No? Then why should we talk?
9. Thanks for the compliment. My daddy taught me to ask for the ring first.
10. (Finally, if a hitter won’t give up.) We’re both lucky. You know what you want. I know what I don’t want. See you later.

By now, you probably complain that you can’t say those things. Your first step to avoid old-maidhood is to separate those guys only after sex from those dedicated to winning you as a mate. Based on the nature of men, the rejection options above tend to discourage the former and encourage the latter.

1847. When Married Men Hit on You….

As they’ve done over the past half-century, females continue to join the man’s game. They make unmarried sex more popular, cheap, and easy. The lure of easy conquests makes men devote themselves to sex more than to one woman. Husbands hit on unconquered women as adventure, habit, or both.

If a ‘hittee’ responds with sex, the hitter’s conscience depends on his morals and devotion to wife, and he salves his conscience accordingly. If he gets negative results, just his ego is stirred. Intention does not make him unfaithful; men think that way contrary to female-think. If he does feel unfaithful after failing, his conscience guides him in another direction, which can have the accidental effect of making him feel good about indirectly honoring his wife and gaining self-admiration from it.

You ladies can help men re-domesticate themselves into better husbands. The secret lies in responding to hits by a married man in a way that stifles his libido by igniting his conscience.

WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I feel good coaching ladies to improve their lives with men. You take hits as compliments until you see a wedding ring. You may have a standard response that makes you feel good, such as a cutting remark that proclaims your abhorrence, sends him away, and gains a little revenge for the sisterhood. A stinging rebuke usually turns him away from you, but it does nothing to encourage faithfulness to his wife. That’s okay too, but it doesn’t make a better person of either you or him, and that’s where I hope to take this post.

(Women make people better or they don’t get that way. Society is what we all do and men dominate it. Culture is why we all do what we do, and women dominate it. Why we do something comes before what we do, which means: As women go, so goes society.)

Your reaction to a married hitter should start with NOT looking down on him as if cheaters are the lowest form of life. (Cheaters are used to it and pay no attention.) Instead, ignite his conscience to the disrespect that he exhibits for females. Leave him with questions that only he can answer or with challenges that uncover his character as lacking integrity. In essence, by hitting on you, he reveals that getting sex is more important than guarding his integrity. When reminded and given time to think about it, the male nature guides men to preserve their integrity rather than destroy it with immediate gratification. When it’s their idea to choose, mature men opt for integrity. When they hit on you, your objective is to send them away thinking it’s their idea to listen to their conscience when next they face the options of conquering a fresh target or preserving their integrity.

I suggest that you search the following list of possible replies, pick your favorite thought or combination, rephrase it to meet your personality, and practice it out loud before a mirror such that it rolls smoothly off your tongue immediately after a married man hits on you. (Make no exceptions about using it regardless of how good looking a hitter may be. When you make exceptions, you make yourself vulnerable. He perceives your weakness and is encouraged to continue assertively, which further weakens your defenses even after you’ve spotted his ring.)

Women are eager to show anger and put down men that are inclined to cheat. Such men may deserve it, but they’ve learned throughout life to recover from female anger and criticism. Don’t find fault or lay on guilt. Enable him to do that to himself. Try to open his heart for self-appraisal about faithfulness and conscience. Ask questions instead of preaching.  These potential replies are designed to show how to think the next time somebody’s husband hits on you.

