Category Archives: feminine

2057. Submissive #11 — Recovery Made Easy


Female indirectness and nudging has this inherently beautiful feature. Mistakes are the most minor, least offensive possible and therefore more easily recoverable. Trial and error feeling out a man’s preferences doesn’t cause terminal mistakes. Thus, feminine leadership by indirectness takes on the flavor of ‘it pleases me to please you’.

34. Despite what women are taught or presume, a submissive spirit tightens her relationship, strengthens her influence, and success calms her feminine ego. All three results favorably impact her primal need for a brighter future. [Guy adds: IOW she’s the main relationship driver unless she refuses or rejects gaining the most persuasive role for herself, which should commence with first date. It’s one of the greatest challenges for pre-conquest dating and courtship. Getting her man to conclude that beneath her hard-headed defense of her sexual assets lies a submissive spirit eager to arise and support him if they ever marry.]

35. Submission is what men call obedience they think they deserve in exchange for yielding independence and assuming responsibility to provide and protect. Her submissive spirit directly demonstrates support and indirectly shows gratitude for husband. [Guy adds: IOW, men think they deserve their woman’s submission more for what men do than who they are. When doubted or questioned, however, they fall back on entitlement. Also, the results that she produces out of her submissive spirit make up half of his payday for husbanding and fathering. The other half comes from his appreciation of what comes out of her mouth. The half-half ratio is subject to great variance as to time, place, and a couple’s relationship.]

36. He can best see things her way after her submissive spirit acknowledges his decision-making predominance. In that way, she dampens his dominance and makes him vulnerable to her female patience, feminine charm, and wifely indirectness. [Guy adds: With him vulnerable, wife can nudge adjustments to his decisions both proactively and reactively. When he responds agreeably to her nudging, she’s doing everything right to maximize her influence.]

37. He is primarily the provider-protector and focused on the here and now. He sees success as short term results—good job, income, home life. He knows who he is and where he is going. It is axiomatic that certain family domains are his responsibility and others are not. He concerns himself primarily with pushing that agenda where he expects to have undisputed authority. [Guy adds: All of that until, that is, she tames him into a lesser and usually more agreeable if not likeable autocrat. Which is an achievement made possible through the artistry of feminine nudging and indirect leadership.]

38. If she can’t submit, if she fights the idea, he will not commit—perhaps in words but not in his heart, that is. It doesn’t mean forever. He may commit later if he continues to perceives promise that she will ultimately buy into his expectations. [Guy adds: Before conquest, a guy likely will not expect her submission. He expects ardent defense of her sexual assets. She does wrong to convince him that she’s willing to be submissive before they marry. It programs his mind that she’s a pushover and urges him to try harder to overcome her hard-headed defense against conquest. It’s the idealized view, but she does best that enables her man to conclude that he buys her submission before marriage. She doesn’t give it away; he has to earn it.]

This series closes tomorrow with article #12.

 

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2056. Submissive #10 — Nudging: Her Best Tool


I continue with submissive situations that make women more aware of what’s happening between the sexes. ‘Nudge’ means hint, planted seed, wordless suggestion, nod of conviction, and seemingly non-judgmental passing of a thought one spouse to the other.

29. It’s her nature in action. Seeking success in her nesting and family development, wife assumes whatever role she can and works from there. Where she can get her way without disturbing husband, she does. Where he resists her domestic hubris, she plays around it. For the most part, she anticipates well and plans to keep brightening their future together. [Guy adds: As natural as night and day, she uses her submissive spirit to subdue his primal urge to dominate. She does it and he reacts favorably. If not, she recovers and continues to smoothly and delicately reach for harmony in their relationship. Harmony begins when he starts humming her tune.]

30. It suggests a subordinate role, so women hate the term submission. When she argues the subject, however, it’s an offense that drives husband toward “We’ll see about that.” [Guy adds: Nevertheless, it’s very natural that it appear unequal on the surface. It exemplifies the notion that fairness rather than equality governs human relations both better and best. How can that be? If wife strives for equality, she lights the Olympic flame of competition and the games never end. However, she’s designed and prepared by her nature to live a winning life within a domestic structure of apparent inequality but actual fairness that she can generate mostly by herself.]

31. Submissiveness implies spirited support of husband’s role as half of the team that wife has put together. ‘Submission’ is just what men call it. The wise and skillful wife morphs all disagreements toward cooperative resolution. [Guy adds: Nothing works better than a little nudge here, a little nudge there and determining just what nudges will help promote her agenda tomorrow. As she plans nudges, her natural female patience expands within her heart. It’s amazing how feminine patience breeds more of itself. The greater her patience, the better her nudges produce the results she seeks. You’ve heard it many times on this blog, wife can’t change her husband as she plans or intends. That’s still true. But nudges are not the same. She isn’t trying to change him; she’s just fulfilling her agenda. Fulfilling her responsibility to generate eternal love to replace the romantic love that fades after a year or two. Nudges help bond him with her agenda.]

