2110. Female Blessings at Birth — #96


Her Highness Surfercajun at 2109 suggested what is now the 96th blessing to be added to Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I write the blessing in first person, female.

  1. I really appreciate as natural my ability to teach children, both my own and others with whom I can find common interest. When I see progress, it warms my heart and pushes me to do more. (Surfercajun cited this blessing.) [Guy adds: The art of teaching children has to overcome this trait in children, especially boys. They want to develop themselves, and they learn best when teacher finds ways to overcome each child’s natural resistance with guidance, encouragement, and suggestion— and indirectness for boys—as opposed to being told how to live. Her blessing: She has a way with children. His admiration: She’d make a good mother.
  2. (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

If you disagree, please register it with an big, fat F for false.

 

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2109. Female Blessings at Birth — #94-95


I have identified two more inborn blessings that women possess in their hearts but may not use enough to enhance their self-interest. At the end of each I summarize the blessing as it appears to others and show the natural reaction of men.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I write each blessing in first person, female.

94. I’m both amazed and grateful that I find it easy to be disingenuous or tell little white lies in order to protect the feelings of those I care for, which can include everyone that I appreciate as deserving of my approval. [Guy adds: Men value honesty and integrity higher in the order of principles because they fit better with what men value most—facts, logic, reason, and truth expressed directly. Women place higher value on principles that encourage people to relate well with each other—feelings, cooperation, and relationship success they can develop. Her blessing: She can get along with everybody. His admiration: How does she do that? She’s amazing!

95. I’m not really happy with myself except as I can make someone else happy. It’s my fulfillment in life but also my biggest and never ending challenge. When I can’t or when I don’t, I find that selfishness has risen in my heart. So, to ensure that my sense of self-importance remains high, I have to keep trying to make someone else happy rather than myself. [Guy adds: It’s a major virtue and makes women much better servant-leaders than men, more effective as the heart of a home than the head, and more effective as informal rather than as formal leader.] Her blessing: She’s loaded with common sense. His admiration: She’s great to be around whether as friend, spouse, competitor, or whatever.

96. (I know there are more blessings, so I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

I continue to work on this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life. Long and intricate just as life is. I have also begun work on blessings that men inherit at birth. First installment should appear soon.

 

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2108. Soft-headed Sally


Women aren’t born soft-headed. Modern females’ soft-headedness leads them away from their best interests, into easy manipulation by men, and into self-delusion about the man each woman hopes to capture.

Soft-headed Sally thinks wrongly that sex bonds a man. She accepts a man’s words instead of taking time to judge his actions. She fails to recognize that he fills a different role, once they have sex together the first time.

SHS makes herself worthy of him instead of the other way around. She fails to call his bluff, when he threatens to drop her for being “hung up” about yielding sexually. She cannot separate a good man for carrying responsibility for others from a good man for fun and games. She cannot turn away from the self-centered man full of himself and venomous words that reduce her self-esteem and self-image and mine her self-interest for ways to make his life better.

SHS may try but is unable to teach young daughters how erotic attire arouses men many years older and may attract and easily incline some to stalk or become less inhibited about kidnapping, rape, and murder.

She fails to recognize that respect for women generally and deeper respect for his woman are the foundation of a man’s love of her. She cheapens herself by offering sex without his firmly committed obligations.

SHS believes in little except what others tell her, and so she falls for anything a man offers. She shapes her moral well-being around temporary feelings and hopes. She abandons the character shaping and guidance provided by God, religious morality, and her heart and will power. She is short of affirming self-esteem, -image, and -respect, so she cannot identify the lack of those conscience-shaping factors in a man.

She wants her own man so badly that she teams up with any male offer. She partners with a bad man and when dumped picks up with another loser, and then another…. She shapes her feelings around and with whomever she associates. She believes men are who they say they are.

She believes she can change a man, once she captures him with sex. She lives with endless hope that sex bonds him to her. She thinks that men are like women in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together. She flaunts her co-dependency and faults her man when he has more important things to do. She too easily becomes jealous of the hold that his job has on him. That co-dependency is the enemy of their togetherness.

