2063. Signs of Devotion in the Dating Stage


At post 2055 Her Highness Cinnamon asked for details that reveal a guy’s devotion in the dating phase. That’s easy. There is none except his devotion to his interest and her devotion to her interest. However, there’s always the possibility of a man’s love at first sight. One of the first things that emerges quickly is devotion to her. It’s just an ‘automatic’ phenomenon. (Women don’t love a man at first sight; they just imagine it out of too much anxiety or hope.)

However, I see what Cinnamon is after. What signals a man’s worth to move into courtship and beyond? With apology to her, however, I think more benefit may come from citing things often overlooked by gals enthralled in romantic love.

Therefore, these ‘pointy fingers’ hint at or reveal the unlikelihood that a man’s devotion of almost any woman will develop. That is, red flags unfurl, stormy weather ahead.

  1. He resists or resents just about anything that pleases her. He pleases her only when he wants something. (Which reflects deep self-centeredness and probably selfishness.)
  2. He lacks thoughtfulness, respect, punctuality, reliability, politeness, or even awkwardness or discomfort in his attempts to charm her. (Awkwardness discloses uneasiness about doing something wrong, and so it’s a good sign.)
  3. He lacks appreciation for her humor, presence, patience, housekeeping, job or family obligations, attractiveness (above and beyond the sexual).
  4. He presents her with no evidence that he admires any features, traits, habits, or qualities about her. (Lack of admiration means he sees no virtues in her and men want to marry a virtuous woman.)
  5. He doesn’t please her in order to please himself. (This is tricky. He’s more invested in her when he pleases her to please himself.)
  6. He lacks interest to do what she sometimes wants them to do together. (Such lack of respect signals no foundation for his love.)
  7. He considers her attentions to him to be excessive and has no problem telling her about it. (If she nags about loneliness, she is the red flag.)
  8. He angers easily at her for little things. That is, he ticks off easily. (And you say, most men do. And I say, not if she’s important enough for him. He either values her above his temper or devotion is probably not in the cards. Admittedly, after they marry, couples learn that husband’s temper and devotion are not mutually exclusive like they should be in courtship when his self-control is part of selling himself to her. Wife has already bought into him.)
  9. He shows little interest in contacting her frequently and regularly. (He may have good reason and slowness of initiative should not raise a red flag. For example, it’s tolerable if he wants to keep him in her mind, but preferable if he wants to set her mind at ease.)
  10. He seems unwilling to respect and accommodate both her modesty and vanity. He can’t live with the fairness (normal man’s value) of being punctual to her tardiness fixing up. (In the natural course of things, her tardiness signifies that she’s the more important member of the courting arrangement. If not acknowledged by him, red flags unfurl and courtship is probably wrong for them.)
  11. He exhibits bad habits as she defines ‘bad’ without his showing interest to change just to please her. (Doesn’t mean he has to change at her request but to at least show honest and sincere effort to do so hopefully for the purpose of just satisfying her.)
  12. He prefers the company of buddies over aloneness with her. (IOW, she’s not as respected as his fun or socializing time.)
  13. He lets sex dominate his thinking when around her and when contacting her routinely. (The more prevalent his interest in sex, the less his true interest in her. How can I say that? People get what they think about. Thinking about it leaves less time and words for other things. Until pre-conquest sex with her is hugely secondary, he’s not very devoted to her.)
  14. He resists investing his time, effort, or money in her. He’s single-minded to be super-efficient in their relationship. To produce the most for them at least cost to him. (After they marry, he gets worse. He won her with frugality, he can keep her satisfied (man’s value) while he becomes more successful at it. It’s the man’s nature coming alive this way. He admires himself for every nickel saved. Unfortunately, she pays a huge price for his satisfaction and her inability to earn happiness for lack of resources with which to spread her gratefulness among others.)
  15. He gives too big rather than thoughtful gifts. (Trying too hard to impress her signals that he’s buying her off, which reverses their natural roles. It pushes her into the corner of becoming the seller (to keep gifts coming) rather than the buyer of whatever he has to offer of himself without gifts. Respect is not buried in gifts but in the intent behind the giving. Thoughtfulness reflects his respect much better than his gift. Am I right, ladies?)
  16. He keeps his schedule from her to prevent her knowledge, involvement, or ability to investigate. (It’s natural for men to thus protect their independence and tend to their own business in their own way. It’s a strong instinct proportionally related to alpha, beta, gamma traits.)
  17. He keeps his agenda mysterious and doesn’t even hint at what her role might be in his life if and when they get more serious or marry. (Unwillingness to address her role keeps her closer to the sideline in case he wants to jump out of the relationship. The absence of such thoughts corresponds with unwillingness to fully commit.)
  18. He seems to purposely make himself unpredictable to her. (To be predictable is to lose independence. Men not fully devoted to their woman try endlessly to retain their independence even in small ways.)
  19. He flirts with other women when with her. (Contrary to woman-think, routine flirting does not signify emotional infidelity. Men don’t recognize emotional infidelity as important, and they don’t or can’t empathize with women about it. Therefore, women have to be more direct and teach their man, Thou shall not flirt, period.)
  20. He fails to flirt and tease her tenderly, abundantly, and sincerely. (Then he has little or no interest in making her feel good about herself.)
  21. He shows more interest in other things and people than in her. (He’s just not that into her, is he?)
  22. He sends out signals that she interprets as his using her to advance his agenda. (Does she want to tag along with his agenda?)
  23. He dodges commitment except when tied to frequent and convenient access to sex—e.g., shack up—and dodges even more when marriage comes up. (The female heart is loaded with self-protective reasons to find fault in such a guy.)
  24. He uses words of commitment but doesn’t show actions that signify devotion. (Her heart know this. Words are temporary. Only devotion is permanent. Now, how does she go about helping the former become the latter? Be herself, trust her heart, and rely on her patience and indirectness.)
  25. He attaches little extra value to the ‘us’ side of their relationship. He just can’t truly make her more important than him in his value system. (It does not bode well for her future even if sweetened by his presence.)
  26. He proactively claims both intent and ability to make her happy. (His idea of her happiness is her responding favorably to his leadership. OTOH, if he’s truly into her rather than sex, he’s worried about keeping her (the present) more than promising things (the future).)
  27. He promises her the moon. It’s an indirect invitation to bed. (When men come courting with indirectness, they abandon their direct nature. Women like to hear but should not trust romantic promises. Don’t dump him yet. Wait for his actions to match his words.)