• If God is against it, how can I be for it? Does that ring the bell in your (hitter’s) conscience? (Imply or follow up with something like this: If you wish to continue this chat, I’ll talk only about you, me and God. Shall we proceed? [Principle: You live up to someone higher than you; why shouldn’t the hitter do it? Devotion to God makes it easier to devote oneself exclusively to the right person.]
• I deal with sex only through mutual devotion. How much devotion to your wife do you plan on shifting to me? What features of your character are likely to inspire any devotion out of me? [Principle: Loyalty depends on devotion, which depends on character, which depends on integrity. God strengthens devotion by teaching each of us to become a better person.]
• Is your integrity important to you? Important to your wife? Doesn’t sex with another woman destroy your integrity? No? Well it does to most people who make themselves mature by escaping adolescence. [Principle: A cheater’s sexual activity equates to loss of integrity. Adolescents haven’t fully learned the blessings of fidelity.]
• What about me makes you think I could or would betray a sister female? You hope to sell me on one idea, but you hide it. You disrespect your wife and think that I should enable your disloyalty. How would your loss of loyalty and my lack of self-respect make us better people or earn the admiration of God? [Principle: Unmarried sexual activity doesn’t, but control of one’s lust does make better people.]
• You may claim to love your wife, but do you respect her as a person? I may respect her more than you. I can’t betray both my self-respect and a sister female by sleeping with her husband. Do you see cheating as betraying your mate? Or betraying your self-respect? [Principle: Cheating betrays one's mate.]
• Have you considered this? Men are never more handsome than when they mate with one woman for life. But some men manage to lose it. [Principle: It’s a compliment not really earned.]
• If you don’t respect your wife when with me, why should I disrespect a sister female by associating with you? [Principle: Respect is the most fundamental characteristic of successful human relations, and unmarried sex tarnishes mutual respect.]
• My daddy taught me this. If a man doesn’t respect his wife enough to be faithful, he won’t respect me at all. Daddy never lied. [Principle: Childhood teachings last for life. Mutual respect prevents mistreatment of others.]
• Making out on the fly is lovemaking on the sly, which I can do without . . . so goodbye. [Principle: Throw smoke around your departure (What did she say?) by stimulating his curiosity to interpret the full meaning of that couplet. It also ignites imagination, reinforces memory, and reminds of conscience.]

If the hitter can’t be discouraged and you can’t depart the scene, this may shut him up: “I can tell you where to find some strange, free, and safe sex. If he bites, tell him to try his other hand.”

I suggest you develop your own phrasing to make married men think about their conscience and integrity. Choose and use the thoughts above to combine your response into something easy to recall and use without embarrassing yourself. Rely on the principles for guidance.

——

NOTE: I dedicate this post to Tina M., a dear friend adopted into Grace’s and my Texas family of superstars. She inspired this article.

1841. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 79

For a manly hail and farewell, a firm handshake or high-five does quite well for men. However, as women go so goes society. Falling into the feminist trap of making men and women more alike, men even hug men as matter of fashion and copying women.

Touching reassures females and hugging convinces they are important. Women take it a step further. They initiate hugging men and expect affection without regard for masculine arousal that comes from touching females. Hugging a woman—and having to keep it innocent—smacks too much of both duty and restraint imposed by the feminist ethos.

Further fallout from Feminism instigates many social and domestic disharmonies. Among them:

• Providing sex is the way to a man’s heart, which erases the traditional ‘through his stomach’. It justifies women leaving the kitchen but also teaches them wrongly about the masculine heart.
• Morals are good or bad according to whether they favor or disfavor Feminism’s revolutionary agenda.
• Feminist ideology and politics promote squabbles among couples.
• Women aren’t satisfied to indirectly rule the rooster and let him appear to rule the roost. Women expect to rule the roost in appearance too.
• Support and encouragement of feminist objectives is more important than manly character. Women pay little attention to the character of men. They don’t highly value that which so easily connects them with men of high quality (defined as super friendly for helping fulfill female hopes and dreams).

American culture evolved out of Christianity and Judaism. Both are male dominated religions. Yet, American society morphed into our Judeo-Christian culture under wifely dominance, until feminists returned dominance to men through Feminism and its revolutionary theories.

1837. Advice to Women: Look for Character

Would it surprise you that character determines one’s destiny? Men with high-quality character are destined for a high-quality life. Women need a brighter future, so why don’t they put more value on each man’s character? How can women find a brighter future with a man than by latching onto one with the character sufficiently responsible to polish and shine their destiny together? I know women look for it, but many too easily or desperately rationalize and settle for something less.

Modern women accept whatever character Mr. GoodEnough displays. Men find it unnecessary to develop and display a responsible character in order to earn the admiration of females. As a result, the character of both sexes declines in quality and their lives follow suit.

