Category Archives: feminine

1736. Affection for Her vs. Sex for Him

Wife may not like sex, it may hurt, or husband’s habits may offend. He’s convinced that his sexual ability makes him admirable if not adorable. It doesn’t take much to convince him that she thinks him inadequate in bed. Or, he may find her inadequate. If him, he’s urged to prove otherwise to himself. If her, he invites himself to find sexual pleasure with someone else. (Vows and character play no part here, because I’m explaining the male nature.)

The spectrum of results in the bedroom has two extremes. Ideal that tends to keep spouses from wandering, or so dissatisfying that it makes them think of little else. Couples innocently and  easily wade into the latter extreme, so I describe a way to move from somewhere on the spectrum toward the ideal.

Much different from women, displaying his affection for someone is not a natural element in a man’s makeup. It’s learned and displayed for specific reasons. Moreover, it isn’t essential for his sexual activity. So, disregarding sleep for this point, in the bedroom men think of affection second—if at all. Women think of sex second—if at all.

A man shows his affection to his woman because he understands she craves it, he wants to please her, or both; although conditional with him, she expects it naturally. A man’s prime motivator is need for self-admiration. Little or no satisfaction comes from showing affection, but self-admiration blasts off during foreplay and reaches orbital speed during intercourse.

Much different from men, a woman loves a man because it makes her feel self-important. She shows him affection, because it expresses her love, or she hopes to stimulate affectionate responses from him. A woman’s prime motivator is the need for self-importance. It doesn’t accumulate from sex, but it skyrockets from intimacy and cherishment after intercourse, aka afterplay.

He goes to the bedroom expecting sleep or sex, both of which confirm his self-admiration. She goes there expecting to confirm her self-importance, whether through affection, sex, snuggling, or sleep. Merging and morphing those differences into compatibility is the crowning achievement of married life.

It begs the question: How?

In the bedroom, wife indirectly stresses her admiration for who and what he is to her as a wife fulfilled in bed, as a woman dependent on his sexual smoothness, and as a person completed by his understanding of what she needs from her man. She acts fortunate to have him in bed as intimate partner. Her modesty and desire to remain mysterious prevents talking about sexual activity directly. Actually, bed is the place to minimize words and let him translate her endearments into admiration of him. She doesn’t mention his sexual habits, prowess, or performance. She lets her physical responses send messages that confirm his sense of self-admiration. He excites and satisfies her as the woman she is, but she downplays the intercourse phase of it. She claims that he tickles her fancy in bed. She adores his foreplay. She admires his tenderness in afterplay. But intercourse is his time to rise and shine, and she just makes the most of it.

If she sincerely enjoys intercourse, she downplays it to him. Her orgasm satisfies but multiples skyrocket his self-admiration. If she plays it up beyond orgasmic benefits, she waters down the effects she needs to emphasize with foreplay and afterplay.

I credit a pretty woman named Anne for this super-wise thought. If wife has any complaints about his lovemaking, keep silent until six months have passed. Time not only heals, but husband has six months to figure out what he should do better. When men—without being told—figure out what they should do, they do it.

Even though I’ve tried to describe how a wife can parlay bedtime into the ideal that prevents wandering, only the couple involved can figure out what works for them, what generates their treasure trove of marital delight. I wish good luck and God’s blessings to every couple.


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1734. “Relationship Management”—It Doesn’t Work

I base the following on the nature of men and women without considering values, beliefs, and expectations that make the relationship game strictly personal.

Women sense a need for relationship management— of getting their husband directly involved—when their sense of importance slips or the sense they are loved fades. Wives have bought into the concept even though indirectness works much better for getting what women want out of men.

First, women expect men to directly help restore relationship harmony, but men can’t do it. They’re simply unable; they lack the skills, willingness, or both. Additionally, facing his wife with management on her mind, a husband senses that she expects him to change, which emboldens his natural resistance to let anyone change him. He’s his own man and not about to change, so she can forget expecting anything different out of him.

Second, wives expect to find and develop some kind of new or different behaviors to which each spouse will mutually agree. However, that expectation takes the woman’s mind off the only thing that works to restore harmony. Or, perhaps she just forgets it.