32. The wise wife anticipates decision time, lays groundwork to inject her interest in support of their agenda, and almost silently makes mutual their interests before decision time arrives. It only comes from a spirit of submissiveness that makes unnecessary her husband’s need to defend his dominant role. Wife has mastered the art when her skillful nudges keep them in cooperative rather than competitive roles. [Guy adds: Moreover, when she uses her talent and skill to gently get her way, she lacks both time and reason to fault him. As she ever-nudges successfully, she magnifies her worth in both her heart and his. How does she determine success? If he objects to her nudges, she isn’t nudging right or she’s judging, blaming, and implying to herself that he’s inadequate for her and calling it nudging.]

33. Wives misplay their hand when they take submission literally to mean bowing under, strict obedience, or fawning acceptance of husband’s authority. It is playing the man’s game, which she can’t win because she loses his respect or never gains more. [Guy adds: When she hears that women should submit as men and pastors claim it, she should giggle inside. She’s in control. If she hears it from husband, however, the giggle should fade into concluding that she’s doing something wrong. She needs better nudging, fewer recoveries, and more admiration of who he is in his world and what he does to her world.]

More coming soon about a wife’s eternal battle with her man’s expectations.

 

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2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story


 As with so many things, the sexes differ dramatically about romance. As with affection, they have social contradictions that I tag with medical terms. She has romance deficit disorder. He has romance delivery disorder. Her story today, his tomorrow.

Women are born to be romanced. It confirms their self-importance, stimulates the satisfying disclosure of feelings for one another, generates self-gratitude, and provides conviction (without insurance) they are on the way to happiness. Romance is women’s payday for living graciously important lives, and they expect to be paid frequently according to the depth of a relationship.

Romance means exclusive attention, sweet compliments, whispered affections, expressions of devotion, reminders of her importance, confirmation of her worth, affirmation that her prettiness registers as beauty with someone, and actions that specifically confirm and don’t contradict the foregoing. Women can imagine a gazillion ways that men can convey and demonstrate such ‘simple’ things.

The opposite of men, her imagination stirs her curiosity. Her imagination can and often runs wild about a new guy of interest. Curious about why he doesn’t respond to her romance expectations, she finds no fault with herself. Instead, she easily blames him as inadequate romancer and in need of improvement.

Women take personally a man’s lack of romancing her. Consequently, they blame men as inadequate, which transmutes in practice as lack of respect of men, which weakens women’s influence, which makes men less interested in paying women for living graciously important lives.

On two counts, his lack and her curiosity, blame outweighs lack of romance as the culprit in modern day relationships. Women can live with lack of romance better than lack of a man. Lack of romance dulls her side of a relationship. Blame, however ruins his side. Blame spurs her into finger pointing mode; which spurs her to take to her mouth; which offends him; which generates resentment, resistance, and often retaliation; and which far too easily pushes him into departure mode.

I advise women to drop the blame game, period. It is always anti-female to finger men as faulty. Not that they aren’t, just that they don’t take kindly to women doing it and especially their mate. It inevitably works against her because her blame-based best intentions have negative influence.

Women can and should develop their own training techniques. She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter, becomes vital in dating, and fully develops in courtship. By the time they become engaged, his habit should be well established to participate with her more closely, more affectionately, and more intimately. Effectiveness training her man determines the frequency and worth of her future paydays.

This question will arise so I shall answer ahead of it. How do you train a man to be a romancer? 1) Follow your heart, female instinct, and feminine intuition. Follow not what you think you’re owed, due, or need. Follow not what others tell you to expect in response to your initiatives. Follow not what your girlfriends do. Follow not what you wish for. Do what makes you feel more like a woman when you do something with him or yourself. If you hurt, wait for his solace. If you’re happy, don’t over play it. If he gets uncomfortable with you, let him dig himself out of the hole. Keep your self-interest as first priority; he has to catch and capture you. Reverse that last sentence and automatically poison your female nature for guiding you.

2) Require him to earn your affection, love, and worth as potential mate. Make him the seller and you the buyer in everything. If he does it with words, it doesn’t program his heart to favor you. If he does it with actions, you gain the maximum benefit of his heart programmed to your favor.

3) Gently and smoothly invite cuddling when just sitting around. Don’t push on him for anything. He must be lured. Let him get familiar with how easy you are to please when close together. Don’t tell him but gently and slowly encourage him to realize how important physical closeness is to you. He doesn’t need it; he has to learn to like it in his own heart, patiently slipped in by you. Don’t whisper sweet things to him expecting him to do the same; he won’t. You should hint and plant seeds that sweet words inspire you to greater things as date, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You can be especially effective while cuddled if you talk and act more as you did when he married you. He doesn’t want to talk or hear about the wedding; he wants to hear and see you duplicate yourself as his fiancé.

