2032. Female Blessings at Birth — 43-45


A NOTE FIRST. Ladies, your interest in these female blessings that arrive with birth seem to be waning. Am I boring you, or is interest in the subject already worn out? Shall I drop the subject?

——

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 15th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add following each blessing, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

43. I appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me. [Guy adds: Modesty is as natural to women as aggressiveness is to men. I urge every woman to study and teach daughters out of Wendy Shalit’s marvelous book, A Return to Modesty — Discovering the Lost Virtue. First, modesty is admirable to men simply because such apparently fun-depriving uniqueness is so foreign to their nature. Second, modesty is a woman’s most powerful weapon for getting a man settled into his expected role of honoring female sensibilities, both hers and that of other women. The more she respects her modest nature with affirming actions, the more easily she earns the respect of men, which is the foundation of a man’s love. (Ladies, I regret repeating myself so much, but many readers will be reading this as their first or near-first exposure to such concepts as men love according to their respect for a woman.)]

44. I can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly encourage myself with how pretty I truly am. [Guy adds: A female’s best friend is her mirror image. To the extent that she exploits that friendship, she strengthens her self-image, self-worth, and self-interest. Without a mirror nearby, she’s virtually lost in thought about her appearance. Anxiety about it can make her lose focus on other things, or she can use the mirror to change the subject. With a mirror she can restore confidence, eliminate anxiety, and restore herself to whatever track she was on in any situation. That’s why she’s designed, endowed, and hormonally energized to believe that she’s pretty—it’s her salvation for any tough situation when she learns to use it in company with her compact-available best friend.]

45. I feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men. [Guy adds: Women lack the masculine self-confidence that whatever they choose to do is okay within themselves. The spirit of Feminism suggests to women that they will feel more self-confident and like themselves better by duplicating masculine habits in dress and behavior. But it doesn’t work as advertised. Instead, they have to try other more masculine habits, but that doesn’t work either. Consequently, modern women continually feel less than good about themselves. They try harder and harder but the pop culture pushes them in the wrong direction, that of adopting male initiatives, welcoming male dominance, and tolerating excess male aggressiveness. Thus, women wean themselves away from their natural ways of always feeling good or better about themselves, which means they don’t find gratefulness in themselves, which means they can’t find all that much gratefulness in their lives, which means that they move further and further away from ever finding happiness that emerges from a strong spirit of gratefulness particularly for being female.

Example for your response: “45-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.

 

10 Comments

Filed under feminine

2031. Female Blessings at Birth — 40-42


I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 14th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

You probably wonder or have forgotten, why have I compiled the list? I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in this sequence of results that women seem to be achieving so poorly.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the blessings that contribute and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

40. From the earliest age it made perfect sense to me that men provide and protect their families. Thus, as the family faces the outside world, the man is the primary foundation upon which everyone depends. [Guy adds: Compared with the other (currently) 88 blessings, I am less sure that this one arrives with birth. However, it becomes evident so early in toddlerhood that it fits in as if it does.]

41. My fear of being abandoned has always energized me to promote the interest and seal an attachment with the man closest to me, first father followed by boyfriend and husband. [Guy adds: The female nature is designed, endowed, and hormonally driven to associate with others. Isolation scares the independence out of them, and they feel isolated not so much when they don’t have a man as they do at the loss of whatever man they ‘possess’. It brings to attention this generality about the sexes. Women fear loss of something, more than not earning it. Men fear not earning things more than they fear loss of the same things. When men are unable to earn—respect, money, dependence on their worth, self-admiration—it devastates their spirit. When they lose something, they know they can recover it through their inherent ability to earn whatever they choose.]

42. Even when I heard discouraging words in girlhood, I knew that I would do certain things of my own choosing, that someday I would be the primary facilitator (self-developer) to make my future become what I wanted. (Later, my girlhood dreams told me that it would depend on the choices I made, husband I chose, and relationship we developed with my relationship expertise.) [Guy adds: Children are born with the firm conviction that they intend to develop themselves. Boys don’t concern themselves with the HOW, they just do it. Girls seek more precision and comfort within themselves. Self-development starts in toddlerhood and continues for life. Admittedly both sexes exhibit it too immaturely for most parents to understand and many to refuse to accept. But the primal urge is there. Girls will seek advice and assistance; they want to have someone go along with them either in spirit or company. Their low guilt threshold makes them cautious. Boys seek to single-handedly figure out and overcome restrictions and obstructions. Choosing playmates is a major test bed, shaper, and refiner of self-development efforts, which is why it causes much grief for parents.]

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.