Now, obviously those behaviors are more easily detectable during courtship. But the symptoms can be detected in dating and should raise red flags.

Cinnamon, if this doesn’t respond sufficiently well to your request, let me know. However, I know you ladies read more good signs and red flags in your lives than I can ever imagine. I think reason to veto is more useful. Avoidance usually beats the cure. Women already know how to buy in when they want to believe their date is almost Mr. Right.

During the dating phase, women should look for behaviors that hint that he’s not likely to fit any of those pointed fingers. That is, he’s likely to grow in the direction that leads to devotion. It may, however, be courtship phase before those signs are certain enough in a dating woman’s mind so they don’t rise up and bite her. If her screening and judging stop before he walks to the altar, she has sold herself short.

 

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2062. Female Blessings at Birth — 64-66


Thank you ladies for the nice responses to post 2061’s Editor’s Note. I love it when pretty women say I’m doing the right thing.

This is the 23rd group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

64. I grasp instinctively that man must be capable of evil since there is so much. I sense a burden to stop it but give up at the thought how little old me can do anything. [Guy adds: When men don’t have to step up to moral standards imposed by their woman or higher authority than Man, then morality crumbles under the heel of male dominance guided and eventually governed by alpha men without consciences. It’s a cycle that repeats throughout history. Our Judeo-Christian culture is the best system ever devised to uphold morality as the guiding principle. Now that appears to be disappearing.]

65. I am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband as long as he deserves it. But I also have a say in it even though public opinion seems to ignore my opinion. (It seems fair that submission is my side of the bargain for him to give up his independence for me.) [Guy adds: Women have the free will to deal with the submission issue as they choose. Their naturally endowed relationship expertise provides them with the capability to turn disputes into mutual agreement provided they don’t wish for something else.]

66. I reap great pleasure spreading joy wherever I go but especially in my own home. Unfortunately, I can’t be as joyful as I would like; it just seems to slip away. [Guy adds: Imagine if you can, a joy-filled woman sitting around doing nothing or spending her time alone. Joy doesn’t come without self-gratitude, and that doesn’t come without discovering within herself the multitude of blessings that she inherits at birth. And when she has enough self-gratitude, she doesn’t sit around doing nothing. She extends herself, adds to her self-importance, and out of that great wives emerge to uphold morality and enable others to find joy. A favorite example is this. Men conquered the American West but wives civilized it by imposing religious values on their husbands directly and other men indirectly. Whatever joy they had as women, it arose out of success imposing morality on men to make society more female friendly.]

