91. Your self-confidence emanates from your self-esteem as a person, self-image as a woman, and self-love as a loving partner of someone else. Your man’s self-confidence emanates from his self-respect as both person and man and his picture of who and what he is in his world, aka his self-image.

92. The feminine side of your female nature inspires you to eat to sustain life, i.e., brighten your future. Your man’s masculine side associates eating with his work or job, i.e., brighten his day.

93. The sexual pleasures for you as a woman are far outweighed by the other things you need for a contented and happy life. Your man easily lets sex substitute for whatever shortcomings appear in his search for a contented life which, if he follows his masculine nature, means a life with one woman (so he doesn’t have to hunt continually).

94. You as a woman mostly rely on time for healing while easing your anguish with sympathetic and empathetic friends. Your man’s therapeutic recovery comes primarily from associating with his work or doing something of unique interest to him, by doing something other than nothing.

95. Your sons are turned off by nurturing after they start school, by nagging after that, and by parental dominance after puberty. Your man went through some form of motherly turn-off and you live with the consequences that shape his adult persona with you.

96. Your daughters face boys who are tamed by girls doing what mothers can’t get away with. Girls nag at boys until they step up to high feminine expectations both for themselves and for boys. Girls can tame uncivilized early manliness as long as they don’t yield sex. The boys to whom girls ultimately yield sex refuse to respond favorably to subsequent nagging; they lose respect for such girls. Your man went through some version of that conditioning by girls.

97. As a woman nesting in her home, you favor décor and fashion over functionality. Your man thinks functionality comes first.

98. You view sex as a means to an end. Your man sees it as an end in itself.

99. You want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Your man wants to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.

100. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, your man tends to weigh fact and truth with greater reality. You tend to more easily blend reality with your emotions.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 100 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and other men. Ten more should follow.

“85. Predominately you are a giver and your man a taker. Marital strength lies with an imbalance accepted as fair by you and perceived as near equal by him. (If you expect equality in giving, it pushes him into seeking fairness and causes the imposition of his dominant nature to create it. You benefit the most when you see fairness, which frees him to make mutual giving more nearly equal at his discretion.)”

When women consider what they give to and receive from their man to be a fair exchange, they feel good about their relationship. However, when they sense it to be unfair or see a need for equality, it switches their attitude from ‘cooperate’ to ‘compete’. They want more and they go for it (usually more attention, affection, and thoughtfulness).  So, they confront him directly aka competitively.  They complain, accuse, and blame.

A man doesn’t compete with his woman once he conquers her for first-time sex. He avoids, escapes, or wins any competition by imposing his dominant nature, ignoring or squelching her arguments, and ending the matter on his terms. After that he’s less interested in an equal-enough level of giving and taking as he previously viewed it. His attitude shifts. He’s no longer obligated except to make the exchange fair, he owes her that, but his disappointment causes her to appear less likeable. Consequently, whatever attention, affection, and thoughtfulness he paid her earlier, it now declines.

Her situation worsens in terms of what he gives of himself. Ironically, she blames him and it prompts her to try harder and she pushes them through the same cycle again. Their relationship crumbles a little more each time she verbally insists that she’s shortchanged.

She has a more effective alternative. Instead of blaming him, she can put her relationship expertise into practice. Instead of directly confronting him, she can use indirectness, gratitude, and patience. With hints and seed planting, she can shape his thoughts into pleasing her better and more often. By finding gratefulness in his qualities (and ignoring weaknesses), she can increase the value of whatever he gives. By ‘growing’ her patience, she can more easily smother her negative thoughts about him.

It’s not the big things that hold a couple together, such as love, devotion, and faithfulness. Hundreds of little negatives poison those more poignant emotions. Irritants, nuisances, and annoyances—such as belittling retorts, thoughtless embarrassments, and disrespectful humiliations—accumulate until they make one or both spouses unlikeable to the other. Their relationship crumbles from the excess weight of the negatives.

81. Having to ask directions makes sense to you. Doing so confesses to your man’s insignificance because it subliminally suggests incompetence (to him that is).

82. You tend to remember the past by emotions felt at the time. Your man tends to remember the past by events and certain facts.

83. High moral values serve you more than your man. By living up to something higher than yourself, it justifies expecting the same moral restraints for him. (Teammates work together, right?)

84. If you fail to live within and uphold a self-imposed strong moral code, you can expect mistreatment by your man. If he similarly fails to live by such a code, you can expect to be treated even worse.

85. Predominately you are a giver and your man a taker. Marital strength lies with an imbalance accepted as fair by you and perceived as near equal by him. (If you expect equality in giving, it pushes him into seeking fairness and causes the imposition of his dominant nature to create it. You benefit the most when you see fairness, which frees him to make mutual giving more nearly equal at his discretion.) [Greater detail provided as the subject of post 1854.]

86. If you have been promiscuous, it deadens your self-respect. Your man’s promiscuity deadens his respect for females generally. Porn deadens his self-respect.

87. You need to cure any thoughts of self-loathing. It stimulates manipulation, self-destructive behavior, and loss of relationship expertise, which makes you a poor mate. Self-loathing in men causes outrageous behavior that may include violence and incessant expressions of control of others. So, if present in your man, red flags should fly early in your relationship.

88. Sex to you is giving of yourself. To your man, it’s taking—and especially so during your first sex together. (Unless, that is, his conquest occurs on your wedding night. He’s given so much to get you there that his giving spirit likely continues.)

89. You are expert at relationships and bonding. Your man is expert at sex and escaping relationships.

90. You naturally hunger for marriage. Your man can easily do without it, so it takes your maximum effort to make him see the promise that marriage to you holds for him.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 90 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with men and your man. Expect them to follow at ten per article.

She also inquired about pre-nuptial agreements. Her Highness Lady Lurker gave the woman’s view as the man planning to escape with little damage in case breakup occurs. I don’t contest the woman’s view but express the man’s. A pre-nup protects the man against the worst case loss of half of his wealth and much future income. It seems obvious, neither side trusts the other based on the experience of other people.