 

 

6 Comments

Filed under feminine

2030. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — II


Her Highness Cinnamon asked at post 2029 for more about men playing hardtoget. Not to worry that a woman’s behavior makes men act vague and unavailable. Her likeability doesn’t play as big a part as you might suspect.

But let’s talk about men first. Women come wrapped in two packages, sexually attractive and visually likeable. (That is, she’s uniquely pleasant-to-look-at; she appeals to him uniquely as company; he admires her unique virtues; he finds her uniquely fascinating; she’s pleasantly and uniquely feminine; she uniquely enjoys his presence; she’s uniquely enjoyable to be around, and all without regard for sex appeal). Men value differently and deal separately with those two things. They chase her sexual attractiveness but fall unconsciously into appreciating her visual likeability.

Sexually attractive appeals instantaneously and fades very fast after conquest. It attracts a man but he doesn’t bond and so it doesn’t hold him much beyond conquest. Visually likeable may be enjoyable but it remains relatively minor in his heart and mind before conquest; he’s too interested in other things. Even as a minor focus, however, her visual likeability becomes appealing if and as they associate before conquest.

Consequently, to grasp the reality of it, he’s quite another man after conquest. Before, he views her as sexually appealing, which binds his heart and mind together on one primary mission. After conquest, he views her as visually likeable in pursuit of satisfying himself by associating with her.

His conqueror’s right of ownership of their sexual agenda guarantees frequent and convenient access to sex, romantic love keeps those fires burning, and in the meantime he learns to appreciate the depth of her uniqueness and visual likeability. Provided, of course, that he keeps associating with her.

If she comes up short of visual likeability for his taste, he moves on to the next female target. Because sex does not bond him, conquest releases him from obligations not previously arranged and that he intends to honor. IOW, he dumps her because his high threshold for guilt enables him to conquer and depart relatively unhindered; “she should have known better than to fall for my charm.” Thus, he either continues with her as girlfriend, fiancé, potential mate, or just booty, or else he goes fishing in another lake and does so with little remorse. All’s fair in love and conquest.

——

And now back to V&U.

To Mr. Hardtoget unless she’s sexually unattractive, every unconquered woman is a target. Women don’t have to even be attractive enough to be seen with in public. Mr. V&U purposely misrepresents his interest, which is to score efficiently, that is, with the least investment of time, effort, money, and words. Women should presume they are always a target and go on alert status as soon as they spot hardtoget symptoms used by a man.

Hardtoget is an ancient(?) female attitude and tactic. Men adopt and refine it in order to more easily conquer as many women as come along. Thus, men exploit the female nature against itself.

It’s conceived to work this way. Initiating self-doubt and guilt, a woman concludes from Mr. V&U’s approach that something is wrong with her. She feels offended that a guy could not want her sexually or not want to take advantage of all she has to offer to a friend, companion, partner, mate. His tactic victimizes her attitude and, hopefully for him, she turns herself from being chased to chasing, from buyer to seller, from resistant to eager. She capitulates at being virtually ignored and so she takes the initiative that facilitates his getting her into bed; she may even lead the way or take him by hand depending on what she feels she has to prove to herself.

The easier she allows herself to be conquered, the more likely she won’t be respected in the morning. The more time he invests to conquer, the more respect she earns in his eyes. Investors appreciate only what they earn. Takers don’t appreciate what they are given, and even worse, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.

So, fair lady Cinnamon, it’s not a woman’s behavior that invites V&U. It’s her appearance. Her mistake is to feel badly about herself for thinking that a guy thinks that she’s not much of a woman, and so she takes the bait and determines to prove it to him. Set, game, match for him.

——

P.S. It may not be clear above, but this principle is embedded. When visual likeability is more prominent than sex appeal, it subdues sexual attractiveness, forces guys to spend more time researching for weaknesses to facilitate bedding her, and thereby discourages the use of V&U tactics. In the extra time guys spend on and with her, they learn that she’s more valuable than just for sex, which gives her greater potential for her visual likeability to grow and generate interest in guys for long-term relationships. She gains greater control of her destiny.

 

21 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2029. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — I


Her Highness Eleni at 2026 asked for more info about men acting hardtoget. Cocoa suggested my response as a standalone post, so here it is before the subject cools.

The Battlefield. Let’s look first at the female side of life. To love is to give. To be loved is to earn it by giving. The hardtoget guy offers little or nothing of himself except apparent lack of interest wrapped in what he believes to be inimitable charm. So why should he be loved or, more importantly, shown any of the benefits that he might or could be loved? The more he seeks you to pay attention to him rather than the reverse, the more you should be harder to get. You defeat his game plan in order to earn his respect, which weakens his desire to dominate, which recognizes you as deserving of greater influence in whatever relationship develops.

