Category Archives: sex differences

1973. Sexes Differ on Jealousy Too


Her Highness Cocoa at post 1098 asked how jealousy may be different between the sexes. So, I start with this definition. Her greatest asset is not sex itself. It is a couple’s first sex together, his conquest. Once conquered—except for minor (and temporary for her) differences in sexual performance—she is just another woman to the conqueror. He’s ready to look for the next one. The natural urge to conquer another far outweighs the natural urge to own one. She is left with the task of earning his devotion and winning his loyalty other than with sex.

Conquest confirms this to the conqueror. By yielding her greatest asset to his persuasiveness, she follows his leadership. He has done enough to thereafter dominate their relationship. Effectively he ‘owns’ her if he wants to. Her natural bonding during sex supports his conclusion. By marrying her, he doubles down on that presumption. It makes ownership permanent in his heart and obligations arise to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve on her behalf.

The lessons of life teach some men to question their nature, to doubt that their conqueror’s right guarantees her loyalty. They perceive even the smallest signs of possible disloyalty as weakening their sense of significance, and they respond easily to jealous motives. Fear motivates them.

Other men, more confident of themselves and their ability to win and hold any woman’s loyalty, do not so easily succumb. ‘Possession’ of a woman is not so large a part of their significance. They focus on earning self-admiration in ways other than owning someone. They are not immune to jealousy; it’s just much harder to trigger it.

Very different from men, women have no natural conviction that they deserve to own another. They know they must earn and keep one’s commitment through his words, devotion through his actions, and loyalty through his monogamous fidelity. The closest thing they achieve to ownership comes from conquering a man for marriage before he conquers her for sex.

Highly prone to guilt, women react differently to signs of disloyalty in their man. The lessons of life teach some women to question or abandon their instincts. To such a woman, jealousy follows her sense of impending loss of ownership in her man. She automatically blames him and just as intuitively assumes herself as the innocent victim. She reacts accordingly, and her man rejects her implications of owning him. Her obvious lack of trust wilts his respect for her and turns him off regardless of his innocence or guilt.

Other women, more confident of themselves and their ability to capture and keep a man’s loyalty, do not easily succumb to jealous thoughts. They recognize their nature and that emotional fidelity is more important than physical faithfulness. They can live with the latter but not the former. So, jealousy does not enter their thoughts until they see the red flags of impending infidelity. Mere association with another woman does not induce jealous thoughts. It just triggers suspicions intuitively held in check until evidence is more convincing. Intuition informs them that to verbalize suspicions is to destroy the trust so vital to a man’s respect of his woman. Such women are not above it but are far less prone to appear jealous.

Jealousy is not natural to either sex. It springs from lessons learned growing up and arises and intensifies according to one’s self-image of how well or poorly they relate to the opposite sex.

 

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1972. Eyes and Ears in Relationships


Background. Judging the behavior of others is a necessary function of life. We judge harshly when others’ actions or words make us feel bad about ourselves. We judge kindly when they make us feel good. It’s not so much what they do, it’s how it impacts us and how our reactions spring from our feelings at the moment. The accumulation of micro judgments compiles into our opinion of the worth to us of the one we judge. However, the process makes a huge turnaround after conquest. Men and women judge quite differently after than before conquest; they primarily use another sensor.

The Natural Way. As hunter-conqueror and sex prey before conquest, his eyes and her ears are the dominant sense organs. Within any relationship that follows conquest, they switch. Their relationship primarily depends upon what he does to and for her and what she says to and about him. Thus, her femaleness urges her to judge by looking at what he does. His maleness urges him to judge after hearing that she says something and, if relevant to his interest, listening to what she says.

Irony follows. His ears and her eyes play the most important roles at energizing their behavior. It explains why innocent actions often offend and reactions often seem to not be directly connected. Such as:

  1. Her nagging assaults his ears, which tends to make him want to avoid the noise by favoring his most natural sensor, his eyes. Perhaps by looking for other attractive females (which means that nagging also reduces her attractiveness).
  2. His laziness spoils her vision of their future.
  3. He hears about her gossiping about him, and he feels doubly offended by her apparent betrayal.
  4. She sees that he won’t ask for a pay raise, and she loses respect for his courage in the mistaken belief that she knows what’s best for him at his job.
  5. She sees him refuse to take time off from work for her, and she feels taken for granted or less important than his job.
  6. He hears her whining about lack of money. He becomes de-motivated instead of energized to do better, especially when he also sees that she’s not as frugal as he and is also well-clothed and -fed.
  7. He hears her speak admirably of another man. First, he feels inadequate in whatever feature/trait she admires. Second, he gets more suspicious than if he sees her talking to some other guy.
  8. She sees him flirting, which to her is worse than hearing him admire another female. (His admiration of another does not register with her as emotional infidelity—at least not at first, that is.)
  9. She sees that he’s extra tight with money. She hears his reasoning but intends to never agree, which separates their interests about money.
  10. She sees him litter the house wherever he goes. She flares visibly and he learns quickly to disregard her.