• I favor pre-nups only for what soon follows. Marriage occurs and I strongly favor it over all other forms of coupledom.

• I condemn pre-nups; they enlarge the window for one spouse to betray the other. Rather than man-up and take the risk of judging his woman’s sincerity and commitment to him, men shred their woman’s dignity with lack of trust. Pre-nups facilitate breakups. They invite betrayal whenever spousal differences energize and compound disagreement into greater dislike and distrust one for the other.

• It’s the man’s game. Pre-nup negotiation strongly favors the prospective groom. 1) He’s cognizant of his financial status and capability whereas she isn’t. 2) He’s less emotionally involved and can easily envision separation and divorce. 3) Any fairness included in a pre-nup depends on how his heart views her as a divorce opponent. 4) The prospective bride’s devotion to him makes her virtually incapable of imagining breakup. 5) Pre-wedding anxieties convince her to apply no pressure against his wishes, so she sees little need to protect her longer range future. 6) By determining he needs a pre-nup, his commitment and devotion weaken and reduce his interest to prevent future separations. 7) He uses anecdotes of men stripped by vengeful exes to question his prospective bride’s dedication to him, which—as a self-fulfilling prophecy—tends to magnify her wifely shortcomings.

In the end, a pre-nup underwrites his suspicions. He views her as possibly inclined or capable of dumping him for his money and divorcing him vengefully. Or, it underwrites the ease and cheapness for his escape from marriage. It’s a man’s tool to better orchestrate the man’s game of marriage with fewer obligations.

As women go, so goes society. They generated the need for pre-nups when some began to adopt feminist values, abandon their female nature, betray their man, and vengefully half-empty their man’s pockets. Consequently, women acting more like men shift dominance of cultural values away from females. Marriage weakens in both commonness and importance. Other women act more like men even though the true, soft-hearted female nature doesn’t host thoughts of betraying one’s man. By thus causing inter-gender trust to fade, women scuttle female control of cultural values and turn dominance of the culture over to men. It has dire consequences for women far beyond pre-nups, such as raising kids without a father present.

In any event, each woman is free to accept a pre-nup arrangement just as each man is free to propose it. Everyone has to figure out what’s best for them.

• Females can dominate and guide a man’s behavior before they yield to his conquest. They only need quick wit and determination to remain chaste in order to overwhelm his bluffs.
• As hunter-conquerors, men hit on females primarily for sex and, in some cases, secondarily for a mate. If she shows signs that she’s easy to conquer, she loses value as potential mate. She adds significant value by successful resistance.
• When a guy hits on them, females are forced to act on what they see more than what they hear. Ears are their major strength. Females gain advantage by ignoring what they see until they can hear what makes a guy of interest to them.

Even though I express it this way, don’t take what follows literally for you to do what I say. You have to fit it into your personality and ability to succeed at what you plan. I merely offer suggestions but keep in mind the reminders above.

When hit upon, you struggle with uncertainty depending on what the hitter looks like. You shake off whatever emotions hit you, reach for a response that’s proper for you in the situation, and continue as your feelings guide you. Lack of a standard game plan puts you at risk because the guy receives feedback he can exploit to more quickly get you in bed. He gains the advantage whether he’s a dreamboat or a determined nobody, and whether you let him talk you into listening further to his pitch. Even if you turn to something else or send him away, other guys witness or hear of the rejection and learn how to exploit your feedback.

If you have a standard response designed to put all the advantage on your side, you can dominate hit-on situations. I compile a list of options below from which you can adapt one or several or make a mixture to reject guys gently but affirmatively. Make up something comfortable and easy to recall and say habitually.

Your main goal should be to avoid living to be an old maid. You need a Mr. Good Enough to win you with his merit and virtuous character. The following objectives lay the groundwork. Never show anger or dislike of the hitter regardless of his looks. Your credibility soars when other people see that you don’t discriminate—a guy is just a guy until he starts to earn his way into your heart. (Don’t open your heart easily; make each guy earn his way through actions that make you trust him.)

Treat all hitters the same regardless of their looks, appeal, or apparent hunk-of-your-dreams. You enjoy compliments so reject each guy politely, smilingly, and honestly with a retort that rejects him for the present but subliminally encourages him to try again.

All hitters should be encouraged to try again. It enables you to separate the sex-hunters from the mate-hunters. If ‘undesirables’ return, than use the same retort each time so that you don’t have to explain yourself; they’ll eventually get your response as final. For ‘returnees’ you find hopeful for your future, proceed to the next step of determining their worth and ability to earn your heart.

Here are suggestions for possible retorts with you always smiling throughout each encounter. (Anger and other negatives discourage the mate-hunters.) Always smilingly stare the hitter down; it reinforces your dominance of the situation.

1. God says I shouldn’t, and I listen to Him first and foremost. (If the guy responds, Do what? You say, Ask God.)
2. Guys are never more handsome than when they compliment a lady. But handsome isn’t nearly enough thank you very much. (If he responds What is? You retort with You figure it out.)
3. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when I have time to hear you explain your intentions. (NO, not now, later.)
4. Thanks for the compliment. If you give me a list of your virtues, I just might read it.
5. Thanks for the compliment. Come back when you’re teaching a Sunday school class. (Oh, you are now? Then tell me [sincerely and not sarcastically] where and when and I may join you some Sunday.)
6. Thanks for the compliment. I’m proud to have stirred your imagination. (If he asks what you mean, respond with You figure it out.)
7. Thanks for the compliment but I’ve had enough for one day.
8. Thanks for the compliment. Do you seek a mate for life? No? Then why should we talk?
9. Thanks for the compliment. My daddy taught me to ask for the ring first.
10. (Finally, if a hitter won’t give up.) We’re both lucky. You know what you want. I know what I don’t want. See you later.

By now, you probably complain that you can’t say those things. Your first step to avoid old-maidhood is to separate those guys only after sex from those dedicated to winning you as a mate. Based on the nature of men, the rejection options above tend to discourage the former and encourage the latter.