The Motivations. Men act vague and unavailable because it 1) makes conquest less costly in time, effort, and money; 2) is less risky to the male ego; 3) strengthens male dominance in whatever relationship develops; 4) quadruples the pleasure of conquest by having outsmarted her. (His devious cast of mind comes from the lack of unconditional respect for the female gender caused by the feminist-induced lack of unconditional respect for the male gender.)

Women are intent on pleasing an attractive or interesting guy or having a boyfriend. So much so that they chase a guy and yield sex thinking that he will bond with her as prelude to permanent mating. Such female mistakes while reaching for female-friendly relationships enable conquest with little or no investment of the guy’s time, money, and effort.

Play by Play. Vague and unavailable is the female game—INDIRECTNESS—exploited by men to both facilitate conquest and dominate whatever relationship follows. They want and let women do all the relationship development work. They perceive an opportunity to win sex, booty, or escape by lazily outsmarting women. They risk virtually nothing as they drift uninvolved into her nest of dreams and his access to frequent and convenient sex. Such men induce whorish behavior in women with men establishing the fee so subtly that women don’t recognize how it inflates male dominance, deflates female influence, and nullifies female hopes and dreams of long-term relationships.

How do you gals handle the guy playing hardtoget? First, never abandon your own game plan, which should be that of the female standard—harder to get. Make each guy prove himself worthy of you. Second, you ignore him more dismissively than he can possibly ignore you. You take control with polite passiveness until it grates on his nerves that his approach is NOT GOING TO WORK. Regardless of what he does, which means a lot of nothing except gentle put downs of you (inflicting guilt), outdo him at the same game. While inflicting guilt on a man doesn’t profit a woman, in this case it helps keep him uncomfortable. (He won’t take the guilt as a game changer, but it does weaken his determination that you’re a pushover for his charm and all else he has but refuses to offer.)

Make nothing easy for him; he has to earn even your smiles. Harden the shell you normally keep yourself in. With actions and not words, he has to make himself worthy of you. Any help you give him works against you. You’re the teacher who has to convince him that he’s more disposable than important, weak than strong, unappealing than admirable, less dominant than he thinks.

It may take days, weeks, or months of contact or even dates. Ultimately, he will see that he wants you under your conditions more than he wants sex with you under his conditions. That’s the game breaker for you. If he never learns to see it your way, he was only after sex to begin with or he was unwilling to pay the price of your standards and expectations. IOW the game plays out like this. Men pursue with sex foremost on their minds. Targeted women change each man’s heart behind his back (that is, mind) by enabling him to discover qualities other than sexual assets that he can admire (aka virtues) about her as person, woman, and possible mate.

If he gives up chasing you, you’ve won. He was only after sex to begin with, and finding that out is the primary objective for women. They must have the patience to determine whether he’s truly after her more than just having sex with her? Her victory and his defeat hang on her patience and the reverse on her impatience. It’s all up to her; he’s just another player in her life until he foregoes sex in order to sincerely pursue her for his mate.

Recovery. He begins to rethink his vague and unavailable approach. He takes action to pursue you sincerely and with willingness to invest himself by giving of himself. Then and only then, you start paying more than the slightest attention to him. He will do so cautiously at first for fear of losing you before he even gets started. So don’t be anxious to help him escape his discomfort; give him the freedom to fail so that he will try something more appealing to you. Moreover, success when he overcomes your resistance means much more if he’s done it by himself and without the help he tried to con out of you.

We all keep doing what makes us comfortable. Only discomfort makes us change or even want to. That’s why you should call all his bluffs. For example, be prepared and if he threatens not to see you again, say goodbye before he finishes. Show that separation does not bother you. Keep him uncomfortable with your apparent disinterest or else he reverts to hardtoget for everything that he wants out of you.

Don’t become sympathetic or even empathetic to his situation. Let him dangle in miserable discomfort at not being able to capture your heart with his newfound and expected-to-be-easy effort. Let time and his greater effort to please you resolve his discomfort. (Modern women complain that younger men lack initiative and staying power when things get tough or don’t go the easy way. Men become what women expect of them, so less determined men don’t quit when the right woman guides them with natural female charm, the kind they inherit at birth. The female blessings page at blog top provides many details of the female nature.)

