Tag Archives: affection

2074. Compatibility Axioms #481-490


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

481. Easy sex might promote shack up and even short marriage within the mind of her boyfriend. But, it won’t stir up the foundational respect needed for enduring love that survives the inevitable fading of romantic love. [171]

482. Girls cheapen themselves to attract a boyfriend, and success builds habit. Men don’t value cheap women except for sex, which forces such girls as women to bounce from one man to another. [171]

483. Men have access to too much easy sex to endure one female’s nagging and attempts to change him or his life. As one man said of his ex: “Somewhere, someplace, some guy is tired of her s_ _ _!” [171]

484. Promiscuity fends off men, not for her as temporary sex partner but as keeper. Encountering her past lovers threaten him after conquest but doesn’t discourage him before.  [171]

485. To prove their newfound sexual freedom, women abandon the greatest strategy for attracting, capturing, and keeping a man. That is, no sex without devotion and deep obligation developed and proven over an extended courtship (especially including fellatio). [171]

486. When she chases a man for his looks, she wants to impress him and be liked. However, he receives the message that she’s available and disposable. [172]

487. Go after the hunk and dislike what follows the bunk. After she beds the hottie, she’s as disposable as a nottie. Hunks learn early that they get what they want without giving of themselves. So, they keep getting and getting, which calls for someone else. [172]

488. A husband views his wife’s ‘constructive criticism’ this way: “I know it’s good for me. I just can’t stand so much goodness.” [172]

489. If he does not see that she needs him, he will become temporary. Her expressions of affection make her feel good, but they do not show her need for him as do her respect, gratitude, and dependence. [172]

490. Men don’t respect desperate people. A desperate woman is not a keeper and is dumpable without much remorse. [172]

 

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2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story


 As with so many things, the sexes differ dramatically about romance. As with affection, they have social contradictions that I tag with medical terms. She has romance deficit disorder. He has romance delivery disorder. Her story today, his tomorrow.

Women are born to be romanced. It confirms their self-importance, stimulates the satisfying disclosure of feelings for one another, generates self-gratitude, and provides conviction (without insurance) they are on the way to happiness. Romance is women’s payday for living graciously important lives, and they expect to be paid frequently according to the depth of a relationship.

Romance means exclusive attention, sweet compliments, whispered affections, expressions of devotion, reminders of her importance, confirmation of her worth, affirmation that her prettiness registers as beauty with someone, and actions that specifically confirm and don’t contradict the foregoing. Women can imagine a gazillion ways that men can convey and demonstrate such ‘simple’ things.

The opposite of men, her imagination stirs her curiosity. Her imagination can and often runs wild about a new guy of interest. Curious about why he doesn’t respond to her romance expectations, she finds no fault with herself. Instead, she easily blames him as inadequate romancer and in need of improvement.

Women take personally a man’s lack of romancing her. Consequently, they blame men as inadequate, which transmutes in practice as lack of respect of men, which weakens women’s influence, which makes men less interested in paying women for living graciously important lives.

On two counts, his lack and her curiosity, blame outweighs lack of romance as the culprit in modern day relationships. Women can live with lack of romance better than lack of a man. Lack of romance dulls her side of a relationship. Blame, however ruins his side. Blame spurs her into finger pointing mode; which spurs her to take to her mouth; which offends him; which generates resentment, resistance, and often retaliation; and which far too easily pushes him into departure mode.

I advise women to drop the blame game, period. It is always anti-female to finger men as faulty. Not that they aren’t, just that they don’t take kindly to women doing it and especially their mate. It inevitably works against her because her blame-based best intentions have negative influence.

Women can and should develop their own training techniques. She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter, becomes vital in dating, and fully develops in courtship. By the time they become engaged, his habit should be well established to participate with her more closely, more affectionately, and more intimately. Effectiveness training her man determines the frequency and worth of her future paydays.

This question will arise so I shall answer ahead of it. How do you train a man to be a romancer? 1) Follow your heart, female instinct, and feminine intuition. Follow not what you think you’re owed, due, or need. Follow not what others tell you to expect in response to your initiatives. Follow not what your girlfriends do. Follow not what you wish for. Do what makes you feel more like a woman when you do something with him or yourself. If you hurt, wait for his solace. If you’re happy, don’t over play it. If he gets uncomfortable with you, let him dig himself out of the hole. Keep your self-interest as first priority; he has to catch and capture you. Reverse that last sentence and automatically poison your female nature for guiding you.

2) Require him to earn your affection, love, and worth as potential mate. Make him the seller and you the buyer in everything. If he does it with words, it doesn’t program his heart to favor you. If he does it with actions, you gain the maximum benefit of his heart programmed to your favor.