71. You tend to avoid risks and eliminate those you anticipate. Your man accepts risk as challenge. He tends to prefer waiting until he perceives a threat.

72. You want to be romanced for who you are with sex removed as the target. It distinguishes and elevates you above other women. Consequently, you trust the romancer much more when sex is not at stake. Your man knows romance as whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex.

73. You expect both physical and emotional fidelity but especially the last. Your man requires your physical faithfulness above all else and doesn’t recognize emotional infidelity as unfaithful.

74. If you enshrine yourself with a perfectly maintained nest, you will tire of his nest-keeping inadequacies and soon grow bored with your man. Men that find themselves enshrined at home find it much easier to stay at home.

75. You fight best and work hardest for people you believe in. Your man does it for what he believes in.

76. You view friendship as detached from sex. Your man doesn’t. He engages in ‘pure’ friendship only when a friend is far removed from being his sex target. [Friendship with your man becomes ‘pure’ when sexual relations with him become so rewarding that you’re no longer a sex target. Instead, sexual release is a major factor in satisfying his primal urge of daily preparing for tomorrow’s battles. If you wish sex to be more meaningful, work at it from that natural foundation.]

77. You get upset and cry to release whatever disturbs you. By their own self-protective admission, men don’t get upset. Your man gets frustrated, angry, and shifts into battle mode without shedding tears.

78. You are much less sensitive and more flexible about changing your role or person. Your man resists change to his person and role especially by you after your first sex together.

79. You shape your life around feelings, family, appearance, and relationships. It’s easy to squeeze him in. Your man shapes his life around thinking, substance, actions, and accomplishments. It’s not so easy to squeeze you in.

80. You tend to navigate by landmarks. Your man tends to navigate by directions, maps, and intuition. You can make yourself invaluable by learning to read maps and assisting with directions when he drives. [I advise this: Let him live with his mistakes and your silence when he disregards your map-reading suggestions. It’s time to help him recover and not remind of your perfection. Such events add to your map-reading reliability, so long as you don’t make him look bad. Make driving a cooperative rather than competitive effort, as only you can do, and your worth soars.]

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 80 comparisons. Many more follow at ten per post.

61. If your man sours on his marriage, past or present, he turns against marriage. If you sour on your marriage, past or present, you turn against men.

62. Your self-love provides a natural motivation to love other people. Conditions motivate your man; he loves to prove his significance at handling challenges posed by you and others.

63. Your man’s hard-heartedness comes from his primal nature. Your natural soft-heartedness fades, shrinks, and hardens when you continually ‘stand up inside’ in refusal or rejection, anger or rebellion. (Relationship experts, aka women, know how to use their natural soft-heartedness for long range effectiveness that offsets or compensates for their man’s hard-heartedness.)

64. You’re the expert on relationships and the ultimate authority on yielding sex. Your man is the expert on copulating and expects to be the primary authority on leaving or keeping a sex partner.

65. If you don’t need your man more than he needs you, you will tire and find him inadequate.

66. If you talk your man into marriage, it won’t last. Almost the opposite of yours, his devotion is to you instead of marriage. Your talk doesn’t generate it; only his attentive, affirming, and sacrificial actions on your behalf generate his devotion. (Consequently, long platonic courtships give him more time to generate more devotion to you until he finally realizes you’re his target for a lifetime together.

67. You instinctively think in terms of ‘us’ both before and after marriage. Your man instinctively thinks in terms of ‘you and me’ before marriage. If you marry but it wasn’t his idea to begin with, he will have trouble adopting ‘us’ beyond the altar. (You face no tougher task than getting your man convinced that marriage is his idea, is all he ever wanted, and is holy enough to be kept faithful.)

68. Your man’s marital entrapment of you bonds him. Your marital entrapment of him fools him once.

69. You see marriage as a monumental enhancement of life. To your man, it just happens, that is, according to his wishes but under your likeable cheerfulness, inspiration, and direction.

70. Your man is more frank when he speaks. If you offer him what he doesn’t want or can’t use, he will tell you. You, however, accept graciously what you don’t need or can’t use, but you do nothing with it and hope that memories fade away.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 70 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

51. You specialize in loving others, especially family. Your man specializes at loving many things and even those outside the family, such as job, hobby, and sports.

52. You either teach boys and young men the requirements and finer details of dealing with females, or their hurricane of hormonal impulses guides them into adult life.

53. You as a girl dreamt about the right man and building a life together. Your man as a boy dreamt about doing things when he grew up. A mate sometimes filled the background, but she mostly appeared in a secondary role. (Because boys don’t dream much about mating up, they have to be taught how to do it well.)

54. You are more impressed by what you hear. Men are more impressed by what they see. (It makes romantic love easy to both rise and fall.)

55. You need to be shown affection but men don’t. Consequently, they are weak at providing it. Men need respect but women don’t, and so you are weak at providing it.

56. If your man cheats, you want to talk. If you cheat, he wants to walk.

57. Your enduring love builds around your primal need for a brighter future. Your man’s enduring love builds on respect for your self-respect, virtues, and likeability as his mate. (Sex plays a secondary role for the long term provided his immediate needs are met in the short term.)

58. You dream of a happy life with Mr. Right, but you learn in marriage that it’s up to you. Your man knows that he’s the right man for any woman, and he expects you to harmonize the home into happiness. (It’s a particularly tough-to-take trait that requires a lot of feminine shrewdness to harmonize anything much less the home.)

59. You value and focus primarily on who people are. Your man values and focuses primarily on what people do.

60. You focus strategically on the future and plan tactically for the present. Your man focuses on the present and plans tactically for the future. (Thus, you dominate the family future when you make your first priority to enable him to dominate the family present. The family rank structure of husband, wife, mother, father, kids that I describe elsewhere aids and abets you gaining such governance pressures.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 60 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

If a ‘hittee’ responds with sex, the hitter’s conscience depends on his morals and devotion to wife, and he salves his conscience accordingly. If he gets negative results, just his ego is stirred. Intention does not make him unfaithful; men think that way contrary to female-think. If he does feel unfaithful after failing, his conscience guides him in another direction, which can have the accidental effect of making him feel good about indirectly honoring his wife and gaining self-admiration from it.