4) Regularly and frequently use a phrase I coined twisted to fit whatever the situation: Men are never more handsome than when they please their girlfriends/fiancees/wives with (as appropriate) sweet talk, whispers of devotion, violets, hand-picked wild flowers, cuddling up for TV, surprises, unexpected date night, date night just concluded, little gifts, unexpected thoughtfulness, waltzing her around the kitchen, singing to her, holding a pleasured smile in front of her face. Use it at every opportunity for even the slightest things that touch on romance.*

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “men are never more handsome” programs both hearts with appreciation of the other. It sweeps up many romantic ingredients into daily habits at whatever stage of relationship development.

Women know what they want and expect as romance from a man. They don’t, however, know how to get the quality or quantity they expect. Men don’t know much about what romance means to women. Even worse, they can’t figure out how to deliver whatever it is that women expect. It may become understandable with tomorrow’s post about his side of the story.

——

*The phrase works best when kept in third person, i.e., using ‘men are’ and ‘wives’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘wife’ or ‘me’.) As written it’s a compliment. As ‘you’ and ‘me’ it’s sucking up which earns suspicion rather than appreciation.

Also, until he becomes a more romantic guy, I suggest these not be used with the ‘men are never’ phrase: helping with the dishes, opening car doors, washing her car, taking out the trash, setting the table, planning for visitors. Unless, of course, she feels those things are part of romancing her.

 

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2038. Female Blessings at Birth — 55-57


This is the 19th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. After publishing 54 blessings, the stats look like this:

  • Of 282 opinions cast on the first 54 blessings, 22 or 8% were false/questionable.
  • Only 15 blessings received false/questionable opinions. They received one or two but the “I am a great kisser” received the most — 4.

Of course there’s nothing scientific about the survey but then again, there’s nothing scientific about the blessings either. They mean nothing except theory except as women learn to use them to find gratitude within themselves—and perhaps reshape their lives contrary to the male-dominated pop culture and feminist-based values and outcomes that so demean women and deny children two-parent upbringing.

55. I believe that I can and will choose a superior mate—not superior of me but of others. After we marry, I can love him into changing whatever faults I discover I can’t live with. I don’t have faults but what my love will compensate. [Guy adds: Women are born with those almost contradictory beliefs. His faults she can’t see before the altar become visible soon after, which sets up the marital battleground that breeds competition and discourages her cooperative spirit. She has two battleground options but only one works to sustain the marriage. 1) Use indirect techniques, have patience, and allow time and his desire to please her which can enable and encourage him to morph from Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right probably over the course of many years. 2) Set out purposely to change him soon for whatever reason and for whatever result.]

56. I determine my life and resolve my own problems, but sometimes I need help or advice. I don’t like it but when I accept blame for my own mistakes, I learn from the angst. It makes me more independent and considerate enough that I accept blame rather than impose it or let others assume it. [Guy adds: Your self-importance, self-worth, and self-image soar or nearly soar when you sacrifice yourself to lift blame from others, does it not?]

57. I can reward myself at the mirror in numerous ways such that when away I don’t crave as much attention as when I am not looking good. In other words, the better I feel about my appearance, the less confirmation I want, seek, or need. [Guy adds: The mirror and chatting with your best-friend image refills your heart with gratefulness for you, or you’re not doing it right.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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2036. Female Blessings at Birth — 52-54


This is the 18th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

52. Since a little girl I’ve known that I expect peace and harmony in my life but not how to produce it. Later in childhood my expectations grew into dreams of how to produce it by spreading my love to a mate and children. Adult maturity tells me—but I don’t always listen—that spreading my love requires dedication to specific things and diligence to make them standard or normal. For example, produce peace and harmony without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing self or others, and blend the contradictions as if everybody is sometimes wrong but never bad. [Guy explains: Although you knew the root of it in early childhood, you didn’t realize the details until you gained relationship experience. IOW, your generating peace and harmony has been a natural endeavor from childhood onward. Think about it ladies. How early, much, and many times have you been confronted with the urge to find peace and harmony in whatever happens in your life? And what did you do but work toward it? Peace and harmony is a paramount female dream with roots in the womb, or so I believe. I italicized the how-to details that you may not yet realize are strong abilities also buried within the female nature and usable to facilitate peace and harmony. Let me know if you disagree those italicized abilities reside in your heart. If you agree, shouldn’t you grateful that you have such a blessing? Such a boodle bag of delicate skills to generate peace and harmony?]