Relationship harmony arises out of a wife’s self-love and strong sense of self-importance. It’s a closed loop that works this way. Self-love gives her the ability to love. Her sense of self-importance energizes her to seek confirmation, so she makes herself important to husband and expects his love in return. Husband shows love for her, which both confirms and reinforces her self-importance, which then confirms and reinforces her self-love. Lose her importance and she’s loved less. Become more important and she’s loved more.

The road to wife being loved more to her liking begins with self-love. Daily enhancement of her prettiness (as suggested in daily article 1440) enhances self-love immensely. Strong satisfaction with her sense of self-love also improves her self-importance and vice versa.

In the final analysis, the more a woman loves, the more important she becomes to others and more likely she will be loved. Thus, wife’s ability and willingness to make herself important to her husband—governed by social and moral propriety to discourage masculine excesses—is her greatest strength. When she uses it, ‘relationship management’ doesn’t come to mind as potential solution to her problem, the inclination to blame husband fades away, and she more easily promotes harmony in the home.

(NOTE: Modern unmarried women feel that sexual availability makes them important for more than sex. After many years, they eventually learn that unmarried sex provides neither and even takes away much of both self-love and self-importance.)


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1733. Transform the Masculine Heart

The females’ ‘jewels’ at post 59 inspired Her Highness Denise to ask that I “write more about the real ability of feminine virtue to transform the masculine heart.” Keeping her man requires that she outshine other women in his eyes. She has a huge repertoire of female strengths from which to make herself unique. Each strength earns another bit of a man’s respect, and a man’s love is based on respect for the female gender and one or more women in particular. So, I list again the precious jewels that shine easily from the female nature, if a woman but uses them to embellish her uniqueness:

♥ Physical attractiveness admirably enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.

♥ Sexual attractiveness hidden behind modesty that makes her uniquely feminine and men unwelcome.

♥ Gentleness provided out of patience.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves.

♥ Gratefulness for all that her man does for her.

♥ Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happiness that she spreads infectiously.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.

♥ Chasteness promised to him alone by modest display of breast and legs.

♥ Generousness that drives selfishness out of their lives.

♥ Delightfulness that makes him smile.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example for everyone.

♥ Neatness that inspires others.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.

♥ Happiness that shines when she’s with him.

♥ Respectfulness for his role in her life.

Men admire those ‘jewels’, what men admire they see as virtue, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Consequently, the more and better the jewels shine outwardly from a woman, the more virtuous she appears to a man. Her virtues keep her disengaged from competing with him. Also, they flatter him, tame his uncivilized side, and brighten a couple’s home. In effect, as Denise expresses it, each woman’s virtues have the ability to “transform the masculine heart” of someone.

Those virtues are every woman’s strengths, but many women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically propagandized to use them reliably and to the fullest. NOTE: Of course her man may not be worth such effort, but it’s her jewels that ultimately turn him first toward and then into Mr. Right. It’s her behavior that makes him good, bad, indifferent, inadequate, or whatever, provided she didn’t mate up with a hopeless case to begin with.


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1729. Age Gracefully, Not Youthfully

Her Highness Sarah at post 1332 described an acquaintance. “I know an empty-nester who is so frustrated with her weight, hair, and wardrobe that she lacks energy and motivation to get up and get dressed. It’s sad, and I do think she’s grieving the fact that she has aged. She doesn’t want to stop wearing young women’s clothes and haircuts, but she knows they aren’t working for her.”