Women initiate the self-fulfilling prophecy. They blame men for making society unfriendly for females and they get exactly that. Men accept cheap and easy sex as compensation. It enables Feminism to march on unencumbered by common sense and well-reasoned thought based on both the true nature and integrity of men and women.

Women today choose a man based on the imagined hope their female loving hearts disclose. Foolishly hoping that love conquers all, mostly hers with a smidgen of his, women slip and slide down rather than enable themselves to climb the relationship slope.

It boils down to this. As the character of women goes, so goes the character of men. Consequently, the cure for both womanly and manly ills lies within women. Need I point out that female character grows strong, determined, and more respectable when wrapped confidently in a moral code based on a Supreme Being rather than Man? Or, that females profit much more than men from the good in people and the lack of bad and evil? Or, that Judaism, Christianity, and our Judeo-Christian cultural values persuade people to become better people than whatever goodness already fills their hearts?

The most fundamental primal need of women is for a brighter future. If female destiny lies in the character of men and that lies in the character of women, why do women not promote and perpetuate beneficial relationship values? For example: High quality manliness flows from character. Her love depends on his integrity. Personal responsibility earns marriage, which earns sex. A demonstrated sense of domestic responsibility earns the privilege of fathering children. A brighter future and destiny awaits women that upgrade their expectations.

In writing WhatWomenNeverHear, not enough attention has been paid to character and its role in fulfilling womanly hopes and dreams. Perhaps that which appears above is but a start. I continue to believe and confirm to myself almost every day that women are the dominant value setters and female values are the backbone of the traditional and unique American version of Western civilization.

Modern women need to pay more attention to the character quality of the men they consider Mr. GoodEnough. Their future will brighten by merging female hopes and dreams with a man eligible by virtue of his character to wend his way to a brighter destiny.

1836. Advice to Men? Unwelcome!

During my five years of posting here, women frequently ask me to advise men on how to become better prospects as dates, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and fathers. I’ve always declined, because men resist change:

1. Attempts to change men are seen as rooted in Feminism. Men reject it instinctively.
2. Men don’t listen to men about how to improve themselves. If they don’t know already, men expect to learn all they need to know firsthand and not from a competitor.
3. Modern women forsake their natural ability to change a man when they yield first-sex together. Men have no interest in convincing women otherwise and lack interest in changing themselves to please a woman after they conquer her.
4. In the realm of women initiating change, men change for one reason. It’s to comply with a woman’s pre-conquest expectations. As they figure her out over time, men change both words and actions to facilitate conquest. (Women remain vulnerable. A man’s actions may be temporary or permanent. His words may be sincere or insincere. Only chaste time together—a lengthy courtship for instance —earns her sufficient respect for his heart to accept her refusals and appreciate her promise as a previously chaste mate. Her virgin or near-virgin status signifies that no or very few men out competed him for sex with her, which is more important than her actual chasteness. I recognize that modern men don’t seem wired that way, but it describes the male nature hidden under pop culture values.)
5. Present-day cheap and easy sex appeals to men. They thrive on their own promiscuity but abhor it in women they find worth mating. They don’t want social values and arrangements to change, but they expect to marry a woman as close to virgin status as possible. (Women can hide past promiscuity as described under Virtual Virginity as listed in the CONTENTS page.)
6. Radical feminists demeaned the male character and condemned patriarchy. Under the guise of promoting matriarchy, they initiated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Feminists believe and non-feminists accept the propaganda, and men began and continue to live up to what women expect. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled. Made to feel worthless in the process of females finding happiness through feminist values and pressures, men lost their desire to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. They continue to perceive few incentives to improve their worth except self-worth.
7. Women squawk and act desperate about male shortcomings. Men don’t pay attention, because sex is so cheap and easy. If a woman is hard to live with, men can find another woman eager to provide sex with no cover charge bigger than her hope of his commitment. Men have learned to keep open all escape options. It’s easy too with women so desperate to have dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands.

