1856. Sex Difference Redux—Part 95: Where Love Begins—11

You have relationship expertise and interest in two-way love that endures. Your man lacks both. So, you inherit the process of developing enduring love before romantic love fails after a year or two of sex together.

101. You promote how one plays the game as more important than winning; it arises out of the cooperative spirit of the female nature. Your man promotes winning as the primary objective, which emanates from the competitive spirit of the male nature.

102. You tend to devote yourself to others and life and use spiritual pressures and influences to help. Your man tends to devote himself to achieving goals, uses responsibility as energy, and seeks to have sex for relief, rest, and recovery.

103. With regard to unmarried sexual activity, you are whatever you decide to be.  Your man is whatever he has to be to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

104. You and your man are two conquerors. He seeks sex without or before marriage, and you seek marriage with him. The first to conquer dominates your future together.

105. Very unlike your man, you change or try to change whatever and whomever you find as close to you but not quite complete. (Unless they’re astute and careful, wives easily parent their husbands.)

106. Your man draws a line between what is his business and what is not, between what he can or should change and what he should leave to others. You are not so constrained.

107. When you want comfort and understanding, you turn to a specific man. When your man wants those things, he turns to a friendly woman.

108. Your man eats and looks for taste bud satisfaction. You use food to fuel yourself in order to satisfy the necessities of life.

109. Both sexes are emotional creatures. However, your man is more objective and values the present more than past or future. He places higher value on what he sees when he sees it. You, on the other hand, are more subjective in decision making. You highly value past events that enable you to integrate the most relevant into the rest of your interests and future.

110. You more easily than your man endorse or find no fault in political correctness. Your man finds PC abominable or nearly so.

As with sex differences already cited, they help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and incidentally other men. Ten more of ‘Where Love Begins’ follow soon.

1855. Sex Difference Redux—Part 94: Where Love Begins—10

Sex differences continue here. They enable you as the relationship expert to morph temporary romantic love into permanent enduring love. The better each sex comparison is balanced to the mutual satisfaction of you and your man, the smoother both the development and quality of enduring love.

91. Your self-confidence emanates from your self-esteem as a person, self-image as a woman, and self-love as a loving partner of someone else. Your man’s self-confidence emanates from his self-respect as both person and man and his picture of who and what he is in his world, aka his self-image.

92. The feminine side of your female nature inspires you to eat to sustain life, i.e., brighten your future. Your man’s masculine side associates eating with his work or job, i.e., brighten his day.

93. The sexual pleasures for you as a woman are far outweighed by the other things you need for a contented and happy life. Your man easily lets sex substitute for whatever shortcomings appear in his search for a contented life which, if he follows his masculine nature, means a life with one woman (so he doesn’t have to hunt continually).

94. You as a woman mostly rely on time for healing while easing your anguish with sympathetic and empathetic friends. Your man’s therapeutic recovery comes primarily from associating with his work or doing something of unique interest to him, by doing something other than nothing.

95. Your sons are turned off by nurturing after they start school, by nagging after that, and by parental dominance after puberty. Your man went through some form of motherly turn-off and you live with the consequences that shape his adult persona with you.

96. Your daughters face boys who are tamed by girls doing what mothers can’t get away with. Girls nag at boys until they step up to high feminine expectations both for themselves and for boys. Girls can tame uncivilized early manliness as long as they don’t yield sex. The boys to whom girls ultimately yield sex refuse to respond favorably to subsequent nagging; they lose respect for such girls. Your man went through some version of that conditioning by girls.

97. As a woman nesting in her home, you favor décor and fashion over functionality. Your man thinks functionality comes first.

98. You view sex as a means to an end. Your man sees it as an end in itself.

99. You want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Your man wants to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.

100. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, your man tends to weigh fact and truth with greater reality. You tend to more easily blend reality with your emotions.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 100 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and other men. Ten more should follow.

1853. Sex Difference Redux—Part 93: Where Love Begins—09

We continue with sex differences that enable temporary romantic love to be turned into permanent enduring love. The better each sex comparison is balanced to the mutual satisfaction of a couple, the smoother both the development and quality of enduring love.

81. Having to ask directions makes sense to you. Doing so confesses to your man’s insignificance because it subliminally suggests incompetence (to him that is).