The art of aging gracefully is the art of living a life of womanly importance. Re the unmotivated lady described above, her marital status is unknown but:

  • To appeal to men, attempts to restore long gone youthfulness signify phoniness or desperation or both. Except for short-fling sex, both discourage the masculine nature. (Men don’t know how to rescue her, so her value is diminished.)
  • To be more attractive as a single woman, she must fulfill her need for self-importance. She must first prove herself important to herself by making herself important to others. It appears the lady in the spotlight has abdicated her throne of marital attractiveness.
  • To be more important as a wife, she needs to take action soon, or unintended consequences will sweep through her life. Not important to herself means she is probably reducing her worth to her husband. When that happens, his respect shrinks, belief in her promise for him weakens, and his love for her slides toward indifference. It all follows as her sense of self-importance deteriorates further.
  • To escape her depression, she needs to turn this statement into reality: Action cures fear, regret, guilt, and depression, so just get started. (And what action, you ask? Anything that gets her up, prettified, and energized to go somewhere or do something. Anything that makes her mingle with others and minimize her self-centeredness overly enlarged by craving to restore her youth. If she’s already doing all those things, then do more. Women can live with guilt, but they must control things in their lives to avoid or escape depression.)
  • To seem younger, she should restore youthfulness to her heart and let her appearance please the sense of her own prettiness. When she learns to make herself pretty to satisfy no one but herself, she will find it’s a suitable substitute for the youthfulness she craves. (A good way to start is ‘pretty time’ performed each day according to article 1440 and the other posts mentioned there.)
  • To find a husband, she should provide what men her age seek in a wife. That is, attractive, pleasant, modest, likeable, uniquely feminine, more willing to listen than chatter, independent but looking to serve, and above all, enable him to see promise in her for brightening his life.
  • To avoid Mr. Wrong let her consider this. When a man looks only for a woman much younger than he is, he also plans to make her into his idea of the perfect wife (and vice versa). She can expect little freedom for her own interests, because he’s looking for her to do nothing but satisfy him his way (and vice versa). It’s aka adolescent-mindedness.
  • To show herself how gracefulness can beat youthfulness, let her adopt virtual virginity as the strategy for capturing a man and modesty, patience, likeability, and promise for holding him.
  • To be attractive to man or husband, she should emphasize the promise that her prettiness will last a long time. Preserve what she has more than fruitlessly trying to restore what’s past. (Much of what women know about men is wrong. For example, women make too much of sex and youth as important to men. To men, conquering younger women hails their sexual prowess among fellow competitors, but the women don’t benefit much. Once a woman is conquered, however, the importance of sex and her youth fade along with romantic love that fades in a year or two. However, adolescent-minded husbands value a much younger wife primarily to continually show her off.)
  • To appear youthful, she need only match her grooming and styling with her age, until she marries and her husband expects something different to crown his wise decision of choosing her from all the rest.

Aging gracefully comes easily to those that live and give, those that continually pump up their sense of self-importance, those that allow their feminine nature to guide them later in life.


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1721. Gratitude, Loveable, and Womanly Fulfillment

I dedicate this post to Tina Martlage. Teasing pretty women makes them prettier. While funning with her, she inspired me to see the links between gratefulness, happiness, likeability, and loveable.

Complete fulfillment as a woman comes from these four imperatives: I am loved. I am pretty. I am married. I am mother. You can’t just achieve those roles and be happy. For each persona, one ingredient is essential. Your sense of fulfillment depends on evidence that you are important and thus deserving in those roles. In fact, you can become as womanly fulfilled as you can fill mind and heart with that special ingredient.

Here today, I focus on ‘I am loved’.

It’s essential that a female be loved. From girlhood, she craves it. Hopefully, a father and later a man love her. Either can satisfy the craving that drives some women to give birth in order to just receive love from someone. (Being inadequately loved is the predominant but unrecognized reason that single girls end up having babies.)

To be loved, a woman must be loveable and three ways exist to get there. 1) She becomes loveable through genetics and good fortune. 2) She intuitively develops a personal style of winning the favor of others. 3) She personifies a lifestyle that makes her loveable. I shall describe the last.

Being loveable is the sum of your likeability plus the respect shown you as a child or earned as an adult. It all depends on what has gone before in life, and one trait makes all the difference. Without it, being loveable doesn’t happen. With it, you can become ever more loveable and thus much more likely to find someone else to love you.

(Before we get to that essential trait, something else must first fill your heart, or you’re doomed to wasting energy. You’re pretty, and it requires daily confirmation such as described in articles 1440, 1441, and others mentioned therein. Confirmation of prettiness fertilizes all efforts to become happier, more loveable, and anything else you wish to achieve in life.)