You ladies can help men re-domesticate themselves into better husbands. The secret lies in responding to hits by a married man in a way that stifles his libido by igniting his conscience.

WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I feel good coaching ladies to improve their lives with men. You take hits as compliments until you see a wedding ring. You may have a standard response that makes you feel good, such as a cutting remark that proclaims your abhorrence, sends him away, and gains a little revenge for the sisterhood. A stinging rebuke usually turns him away from you, but it does nothing to encourage faithfulness to his wife. That’s okay too, but it doesn’t make a better person of either you or him, and that’s where I hope to take this post.

(Women make people better or they don’t get that way. Society is what we all do and men dominate it. Culture is why we all do what we do, and women dominate it. Why we do something comes before what we do, which means: As women go, so goes society.)

Your reaction to a married hitter should start with NOT looking down on him as if cheaters are the lowest form of life. (Cheaters are used to it and pay no attention.) Instead, ignite his conscience to the disrespect that he exhibits for females. Leave him with questions that only he can answer or with challenges that uncover his character as lacking integrity. In essence, by hitting on you, he reveals that getting sex is more important than guarding his integrity. When reminded and given time to think about it, the male nature guides men to preserve their integrity rather than destroy it with immediate gratification. When it’s their idea to choose, mature men opt for integrity. When they hit on you, your objective is to send them away thinking it’s their idea to listen to their conscience when next they face the options of conquering a fresh target or preserving their integrity.

I suggest that you search the following list of possible replies, pick your favorite thought or combination, rephrase it to meet your personality, and practice it out loud before a mirror such that it rolls smoothly off your tongue immediately after a married man hits on you. (Make no exceptions about using it regardless of how good looking a hitter may be. When you make exceptions, you make yourself vulnerable. He perceives your weakness and is encouraged to continue assertively, which further weakens your defenses even after you’ve spotted his ring.)

Women are eager to show anger and put down men that are inclined to cheat. Such men may deserve it, but they’ve learned throughout life to recover from female anger and criticism. Don’t find fault or lay on guilt. Enable him to do that to himself. Try to open his heart for self-appraisal about faithfulness and conscience. Ask questions instead of preaching.  These potential replies are designed to show how to think the next time somebody’s husband hits on you.

• If God is against it, how can I be for it? Does that ring the bell in your (hitter’s) conscience? (Imply or follow up with something like this: If you wish to continue this chat, I’ll talk only about you, me and God. Shall we proceed? [Principle: You live up to someone higher than you; why shouldn’t the hitter do it? Devotion to God makes it easier to devote oneself exclusively to the right person.]
• I deal with sex only through mutual devotion. How much devotion to your wife do you plan on shifting to me? What features of your character are likely to inspire any devotion out of me? [Principle: Loyalty depends on devotion, which depends on character, which depends on integrity. God strengthens devotion by teaching each of us to become a better person.]
• Is your integrity important to you? Important to your wife? Doesn’t sex with another woman destroy your integrity? No? Well it does to most people who make themselves mature by escaping adolescence. [Principle: A cheater’s sexual activity equates to loss of integrity. Adolescents haven’t fully learned the blessings of fidelity.]
• What about me makes you think I could or would betray a sister female? You hope to sell me on one idea, but you hide it. You disrespect your wife and think that I should enable your disloyalty. How would your loss of loyalty and my lack of self-respect make us better people or earn the admiration of God? [Principle: Unmarried sexual activity doesn’t, but control of one’s lust does make better people.]
• You may claim to love your wife, but do you respect her as a person? I may respect her more than you. I can’t betray both my self-respect and a sister female by sleeping with her husband. Do you see cheating as betraying your mate? Or betraying your self-respect? [Principle: Cheating betrays one's mate.]
• Have you considered this? Men are never more handsome than when they mate with one woman for life. But some men manage to lose it. [Principle: It’s a compliment not really earned.]
• If you don’t respect your wife when with me, why should I disrespect a sister female by associating with you? [Principle: Respect is the most fundamental characteristic of successful human relations, and unmarried sex tarnishes mutual respect.]
• My daddy taught me this. If a man doesn’t respect his wife enough to be faithful, he won’t respect me at all. Daddy never lied. [Principle: Childhood teachings last for life. Mutual respect prevents mistreatment of others.]
• Making out on the fly is lovemaking on the sly, which I can do without . . . so goodbye. [Principle: Throw smoke around your departure (What did she say?) by stimulating his curiosity to interpret the full meaning of that couplet. It also ignites imagination, reinforces memory, and reminds of conscience.]

If the hitter can’t be discouraged and you can’t depart the scene, this may shut him up: “I can tell you where to find some strange, free, and safe sex. If he bites, tell him to try his other hand.”

I suggest you develop your own phrasing to make married men think about their conscience and integrity. Choose and use the thoughts above to combine your response into something easy to recall and use without embarrassing yourself. Rely on the principles for guidance.

——

NOTE: I dedicate this post to Tina M., a dear friend adopted into Grace’s and my Texas family of superstars. She inspired this article.

41. You expect frequent gifts and signs of his giving heart to symbolize your man’s affection and, hopefully, unconditional love. He expects frequent appreciation and unconditional respect as signs of your dependence on him.

42. Your man expects the privilege of doing many things that do not necessarily concern you. You expect him to do things almost exclusively for and preferably with you and your children. Your expectations clash easily; he lacks your ability to harmonize those often-conflicting expectations.

43. You envy his freedom from family and you’re jealous when he exploits it. His nature doesn’t inspire him to think much about your lack of freedom from the kids. It’s another example of clashing expectations for which you’re better equipped to harmonize.

44. Your man respects and consequently falls prey to the mysterious, to what he can’t have, can’t earn, and can’t master—such as female modesty or a chaste female. You are more pragmatic, which inspires you to take advantage of such masculine uniqueness.