53. I appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or my will power comes when I forgive myself. [Guy adds: See how easy it is for toddler girls to forgive themselves? But guilt interferes later. Women don’t think they deserve to be forgiven for mistakes, shortcomings, or less-than-commendable attributes. They are so used to imposing, accepting, and living with guilt that they fail to consider reality, common sense, and their unique nature. God forgives everything, to ask penitently makes you deserving. So, how does a woman forgive herself? She confesses to herself penitently and her sincerity makes her deserving. Being in a relationship with herself in front of a mirror, she can’t fake sincerity there. While a bit of guilt may linger, it needn’t be incapacitating in the least if she sincerely forgives herself and believes that recovery is everything.]

54. I am so grateful that I get to choose my man my way. I will know him when I see him or very soon thereafter. [Guy says: In girlhood you dream so much about Mr. Right that every candidate appears fully qualified and you’re ever ready to sweep him off his feet. You set aside heart-felt caution as soon as you declare him Mr. Right. Your mind, however, says ‘heads up, you’re headed for trouble’. Your heart responds with ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I’m going to shoot the works, go all in. Your mind agrees and says ‘I can earn his love’. Oops, your emotional reasoning just hit a major snag; you turned yourself from buyer into seller. You try to make yourself worthy of him rather than the reverse. It may work for a year or so if romantic love captures you both but not permanently. When you act eager to capture him, you don’t earn his respect. Too eager and he learns to disrespect you. So, how do you sweep him off his feet after your eagerness and buyer’s spirit convince him—even before conquest—that you only qualify as possible booty? A stand-in for acceptance, a stand-by for sex means his feet stay anchored to the ground. It also means he quits looking for your qualities that he can admire as virtuous. Internal confusion causes your mistakes. Women misread their heart, which doesn’t tell them to sweep a guy off his feet. In fact, it’s the opposite. Instinctively, her heart says, ‘If he wants me he has to earn me’.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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2034. Female Blessings at Birth — 49-51


This is the 17th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

I correct a mistake today. I previously have written that women can forgive AND forget and am researching over a million words to find and correct it.* In the meantime, not to worry. Number 49 below is correct and complete enough to describe the blessing that women inherit at birth.

49. I can forgive someone but I can’t forget it—only God is that good. [Guy adds: Women are born better than men at politics, defined as the art of the possible. Men are born better at the use of power, defined as getting things done a certain way. Forgiveness without forgetting helps women to manage relationships. Forgiveness plus forgetting helps men to produce more. Forgiven people produce more diligently when they believe their mistakes and offenses have been forgotten, that recovery is everything in the eyes of those who can forgive. In the political arena, however, men forgo their nature; they forgive but don’t forget. It’s a habit made necessary by their need to influence others politically, aka producing what is possible as relationship managers outside the marital arena.]

50. I appreciate myself when I use my instinct and intuition to be kind and tender hearted. [Guy adds: Women are born to be good. Their kind and tender heartedness enables them to do good and thereby become good. Men are born capable of doing good but lack the natural incentive until females teach them to be good and hold them to higher standards of goodness than come naturally to men.)

51. I am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I. [Guy adds: Men are much less capable than women of comforting others. Women know instinctively what to do without fear of it being wrong; men lack such instinct and their intuition says they may very well screw up, which to men is worse than doing nothing. In the arena of comforting others, a woman’s risk-taking far outshines a man’s.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

*If you accidentally come across in blog articles or comments where I claim that women can forgive AND forget, please let me know. I think it appears more than one place too. You’ll save me an immense amount of research.

 

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2033. Female Blessings at Birth — 46-48


I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 16th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add comment with each blessing, perhaps I could be wrong in your eyes. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance, the superior sex vs. the dominant one.

These are the blessings for your consideration today.

46. I am honest in all affairs of the heart, but I reserve the right to know when and with whom to disclose my feelings. I am suspicious of anyone who pushes on me to disclose the details of what resides there. [Guy adds: The popular practice of ‘full disclosure’ within couples torpedoes the best interest of women by playing to the man’s game. The more he know about her, the more easily he plays to her weaknesses to facilitate conquest and subsequent control of their sexual agenda. Of course a few men are not like that, but she will be an old lady before she can without fail discern the difference. However, she does learn from experience and can spot the threat more easily in her daughters’ boyfriends.]

47. I have so many blessings in my life for which I am grateful. [Guy adds: Women are born capable of being happy but they have to earn it by keeping their heart filled with gratitude. To look for happiness in other ways is to miss it at best or find the onramp to misery at least. That’s why women who can’t be grateful for their work effort and job outside the home should look elsewhere—with or without their job—for things and people with whom they can find more gratitude. Purposely find ways to express her gratefulness among others and it will return her to happier days.]

48. I think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else. [Guy adds: The mothering instinct is a superbly reinforced-by-childbirth extension of a woman’s interest in caring about and for others. However, low self-esteem weakens her concern about others. It leaves her with self-serving convictions that she does or should come first among others, which reduces her concern and caring for and about others. She isn’t born with low self-esteem; it’s hardwired by caregivers in infancy.]

Example for your response: “48-F” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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