More gratefulness is the essential trait to becoming more loveable. That is, appreciating and spreading thankfulness for things, events, and people that impact your life. However, being loveable doesn’t come from the gratefulness you suddenly feel, for example at meeting a potential Mr. Right. It comes from gratefulness embedded as habit in your personality and lifestyle.

The points that follow may read but aren’t intended as instructional or procedural. They aren’t rules but describe interactions within Self and with others that spawn reasonably predictable reactions.

I try to simplify without losing clarity, but some remain difficult to understand. You have to figure out how to find more gratefulness in your life in order to become more loveable. (If you’re already totally loveable, you’re probably fooling yourself. You probably also think that sexual relations holds a man.) Anyway, here’s how interactions generate loveable out of gratitude.

  1. The more gratefulness you find and show for the features and creatures in your life, and the more grateful you are about them, then the more you please yourself.
  2. The more you please yourself by finding more reasons to be grateful, the happier you become.*
  3. As you become happier, your self-respect grows accordingly and so should your gratitude for enhancing your self-image. That is, you’re grateful for improving the picture you have of yourself and how you fit in your world.
  4. The more you respect yourself, the more you can respect others, which should make you especially grateful that you have an enhanced ability to make others feel good.
  5. The more respect you show to others, the more respect you earn from them. Trust is the most endearing form, and so endless opportunities are available.
  6. You earn respect by first giving it. If showing respect doesn’t make you feel grateful for having such discretionary power, your heart has hardened beyond that of a very loveable woman.
  7. If you’re grateful for the respect that others show you, it reinforces your self-respect and provides more opportunities to be grateful for who you are and what you do.
  8. The more self-respect you demonstrate, often reflected in a grateful or happier attitude, the more men admire you. You should feel especially grateful. What men admire, they see as virtue. Virtue makes you likeable, admiration earns respect, and those ingredients make you loveable. (Watch it. Don’t go too far. Be grateful for everything but that you’re loveable, because it makes you think you’ve ‘arrived’. It’s too much self-centeredness, and it takes you away from sustaining the true ingredients of loveable, namely your likeability and respect you’ve earned.)
  9. The more men admire you, the more virtuous you appear and respectable you become. You can double down on gratefulness for who you are, namely virtuous and respectable from the same sources.
  10. The more virtuous and respectable you are to both yourself and others, the more respected and likeable you become. If you’re likeable to others, you’ve been likeable to yourself for a long time. Also, count and credit yourself for those blessings.
  11. The more respected and likeable you are, the more loveable you become—at least to men, because the foundation of masculine love is respect for women generally and one individually.
  12. You can use this cardinal rule to keep you focused. For every negative impact on your life, and eventually every negative thought that enters your mind, you immediately overwrite it with some thing, thought, or outcome about which you can be grateful. Negative thoughts and loveable are opposites. Negatives stomp on loveable. Loveable smothers negatives. The wise gal learns how to turn negatives into positives, aka gratefulness.

Summarized, gratitude begets happiness, which begets self-respect, which begets respect and likeability, which begets a loveable woman. Endless amounts of gratitude weave it into the ‘I am loved’ fabric so eagerly sought by women.

The toughest task is learning to recognize the signs of respect, respectable, gratitude, likeability, loveable, and manly admiration and how they impact your life. It ain’t easy and takes time, but relationship experts can figure it out for themselves. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize women with whatever skills and talents they need to chase their hopes and dreams.

The way to become more loveable starts with finding gratitude in who you are and what you do when relating with others. You can then learn and practice the causes and effects numbered above to make yourself more grateful. Ultimate success depends on how you turn those points into habitual thinking.

CAUTION: Teach yourself to become more loveable without taking undue advantage of others. If you do, they more easily become friendly, think you more respectable or likeable if not loveable, and may even help you find and deploy your gratefulness among others.

CAUTION: I suggest you don’t tell girlfriends or anyone else about embellishing your life with more gratitude. Make the process habitual but private; a more loveable self is amplified by mystery and girlfriends tend to claim good intentions that often kill mystery.