3) Gently and smoothly invite cuddling when just sitting around. Don’t push on him for anything. He must be lured. Let him get familiar with how easy you are to please when close together. Don’t tell him but gently and slowly encourage him to realize how important physical closeness is to you. He doesn’t need it; he has to learn to like it in his own heart, patiently slipped in by you. Don’t whisper sweet things to him expecting him to do the same; he won’t. You should hint and plant seeds that sweet words inspire you to greater things as date, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You can be especially effective while cuddled if you talk and act more as you did when he married you. He doesn’t want to talk or hear about the wedding; he wants to hear and see you duplicate yourself as his fiancé.

4) Regularly and frequently use a phrase I coined twisted to fit whatever the situation: Men are never more handsome than when they please their girlfriends/fiancees/wives with (as appropriate) sweet talk, whispers of devotion, violets, hand-picked wild flowers, cuddling up for TV, surprises, unexpected date night, date night just concluded, little gifts, unexpected thoughtfulness, waltzing her around the kitchen, singing to her, holding a pleasured smile in front of her face. Use it at every opportunity for even the slightest things that touch on romance.*

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “men are never more handsome” programs both hearts with appreciation of the other. It sweeps up many romantic ingredients into daily habits at whatever stage of relationship development.

Women know what they want and expect as romance from a man. They don’t, however, know how to get the quality or quantity they expect. Men don’t know much about what romance means to women. Even worse, they can’t figure out how to deliver whatever it is that women expect. It may become understandable with tomorrow’s post about his side of the story.

——

*The phrase works best when kept in third person, i.e., using ‘men are’ and ‘wives’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘wife’ or ‘me’.) As written it’s a compliment. As ‘you’ and ‘me’ it’s sucking up which earns suspicion rather than appreciation.

Also, until he becomes a more romantic guy, I suggest these not be used with the ‘men are never’ phrase: helping with the dishes, opening car doors, washing her car, taking out the trash, setting the table, planning for visitors. Unless, of course, she feels those things are part of romancing her.

 

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2023. Female Blessings at Birth — 31-33


This is the eleventh group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the (currently 88) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

31. I get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones. [Guy adds: It’s such a primal urge that women capitalize on using those skills as just other tasks among many. For example: They work around the house by putting off after-work relaxation. They hug children and even adults because it feels good. They amplify feeling good about themselves by sharing intimacy.]

32. I understand my work is never done, and that’s as it should be. [Guy adds: Both brightening her future and living a good life require extra output to confirm her importance to both herself and others.]

33. I understand that lovemaking is the man’s game but after-play intimacy is pretty much exclusively mine. [Guy adds: Orgasm releases him for sleep but not her completely. Even if she goes orgasmic, intimacy afterward is an endless wish that easily goes unfulfilled. Her mate’s sexual satisfaction is not sufficient to convince her of her overall importance. As with too few displays of affection, she seldom gets enough intimacy to confirm what she needs. She faces this male shortcoming. Men are poor readers even of their mates and even poorer appreciators of the female need for intimacy.]

Example for your response: “33-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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1999. Compatibility Axioms #444-450


444. Wives want to be shown more affection, but husbands stay focused and specialize on their own satisfactions. Men must be trained to show as much affection as women desire. (If his parents didn’t exemplify it in childhood, he’s not likely to improve himself very much in adulthood, except when a long, sex-free courtship requires that he develop new habits for displaying affection to her.)  [153]
445. As husbands see it, anger and aggressiveness are male traits, and a wife should be above such offending behavior. (This makes feminine charm, patience, and indirectness highly effective at harmonizing a pair of self-interested people into mutual interest. Of course it’s not fair, but it exploits both the natural differences between the sexes and her greatest potential as relationship expert.) [153]

446. The greater her feminine virtue, then the greater his respect, which is balanced on the knife-edge that qualities he admire guarantee her faithfulness to him alone. Men expect fidelity first, always, and to be obvious in their woman. (Neither equality nor fairness has anything to do with it; it’s born into men.) [153]

447. A man changes after conquest. By joining the conquered, she loses being exceptional to him. (It doesn’t mean that she loses everything, just that he views and values her differently, and she must change accordingly to hold him. Unfortunately, how he changes is unpredictable, because his agendas remain hidden until he’s devoted and not just committed to her.) [153]
448. If he’s after sex more than her, she’s temporary until the next sex target comes along and maybe sooner. [153]
449. Before their first sex together, and even without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from weaker purpose or character. [154]
450. If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides more permanent alternatives for her than sex before marriage. [154]

