Her Highness R.A. asked: “How can he appreciate my being a virgin if he doesn’t actually know that I am one? I get that his imagination builds on the way I present myself—therefore he concludes that I am one. But how can he truly appreciate it, if he doesn’t know whether his assumptions are true or false?”
The more accurate a man’s picture of a woman he desires, the more freedom he has to treat her as if she’s already his. With knowledge of her he marches onward and upward, confident that he does all the right things. Or her mystery confounds him, and he’s forced to slow and prove his worth to the woman he desires.
As he tries to uncover her actual status and she keeps it private, he has to assume at least virtual and perhaps actual virginity. Otherwise, she could not be so successful holding up his conquest. Mystery piles up, curiosity rages, and his imagination keeps him focused on her instead of his world away from her. Moreover:
- You want him to APPRECIATE YOU in spite of your sexual status. What he concludes from your behavior convinces him more than what you tell him. You can capitalize on it.
- There’s a lot more to you than sex, whether experienced or not. Virginity embellishes a man’s focus on sex more than your other qualities, and you want less of it.
- Help him dream about the conquering glory pending on the wedding night. More mystery causes more dreaming.
- Contrary to what women have been taught by pop culture values, both modest apparel and feminine behavior generate mystery that’s killed by erogenous skin exposure and talking about sex. (Men claim NOT! but they have vested interest in what pleases the eye and easier conquests.)
- Remove mystery and you make yourself less valuable in his imagination. The more curiosity you satisfy, the less mysterious you appear and the less his imagination stays fired up for you and ‘us’. Curiosity keeps him attracted; knowledge may or may not.
- Women think of virginity as sex. Men think of virginity as competition, conquest, and his simpler dominance of her.
- You don’t want him to APPRECIATE your virgin status until the wedding night. The more surprises he APPRECIATES the first night, the more respect you earn for the long term.
His assumptions about your sexual experience are not your worry. Focus his efforts on pleasing you and on your earning his respect. You can best keep his focus off your sexual status and background by downplaying it as private and trivial from the start.
During courtship you want him to appreciate his pending bride, not sex. Talking about sexual relations removes mystery. Modest and light-hearted dismissal of the subject helps keep him at bay. Generate honeymoon mystery for him, or he won’t be nearly as excited as you. If he’s certain of what to expect in the bedroom, you have less influence over how the wedding night and honeymoon play out.
Part I of this series, #935, presents the primary list of reasons a woman’s sexual status should be kept private.