It’s been tough to present tough concepts clearly. I invite each of you to question any aspect. Perhaps by answering your questions, I can make the whole picture more easily grasped and used.

*Dennis Prager says we each have a moral obligation to be happy; we owe fellow humans not to mar their day with our sourness or bitterness. I agree and add this: We owe it to ourselves to be happy, so we can be grateful for honoring moral obligations that earn the respect of others and, hopefully for women, the admiration of men.


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1707. Dating and Remaining Chaste

At post 146 Her Highness Kathy asked two questions. I respond to one today and the other tomorrow at 1708.

“Where are these guys you can date and be chaste with while dating?” Such guys are everywhere. Remaining chaste while dating is a woman’s choice. Getting a man to return for chaste dates is a function of what she does on dates, and specifically what he interprets as promise in her to meet his future needs, wants, companionship, and enjoyment. If he sees only sex as the promise she holds for him, he will depart sooner or later. Good riddance before she wastes time with another Mr. NotGoodEnough.

While remaining chaste, if she becomes a significant promise for him FOR OTHER THAN SEX, he comes back for dates, maybe courtship, and perhaps marriage. To encourage his laying aside sexual aspirations, she has to outwit him. I suggest that she be logical, rational, and up front, blunt, and candid about marriage. Post 1702 is the starting point for learning how to beat men at their sex-first game. See the CONTENTS page at blog top for other articles that supplement her interest.

Tomorrow’s post 1708 responds to your question about being called a prude and old fashioned.


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1690. Friendly Reminders — #43

  • If a female doesn’t regularly groom and dress to be among the most attractive, she reveals a lack of interest in pleasing the dominant gender. It registers with a man that she likely can’t or won’t respect his leadership, which means she doesn’t care that much about being the kind of woman with whom he seeks to mate or wife he seeks to keep. Sex is okay, though.
  • Feminine is whatever females have, do, and use that is unique to their sex and nature. To the extent they copy masculine thoughts, actions, and attitudes, femininity diminishes.
  • Females are basically pretty even before they primp and groom to make themselves prettier for themselves. After they improve on their appearance, men more easily admire them for making the most of what they have. What men admire, they consider a virtue.
  • A female’s instinctiveness and intuition enable her to turn prettiness into prettier. The more feminine she is, the prettier at heart and even prettier in appearance.
  • Making herself pretty for someone else leads to disappointment every time their reaction doesn’t match her expectation—which is almost always.
  • Unless rejected, hits even from unwanted guys add to her self-worth. Nasty responses make her face appear ugly, and men feast with their eyes. A smile enhances her prettiness and the absence of nasty enables it. How respectable does she appear to those around her, if she can’t take funning as compliment or offensiveness as easy to handle?


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1688. Maternity Tee-shirts vs. Mystery, Modesty, and Masculinity

Her Highness 1mother5sisters6daughters took exception and perhaps offense at my comments about skin-tight maternity clothing. My response follows with each of her questions answered.

Your Highness, I’m not critical of you, but answers necessitate criticism of Feminism.

Please accept these two points as foundation of what follows later. (1) I base my thoughts on the highly different primal natures of men and women before emotions, beliefs, and experiences become the primary shapers of their behavior. In that domain, the sexes are vastly different but compatible for marriage. See posts 1671-81 for details. (2) Modern beliefs and practices about maternity and childbirth evolved out of indoctrination started by political radicals and propagandized by feminists. The resulting political movement energized females to view their gender as equal to or better than the other, which to this day pressures men to prove the opposite. In present-day society, the sexes are expected to be more alike, which pushes them toward incompatibility.

Your and my incompatibility of thought flows out of those differences, so let me defend myself as if I speak for my gender.

As women have claimed for a decade or so, you say: “I always thought that when the styles changed from ‘tent’ to snug that it was a compliment to the women. She is not and need not be ashamed of her condition. It is the crowning jewel of the women—the pregnant belly. I think pregnant women are so cute and especially when they show their beautiful round belly. Why would we hide it?”