He trusts his judgment when he can see her reactions, which enables him to more easily disregard her. He figures he sees the full picture; her messages get through loud and clear. But, precisely because of loud and clear, he can easily disregard her. He can more easily identify his interest and weigh his risk.

He’s not so confident of his judgment when he hears her displeasure. He seeks efficiency in his judgments, but he’s less sure he perceives the whole picture, or that he’s gotten the full message clearly. Doubt intrudes. Consequently, her words spoken gently, shrouded in indirectness, crowded with curiosity, and lacking in blame generate delays in his judgments and carry more weight and influence.

Her success in getting what she wants takes us back to this sentence at the top: “His maleness urges him to judge after hearing that she says something and, if relevant to his interest, listening to what she says.” She has to first learn—long courtship maybe?—how to make it habitual with him to listen immediately rather than hearing her and deciding what to do next. When she can close that gap, she emerges on top of relationship communication. Imagine it this way, he isn’t truly devoted until he habitually listens rather than just hears before making judgments. Reduced to the simplest form, true devotion depends on sincere listening at her first words.

Both change after conquest. One major change is that they switch dominant sensors from what prevails outside any subsequent relationship. Relationship management calls for utilizing those phenomena to solidify and harmonize the relationship, which requires relationship expertise that men lack.

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1964. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 89


  • The ultimate goal of women is to find happiness. Not naturally endowed to know how to get it, they find happiness through learned behavior that stimulates the finding of causes and reasons to be grateful.
  • The endless goal of men is satisfaction, and their nature continually guides them toward it. Each knows quite naturally how to gain it through fulfillment of his many missions. Throughout life, satisfaction compiles into his sense of significance, which is to men what happiness is to women. His woman’s dissatisfaction with his satisfaction attacks his sense of significance, and he translates that as an attack on his worth as person, man, and mate. Enough of her dissatisfaction encourages him to change mates.
  • Men prefer to be admired, respected, appreciated, and loved by women and in that order of importance. Women prefer to love men their way, but female love consists mostly of what pleases her rather than what her man prefers.
  • Chivalry is virtue in men. Women admire chivalrous actions and men love it. Men love being admired by women even more than being loved by a woman. Chivalry is the manly result of unconditional respect of men for the opposite gender, which arises out of the unconditional respect of women for the male gender.
  • Just knowing his woman’s sexual history lowers her value to him. If he conquers after well-respected men, she gets no credit. If he conquers after disrespected or disreputable men, her worth plummets. Of course, it’s not fair. But a man judges a woman first by her physical faithfulness to him exclusively. If she didn’t wait for him to come along, his respect declines because she let those earlier men beat him. Men are in constant competition with one another. Men who have had her before him are men to whom he has already lost in the manly competition of earliest conqueror. It breeds an even deeper sense of loss if they ever meet and know of each other. (Present-day custom may soften the impact but the male ego suffers according to male nature more than custom.)  [121]

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1960. Compatibility Axioms #322-330


A quick recap: God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us to be compatible with a mate. We match up easily in many ways.  
322. Men are driven to overcome Nature and other barriers, compete with men, and shape human events. Women need a brighter future for them and theirs. Compatible matchup? [126]
323. Men just need a place to flop, eat, and throw their things. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Compatible matchup? [126]
324. Men want the freedom to pursue their nature as hunter-conquerors and target high value prey. For example, men don’t mount rabbit heads in their den or pursue women they find unappealing. Women want help when they need it in a world they cannot dominate. Compatible potential?
325. Women are born pretty. Men are born handy. Compatible matchup?
326. Women fear abandonment. Men fear insignificance. By promoting their man’s significance, women demote their fear. Compatible potential?
327. Men have a natural inclination for directness and impatience. Women are endowed with the talent for indirectness strengthened by patience. Their willingness to be flexible and negotiate enables them to gain ultimate influence in relationships to the advantage of them and children. Compatible potential?
328. Man-think primarily focuses men on the present. Woman-think primarily focuses women on the future. Compatible potential?
329. Women are motivated to enhance their sense of importance through relationships. Men are motivated to earn self-admiration through accomplishments. Compatible potential?
330. Women are naturally modest. Men are not but respect women for insistence on it. Compatible potential?