45. You tie love and sex together but consider love more important. Your man perceives it differently. Sex is a necessity but love is unessential. He accepts the combined results, because they have a pleasurable and anxiety-quieting effect on him, which produces a taming effect of him for her.

46. Your hard-headedness captures your man by charming, coaxing, and wheedling him away from his habit of trying to dominate you excessively. Your soft-heartedness keeps him.

47. Your love emanates from emotional connections with your own life and into which some attractive man enters. Your man’s love arises proportional to his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect for one woman particularly.

48. Conquest changes your man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for you. Marriage changes you. Your new husband can be made better, and you’re just the one to improve him.

49. Dealing with the opposite sex, your man’s natural strength lies with directness and your best choice, tactic, and strength lies with indirectness.

50. You naturally dominate the future because your greatest need is for it to be brighter. Your man naturally dominates the present because of his interest in efficiency, effectiveness, competition, and results. (Male-dominated religions reject those natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture frees up and enables women to exploit those sex-unique forces of Nature to the advantage of women and children.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 50 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

31. Love and sex are fine to your man, but they are marital fillers rather than glue. It works as glue for women, but you mistakenly apply it to men. Your man’s integrity about his virtuous character and personal responsibility marinate him with more family substance than love and sex.

32. You want, plan, and seek intimate comfort and companionship for the future and needy times if they arise. Your man seeks and expects to find comfort daily after work and relaxation to prepare him for tomorrow’s battles in his competitive world. (Compatibility starts with how well you harmonize those often conflicting expectations into your nest and his castle.)

33. You crave to associate closely with at least one strong, highly masculine figure. Your man craves freedom that sometimes includes your temporary absence. It’s his hunter conqueror nature coming out. (Yes, the same hunter-conqueror nature that hopefully you and women earlier in his life tamed into faithfulness by devotion and vows to one woman.)

34. For you unmarried ladies, chastity empowers you to dominate your relationships. Your dates and boyfriends make great effort to hide or ignore your dominion. They accept it, however, but return to their dominant persona after your first sex together.

35. You can integrate your strengths with a man’s, compensate for the weaknesses of both, and build success as a couple. He can’t. He lacks both interest and expertise for it.

36. You can tolerate an angry, aggressive man. When you turn that way, your man withdraws mentally if not physically. (Angry and aggressive are the antithesis of what men seek in a woman, they battle it daily with men, and so their interest in her wanes if and when she turns that way.)

37. You continually crave signs of your man’s love. He takes your love for granted. (Because he acts so unlike women, you feel his love must be sustained by you earning it, but he feels he deserves your love by virtue of your dependence on him. You needn’t earn his love, just show your dependence.)

38. Your man was born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Good mothering hopefully softened his heart to prevent mistreatment of you. Good fathering hopefully tempered his hard-headedness to treat all women respectfully and you affectionately.

39. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Good mothering teaches them when to use head and heart. Good fathering builds and strengthens a daughter’s confidence for balancing head and heart in her interests.

40. You expect your man’s faithfulness, which depends on his character and your trust. He expects continual assurance of your faithfulness, which he deduces daily and much more from actions than your words.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 40 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

21. Your man perceives your criticism as your reduced dependence on him, which he takes as less respect and gratefulness for who and what he is. On the other hand, you receive criticism, feel guilty, and usually do something as soon as you can figure out a way to fix the complaint and ease the guilt.

22. In spite of what you’ve heard and accept about winning your man by yielding sex, the way to a man’s heart continues to be through his stomach. Learning to cook far outweighs exotic or erotic appearance in keeping your man permanently devoted to you instead of sex—which could mean someone else.

23. You probably recognize that your man doesn’t love you as you love him. You love many people in many different ways. He has a single love: The person, occupation, or hobby that energizes, confirms, and upholds his sense of self-admiration the most. If you can’t appreciate, respect, and especially admire your man, don’t expect much loving appreciation to show up in his behavior.

24. Your man wants his abode, whether hut or castle, outfitted for his physical comfort. You want your nest lined with emotional comfort. Making up the difference calls for a wily chief nester and well-skilled wife.

25. The nature of your man’s behavior revolves mostly around competition and he tends to cooperate only when necessary or charmed into it by a shrewd woman. You prefer to cooperate first and compete only when necessary or challenged.

26. Your man thrives on your support and gratefulness for what he does; he knows that he deserves it. You thrive on his attentions that suggest devotion; it confirms your value to him and importance to yourself.

27. Your man’s desire for you to maintain his castle is much, much stronger than your natural objections to it. (But not your feminist-aligned objections, if any exist, or female ego opposition.)

28. Your man will call his abode a hut if he’s treated disrespectfully and call it a castle if he’s treated as the king. Your ego resists treating him as king, because you’re naturally driven to dominate your nest and his home. However, you’re blessed with the adroitness to merge and harmonize opposed self-interests.

29. When you want comfort and understanding, you seek to feel better by disclosing to a specific man and the dearer the better. When your man wants comfort and understanding, he does not disclose it but turns to a woman with whom he associates and can make himself feel better about himself.

30. Your man has several or many distinct missions in life—job, home, hobby, rest and relaxation. You have one mission—that of generating an ever-brightening, ever-rewarding life with a good man.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 30 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

11.  The more masculine you act, the less respectably and admirably appealing you appear to your man. The more admirably masculine he acts, the more appealing he appears to you. (If not true, then you, he, and perhaps both have likely bought into feminist-think.)

12.  After being criticized, you try to improve. Criticize your man and he proves it undeserved or you wrong. Either way you lose. He knows and values you highly for being able to correct him more indirectly. (Correcting him directly initiates competition which inspires him to avoid losing—to a woman.)

13.  You can expect your man’s immaturity to show up as mistreatment of you. If you mistreat him, look to yourself for immaturity. (Female-dominated maturation in childhood teaches one not to mistreat others.)

14.  Your man’s self-image is more important to him than his self-esteem. Confirming and expanding his self-image earns self-admiration that self-esteem does not. You are the reverse. Self-esteem is a foundation of your self-importance and self-image governs how you interact in life.