SHS calls herself victimized by drudgery when hubby fails to participate in household work, child care, and other domestic responsibilities and begrudges his independence from those things. And equal sharing of ‘drudgery’ is not enough. He should always do more. It’s not the work that puts her down but jealousy of his family role as lazy lounger when his workday ends. She can’t live with their different natures. The male nature makes a man satisfied with himself. After a completed day’s work, he turns to relaxation, rest, and restoration of energy for the next day. That, versus her female nature that urges her to brighten her tomorrows in spite of the endless string of things to do. He figures he does all he can today and will handle tomorrow whatever comes. She figures she has to plan/prepare for every contingency ahead; better to over than under prepare. Thus, SHS begrudges the side of her nature that directly supports her self-interest.

She is so caught up in romantic love that she lacks both knowledge and skill to generate a man’s enduring love for when romantic love fades. She assumes it fair and bonding to tell each other about their sexual histories, when she can do few things worse. It shrinks her uniqueness and fascination.

SHS fails to recognize that men evaluate her character and non-sex assets before they first have sex. Afterwards he pays less attention to what else she has to offer. (Hollywood and TV work diligently to hide this part of the male nature; they prefer to show the wishful but fruitless thinking of females. As a result, male dominance expands in the social and domestic arenas.)

She fails to comprehend that men as hunter-conquerors appreciate greatly that which fights back, must be wrestled under control, and ultimately yields to his courage, intensity, persistence, and imaginative design of ways to conquer. Sexual targets that do otherwise earn little or no respect from him.

She doesn’t know the steep price she pays for easily yielding sex the first time with him. Without making him work to be worthy of her, without testing him with everyday commitments, without making him spend time and effort in her company sans sex, she makes herself easy and his ego is not stroked with the joy of an earned victory. Easy-to-get sex earns her very little respect and even less holding power. Sex only satisfies his raw appetite. When his ego is deeply massaged by hunting and overcoming of all obstacles to conquering her, his self-respect, respect for her, and her holding power over him skyrocket. This still does not mean that he will stay with her, but she has no better form of insurance.

SHS cheapens sex by using it to capture men. This cheapens her. Men will hang around her until another sex target comes in view, and some may even go through the process of linking up, shacking up, and maybe marrying up. But, split up is not far behind the fade of romantic love.

Both Hard-hearted Hannah and Soft-headed Sally figuratively spit in the eye of their man. They feel pumped up with feminist theory and new ‘rights’ they now have, such as sexual freedom. Men buy into greater sexual freedom but not much else. Compensated with frequent, convenient, and unobligated sex, men go along for the ride. But, the ride does not include the respect, honor, devotion, and dedication that females expect to see from their spouse.

 

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2107. Most Valuable Possessions


Her Highness DJ at 2104 asked this: “If I understand correctly the most valuable possession of women is their reproductive organs, the most valuable possession of men is themselves?” I figure you have to look at it four ways and respond as follows.

  1. According to how they are born, women’s most valuable possession to themselves is their ability to advertise, promote, and present themselves as attractive and compatible enough that they can stall first-sex and still convince a man to produce/provide/protect/problem solve for them and their children. To men, women’s most valuable possession is genitalia until downgraded by conquest and replaced by promise a conqueror detects to support his endeavors in life.
  2. Again, according to how they are born, men’s most valuable possession to themselves is their ability to earn self-admiration by using erections. To women, men’s most valuable possession is their ability to spread affection and intimacy that confirms a woman’s importance.
  3. According to how they behave, women’s most valuable possession is their willingness, ability, and strength of character to ration sexual favor in promotion of their own interest. To men, women’s most valuable possession is their attractiveness as sex target, until conquered that is. Then it becomes each woman’s uniqueness, fascination, and likeability that separates her from others of her sex.
  4. Again, according to how they behave, mens’ most valuable possession is their ability to get what they want out of a woman. To women, men’s most valuable possession is their willingness to be fooled and manipulated into doing the bidding of a woman.

Amidst all those apparent contradictions of compatibility, one man and one woman are made to mate. As the relationship expert, she produces and directs the play with such techniques that one man willingly obligates himself to produce/provide/protect/problem solve for her and her offspring. When she accomplishes that, her man sees her as her most valuable possession. But the match isn’t perfect. He becomes her most valuable possession.