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1954. Guy Jr. hacks Sir Guy’s blog. What is a whore’s uniform? (NSFW warning)


Occasionally, I hack into the admin access on my Dad’s blog. Because I can. Up front, I’ve warned you this post is Not Safe For Work!!! My apologies for anyone offended by the language (but not the content) in the video below.

My Pops has written extensively on the subject of chivalry, how women dress, motivations of the sexes, etc. So I thought I’d help pile on…

Surfing TV channels tonight, I found a potent illustration. Sometimes, illustrations enhance great narratives…

Some may be offended by this comedian, but however crude, many of you know Dave Chappelle is/was considered one of our best contemporary comedians (before he chose to run off the rails.)

I believe this bit is particularly applicable for some of the WWNH followers, IMHO.

Please don’t kill the messenger(s). Enjoy it or not. Dispute it or not. But I ask you to watch it ALL, if you choose to comment.

Until Dad deletes it… Unless he doesn’t.

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1952. Porn vs. Romance


Feminists found ways and taught women to blame men for all social and domestic ills. Men shop for adventure. Wives know how that works out when their husbands venture into porn. But should men get all the blame for a couple’s poor or busted home life? Might there be an equivalent wifely malpractice? Is there another head on that elephantine monster constantly disturbing their compatibility and domestic bliss? Porn gets all the blame, but does fantasized romance ruin their game?

Women are comparison shoppers. So how does it work out when they shop for romance? When they entertain themselves with wishes, dreams, and validations of romance that are available in novels, celebrity mags, chick flicks, and men-demeaning TV shows? Does she compare her man to fiction? Do her fantasies spotlight husband’s inadequacies? Does she fantasize how he could be? Does she wish and dream for what she imagines versus the reality of what she lives with? Does she begrudge whatever romance he does provide? Does she become frustrated with her reality and determined to do something? Does she try to change husband but it spurs his resistance, resentment, and perhaps retaliation? Does that increase her frustration and dissatisfaction? Does that breed hostility? Does that grow into withdrawal from husband, separation, or living separate lives under the same roof?

It doesn’t take husband’s porn habit to stimulate wife to reach out for more romance. The female nature is wife’s default condition. Born with the primal urge to brighten her future, how can hubby survive comparison to someone else’s fiction and her fantasy? Consequently, a wife’s habitual search for romance produces in husband the same or equivalent reactions that his porn habit generates in her.

Fantasy is common to porn and imagined romance, and it may be a two-headed elephant in some homes. If both spouses are captivated by those fantasies, incompatibility oozes from every pore.

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1945. Men Marry Virtue But What Is That?


A man marries for the promise he sees in a woman, which arises out his liking or loving her unique, persistent, and steadfast virtues. Women show off their best qualities hoping to find masculine confirmation. But the sexes both define and value female qualities differently. So what are virtues?

A man sees a virtue when he admires some quality in a woman. If he doesn’t admire a particular characteristic, it may be good but it’s not virtuous. It holds little or no promise when he’s thinking about a life together. As a result, the male nature impacts women this way; earning his admiration is more important than what women usually rely on to find, capture, marry, and hold a man.

A man admires her less obvious qualities. Surprise, surprise! Neither her sexual assets nor claims and demonstrations of female love are virtuous, however convincing or even sexual they may be. Appreciated, yes, but not virtuous. Both sexual assets and love are common and available from all females. And anyway, a man knows that many women should easily love him and his sexual performance; how can they not with all of his qualities, potential, and promise?

An exception exists. Rejecting a man for sex is virtuous.* His admiration arises when he’s exposed to a woman who claims moral values and sticks to her standards. Virtue appears as he comes to admire these qualities: her resistance as self-respect, rejection as self-dedication, chasteness as success, hope in men as faith in herself, and endless patience as the means of finding a man worthy of her. Admiring her determination and allegiance to brighten her own future, his perception of her promise as potential mate not only grows; it appeals to his nature and challenges him to try harder to win her.**

Consequently, a man doesn’t marry a woman because she loves him; it’s not even necessary as when a man falls in love at first sight. A man marries for the promise a woman holds for brightening the life he expects to live. Also, another surprise for women, virtuous excludes the promises women like to make to improve their chances.