15.  You expect your man to provide affection; among other blessings it confirms your sense of self-importance. He expects to be admired as significant, so he focuses on your physical appeal and proving his significance in bed. He can’t understand why you don’t see it as fulfilling your expectation for affection. (It’s compounded by his nature not matching your craving for intimacy.)

16.  Just as yours wounds him, his sharp tongue wounds your spirit. A mature woman with a wounded spirit works harder to recover and do better. Men and immature females with wounded spirits seek someone else to nurse away their hurt. (Not taught in childhood to handle one’s hurts shows up later as reliance on others.)

17.  You can criticize your man and remain in love with him. Men can’t do the same. If he criticizes you, it weakens his respect and consequent love for you. Or, it signifies lack of his self-respect. (His respect for others is limited by his self-respect; our natures don’t allow us to share what we don’t have. In courtship, a man that persistently criticizes waves red flags as short of self-respect.)

18.  You are the relationship expert. Your man acknowledges his inferiority in this matter by paying little attention to the need for or the fulfillment of relationship maintenance.

19.  You can live with your man’s physical infidelity, but he can’t live with yours. You can’t live with his emotional unfaithfulness. He’s at a loss to understand it, but instinct tells him to argue to the contrary of whatever you assert. (Thus, he ends the competition of disagreement before he loses the argument—to a woman.)

20.  Your man’s drive to be head of the house far overpowers your natural objections to it. If you elevate him to chairman of the board, the vacuum makes you chief executive officer which empowers you perfectly for your other roles as chief nester, wife, and mother.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 20 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

1. Sex with a man bonds you but not him. Touching starts the bonding process in you but initiates the arousal process in him. The opposed emotions conflict to your disadvantage, until you figure out how to dominate the situation.
2. Your sexual assets are made useful by either yielding or not to a man. Your date or boyfriend’s sex drive is overbearing and often forceful unless taught otherwise by females, both you and those earlier in his life.
3. You are born with self-love that enables you to love someone else. Your man is born without it. He has to be taught how, when, and why to love both himself and others. If women didn’t teach him earlier in life, the burden falls to you.
4. Your man’s birth as ardent competitor guides him to produce and dominate human events. Your birth as cooperator and processor of human relationships enables you to harmonize relationships, whether as friends, lovers, or spouses.
5. Your man disturbs your sense of peaceable living for masculine purpose. You disturb his comfort for female purpose. He expects you to harmonize both efforts.
6. He’s the primary integrator of life outside the home. You as the chief nester are responsible for building his castle.
7. You expect affection and thrive on attention; both make you feel appreciated and important. Your man expects respect and admiration; both make him feel trusted.
8. As with all women, you learn to live with your guilt. Your man can’t or won’t live with it, finds ways to forget it, and tremendously resents you for even trying to lay guilt on him.
9. You’re an expert in sensing emotional infidelity and need for relationship maintenance. Your man is unfamiliar with both. He dismisses the concept of the former and denies responsibility for the latter.
10. Your man won’t compete with you for fear of losing his significance to a woman, which weakens his sense of self-admiration. Instead, he avoids competition or falls back on male dominance to win at best or not lose at least.

More will follow soon.

Touching reassures females and hugging convinces they are important. Women take it a step further. They initiate hugging men and expect affection without regard for masculine arousal that comes from touching females. Hugging a woman—and having to keep it innocent—smacks too much of both duty and restraint imposed by the feminist ethos.

Further fallout from Feminism instigates many social and domestic disharmonies. Among them:

• Providing sex is the way to a man’s heart, which erases the traditional ‘through his stomach’. It justifies women leaving the kitchen but also teaches them wrongly about the masculine heart.
• Morals are good or bad according to whether they favor or disfavor Feminism’s revolutionary agenda.
• Feminist ideology and politics promote squabbles among couples.
• Women aren’t satisfied to indirectly rule the rooster and let him appear to rule the roost. Women expect to rule the roost in appearance too.
• Support and encouragement of feminist objectives is more important than manly character. Women pay little attention to the character of men. They don’t highly value that which so easily connects them with men of high quality (defined as super friendly for helping fulfill female hopes and dreams).

American culture evolved out of Christianity and Judaism. Both are male dominated religions. Yet, American society morphed into our Judeo-Christian culture under wifely dominance, until feminists returned dominance to men through Feminism and its revolutionary theories.

Those are great questions, and I respond to all women. Seamlessly shift from Chief Nester to Chief Executive Officer as the Chairman of the Board departs. Then, develop an attitude of gratitude (#1839) and:

• Proudly display a self-sufficient and independent spirit happy to be awaiting his return from a routine absence. The more he views you running your solitary life as routine, smooth, and happy, the more confident he feels as your husband. He married the right woman, did he not?
• Don’t act victimized or as if you need to be babied. Your independence calms his fears.
• Don’t—above all—whine or moan about anything in your routine life, and make everything as routine as possible. Act happy whether you are or not. Don’t complain unless he can fix it from afar. Keep his thoughts separated from your problems. Solve them your own way and hide a lot until he comes home. As you need help, empathy, and sympathy, develop and depend on a mixture of family and female friends. Except for family members and perhaps geriatric neighbors, don’t let men help or do favors for you. (Ultra-geriatric in hubby’s imagination.)

Whining drives your man toward other women; it works this way. If he can’t do what you need and provide and protect up to HIS expectations, it deflates his sense of self-admiration, weakens his self-respect, and deadens his self-image. He sinks into a haze of mini-depression. ‘Mini-’ in that he isolates it into a side pocket of his life, where it prevents angst, anger, and helplessness about home matters from interfering with his job. The more intensely he wants to but can’t help you, the more intensely he wants to relieve frustration through lovemaking, which more easily weakens his conscience about the multiple reasons to remain faithful.

Just as anxiety depresses women, frustration demoralizes men and they are highly proactive about relief. The result is that men cheat more readily than women.