82. You tend to remember the past by emotions felt at the time. Your man tends to remember the past by events and certain facts.

83. High moral values serve you more than your man. By living up to something higher than yourself, it justifies expecting the same moral restraints for him. (Teammates work together, right?)

84. If you fail to live within and uphold a self-imposed strong moral code, you can expect mistreatment by your man. If he similarly fails to live by such a code, you can expect to be treated even worse.

85. Predominately you are a giver and your man a taker. Marital strength lies with an imbalance accepted as fair by you and perceived as near equal by him. (If you expect equality in giving, it pushes him into seeking fairness and causes the imposition of his dominant nature to create it. You benefit the most when you see fairness, which frees him to make mutual giving more nearly equal at his discretion.) [Greater detail provided as the subject of post 1854.]

86. If you have been promiscuous, it deadens your self-respect. Your man’s promiscuity deadens his respect for females generally. Porn deadens his self-respect.

87. You need to cure any thoughts of self-loathing. It stimulates manipulation, self-destructive behavior, and loss of relationship expertise, which makes you a poor mate. Self-loathing in men causes outrageous behavior that may include violence and incessant expressions of control of others. So, if present in your man, red flags should fly early in your relationship.

88. Sex to you is giving of yourself. To your man, it’s taking—and especially so during your first sex together. (Unless, that is, his conquest occurs on your wedding night. He’s given so much to get you there that his giving spirit likely continues.)

89. You are expert at relationships and bonding. Your man is expert at sex and escaping relationships.

90. You naturally hunger for marriage. Your man can easily do without it, so it takes your maximum effort to make him see the promise that marriage to you holds for him.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 90 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with men and your man. Expect them to follow at ten per article.

1850. Sex Difference Redux—Part 92: Where Love Begins—08

Romantic love begins in your ears and his eyes, but it only lasts a year or two. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. This post cites ten more sex differences that you can work at balancing in order to more smoothly make the transition from temporary romantic love to permanent enduring love.

71. You tend to avoid risks and eliminate those you anticipate. Your man accepts risk as challenge. He tends to prefer waiting until he perceives a threat.

72. You want to be romanced for who you are with sex removed as the target. It distinguishes and elevates you above other women. Consequently, you trust the romancer much more when sex is not at stake. Your man knows romance as whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex.

73. You expect both physical and emotional fidelity but especially the last. Your man requires your physical faithfulness above all else and doesn’t recognize emotional infidelity as unfaithful.

74. If you enshrine yourself with a perfectly maintained nest, you will tire of his nest-keeping inadequacies and soon grow bored with your man. Men that find themselves enshrined at home find it much easier to stay at home.

75. You fight best and work hardest for people you believe in. Your man does it for what he believes in.

76. You view friendship as detached from sex. Your man doesn’t. He engages in ‘pure’ friendship only when a friend is far removed from being his sex target. [Friendship with your man becomes ‘pure’ when sexual relations with him become so rewarding that you’re no longer a sex target. Instead, sexual release is a major factor in satisfying his primal urge of daily preparing for tomorrow’s battles. If you wish sex to be more meaningful, work at it from that natural foundation.]

77. You get upset and cry to release whatever disturbs you. By their own self-protective admission, men don’t get upset. Your man gets frustrated, angry, and shifts into battle mode without shedding tears.

78. You are much less sensitive and more flexible about changing your role or person. Your man resists change to his person and role especially by you after your first sex together.

79. You shape your life around feelings, family, appearance, and relationships. It’s easy to squeeze him in. Your man shapes his life around thinking, substance, actions, and accomplishments. It’s not so easy to squeeze you in.

80. You tend to navigate by landmarks. Your man tends to navigate by directions, maps, and intuition. You can make yourself invaluable by learning to read maps and assisting with directions when he drives. [I advise this: Let him live with his mistakes and your silence when he disregards your map-reading suggestions. It’s time to help him recover and not remind of your perfection. Such events add to your map-reading reliability, so long as you don’t make him look bad. Make driving a cooperative rather than competitive effort, as only you can do, and your worth soars.]

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 80 comparisons. Many more follow at ten per post.

