2014. Fathering: New Thoughts on It


  • The essence of mother-love is unconditional respect for the child. The essence of father-love is conditional respect based on a mix of four ingredients. 1) The actions he takes to fulfill his sense of duty for raising his offspring. Feelings follow actions and so actions program his heart. 2) The respect the child earns in the father’s eyes. Men don’t respect without reason. Boys don’t either, but before puberty they learn to copy their mother’s respect for others. 3) Fathers respect for the mother is sufficient that he doesn’t want to disappoint her or let her think him incapable or insignificant.
  • Fathers enforce mom’s teaching of obedience but they lack unconditional respect for the child; their respect revolves naturally around kids doing what mom or dad expects. When involved to impose discipline on children, men are more energized to appreciate and preserve their own self-respect than respect the culprit they face. Consequently, a natural gap exists between a woman’s urge to unconditionally respect a child and a man’s expectation that respect be earned. Mom more easily than dad earns a child’s respect. As with men, a boy’s love is founded on respect for the love object. So, son loves father proportional to his respect for dad, which emanates from dad’s trust for son.
  • From toddlerhood to adulthood, children learn to respect others according to the trust they are shown as self-developers. (Boys try it independently and learn by mistakes but girls seek guidance to avoid mistakes.) To the extent they are trusted as self-developers, kids view themselves respected as a person, a boy or girl, and as a member of the family in that order. Later in life, boys self-develop as fathers, which requires they shift roles and give trust to earn the respect of children. (Demanding respect before trusting kids torpedoes the long-range interest of fathers; kids learn not to trust dad.)
  • Consequently, the road of true father-love loops from endless trust for child’s self-development to ever-growing respect for father. Around and around it loops and gathers emotional momentum. But the loop needs an on-ramp. Since a man’s love builds on a foundation of respect, fathers enter the fray awkwardly. They must trust the child first if they are to be respected. (It reminds of this: Wife must first trust husband, if she expects to be respected with emotional faithfulness. Mutual love grows out of trust and respect continually uplifted with both parties adding energy with new initiatives.)
  • Greater trust of child generates greater respect for father, which encourages father to serve better as near-nurturer to the toddler, leader of the prepubescent, and coach to the teen.

 

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2013. Female Blessings at Birth — 16-18


It’s the sixth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy explains,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions of how women are motivated by virtues they inherit at birth.

16. I am capable of finding new ways almost every day by which to show and encourage my boyfriend that he must respect me for who I am, what I do, and especially what I refuse to do. [Guy explains: Her capability to enhance her future by protecting herself in the present arises out of her adaptable female nature and her near-constant thinking about her man. Her dedication to self-protection arises out of 1) her sense of relative importance with others. 2) The inherited-at-birth belief that she deserves respect as person, female, and girlfriend. 3) The natural expectation that boyfriend’s respect will be confirmed by his actions and reactions aimed at pleasing her. She intuits but social pressures encourage her to ignore this. If he can’t respect her wishes for chasteness before marriage, he won’t give too much respect for what she wishes after that event. IOW, refusing to yield before marriage earns the essential ingredient of masculine love, respect, that extends beyond the altar.]
17. I am grateful that men and I battle continually to see if a man conquers me for sex first or I conquer him for marriage. [Guy explains: Her heart is intuitively convinced: 1) Protecting her sexual assets is essential for the fulfillment of her girlhood hopes and dreams—although the connection is easily broken by social pressure. 2) Competing and directness best protect her interest before marriage but cooperating and indirectness serve her best after the altar. 3) Failing to yield to each man earns self-respect which also earns the respect of other men.]
18. I am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read and interpret the signs of it. [Guy explains: Her vitality arises out of her sense of importance in the lives of others. Her gratefulness arises out of her inherited-at-birth relationship expertise and ability to sense and interpret feedback.]

Example for responses: “17-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2012. Female Blessings at Birth — 13-15


Fifth group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or is something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

13. I find solace knowing that I must show respect and gratitude for my husband above all others (and realize when I slow or stop that he will tend to wander). [Editor says: That expression of her nature has roots in her superior skill of adaptability, spirit of cooperation, and sense of importance serving someone else.]
14. I am capable more of giving that taking and am especially grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself. [Editor says: Her giving is rooted in her tender-heartedness and the gratefulness in her sense of importance.]
15. I am capable of finding new ways every day to show and encourage my husband that he is respected for who he is and what he does. [Editor says: That conviction arises out of a woman’s determination to brighten her future by constantly striving to improve it or at least keep it from dimming. Thus, she invests in her future by keep her man satisfied that he’s doing right by her.]

Example for responses: “14-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2011. Female Blessings at Birth — 10-12


Fourth group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

10. I can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa. [Editor says: She’s born to be adaptable, and mutual worth that is mutually appreciated breeds cooperation and confirms compatibility. Women, as the relationship experts, drive the compatibility bus.]
11. I depend on my husband by doing for him rather than expecting him to do for me. [Editor says: It enlarges her sense of self-importance to do for him, and he interprets it as respect and gratitude that he deserves. Reversed, ‘him doing for her’ all the time translates as his appreciation for her. Being appreciated is temporary to her and has little influence over events that add to her importance and shape her thinking about everything else. Consequently, she becomes much more influential when ‘she does for him’ rather than the reverse. She’s born to do it that way, the intuitive way.]
12. I don’t depend on my boyfriend. He does for me rather than me doing for him. [Editor says: It calls for the opposite reasoning of #11 above. His actions ‘doing for her’ program his heart toward devotion for her. Without actions to please himself for pleasing her, his heart doesn’t reprogram, his devotion doesn’t develop. Furthermore, conquest slows or stops his actions to please her to the same extent, because her yielding sex their first time together tells him that’s all he has to do. He now ‘owns’ their sex agenda so all is well in his world.]