 

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2106. Hard-hearted Hannah — II


Women aren’t born hard-hearted. The modern females’ hard-heartedness weakens their judgment and stifles their influence with men and their man in particular.

Hard-hearted Hannah competes with her man, but he expects her to cooperate. She criticizes him, expecting him to be a perfect mate. She disrespects him, when respect is his psychic income for devoting his efforts to her. She finds fault, when he tries hard but fails to meet her expectations. She nags to remind him of her expectations that he should change. She drifts away from her feminine nature and acts more like men.

HHH makes herself feel good at his expense in front of others. She harbors and displays feminist feelings that do not interest him, mostly because Feminism seeks to exclude him from the role he naturally assumes dealing with females. She expects more from him than she is willing to provide as trade off. She expects him to change under her well-intentioned but poorly programmed nurturing, but she refuses to change herself for him.

She knows little about the nature of males and females, and less about how to make them complementary and compatible – even if she wished to. She gets in his face for which he will ensure she pays a price. She kisses her frog and then neuters her prince. She is ungrateful for her man and blames him for her unhappiness. She is dissatisfied with what satisfies him, when a man’s satisfaction is both what he strives for and his internal reward for doing something well.

She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her, and then she becomes another woman after their altar trip.

She wants to build her castle, not his. She rejects the idea of maintaining a home for him to enjoy daily relaxation, rest, and restoration. She refuses to honor his most primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrows’ dragons. If she won’t provide what he needs, he will provide his own or test drive other women, until he finds what pleases him. He has no greater physical need for a particular woman than maintaining his abode, except as a woman cultivates it into something more appealing.

HHH downplays his strengths that enable him to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for family life in his own satisfying way. She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. She expects him to husband her without some tradeoff for his having given up his independence. She treats him as a domestic regarding household chores – all orders and little reward. She exhibits poor leadership by telling him how to do things instead of what to do. She makes his castle so ‘perfect’ in her eyes that it transforms into her castle.

She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. After marriage, she changes and pushes him to better fit her ideals of their life together. When she insists, he resists, resents, and perhaps retaliates. Caught up in a marriage he did not expect, he slips one leg over the edge of the escape hatch and prepares to jump.

HHH considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against Nature,’ which signals that she wants a pansy or wuss instead of a real man to husband her. If she finds and partners with one, she finds that she doesn’t respect him as a man, which makes her worthless as mate to him.

She rejects an age-old custom. Changing her last name to his after marriage evolved to show her to be his faithful partner. Unwillingness to take his name sends players a message that she is not very tightly dedicated to her husband and may be more easily available. (Admittedly, it’s man-think). By adopting his name, she signifies willingness to be his with faithful expectations. Not taking his name does not imply she will cheat, but it tells others that she does not respect him enough to quell his doubts and fears and depend totally on him.

She expects his faithfulness without providing the equivalent for him. Her husband expects not only her faithfulness but guarantees of it. He perceives that failure to give herself whole-heartedly to him makes her more easily susceptible to cheating on him. Clouds of suspicion weigh heavily on his mind, and he keeps one hand on the ejection lever for either him or her.

HHH is entitled to be hard-hearted. But she should expect her man to resent it, weaken his own dedication to her, and prepare for a softer landing with the next female.

 

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2105. A Man Depressed


Her Highness Magnolia asked about the male equivalent of Female Blessings at Birth. I haven’t done one but it’s now on my work list. It’s all prompted by her questions that include, “What works to lift a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness?”

Know thyself, said someone important. Men don’t acknowledge such things nor take advice on personal matters from men. That’s why a friend of many years seeks Magnolia’s advice. The following is the best I can offer her at this time.

I shall describe the male heart, natural energies and initiatives they are born with. She might find ways to convey beneficial thoughts to him. (I purposely describe the process backwards.)