Until he abandons his hardtoget attitude, and unless he makes himself worthy of you to even carry on a decent conversation that leads to proposals to get together or for dates, you will never earn enough of his attention for it to grow into respect and ultimately love, devotion, and promise that you’d make him a good mate. And without doing that, you’ll never get him to subordinate having sex to having you.

I suggest you also study the article 1985, How Men Decide to Marry. It’s more what the woman doesn’t do that sets the hook.

 

18 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2028. Female Blessings at Birth — 37-39


This is the thirteenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the list of female blessings for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a blessing is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth about the qualities that women inherit at birth.

37. I have always sensed that men work and remain focused better when dealing with things in the present while I do better by focusing primarily on the future. [Guy adds: It’s her default condition, and it empowers her to minimize decision-making competition and conflict. Compatibility arises more naturally when she allows him to dominate present day decisions while inoffensively, indirectly, and diplomatically getting his buy-in to her thoughts and aims about their future. Present-day decisions will be repeated sometime when she has greater influence by having prepared for that eventuality. Her investment of buying into his decisions today breeds tomorrow’s return on her investment.]

38. I instinctively know that men seek to marry a good woman and I am good enough for what a man needs. [Guy adds: Women use their own interpretation of ‘good’ and, unfortunately, listen to other women about the details. Perhaps because men don’t think about it much less talk about it. Instead, operating independently men track down, test, follow, and marry an appealing accumulation of admirable female qualities existing in one woman. It’s best summarized that men marry a virtuous woman and what they admire they consider a virtue. The more virtues men find then the more fascinating and promising her prospects. Which brings to mind, what ‘venues’ do men explore for details of her likeability and qualities to admire? Female modesty, feminine mystique, monogamous spirit, friendliness toward masculine endeavors, uniqueness relative to men, uplifting spirit, caring heart, strong mindedness that eases up when dealing against him, determination to defend what’s morally right, willingness to depend on him, spirit to work for compatibility, character strength, encouraging personality. Most of those venues arise naturally out of women who follow their female nature (aka the values, beliefs, convictions, and expectations with which they are born).]

39. I instinctively know that a man seeks my weaknesses to help get me into bed—especially the first time with him. Something inside of me says to put it off, delay it, follow my instincts, steel my will against his charm. The more I succeed, the more I control my destiny. [Guy adds: To the extent she delays but he pursues, he unwittingly discovers her strengths and traits that he can admire. Each admirable quality becomes a virtue and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers then the more quickly she becomes fascinating, which makes her more desirable for more than sex, which encourages his devotion, which can then morph into the promise he sees in her for supporting his ambitions and missions in life, which sets the hook for his appearance at the altar. (Both marital success and failure have roots going back to their first sexual encounter together, the importance of which can’t be overstated.)]

Example for your response: “39-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

6 Comments

Filed under feminine

2027. Female Blessings at Birth — 34-36


This is the twelfth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the (currently 89) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth.

34. I want a man of my own; one I can depend upon, appreciate, and grow to respect. I shall refine him and us according to the dream I have of us together. (Guy adds: Unfortunately, if a woman can directly induce her man to change (after he conquers her, this is), she loses respect for him. She continues to respect a man who gradually and subconsciously responds favorably to her indirectness, patience, reasonableness, respectability, pleasantness, and likeability. That is, he responds to her being the more important cog for improving their lives together. Otherwise, a man resists change from outside sources, which encourages her hints, patience, cooperation, and other forms of indirect influence.]

35. I know to compete with men for my sexual assets before I yield sex the first time to each one, because it enables me to both screen out the unworthy and induce change in those who want me bad enough. [Guy adds: Screening out those not good enough for her is easy. For candidates who are good enough, withholding sex for an extended period is required to allow time for whatever changes he makes to become habit that will follow their relationship forever.]

36. I know not to compete but cooperate with my husband. [Guy adds: To compete with him is to contradict his conqueror’s right, challenge his dominance, threaten his sense of significance, interfere with his self-image, and confront his self-respect. As her cooperative spirit breeds relationship harmony, she enhances each of those manly imperatives and vice versa. Indirectly, to be sure, but every enhancement adds to her influence, personal benefit, and marital longevity.]

Example for your response: “36-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

6 Comments

Filed under feminine

2026. Likeability — Part II


Better than love, I like another term that makes both sexes more comfortable in marital problem solving—likeability. Keeping a constant but mostly silent watch on mutual likeability enables women to more easily detect and retune disharmony before major problems erupt. And so, I aim this short series at relationship experts who hope to improve their techniques.