Men judge on actions more than words. They especially admire these female influences in action. Her physical attractiveness taunts him, personality charms him, tenderness calms him, humor delights him, flexibility amazes him, modesty bewilders him, steadfastness strengthens him, patience beguiles him, happiness infects him, smiles please him,  inabilities challenge him, goodness outshines him, generosity shames him, joy lifts him, stifled complaints reassure him, respect exalts him, soft-heartedness impresses him, hard-headedness surprises him, cooking benefits him, housekeeping supports him, gratitude confirms him, dependency energizes him, manners settle him, mystique intrigues him, monogamy inspires him, and devotion disguises his failings. It’s not her qualities that generate her promise but his judgment that certain ones are admirable. It’s not her love or sexual assets that earn his respect; it’s his admiration of her qualities that  he allows to influence him.

After they marry, unfortunately, she too easily perceives that he takes her for granted. As she fulfills the promise he expects, he finds satisfaction in her virtuous behavior. After the honeymoon, his devotion shifts into another form. It’s time to live the life that he expects, and so he displays his devotion by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving in return for her fulfilling the promise she brought into his endless but rewarding life of work. Being taken for granted, however, means her virtues continue to be highly valued and promise a good life for them together. If not, his dissatisfaction would be obvious, his devotion would be fading, and their mutual disappointment would be increasing.

When she displays herself in such ways and steadfastness that men admire her qualities, her promise as marital candidate grows in some man’s heart. Their natures work in harmony; she attracts men by earning their admiration and one eventually responds with supreme interest. If she continues her virtuous ways after marriage, he sees little or no reason to look for promise elsewhere. Why go through that again? Perfection is worthy of pursuit in many things but not in finding and keeping a mate.

Mutual admiration works much better to make marriage permanent. The mind and heart can’t disrespect what they admire, and a man’s love is based on respect. Hence, the more virtuous she appears to him, the more she’s respected and loved. It all starts with her virtues as perceived by her man.

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*Explanations are provided in the Virtual Virginity series listed in CONTENTS.

** Nonsexual courting ultimately makes him a better man in her eyes. In the same process, his actions convert his heart from interest to devotion, which develops him into being more worthy of her. They both learn to rise above themselves to favor the other, which ultimately puts ‘us’ above her and her above him.

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1915. Habits That Turn Children On!


Every parent faces this dilemma. Will I raise a troublesome or reliable child? The difference arises out of parental ability to offer and satisfy the life-long expectation of every newborn. With boys it’s showing them respect that hopefully includes love. With girls it’s showing them love that hopefully includes respect.

Boys are born with self-respect but not self-love. Girls are born opposite to that. Both sexes earn in life what they lack at birth and they confirm their ‘earnings’ from the way others treat them. Consequently, self-respect is hardwired to be hardheaded stable in boys but self-love is variable. Self-love is hardwired to be hardheaded stable in girls but self-respect is variable.

Troublesome children arise out of the emotions instigated by not matching or exceeding their expectations. Convicted it’s their due, they perceive they are shorted. More reliable children develop when they continuously perceive that they receive more than they deserve of respect for boys and love for girls.

As in everyone’s later life, at various moments a gap appears between what’s deserved and what’s shown by others. The more frequent the perception and wider the gap, the more troublesome the boy or girl develops.

Contrary to female thinking for raising children, respect is more important than love. Girls can accept and adjust to less love than they deserve and do it more agreeably than boys can accept and adjust to less respect than they deserve. It makes boys the more difficult to develop as good people. Expressing a mother’s love is easy and includes respect for both sons and daughters. But that isn’t enough for boys. The male nature works in reverse, love follows respect. Consequently, boys expect respect more than mom’s nurturing love, respect as a little man earning his way to greater respect. Once her respect equals or exceeds his self-respect, then mom’s warm and affectionate attitude penetrates a boy’s psyche and records pleasant memories for later life.

Both sexes shift into fight or flight mode when they are treated with less than they think they deserve, but girls do it more faintly. However, children may withhold the fight or flight mood or make it undetectable for others. Parents are later surprised at a young child’s rebellious spirit or unexplainable behavior—early signs that a troublesome child is developing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Thus, less troublesome and more reliable children are developable by showing more unconditional respect to boys and unconditional love to girls. Once that’s underway, development can be further improved with more unconditional love for boys and unconditional respect for girls. I add unconditional for stronger effect. It’s so difficult for anyone to unconditionally show respect or love under the conditions surrounding a misbehaving child. However, it does separate the best parents from the rest.

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P.S. From what I’ve learned over six years doing this blog, children become the best adults when they develop themselves under parental guidance, encouragement, and non-authoritarian supervision exhibited by giving the child the freedom to fail. It’s the absolute greatest way to show parental respect and children are very capable of doing it. But I’ve not yet developed it clearly enough to publish.

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