1849. Sex Difference Redux—Part 91: Where Love Begins—07

Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. It should follow romantic love that begins in your ears and his eyes, but which only lasts a year or two. This post cites ten more sex differences that you should balance in order for romantic love to morph into the enduring love that lasts a lifetime.

61. If your man sours on his marriage, past or present, he turns against marriage. If you sour on your marriage, past or present, you turn against men.

62. Your self-love provides a natural motivation to love other people. Conditions motivate your man; he loves to prove his significance at handling challenges posed by you and others.

63. Your man’s hard-heartedness comes from his primal nature. Your natural soft-heartedness fades, shrinks, and hardens when you continually ‘stand up inside’ in refusal or rejection, anger or rebellion. (Relationship experts, aka women, know how to use their natural soft-heartedness for long range effectiveness that offsets or compensates for their man’s hard-heartedness.)

64. You’re the expert on relationships and the ultimate authority on yielding sex. Your man is the expert on copulating and expects to be the primary authority on leaving or keeping a sex partner.

65. If you don’t need your man more than he needs you, you will tire and find him inadequate.

66. If you talk your man into marriage, it won’t last. Almost the opposite of yours, his devotion is to you instead of marriage. Your talk doesn’t generate it; only his attentive, affirming, and sacrificial actions on your behalf generate his devotion. (Consequently, long platonic courtships give him more time to generate more devotion to you until he finally realizes you’re his target for a lifetime together.

67. You instinctively think in terms of ‘us’ both before and after marriage. Your man instinctively thinks in terms of ‘you and me’ before marriage. If you marry but it wasn’t his idea to begin with, he will have trouble adopting ‘us’ beyond the altar. (You face no tougher task than getting your man convinced that marriage is his idea, is all he ever wanted, and is holy enough to be kept faithful.)

68. Your man’s marital entrapment of you bonds him. Your marital entrapment of him fools him once.

69. You see marriage as a monumental enhancement of life. To your man, it just happens, that is, according to his wishes but under your likeable cheerfulness, inspiration, and direction.

70. Your man is more frank when he speaks. If you offer him what he doesn’t want or can’t use, he will tell you. You, however, accept graciously what you don’t need or can’t use, but you do nothing with it and hope that memories fade away.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 70 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

1848. Sex Difference Redux—Part 90: Where Love Begins—06

Romantic love begins in your ears and his eyes, but it only lasts a year or two. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. This post cites ten more sex differences that you should balance to morph from romantic love to the enduring love that lasts a lifetime.

51. You specialize in loving others, especially family. Your man specializes at loving many things and even those outside the family, such as job, hobby, and sports.

52. You either teach boys and young men the requirements and finer details of dealing with females, or their hurricane of hormonal impulses guides them into adult life.

53. You as a girl dreamt about the right man and building a life together. Your man as a boy dreamt about doing things when he grew up. A mate sometimes filled the background, but she mostly appeared in a secondary role. (Because boys don’t dream much about mating up, they have to be taught how to do it well.)

54. You are more impressed by what you hear. Men are more impressed by what they see. (It makes romantic love easy to both rise and fall.)

55. You need to be shown affection but men don’t. Consequently, they are weak at providing it. Men need respect but women don’t, and so you are weak at providing it.

56. If your man cheats, you want to talk. If you cheat, he wants to walk.

57. Your enduring love builds around your primal need for a brighter future. Your man’s enduring love builds on respect for your self-respect, virtues, and likeability as his mate. (Sex plays a secondary role for the long term provided his immediate needs are met in the short term.)

58. You dream of a happy life with Mr. Right, but you learn in marriage that it’s up to you. Your man knows that he’s the right man for any woman, and he expects you to harmonize the home into happiness. (It’s a particularly tough-to-take trait that requires a lot of feminine shrewdness to harmonize anything much less the home.)

59. You value and focus primarily on who people are. Your man values and focuses primarily on what people do.

60. You focus strategically on the future and plan tactically for the present. Your man focuses on the present and plans tactically for the future. (Thus, you dominate the family future when you make your first priority to enable him to dominate the family present. The family rank structure of husband, wife, mother, father, kids that I describe elsewhere aids and abets you gaining such governance pressures.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 60 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

1846. Sex Difference Redux—Part 89: Where Love Begins—05

Romantic love begins in his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. Ingredients that require harmonizing in your relationship continue with another ten soundbytes.