Example for your response: “66-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

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2061. Female Blessings at Birth — 61-63


EDITOR’S NOTE: I detect disinterest in this series. Is there too much of it? Irrelevant to your life? Inaccurate or too speculative? Make you uncomfortable? I’ve not lost my conviction that the major impediment to female happiness in society today is this. Women are not grateful enough for themselves as unique individuals. They too much want to be thankful that they are like everyone else, which is sour thinking for gals seeking happiness with a lifetime mate. The best men marry women who are unique, different from other gals. Poorer candidates for marriage have to take what’s left over. In our case here, it means gals who have little different to offer than sex, which doesn’t make them different to men thinking long term.

Nevertheless, for now, I continue with the project of asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 21st group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

61. I know that my mirror-reflected image is both my best friend (next to Jesus) and one to whom I cannot lie for very long. It constantly varies, but in front of a mirror I’m grateful for either the mirror, my image, or myself. Consequently, a mirror works as a reliable pick-me-up. [Guy adds: I am frequently asked why I recommend mirror time each morning. The reasons are scattered in several article and too numerous for here. I shall prepare a new summary article, so don’t let me forget it.]

62. I unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people whom I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t. [Guy adds: This is always worth repeating. If you want to be trusted by someone, show them more respect. If you want to be respected, show them more trust. Let that percolate within your parental mind too.]

63. I am intuitively able to give people benefit of the doubt until they prove undeserving of it. [Guy adds: Two natural reasons are behind that female trait. First, females are primarily givers until turned against it or for certain things. Second, giving benefit of the doubt is a vital technique for relationship experts; give it up and expertise is weakened.]

Example for your response: “63-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything. And even more especially, if you will respond to the Editor’s Note at the top.

 

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2060. Female Blessings at Birth — 58-60


I return to the project of asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 20th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the list. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can figure out better ways to lead better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, friend, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals. They need only acknowledge just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life. That is, born to be compatible with themselves, others, and particularly a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add comment with each blessing, perhaps I could be wrong in your eyes. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and trying to describe truth. I search for the blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance, the superior sex vs. the dominant one. Women deserve it but they have to do most of the work to keep the battle of the sexes balanced in their favor.

I continue to ask for your opinion to confirm or deny, true or false.

58. While I never thought of it in these terms, I recognized early in childhood that dad’s authority status was higher than mom’s and parental authority exceeded that of children. While it didn’t keep me from challenging everything in life, recovery from my mistakes was aided by their superior ability and status. I am grateful for only driving them out of their minds instead of me out of their hearts. [Guy adds: After the conscious mind opens in the third year, girls become sensitive to the role that authority plays in their lives. They have the ability to automatically acknowledge authority figures, and how they will respond to the use of authority. Of course it doesn’t take long before they also learn to test authority figures, perhaps even to play one against another. Success breeds self-respect and self-confidence. Failure provides lessons learned as part of self-development. They learn quickly that authority can aid self-development. Boys are not born so resilient or quick as learners.]

59. The more I am grateful for others, the more important I am to myself. [Guy adds: And self-importance pumps self-gratitude into your heart. IOW, by finding gratefulness outside yourself, you magnify it within. You inherited the ability at birth—you can be grateful for yourself just by continually looking and finding it elsewhere. And, your happiness flows from gratefulness, both for self and others.]

60. Unless I can do nothing about it at the time, I love the ‘renewed self’ that pervades my spirit when I spend time ‘fixing up’ at a mirror. It encourages me to purposely make up to please myself for being so pleasant to look at. [Guy adds: It’s powerfully useful first thing in the morning. Departing the mirror with uplifted spirits encourages you in the role of importance to family and leads you dynamically to help others achieve success and you to achieve importance in the day’s events.]

Example for your response: “60-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

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2059. Men are Never More Handsome….


At 2058 Her Highness Prettybeans said to me. “Men are never more handsome as when they continue in their tireless efforts to teach and encourage recovery among ladies. Thank you.” Thus, she gives me both a perfect payday and perfect opportunity to further explain men.

When a man does something he considers a responsibility or obligation, it may be nice but he doesn’t expect to be thanked. It’s his duty. It’s the flip side of an unearned gift. Moreover, in today’s world, thank you is as worn out in sincerity as “I apologize.” So men pay little attention to thank you. Unless of course it’s extended as part of a hug from a pretty woman, which makes what he hears even less relevant.