Consequently, with the best of intentions, whining wives drive husbands toward lovemaking outside the home where they can find relief from frustration. Your best policy is the same as used to protect secrets in government: need to know. If it’s a problem or a negative for your life, don’t disclose it. Honesty is essential to keep the marital vapor of trust from condensing into suspicion, but full disclosure hurts your relationship far more than it helps.

So, how to be honest but not fully candid? Find ways to shower him with respect and admiration. Use your newly developed attitude of gratitude for ideas.Current events in your life can be conveyed such that he senses deep admiration coming from you. Remembrances or family stories can be told in ways that do the same. If you’re upbeat and happy, hubby takes the credit when away from home. He left you in excellent shape to survive his absence and it reassures him. (No doubt you can imagine how the least suspicion about your fidelity overrides everything else you say.)

The more respect and admiration you deliver to his heart and mind, the more he feels good about himself. Feeling good about himself relative to you keeps passionate thoughts aimed at you instead of someone else.

Trust but don’t verify. Never mention trust and always presume it surrounds you as a couple. Your respect and admiration fleeting honestly through his mind keeps trust as a vapor surrounding the lives of both of you. Your spending so much time on him will keep you preoccupied such that he trusts you without wondering about it.

As with all else, you’re in charge. What you do and the way you do it sparks his faithfulness until he returns home. If he’s left to drift without your respect and admiration and the promise of your dependence when he returns, you shouldn’t expect total fidelity. (I dislike ending on that sour note, but it’s vital to your success.)

The truest path to female happiness is to find endless reasons to be grateful for themselves, others, and their way of life. Goals to find gratefulness produce a much better effect than improving relationships, because improvements require fault-finding and criticism. When fault-finding and criticism become habitual, improvements are frozen out by adversarial disagreement and cracks appear in the marital facade.

I call goal setting to find gratefulness as an attitude of gratitude. Out of every bad some good can be found. By always concentrating on the good and banishing the bad from one’s thoughts and considerations, beneficial thoughts soon compound into a full blown attitude of gratitude. With that attitude, a woman discovers that she’s also a happy person, which further compounds her gratefulness.

Men don’t work for or even think about happiness per se; it means so little. It may come or go, not to worry. If they need it, they’ll find it. They seek permanent pleasure in their work and temporary excitement in their play; they call it happy.

As women view happiness, the closest thing for men comes after many years of living successfully as mates. The wife sees her girlhood hopes and dreams realized. She gives husband the credit by thanking him for a good marriage, but privately she knows in her heart that the credit is hers for having turned him from Mr. GoodEnough into Mr. Right. It’s of small consequence to husband. He has a happy wife; he did a good job providing and protecting and that makes him happy. He needn’t dwell on it; he has other things to do. In her habitual gratitude-finding way, wife both defines and produces husband’s happiness, the kind she dreamed of as a girl and spent so many years producing.

NOTES:

1. This article summarizes. Details can be found in post 690 through 694.

2. Perhaps soon I’ll describe how an attitude of ingratitude spoils a woman’s reach for happiness and prevents her husband from ever finding what she calls happy.

Always alert, men receive distinct and even imagined sexual messages from every sexually attractive woman, and first impressions can last a lifetime. Some messages inspire male dominance and others neutralize it. Women benefit by neutralizing it, which starts with breast display, and so I focus there. Women have four options. Three encourage male dominance and one tends to neutralize it.

First option, first mistake. In hopes of establishing relationships, modern women assume the role of sellers with men as buyers. It makes a woman expect to prove her worth to earn a man, and they use sex as coin of the realm. (Her female nature should alert that its wrong for her, but women have been propagandized into adopting male-like sexual freedom. The sexual revolution was designed by and for males.)

It’s a far better attitude when she views herself as buyer and each man as seller. She sends loud messages to the effect that she’s already worth earning. Her selling price? He must prove his worth to her.

Second option, her biggest mistake. She advertises with cleavage and erotically exposed skin and expects men to be charged up such that her sexual assets will capture him for more than just sex. She tries to appear worthy of satisfying a man’s sexual appetite in hopes that he will bond and stay with her.

Women influence each man they encounter. Maximum cleavage and erotic skin exposure focuses men on sex. It takes their attention away from the female as respectable person and discourages searching for her non-sexual qualities. Whether intended as invitation or not, men are induced to focus on no more than what will lead her to yield sex.

Her immodesty is obvious, and it eases or relieves a man’s sense of masculine self-restraint, which also confirms his dominant spirit as okay with her. It also signals that she welcomes masculine-style sexual freedom—whether she does or not is moot, because he perceives it—and this shifts her into a player in the man’s game. She may attract and capture a man, but sex does not bond him; it only leads to temporary relationships because he never focuses on her enough to make her a keeper. This option also encourages the man’s game of wham, bam, thank you, ma’am and one-nighters with no follow up calls. By displaying her endowments so immodestly, she yields relationship dominance. (Foolishly, many women don’t believe they compete with women for men. So, they try to appear like their competition. In fact and quite naturally, men want a wife that appears unique and reflects credit on their ability to attract a mate.)

Third option, she doesn’t even try. She presumes either that she’s worthy or she needn’t attire herself to appeal to manly eyes. She may purposely seek to discourage masculine attention. Or, perhaps she seeks comfort because she’s not at this particular moment trying to attract a man. Regardless of size, breasts well-padded and shapeless shift manly focus to other women.

Sweatshirt-covered and bosom-shaped displays indicate age or attempts to dissuade men. Other women just look better. Big, shapeless, and comfortable for her won’t reduce a man’s eagerness for conquest, but it reduces his enthusiasm for keeping her after that. Wives often resort to comfort—even to sloppiness—without realizing the impact on husband. It’s not modesty but may be disrespect of hubby. In any event, her shapeless breasts lack ‘character’ and push men toward other women, and husbands are men.

Fourth option, perfect aim. Some women possess a highly conscientious feminine persona. They maximize their feminine impact on men. They do it for all men in order to attract the right candidates for Mr. GoodEnough. They understand that it starts with breast display.