41. You expect frequent gifts and signs of his giving heart to symbolize your man’s affection and, hopefully, unconditional love. He expects frequent appreciation and unconditional respect as signs of your dependence on him.

42. Your man expects the privilege of doing many things that do not necessarily concern you. You expect him to do things almost exclusively for and preferably with you and your children. Your expectations clash easily; he lacks your ability to harmonize those often-conflicting expectations.

43. You envy his freedom from family and you’re jealous when he exploits it. His nature doesn’t inspire him to think much about your lack of freedom from the kids. It’s another example of clashing expectations for which you’re better equipped to harmonize.

44. Your man respects and consequently falls prey to the mysterious, to what he can’t have, can’t earn, and can’t master—such as female modesty or a chaste female. You are more pragmatic, which inspires you to take advantage of such masculine uniqueness.

45. You tie love and sex together but consider love more important. Your man perceives it differently. Sex is a necessity but love is unessential. He accepts the combined results, because they have a pleasurable and anxiety-quieting effect on him, which produces a taming effect of him for her.

46. Your hard-headedness captures your man by charming, coaxing, and wheedling him away from his habit of trying to dominate you excessively. Your soft-heartedness keeps him.

47. Your love emanates from emotional connections with your own life and into which some attractive man enters. Your man’s love arises proportional to his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect for one woman particularly.

48. Conquest changes your man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for you. Marriage changes you. Your new husband can be made better, and you’re just the one to improve him.

49. Dealing with the opposite sex, your man’s natural strength lies with directness and your best choice, tactic, and strength lies with indirectness.

50. You naturally dominate the future because your greatest need is for it to be brighter. Your man naturally dominates the present because of his interest in efficiency, effectiveness, competition, and results. (Male-dominated religions reject those natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture frees up and enables women to exploit those sex-unique forces of Nature to the advantage of women and children.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 50 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

1845. Sex Difference Redux—Part 88: Where Love Begins—04

Romantic love begins with his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. How those factors combine to fit together continues with another ten soundbytes.

31. Love and sex are fine to your man, but they are marital fillers rather than glue. It works as glue for women, but you mistakenly apply it to men. Your man’s integrity about his virtuous character and personal responsibility marinate him with more family substance than love and sex.

32. You want, plan, and seek intimate comfort and companionship for the future and needy times if they arise. Your man seeks and expects to find comfort daily after work and relaxation to prepare him for tomorrow’s battles in his competitive world. (Compatibility starts with how well you harmonize those often conflicting expectations into your nest and his castle.)

33. You crave to associate closely with at least one strong, highly masculine figure. Your man craves freedom that sometimes includes your temporary absence. It’s his hunter conqueror nature coming out. (Yes, the same hunter-conqueror nature that hopefully you and women earlier in his life tamed into faithfulness by devotion and vows to one woman.)

34. For you unmarried ladies, chastity empowers you to dominate your relationships. Your dates and boyfriends make great effort to hide or ignore your dominion. They accept it, however, but return to their dominant persona after your first sex together.

35. You can integrate your strengths with a man’s, compensate for the weaknesses of both, and build success as a couple. He can’t. He lacks both interest and expertise for it.

36. You can tolerate an angry, aggressive man. When you turn that way, your man withdraws mentally if not physically. (Angry and aggressive are the antithesis of what men seek in a woman, they battle it daily with men, and so their interest in her wanes if and when she turns that way.)

37. You continually crave signs of your man’s love. He takes your love for granted. (Because he acts so unlike women, you feel his love must be sustained by you earning it, but he feels he deserves your love by virtue of your dependence on him. You needn’t earn his love, just show your dependence.)

38. Your man was born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Good mothering hopefully softened his heart to prevent mistreatment of you. Good fathering hopefully tempered his hard-headedness to treat all women respectfully and you affectionately.

39. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Good mothering teaches them when to use head and heart. Good fathering builds and strengthens a daughter’s confidence for balancing head and heart in her interests.

40. You expect your man’s faithfulness, which depends on his character and your trust. He expects continual assurance of your faithfulness, which he deduces daily and much more from actions than your words.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 40 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.