OTOH, surprisingly expressed indirect compliments work wonders. Even reading Prettybeans above, note that the sentence is flooded with meaning for me that makes “Thank you” virtually unnoticeable.

I propose you ladies learn to charm men in general by charming individuals of opportunity. Charm both known and unknown men with indirect compliments wrapped in female boldness that produces the feminine advantage that women long to have. The benefits come to women from the effects they have on the masculine mind.

My favorite indirect compliment is this: “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady (for whatever they do).” Use it every time a man pleases you. Opens the door, seats you at table, lets you go ahead of him in a waiting line, husband does laundry or brings you flowers. It doesn’t matter. If a man pleases you, suggest that he just might be made more handsome for doing it. You like to be reminded that you’re pretty don’t you? Indirectness works best with men.

  • First, you have not hit on him. You merely used a surprisingly pleasant way of expressing gratefulness for manly conduct that pleases you as a woman. After the same man has heard it several times, the surprise may evaporate but the friendly reminder will only fade slightly if at all.
  • When you claim yourself as a lady a few times, you will benefit both yourself and set standards for men. Up to which men learn to step when convinced you are what you claim repeatedly.
  • The phrasing makes it sound routine for other men. Strangers read it that you are routinely pleased by other men and it generates uncommon friendliness. Men you know are encouraged to do more to stay ahead of their competitors and to keep you pleased with them.
  • Men love to be called handsome by women, but you didn’t call him that. You call him one of many. He has to infer that he’s included among the pleasers of women, which encourages more because of the success you surprise him with.
  • Although delivered directly, you pass an indirect compliment. He has to make it personal. If he’s handsome for pleasing you, then his male competitors are too. To compete better, he’s encouraged to please you and perhaps others as opportunities arise. He sees women as targets to uplift as unique and deserving of his ability to please. It’s a natural follow-on to his success among competitors. He only has to connect pleasing women to earning self-admiration to make him a better man in the eyes of females.

It works in writing, just as Prettybeans wrote to me above. But, ladies, if you want the full effect, do it this way. For example, a stranger speeds up to hold open the door for you to enter a public building. Halfway through or after the door closes, stop to gain his attention, smile sincerely, capture his eyeballs with yours, and BOLDLY say, “You know, (pause) men are never more handsome that when they please a lady.” And don’t say thank you. Just continue to smile and walk on with something like “Have a good day.”

He can’t just hear it either. His ears are not his primary sensor. Belief only comes when he sees your earnestness. Eye-to-eye displays feminine courage that men respect.

I understand you ladies can’t accept what I propose. It requires too much boldness among other sensibilities. Were I in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t think of such a thing. Remember, I’m pushing you no harder than showing an example. Primarily, I’m using it to explain the male mind. You have to figure out how to make men please you, as modern men don’t seem too eager except in pursuit of sex. Only women can train men to do the right thing as women see what is right. Most women think it’s right for them to be pleased and especially by men. That’s why I’m here to help.

I promise you this. Provided you do it boldly, smilingly, and with eyeballs locked with his when you say it, you will find significant pleasure in their reactions. You’ll recognize that you’ve charged them up with new pleasure and perhaps fascination in you. When a woman makes a man feel fantastic about himself, she assumes an aura of respectability that modern women lack.

What’s the effect on him? Think it through. You just convinced one man that ladies have standards up to which a man can easily find success, can find pleasure doing for others. To be more significant, to find more self-admiration, he only needs to please more women. How can that not be good? How can that not enhance the importance of a woman?

If you recall their natures, women are born to be good and men to do good. But women have to determine what is good for men to do. When men determine what is good, women find it mostly ‘ungood’ for them.

If women are ever to stop or even slow modern society’s slide from goodness toward evil, they must let men know that female standards not only exist but need to be honored. The way to gain honor is to encourage men to do good, specifically do what women expect. The simple “Men are never more handsome…” can jumpstart any woman’s contribution to pleasing men by pleasing herself to please men in ways that benefit Womanhood.

 

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2058. Submissive #12 — Submissive Ends Submission


The last installment in this series starts here. My hope is that it equal or exceed the clarity and quality of the 11 others.

39. Men unsure of themselves and unwilling to let it be known arbitrarily expect submission in their woman. Relationship experts, also known as mature women, know better than to get involved with such men in the first place. [Guy adds: Of course, to some women usually endowed with less maturity, it makes a guy more attractive. She perceives that he needs to change and she’s just the gal to do it.]

