Many mothers micro-manage their children lives. They especially prevent or deny childhood experiences that help them mature with their peers. Often referred to as helicopter moms, they hover over their offspring. They’re unable to credit a child with the ability to take adequate care of him- or herself. Or, they’re so into themselves that they don’t feel important unless they overly direct, micro-supervise, and excessively nurture their kids with niceties and female pleasantries. It discourages the maturation of sons the most, so I focus there.
A son views himself as an aspiring or actual little man but always bigger than his ‘helo mom’ views him. Too close supervision, too much nurturing, too much interference in simple things delay a boy’s maturing. He can’t grow with and keep up with his peers, and boys that don’t are teased, mocked, and shamed. Helo moms and especially single moms with an only child:
- Visualize endless catastrophes striking their son. Her fearful imagination prevents him from learning to live with his natural and risky curiosity, emerging imagination, and developing judgment.
- Violate their son’s self-image by speaking for him as if he can’t. She makes herself feel good by making him feel poorly. Repeated over time it prevents his developing self-confidence about his ability to tie thoughts with words.
- Arbitrarily presume their son less emotionally mature than he is and prevent his taking risks that match his age.
- Refuse to trust their son to do risky things slightly beyond his age so that he can mature more assertively through his own experiences.
- Can’t release their toddler son where nurturing works well. A helo mom’s normal nurturing after toddlerhood treats him childishly.
- Micro-manages all he does for fear he won’t learn manners, won’t associate properly, or will do something wrong.
- Extends lessons about right and wrong far beyond good and evil and into arenas that boys have no interest until girls inspire them in adolescence, such as femmy personal habits and standards about manners, cleanliness, orderliness, and neatness.
- Opens and holds public doors for son to enter instead of teaching him how to show politeness to females.
- Opens car door and belts son into his car seat. She can’t trust him to learn such simple tasks, which means she doesn’t trust her ability to get him to do the right things reliably.
- Hauls him everywhere. She doesn’t trust him to bike, skate, or walk with peers.
- Fears that outsiders will corrupt what she teachs, values, and expects. So, she keeps him glued as long as possible to her side. She even drags him along to social events where children’s presence is not appropriate.
Once a son enters school, mom isn’t a good proxy for experiencing life. Peers and adults help boys mature much better. Helo moms actually hold back their son’s maturation and help turn him into wimp, wuss, or worse.