  • It sounds great and should please virtually all females. But remember this: Women grew that attitude with feminist help. It’s the result of woman-think and woman-talk, while simultaneously demeaning and ignoring man-think and man-talk.
  • Feminists spouted compliments about ‘snug’ over ‘tent’, and the attitude spread for decades. Who is uplifted? Women! Who is downplayed and obviously less important? Men! How successful have you and others been in relationships by making men less important? Does it get you anywhere? Does it promote compatibility? Feminists propagandized ways in which the sexes are alike by promoting the political benefits of females and demoting the natural benefits of males.
  • A very good reason to hide the pregnant belly is that it stimulates masculine thoughts of ugly, and men expect women to avoid that. As hunter-conquerors, they don’t look for or have much regard for unsought targets. Her condition, and to some measure her appearance, is the exclusive business of her husband.
  • To the male eye, tee-shirted pregnant women also reflect poorly on their gender. Why stress unattractive features? Remember, I’m talking about the male nature. In reality, many empathetic men have been socialized for one reason or another to accept a woman’s appearance, perhaps as a right. Their primal nature prefers something else, but they go along to get along. It’s the result that feminists intended.

You ask, “How are we mocking our female nature?” You’re impregnated, after which the father is extraneous except as you have already bred compatibility within your relationship. He has personal concern with your belly, but others don’t. So, why should other men be made so aware of what’s none of their business. You’re rubbing their noses in your blessings, but men don’t find much benefit in the blessings of others—unless they helped create it of course.

You ask, “How is it not modest?” It depends on whether you ask a man or woman. Whether pregnant or not, the bare stomach area is close enough to erogenous zones to remind men of sex. However, when the beauty of a flat stomach is warped such that it distorts the masculine imagination about erogenous areas, a woman shines immodestly and appears not far from being willing to ‘show it all’. Mystery thus vanishes in the male mind. Instead of wearing sex on her sleeve, she wears it beneath a tee-shirt. That’s not modest to the male nature. Men don’t think much about modesty, but the absence of it reminds them of sex. However, they respect the concept and presence of modesty since it’s unique to the female gender.

You ask, “How am I making my hubby look like a wuss?” By appearing dressed in a way that makes him look PW to other men. Letting his woman expose herself that way reflects disrespect on either his poor judgment or lack of ‘bossing’ the home. If he’s no more in charge of his home, how does he deserve the respect he has outside it. Does wife know something we (as natural male competitors) don’t?

You ask, “I would never want to offend a man and so I need to know how it is that I am doing that when I ‘show off’ my pregnant belly.” You misapplied my general statement to you personally. You aren’t personally offending men. My statement claims that tee-shirted bellies “also take public eyes away from the pleasant motherly glow that lights and prettifies each pregnant woman’s face. It’s an obvious offense to male eyes and perhaps intended that way.” [Intended by feminists, I should have added.]

You say, “Really…I had NO idea that the way I dressed was considered ugly and offensive to other men.” I hope you don’t take it as hard as you sound. Feminists victimized all women by propagandizing political views to offend the male gender. On the other hand, men view you with considerable if not great respect. You’re so blessed with children and hubby as to also be insulated from worry about outside opinions and influences. Your life is already confirmed as GREAT to others. Your boat is sailing too smoothly to upset the balance by changing your habits.

You say, “I would love suggestions on how to be charmingly subtle…perhaps from other female readers who would be happy to mentor me in this area.” To be as successful as you already are, you must already have an abundance of charm and subtle ways. Why change?

You say, “My hubby never let on.” It’s a good indication that he respects you deeply and presumes that you know best in most of what you do. Marriage doesn’t get much better than that, provided you reciprocate.

Finally, you close with this: “Please help me to see and understand.” You already do. You can’t be mothering eight and expecting the ninth without already seeing and understanding everything of importance in your world. Keep rowing that boat. Er, excuse me, keep your husband happy with your gratitude, farm prosperous with teamwork, and your kids jumping with joy to welcome a new sibling.

Bless you and yours,



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