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1995. Self-gratitude — Her Angelic Presence


She loves others and is grateful for some. She fails to appreciate, love, and be grateful enough for herself. She envies the best in others, but fails to look for and find it in herself. Internal pressures cause it. It seems unfortunate, but it’s not. It’s a natural defense against overextending herself. It prevents female expressions of dominance that can be rightfully claimed by the natural superiority of her sex, but which inevitably run into the superior and thus highly respected physical strength of males. In short, her naturally enforced accommodation with her nature helps bring balance to mating.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love yourself more, but that you should love yourself specifically for your superior qualities and abilities and not your desire to impose your will on others. See the difference? You benefit when your superior spirit and admirable character float in the view of others without demanding they do your bidding. They see your participation in their lives as so routinely important that you’re neither questioned nor challenged. Your presence is enough to cause self-gratitude to grow in the hearts of family members, but the taproot is your own self-gratitude.

Always deserving of more affection than you receive, you’re needful of a strong sense of importance more than affection. You make yourself important and leave to others to sense the need to show you affection. It enables you to live with the A.D.D that afflicts both you and your man. Nevertheless, with almost angelic composure, low expectations for yourself enable you to set and dominate the values, standards, and expectations of home and family. In that lays practical confirmation of the self-gratitude that you can absorb while privately seated before dresser mirror. And therein lays the reason for the poet’s claim, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” [William Ross Wallace]

 

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1986. Self-gratitude—A New Beginning


 I’m frustrated. I can’t get the subject organized and written as I would like. So, I start at the back-end and will let your questions bring out the reasoning and details for a front end.

Women have to earn happiness, and it’s a three-step process. First, they find gratitude within themselves for who and what they are. Second, they find gratitude for other people and things in their lives. Third, they continually reinforce self-gratitude for two reasons. 1) It tends to easily weaken by comparisons to other people. 2) You can find gratefulness outside of yourself only to the extent that self-gratitude floods you own persona. The more grateful for self, the more gratitude you can find and appreciate until you realize that you’re happy.

After more than six years and a million words written, I’ve concluded lack of self-gratitude is the severest and self-induced shortcoming among females. It causes less control of self, which leads them into misery in the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, and gloom and doom. They pay too little attention to keeping their self-gratitude sufficiently inflated and pay too high a price at the box office of society.

So, I have compiled a list of things that should make women grateful when they adopt and embody them as values, standards, and self-expectations. The list is a start. I will maintain it by editing as readers convince me I should. I will also add new things at the top so readers can immediately see that new ones have been added.

You need to make a believer of yourself about each item that can be fitted into your personality, belief system, and roles in life. Remember this as you study each item. You can’t be grateful for yourself until you show yourself that you’re worthy by living up to your own standards and expectations. You have to live up to yourself in order to generate the self-worth that steadies and readies you to associate gratefully with others.

I suggest that you adopt, review, and rehearse daily until you believe some or all of the factors listed below. Consider your whole life in light of each. Where and how does each fit into your life? How does the absence of such beliefs make your life less worthy or successful? How does or can the presence of each improve your life? Make as many as possible a part of your convictions and beliefs. Start here by visualizing yourself.

I am grateful for myself because I:

  1. [Next new one goes here]
  2. [Have] the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been giving the gift of caring for. [MLaRowe]
  3. As a nurse can help others. [from Nancy]
  4. Have a nice, more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I finally began to restore it.
  5. Can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa.
  6. Depend on my man by doing for him rather than him doing for me.
  7. Am capable more of giving that taking and am grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself.
  8. Am capable of finding new ways every day by which to show to my man how he is respected for who he is and what he does.
  9. Am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read the signs of it.
  10. Can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt.
  11. Am worth any man but only a few are worthy of me. I have all the qualities I need to make one earn me and I work daily to make those qualities become virtues in the eyes of the best men.
  12. Refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities by spotlighting my objection with word or departure. No more F- or C- words or similar filth in my presence, and that’s just for starters.
  13. Grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to miss a single good day of life if they thought they were the cause.
  14. Have learned that commitment is of the mind and mouth and devotion speaks of the heart through actions.
  15. Recognize my man is short of providing all the affection that I would like to have. But he provides enough and I’m just glad our roles aren’t reversed such I would be the one accused of giving too little.
  16. Recognize that my man’s handiness is the birthright equivalent of my prettiness. Pleasing each other comes easily in those domains.
  17. Have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My free will enables me to make the best choices that maximize the benefits to all concerned.
  18. Enjoy promoting my man’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. It’s such a vital part of his sense of significance that I am unable to let my attitude be construed as a threat.
  19. Get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones.
  20. Want a man of my own, but who is unchangeable except before conquest and after many years of age when more maturity and less testosterone morph him into Mr. Right.
  21. Use to our advantage how my man focuses primarily on the present and I focus primarily on the future.
  22. Promote my man’s producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving as the primary foundation for the strengthening and preservation of our family.
  23. Can assuage my fear of abandonment by promoting and helping my man promote his sense of significance.
  24. Am the primary determinant for brightening my future within our future together. It all depends on the choices I make, man I choose, and relationship we develop with my relationship expertise.
  25. Appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me.
  26. Can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly please myself with how truly pretty I am.
  27. Feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men.
  28. Am honest in all affairs of the heart. I can handle the disappointments it may cause, because I’m overly grateful when Mr. Not Goodenough departs.
  29. Have so many blessings to count. Let me see now, which are the best at this moment in my life?
  30. Think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else.
  31. Forget after I forgive. Forgiveness is the true expression of ultimate power, and true forgiveness causes the giver to forget.
  32. Appreciate and use my instinct and intuition that prompts me to be kind and tender hearted. I acknowledge two things. 1) We women are born to be good, and our kind and tender heartedness enables us to do good. 2) Men are born capable of doing good and become as good as we women teach them to do good.
  33. Am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I.
  34. Can visualize peace and harmony in my home and know that I must determine what it is without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing in hopes of getting it, and blend the contradictions as if nobody is wrong.
  35. Appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or use of my will power comes when I forgive myself.
  36. Know how to find and screen Mr. Good Enough and that he will be blessed to have me behind and helping lead him to all his victories.
  37. Don’t need my man’s faults to fade away soon after we marry. I’m patient enough to watch him morph from Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right over the span of a couple of marital decades.
  38. Resolve my own problems. That’s where I’m most independent and so considerate that I accept blame rather than impose it on others. My self-worth soars with each instance of sacrificing myself to lift blame from others.
  39. Can reward myself at the mirror in numerous ways such that I don’t crave overly much recognition when away from it.
  40. Can eagerly honor this rank structure in our family: husband, wife, mother, father, and children.
  41. Love my ‘new self’ at breakfast after mirror talk and enjoy the calm atmosphere that I bring to launching family into their respective days.
  42. Unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people who I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t.
  43. Am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband while reserving the free will to take exception when appropriate.
  44. Reap great pleasure spreading my self-identified joy wherever I go but especially in my own home.
  45. Find gratefulness in all that I and my loved ones do.

How grateful do you now feel about yourself? More or less than when you started the list? Regardless, you should be energized to study further and consider options you had trouble accepting on your first viewing. The more self-gratitude you purposely generate by accepting individual factors, the sooner the misery multiplex will fade in importance and happiness will find you sooner.

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1966. Compatibility Axioms #361-370


361. Men delight in easy conquest. It adds temporary value to her, but devalues her as keeper. [132]
362. Few things expose a man’s character more readily than being repeatedly denied sex by a woman on whom he has set his sights for conquest. [132]
363. Boys raised with little affection before puberty neither provide nor respond well to affection later in life. [132]
364. Hunter-conquerors can be grateful and possess good intentions, but their drive to conquer another woman never completely dies. It’s the male nature, and only devotion earned by one woman discourages it. [132]
365. A woman’s refusal for unmarried sex builds virtue. It earns a man’s admiration and respect, which energizes his imagination and convinces him that she will probably be faithful to him. (“If she won’t yield to my talent and charm, she won’t yield to anyone else either,” or so he thinks and if her other signs don’t cause questions.) [132]
366. Courtship without sexual relations teaches boys and men to suppress their aggression and honor a female’s standards and expectations. The process also exposes males to her non-sexual qualities that earn admiration and are seen as virtues. [132]
367. Easily available, unobligated, and unmarried sex aids the conquerors’ pursuit. On the other hand, men must work harder to impress and ‘sell’ themselves as guardians of female interests when women abstain outside marriage. [132]
368. Fathers may acquiesce, but they don’t take kindly to mothers accepting and supporting the inevitability of a daughter’s unmarried sexual activity. [132]
369. Failure of a man to honor a woman’s standards and expectations—e.g., claiming her sexual history to be none of his business—means more failures will follow after conquest regardless of what he says before that monumental event. [132]
370. A man’s initial love of a woman is based on respect earned about her virtue, self-respect, and likeability as mate. His enduring love is overwhelmingly sustained by her respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. (Very different from women, so see the next article, 1967, to be published tomorrow.) [132]

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