  • A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. It’s his opinion of how effectively he produces/provides/protects/problem-solves in life. Little or no effectiveness on the ‘4 Ps’ and his spirits drop. No job, loss of job, demeaning woman he lives with, and lack of encouraging mate are the likeliest causes of loss of significance.
  • Satisfaction is to men the equivalent of happiness to women. It’s the grand target in life. Both have to earn it. Women earn it by finding gratefulness in their lives and it’s a never-ending process. Men, however, earn satisfaction through daily productive functions. When they end their workday satisfied, they are happy.
  • A man’s daily functions to produce/provide/protect/problem-solve arise out of his need for self-admiration. He learns quickly and eagerly repeats whatever makes him admire himself; feel good about himself and what he’s just done. It’s his prime energizer. Having no job—or mate to inspire him—leads quickly to loss of opportunity to earn it, which means little or no satisfaction, which leads to insignificance.
  • Repetitive self-admiration leads to satisfaction which compounds into significance. Thus, the lack of or failure to take advantage of opportunities to earn self-admiration sinks a man into depression or worse.

What lifts a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? Work, job, obligation for him to act, and his devotion to those things first in his life. Not mate but work. Not home but job. Not togetherness but responsibility. Not her affection but appreciation. Not her assistance but dependence. Not her ‘thank you’ but her smiles. Not her pushiness but memory of her pleasantness. I’ll stop there, but you see, so much depends on his mate.

The following primal urges stir beneath the factors above.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events.
  • Men need only a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare to fight whatever dragons they expect tomorrow.
  • Men want independence and the freedom to make their own decisions.
  • Men live in the present and leave preparation of the future to their women.

Those are the major ingredients of the male nature that women have to work with in order to generate and maintain compatibility with a permanent mate. I’m sure men have other blessings that I’ve not yet identified. But I’ll work on it. Women need to know men better and their under-appreciated qualities need some promotion.

 

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2104. Will You Respect Me in the Morning?


Sir Eric at 2101 pondered life this way. “This is something I’ve never quite understood: I can’t imagine having sex with any woman I didn’t at least value in some way. It would seem actually to work the opposite way: a woman giving sex to a given man should, in theory, increase his respect for her.

What you say makes you a better man. It has significant appeal to women, and they seem to even shape their lives around that idea. Doing so, however, is flawed.

You probably learned such respectful values growing up; mother or other women taught you. You benefited from old school teachings. It used to be that way and girls knew to capitalize and complete the process to the advantage of females and children. Mothers tamed boys, girls guided teens toward marriage, and wives domesticated husbands for harmony in the home. It aimed at teaching males to respect females by females earning it.

Men don’t need to respect a woman to bed her. How often are you aware of men jumping into bed after taking only a short time to determine how respectable much less respected the women are?

Unless a man is taught in his youth to unconditionally respect women as unique and very different and very respectable creatures, it takes time for him to learn to respect each one. It’s the main disqualifier of masculine-style sexual freedom for women; they don’t earn the respect of men or each man they bed. Yielding sex does not earn masculine respect; in fact, cheap and easy conquest awards her disrespect. Moreover, if she’s easy for him, then she’s not respectable enough to be faithful to him. If the man has not paid his supreme sacrifice, namely yielding his independence on her behalf, she’s shortchanged of his respect.

The nature of man works like this. Men have two very differently motivated sex drives. The first is to conquer attractive women, That primal urge quits for each conquered woman but remains active for others. The second is the normal physiological and psychological urge that women know so well.

To conquerors, the vanquished earn as much respect as they are difficult to conquer; the higher her price, the more respect she earns. It’s not sex that earns respect, it’s her character that controls access to her sexual assets.

Having given up her most prized possession to him in their first sex together, he views her very differently and she’s easily disposable, candidate for booty, or a keeper for another reason. The other reason is respect based on her qualities other than sex. Qualities he can admire as virtues.

As to their subsequent sex, it’s routine because he as conqueror ‘owns’ the ‘right’. He may learn to like and enjoy it and it may entitle her to a great position in his life, but any additional respect that she accumulates comes from other than their sex together.

Female genitalia does not earn loyalty. However, it’s potential for loyalty can be realized, and she is born with the ability and talent. She lures without conquest in ways that produce devotion to her based on virtues that idealize her promise as his ‘support system’ to fulfill his life’s ambitions. IOW, a long chaste courtship which she arranges and manages in order to brighten her future by showing the promise to strengthen his life. As her virtues accumulate in his mind, his respect grows.

Eric’s standard is admirable. While it may not be rare, women are making it more so with masculine-style sexual freedom. Maximum respect of females is mutually exclusive with unmarried sex.

 

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