It does no good for me or anyone else to tell men they have defects and flaws that are unattractive to women. Men don’t change as women want. WADWMUFGAO* Men change in response to what makes them feel good about themselves. Just pleasing women or a woman doesn’t do that. They feel good when they want and do please a woman. Consequently, the more a woman wants to be pleased, the less he will do it. Which of course begs the question: What should she do to perpetuate a man’s desire to please her? Answer: Find gratitude in her, him, life, and everything else because gratefulness breeds happiness and men love to have a happy woman nearby who is deserving and easy to please.

Women can only influence men to change by rejecting feminist thought and gaining a better understanding of the male nature. Then, they can do it one woman and one man at a time. A better understanding of both men and women can be found in the ‘Redux’ series that starts at post 1747. That lengthy series contrasts the sexes as very different and promotes female initiatives that win greater favor with men.

——

*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.

1815. Favored Quotes—Collection 38

1. “Women think that men judge them as other women would do…a high standard, merciless assessing, noting every little flaw and deducting points. … The most minor things are interpreted differently by both genders!” [Wind in the Willows at 1795]
2. “Feminism, instead of liberating women, enslaves us!” [Mrs. Pilgrim at Author page]
3. “One of the reasons IMO men have let themselves go, is that women are not as FEMININE ANYMORE.” [mYstiQue at 1795]
4. “Watch what you think, it becomes what you say. Watch what you say it becomes what you do… etc” [Anne at 1785]
5. “In my field, we have this saying “The exotic becomes erotic.” In other words, if you stand out as different, you end up being more desirable.” [Stacy at 485]
6. “You’re transforming anyway, right?! Don’t talk about what’s going on inside the cocoon. Just emerge the gorgeous butterfly that you can become!” [Anne at 1550]
7. “Expectations are a prime motivator in a healthy relationship, or deadly in a bad one.” [Guy Jr. at 1778]
8. “I have only been doing it for one day, but a rubber band to the wrist and frequent snaps to remind myself to be sweeter, more feminine, patient, kind, mysterious, continuously smiling has made a world of difference!” [Lady Kaikou at 628]
9. “I AM a better person for choosing to love him, and for submitting to the idea of a great marriage over feeling romanced on a regular basis.” [Ramona at 1461]
10. “On the importance of choosing to think differently–a friend I respect often quotes,

 ‘Watch your thoughts; they become words.

 Watch your words; they become actions.

 Watch your actions; they become habits.

 Watch your habits; they become character.

 Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.’

 Be Blessed!” [Tania at 1784]

1814. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 77

1. Women have many ways they determine when a man is old. Men admit old age only when they can’t take yes for an answer.
2. Women need to be viewed as important, so they seek to satisfy the need of others. Men need to be admired, so they seek to satisfy themselves.
3. God provides females with self-love, but there’s a catch. He also infuses their nature with responsibility to spread His love for everyone’s right to life. Women who let life weaken their self-love lose interest in the sanctity of life.
4. Not a quote but the thought comes from Dennis Prager: You will be happier earning $30,000 than being given $60,000. If your child at age 13 knows and believes it to be true, he or she will skate through life with happiness coming much easier.
5. Happiness must be earned in the process of living; it can neither be given nor held up as an achievement.
6. That parent parents best who nurtures children very well during the ‘weans’ before first grade, leads children with admiration in the tweens before puberty, and coaches them in the teens. Why? Because God, Nature, and hormones convince children that they deserve respect as a person in the ‘weans’, respect as boy or girl in the tweens, and respect as an adult in the teens. Every diminishment of respect weakens parental effectiveness and children’s appreciation of parents, and the later in life the worse the effect.
7. If wives hold themselves up as paragons of responsibility, effectiveness, intelligence, enlightenment, rightness, and heroic domestic endeavors, the competitive spirit drives husbands to be different. They take the easier way and work less hard and less diligently on behalf of others. As wives then see them, husbands are less responsible and weaker instead of better and stronger. Consequently, wives and children don’t benefit from womanly claims of superiority. It’s not the actuality either, which can easily be real when women follow their nature; it’s just the consequence of the claim on the male mind. Men strive to ‘rescue’ women and avoid or refuse to compete with them.