Modest cover to the neck with two, albeit small, distinct breasts pointed uncomfortably high and perky forces decent men to focus on her eyes and other features in order to maximize their persuasiveness. No invitation for sex is apparent, and so he’s forced to find other interests to generate conversation. (Large breasts make him think of playing around in bed. Small ones take away playful thoughts and stimulate non-sexual actions out of his serious mind.)

She appears not only hard-to-get, but is implying ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na, ♫na to his face—look but don’t even think about touching. Her appearance and attitude force the hunter-conqueror to plan for a long campaign. This empowers her to keep his attention focused on her and finding her other qualities so essential for her to be a keeper. He’s distracted from sex, which enables her to dominate their relationship.

Highly stressed modesty and two high, pointed, and perky breasts blended in a non-sexual ‘in your face’ attitude can easily overpower male dominance. Men wilt under that kind of feminine determination, unless they are only after sex in the first place. In which case, she will soon detect it from his actions and can put him back in the parade before he misleads her into a mistake or worse.

How women display breasts determines whether they can successfully handle men with feminine bossiness or get manhandled with masculine brusqueness. Women are in charge, as always if they act like it, and her well-designed offense can tamp down a man’s offense before he even gets started. Male dominance begins to quiver before such a woman, and a dominance-neutralized start up can later harmonize their marriage with him ruling the roost and her ruling the rooster.

Modern women accept whatever character Mr. GoodEnough displays. Men find it unnecessary to develop and display a responsible character in order to earn the admiration of females. As a result, the character of both sexes declines in quality and their lives follow suit.

Women initiate the self-fulfilling prophecy. They blame men for making society unfriendly for females and they get exactly that. Men accept cheap and easy sex as compensation. It enables Feminism to march on unencumbered by common sense and well-reasoned thought based on both the true nature and integrity of men and women.

Women today choose a man based on the imagined hope their female loving hearts disclose. Foolishly hoping that love conquers all, mostly hers with a smidgen of his, women slip and slide down rather than enable themselves to climb the relationship slope.

It boils down to this. As the character of women goes, so goes the character of men. Consequently, the cure for both womanly and manly ills lies within women. Need I point out that female character grows strong, determined, and more respectable when wrapped confidently in a moral code based on a Supreme Being rather than Man? Or, that females profit much more than men from the good in people and the lack of bad and evil? Or, that Judaism, Christianity, and our Judeo-Christian cultural values persuade people to become better people than whatever goodness already fills their hearts?

The most fundamental primal need of women is for a brighter future. If female destiny lies in the character of men and that lies in the character of women, why do women not promote and perpetuate beneficial relationship values? For example: High quality manliness flows from character. Her love depends on his integrity. Personal responsibility earns marriage, which earns sex. A demonstrated sense of domestic responsibility earns the privilege of fathering children. A brighter future and destiny awaits women that upgrade their expectations.

In writing WhatWomenNeverHear, not enough attention has been paid to character and its role in fulfilling womanly hopes and dreams. Perhaps that which appears above is but a start. I continue to believe and confirm to myself almost every day that women are the dominant value setters and female values are the backbone of the traditional and unique American version of Western civilization.

Modern women need to pay more attention to the character quality of the men they consider Mr. GoodEnough. Their future will brighten by merging female hopes and dreams with a man eligible by virtue of his character to wend his way to a brighter destiny.

1. Attempts to change men are seen as rooted in Feminism. Men reject it instinctively.
2. Men don’t listen to men about how to improve themselves. If they don’t know already, men expect to learn all they need to know firsthand and not from a competitor.
3. Modern women forsake their natural ability to change a man when they yield first-sex together. Men have no interest in convincing women otherwise and lack interest in changing themselves to please a woman after they conquer her.
4. In the realm of women initiating change, men change for one reason. It’s to comply with a woman’s pre-conquest expectations. As they figure her out over time, men change both words and actions to facilitate conquest. (Women remain vulnerable. A man’s actions may be temporary or permanent. His words may be sincere or insincere. Only chaste time together—a lengthy courtship for instance —earns her sufficient respect for his heart to accept her refusals and appreciate her promise as a previously chaste mate. Her virgin or near-virgin status signifies that no or very few men out competed him for sex with her, which is more important than her actual chasteness. I recognize that modern men don’t seem wired that way, but it describes the male nature hidden under pop culture values.)
5. Present-day cheap and easy sex appeals to men. They thrive on their own promiscuity but abhor it in women they find worth mating. They don’t want social values and arrangements to change, but they expect to marry a woman as close to virgin status as possible. (Women can hide past promiscuity as described under Virtual Virginity as listed in the CONTENTS page.)
6. Radical feminists demeaned the male character and condemned patriarchy. Under the guise of promoting matriarchy, they initiated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Feminists believe and non-feminists accept the propaganda, and men began and continue to live up to what women expect. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled. Made to feel worthless in the process of females finding happiness through feminist values and pressures, men lost their desire to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. They continue to perceive few incentives to improve their worth except self-worth.
7. Women squawk and act desperate about male shortcomings. Men don’t pay attention, because sex is so cheap and easy. If a woman is hard to live with, men can find another woman eager to provide sex with no cover charge bigger than her hope of his commitment. Men have learned to keep open all escape options. It’s easy too with women so desperate to have dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands.

It does no good for me or anyone else to tell men they have defects and flaws that are unattractive to women. Men don’t change as women want. WADWMUFGAO* Men change in response to what makes them feel good about themselves. Just pleasing women or a woman doesn’t do that. They feel good when they want and do please a woman. Consequently, the more a woman wants to be pleased, the less he will do it. Which of course begs the question: What should she do to perpetuate a man’s desire to please her? Answer: Find gratitude in her, him, life, and everything else because gratefulness breeds happiness and men love to have a happy woman nearby who is deserving and easy to please.

Women can only influence men to change by rejecting feminist thought and gaining a better understanding of the male nature. Then, they can do it one woman and one man at a time. A better understanding of both men and women can be found in the ‘Redux’ series that starts at post 1747. That lengthy series contrasts the sexes as very different and promotes female initiatives that win greater favor with men.

——

*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.