Example for responses: “10-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2010. Dressed to Kill—His Imagination That Is


PREFACE. Feminists endorsed and encouraged it. Women dress down for female convenience rather than dress up for attracting male attention. Doing so minimizes and neutralizes the male urge for sex and is supposed to help promote the death of patriarchy. Feminists and advocates even used shame via sexist and harassment claims. Didn’t work, did it. Male dominance worsens, because men have been made desperate to defend themselves against politics. They try harder and even fight back; they take it out on women who act more like enemies than friendlies. The natural and unconquerable male urge for sex has morphed into disrespect for female-friendly interests.

REALITY. The real world produces unintended consequences. Using politics to alter human nature, Feminism’s fallout continues. 1) It neutralizes masculine interest in one woman and spreads manly interest to all females. 2) Makes conquest more relevant and respectable to men than family responsibility. 3) Weakens unconditional respect for the opposite sex, both ways too. 4) Makes girls better conquest targets and trophies. 5) Makes the marital marketplace less friendly for female aging. 6) Destroys interest in lifetime togetherness for couples. 7) Demolishes the girlhood hopes and dreams of women.

A woman’s appearance sends messages that women can read but men decode subliminally. For example, these are common. Sloppy attire symbolizes the lack of admirable qualities, aka virtues. Low-care grooming symbolizes low self-respect, which precludes fascination. Dressed below what the occasion calls for can be read as self-worth of lesser value, aka low self-image, than that of the others present. Overdressed for an occasion can signal pretention, phoniness, or fashion ignorance. An overly erotic appearance signals cheapness. None discourages the masculine urge for conquest, but all of the above discourage manly interest in anything beyond first-sex together.

To be more specific, how does a woman’s skin-tight clothing influence men? Flab and flaws discourage or offend male eyeballs, turn off masculine curiosity, and reduce the interest of men looking for more than sex. Lack of perfection dulls his eye-viewing except for conquest. The thought arises that she appears desperate and will yield easily. In exchange for conquest he accepts that she will look worse unwrapped. So does he want her?

Einstein said, “Imagination is greater than knowledge.” However, without curiosity a man’s imagination doesn’t energize to penetrate beyond her surface appearance. His eyes reveal all the knowledge he needs. Skin-tight wrappings reveal that beneath it she’s careless, not neat, and probably desperate. An acceptable conquest but little else, perhaps nothing beyond it. Whatever his interest becomes, he forms it without knowing or even caring what she really looks like undressed. That’s the wrong way to teach a man to devote himself to one woman.

Her careful and neat dressing in loose but attractive clothing has another and very opposite effect. It opens his curiosity, fires his imagination about how she will look unwrapped beyond his apparent knowledge, and sparks his interest to find out more about her. Her not appearing desperate, he judges her as challenging.

Subsequently searching for her weaknesses that may help get her into bed, he learns of her admirable qualities (aka virtues). Over time they accumulate and hopefully transform her into a fascinating woman by his standards.

Non-judgmental is a popular but misleading buzzword and even worse for women. People could not survive much less live successfully without judging others. Female clothing and appearance invite or discourage masculine interest. Women shape their future when they shape their appearance to make themselves feel good about pleasing manly eyeballs. Skin-tight clothing has the effect opposite of what men find attractive for more than sex. Thus, skin-tight clothing defeats a man’s interest in spending enough time to uncover a woman’s fascination.

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2009. Female Blessings at Birth — 07-09


Third group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

  1. I have the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been given the gift of caring for. [from MLaRowe] [Editor: The born-in prime motivator of women is to earn self-importance, which requires from others confirmation of her worth. Consequently, women gain and amplify their importance by doing right things morally and caringly.]
  2. I as a nurse can help others. [from Nancy] [Editor: Witnessing the results of nursing amplifies her sense of self-importance, guides her in doing the right thing, and adds to the gratefulness she feels for herself.]
  3. I have a nice and more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I intend to restore it and expect to have it shortly. [Editor: She always expects to make herself more attractive, but guilt easily triggers dissatisfaction when her appearance goes untended. Yearning for near-perfection, she’s seldom satisfied except momentarily. Striving to attract men, feedback enables her to manage her appearance successfully. (However, her nature doesn't guide her on this momentous fact of life. It’s not body shape that attracts men; it’s how whatever her shape is cared for and presented.)]

Example for responses: “6-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2008. Female Blessings at Birth — 04-06


Second group to review.

I take the default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with more analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

  1. I have enough pride and self-sufficiency to envy no one except for their character and integrity. [Editor: It assumes that belief in oneself must be inborn or else women would lack strength to face guilt which they have in numbers and fears which they have in-depth.]
  2. Recognizing that I have self-control and sufficient composure, I find gratefulness in not showing jealousy of any woman until I see clear evidence that she poses a threat to my marriage. [Editor: Self-gratitude for self-control and composure strengthens a woman as the relationship expert. The stronger the self-gratitude, the greater her expertise, whereas jealousy adds nothing of benefit. Born with the ability to be the relationship expert means she has contributing talents, such as self-control and composure. Born with the ability to get jealous, however, does not mean born to be jealous.]
  3. I am a pretty woman. However, I’m also grateful that I have to prove it to myself daily in order to reinforce my personal strength and morale. [Editor: All women are born knowing in their heart that they are pretty. Yet, not being perfect, they need frequent reminders both from self and others. The better and more frequent the reminders, the greater is their self-gratitude. Thus, the tap-root of female happiness lies with conviction of her prettiness. And nothing adds more to her prettiness than time spent before a big mirror fixing up and talking to her best friend, her mirrored image. It’s also her greatest and perhaps only accurate expression of personal independence.]

Example for responses: “1-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to item 1.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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