40. More than the actuality, how submissiveness appears to both husband and other men is a major issue. Admittedly, it is an ego thing. [Guy adds: She may find it more peaceful to present herself submissive to husband one way and differently in front of other men. The object being to protect husband’s self-image before others.]

41. Just like men on the job, women expect to have their way in domains that advance their self-interest agenda, especially in their home, marital relationship, and mothering. Success depends largely on generating at least the appearance that he rules the roost. [Guy adds: If she expects to rule the rooster, she specializes in getting up before the rooster crows—actually and not just figuratively. He learns to depend on his woman when she prepares his day ahead of him. His dependence and her importance slips when she follows him out of bed in the morning. (I speak about their natures and not today’s practices. I also see the need to once again explain what appears to be alibiing for men.]

42. By not getting in his face, she keeps him open for negotiating and accepting her influence. She knows that his guilt about his own mistakes impresses him much more than if she cites them to his face or in front of others such as the kids. Staying out of his face is the essence of capitalizing on her submissive spirit. [Guy adds: Her peaceful and accepting demeanor in the face of his mistakes makes him doubly regretful and uncomfortable. It’s discomfort that mostly inspires men to change.]

43. Submission aside, over the years the wife/mother ultimately wields the greatest family influence. In the final analysis, she is much better equipped to anticipate competing decisions and negotiate or disguise with cooperation what is really happening in home and family. [Guy adds: It’s the product of an expert relationship expert doing her expert best.]

A woman’s submissive spirit is equally or more influential than a man’s expectation of submission. That is, however, if she fully develops the God-given talent inherent in her submissive spirit. And thus this series ends.

 

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2057. Submissive #11 — Recovery Made Easy


Female indirectness and nudging has this inherently beautiful feature. Mistakes are the most minor, least offensive possible and therefore more easily recoverable. Trial and error feeling out a man’s preferences doesn’t cause terminal mistakes. Thus, feminine leadership by indirectness takes on the flavor of ‘it pleases me to please you’.

34. Despite what women are taught or presume, a submissive spirit tightens her relationship, strengthens her influence, and success calms her feminine ego. All three results favorably impact her primal need for a brighter future. [Guy adds: IOW she’s the main relationship driver unless she refuses or rejects gaining the most persuasive role for herself, which should commence with first date. It’s one of the greatest challenges for pre-conquest dating and courtship. Getting her man to conclude that beneath her hard-headed defense of her sexual assets lies a submissive spirit eager to arise and support him if they ever marry.]

35. Submission is what men call obedience they think they deserve in exchange for yielding independence and assuming responsibility to provide and protect. Her submissive spirit directly demonstrates support and indirectly shows gratitude for husband. [Guy adds: IOW, men think they deserve their woman’s submission more for what men do than who they are. When doubted or questioned, however, they fall back on entitlement. Also, the results that she produces out of her submissive spirit make up half of his payday for husbanding and fathering. The other half comes from his appreciation of what comes out of her mouth. The half-half ratio is subject to great variance as to time, place, and a couple’s relationship.]

36. He can best see things her way after her submissive spirit acknowledges his decision-making predominance. In that way, she dampens his dominance and makes him vulnerable to her female patience, feminine charm, and wifely indirectness. [Guy adds: With him vulnerable, wife can nudge adjustments to his decisions both proactively and reactively. When he responds agreeably to her nudging, she’s doing everything right to maximize her influence.]

37. He is primarily the provider-protector and focused on the here and now. He sees success as short term results—good job, income, home life. He knows who he is and where he is going. It is axiomatic that certain family domains are his responsibility and others are not. He concerns himself primarily with pushing that agenda where he expects to have undisputed authority. [Guy adds: All of that until, that is, she tames him into a lesser and usually more agreeable if not likeable autocrat. Which is an achievement made possible through the artistry of feminine nudging and indirect leadership.]

38. If she can’t submit, if she fights the idea, he will not commit—perhaps in words but not in his heart, that is. It doesn’t mean forever. He may commit later if he continues to perceives promise that she will ultimately buy into his expectations. [Guy adds: Before conquest, a guy likely will not expect her submission. He expects ardent defense of her sexual assets. She does wrong to convince him that she’s willing to be submissive before they marry. It programs his mind that she’s a pushover and urges him to try harder to overcome her hard-headed defense against conquest. It’s the idealized view, but she does best that enables her man to conclude that he buys her submission before marriage. She doesn’t give it away; he has to earn it.]

This series closes tomorrow with article #12.

 

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