As the gauge of marital compatibility, women usually use ‘love’ with all its variances and connections. They start thinking he doesn’t love me anymore or similar thoughts with accusations often included. It focuses her thinking on blaming him without provoking any self-talk about her involvement, as if she’s either innocent or free of blame. It’s a natural response; she never intended to do anything that would cause his unlikeable behavior, disruptive attitude, lessened interest, or weaker love. However, blame immediately diverts both their attentions away from minor and toward bigger and more blame-worthy issues and accusations.

Each spouse’s likeability determines the extent to which the other wants to be in their presence, enjoy their company, live together permanently. It’s the magnet of friendliness, kindness, and companionship. The enjoyment of just being around the other. Wives have to sacrifice much of it after marriage. Natural motivational forces energize husbands to forego much of the intimate togetherness that wives wish or crave.

Her likeability is built on the foundation of who she was when he waited at the altar. Courtship taught him the meaning of her presence in his life. As she grows (or wilts) out of that persona, her likeability declines. His respect and love of her may go up, but it does not follow that her likeability will also. Respect and love have different roots; her likeability is rooted in their courtship and the promise he perceived in her as his supporter and junior partner for his workaday life.

Her man’s likeability is rooted in her dreams of how she will shape their married life. Her dreams, however, don’t include a full understanding of his nature. His marital responsibility, job obligation, ambition, and primal urge to accomplish things push him to yield the enjoyment of her presence in favor of his many missions in life. When he falls from grace as part of her dreams, his likeability declines.

I propose a new set of thoughts to overcome her natural but unproductive response dealing with it as a love issue. Constantly but quietly weigh their relationship in terms of self, matching, and mutual likeability. Keep tabs on it for him, her, and us. Don’t constantly focus on the big things for which she naturally worries such as love, finances, or sex. Become more aware of the little things that rattle their cage of reciprocal likeability.

For example, she’s teed off at his laziness because her honey-do list grows longer. How does her reaction to that conclusion make her appear likeable or unlikeable to him? Would she have reacted that way during courtship? She can read his reaction to however she expresses her dissatisfaction. In his view, do her words and attitude make her more or less likeable? Given her mood, does he enjoy her presence?

I believe that signs of one liking the other are better indicators both of love and of disturbances in their relationship. Discrepancies are easier to see, harder to defend, and less accusatory when kept at a simpler level than the complexities of understanding mutual love. Moreover, it encourages relationship experts to take advantage of this fundamental principle of life: One is never wrong who takes the blame so that others avoid it.

For example: She turns careless and sloppy about her appearance soon after marriage. Or, her cooking turns from prepared at home to carry-out. Or, she insults him in front of others. Or she fails on her promises. He expects her not to change from whom he married but she does, so he’s not at fault. He takes offense—silently. He has no relationship management skills. Unsure of what to do, he weighs the expected consequences and finds her less likeable. However, she reads the silence in him and is enabled to inquire as if she is to blame, which is the tactic that causes him to open up. She can open discussion by asking questions that harbor no blame. Presuming to take the blame for whatever has happened, she learns what’s bothering him. Out of that, she can figure out what she wants to do about it.

For example: He starts working longer hours when it appears unnecessary from her view. Or, he flirts with other women in front of her. Or, he quit taking care of and keeping her car washed. Before she accuses him of something concocted in her imagination—he doesn’t love her anymore or he’s having an affair—she presumes that she’s less likeable for some reason. And so she inquires. Honey, have I been pleasing you enough lately? Are you displeased with me? Do I provide what you need when you need it? How can I do more for you? Fix meals more closely aligned with your schedule? Greet you after work in my nightie? Fix your breakfast before I go to church? Keep the kids quieter while you study? Let you sleep longer on the weekends? Take aspirin before bedtime?

When romantic or enduring love starts to fade in the eyes of either spouse, suspicions arise, faultfinding emerges, and mutual appreciation becomes un-mutual. Potholes appear in his road to marital satisfaction. Her road to happiness narrows, needs repairs, and the detours re-route her. On the other hand, likeability is far less volatile as subject of discussion and therefore less disruptive and more easily addressed without blame attached.

Battling over whether one’s love is sufficient for the other induces just blame and excuses. Operating as if likeability is the primary glue reduces problems instead of growing them. Small problems are more easily resolved peaceably. Relationship harmony is more easily maintained.

——

NOTE: Ladies, this is a new subject that I have been working on for some time. I’m confident about the concept and process but less so about the clarity and completeness of the series. You can help me present more or a better view by questioning/challenging specific points to which I can rebut and elaborate. IOW do what you do best and works best for me. Thanks for the help or even thoughtful consideration. Guy

 

25 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter