Tag Archives: affection

2107. Most Valuable Possessions


Her Highness DJ at 2104 asked this: “If I understand correctly the most valuable possession of women is their reproductive organs, the most valuable possession of men is themselves?” I figure you have to look at it four ways and respond as follows.

  1. According to how they are born, women’s most valuable possession to themselves is their ability to advertise, promote, and present themselves as attractive and compatible enough that they can stall first-sex and still convince a man to produce/provide/protect/problem solve for them and their children. To men, women’s most valuable possession is genitalia until downgraded by conquest and replaced by promise a conqueror detects to support his endeavors in life.
  2. Again, according to how they are born, men’s most valuable possession to themselves is their ability to earn self-admiration by using erections. To women, men’s most valuable possession is their ability to spread affection and intimacy that confirms a woman’s importance.
  3. According to how they behave, women’s most valuable possession is their willingness, ability, and strength of character to ration sexual favor in promotion of their own interest. To men, women’s most valuable possession is their attractiveness as sex target, until conquered that is. Then it becomes each woman’s uniqueness, fascination, and likeability that separates her from others of her sex.
  4. Again, according to how they behave, mens’ most valuable possession is their ability to get what they want out of a woman. To women, men’s most valuable possession is their willingness to be fooled and manipulated into doing the bidding of a woman.

Amidst all those apparent contradictions of compatibility, one man and one woman are made to mate. As the relationship expert, she produces and directs the play with such techniques that one man willingly obligates himself to produce/provide/protect/problem solve for her and her offspring. When she accomplishes that, her man sees her as her most valuable possession. But the match isn’t perfect. He becomes her most valuable possession.

 

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2092. Compatibility Axioms #501-510


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

501. Men flourish with a woman’s respect and gratefulness much more than her love and affection. [175]

502. Both individually and collectively, men are as handsome, charming, gentlemanly, and beneficial as women and ladies treat them. They are as unappealing, aggressive, and dominant as women call them. The self-fulfilling prophecy works both ways. [175]

503. If a woman helps a man build his castle, he primarily judges her effectiveness by how she supports what he does at work and play. He takes her support inside her nest for granted. [185]

504. If he won’t modify his habits in order to please her before they first have sex together, he sure won’t do it afterward. [185]

505. If attracted to a woman he respects or has not conquered, a man’s good side emerges. If his bad side shows up, and she can’t turn it around, he lacks respect for her. All men have both sides. [185]

506. A mature woman can adjust to her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can cope with hers. [186]

507. When words are enough to conquer, that and little else is what men offer. [186]

508. She loves three little words. Com-mit-ment counts and so does, “What’s for dinner?” [186]

509. Virtual virginity buys time to earn a man’s devotion, which bonds more tightly than commitment. [186]

510. Women sing: ♫ I can do anything he can do better.♫ Men respond: ♫ Just you wait and see. ♫ [189]

 

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2074. Compatibility Axioms #481-490


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

481. Easy sex might promote shack up and even short marriage within the mind of her boyfriend. But, it won’t stir up the foundational respect needed for enduring love that survives the inevitable fading of romantic love. [171]

482. Girls cheapen themselves to attract a boyfriend, and success builds habit. Men don’t value cheap women except for sex, which forces such girls as women to bounce from one man to another. [171]

483. Men have access to too much easy sex to endure one female’s nagging and attempts to change him or his life. As one man said of his ex: “Somewhere, someplace, some guy is tired of her s_ _ _!” [171]

484. Promiscuity fends off men, not for her as temporary sex partner but as keeper. Encountering her past lovers threaten him after conquest but doesn’t discourage him before.  [171]

485. To prove their newfound sexual freedom, women abandon the greatest strategy for attracting, capturing, and keeping a man. That is, no sex without devotion and deep obligation developed and proven over an extended courtship (especially including fellatio). [171]

486. When she chases a man for his looks, she wants to impress him and be liked. However, he receives the message that she’s available and disposable. [172]

487. Go after the hunk and dislike what follows the bunk. After she beds the hottie, she’s as disposable as a nottie. Hunks learn early that they get what they want without giving of themselves. So, they keep getting and getting, which calls for someone else. [172]

488. A husband views his wife’s ‘constructive criticism’ this way: “I know it’s good for me. I just can’t stand so much goodness.” [172]

489. If he does not see that she needs him, he will become temporary. Her expressions of affection make her feel good, but they do not show her need for him as do her respect, gratitude, and dependence. [172]

490. Men don’t respect desperate people. A desperate woman is not a keeper and is dumpable without much remorse. [172]

 

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2054. Romance — Her Side of the Story


 As with so many things, the sexes differ dramatically about romance. As with affection, they have social contradictions that I tag with medical terms. She has romance deficit disorder. He has romance delivery disorder. Her story today, his tomorrow.

Women are born to be romanced. It confirms their self-importance, stimulates the satisfying disclosure of feelings for one another, generates self-gratitude, and provides conviction (without insurance) they are on the way to happiness. Romance is women’s payday for living graciously important lives, and they expect to be paid frequently according to the depth of a relationship.

Romance means exclusive attention, sweet compliments, whispered affections, expressions of devotion, reminders of her importance, confirmation of her worth, affirmation that her prettiness registers as beauty with someone, and actions that specifically confirm and don’t contradict the foregoing. Women can imagine a gazillion ways that men can convey and demonstrate such ‘simple’ things.

The opposite of men, her imagination stirs her curiosity. Her imagination can and often runs wild about a new guy of interest. Curious about why he doesn’t respond to her romance expectations, she finds no fault with herself. Instead, she easily blames him as inadequate romancer and in need of improvement.

Women take personally a man’s lack of romancing her. Consequently, they blame men as inadequate, which transmutes in practice as lack of respect of men, which weakens women’s influence, which makes men less interested in paying women for living graciously important lives.

On two counts, his lack and her curiosity, blame outweighs lack of romance as the culprit in modern day relationships. Women can live with lack of romance better than lack of a man. Lack of romance dulls her side of a relationship. Blame, however ruins his side. Blame spurs her into finger pointing mode; which spurs her to take to her mouth; which offends him; which generates resentment, resistance, and often retaliation; and which far too easily pushes him into departure mode.

I advise women to drop the blame game, period. It is always anti-female to finger men as faulty. Not that they aren’t, just that they don’t take kindly to women doing it and especially their mate. It inevitably works against her because her blame-based best intentions have negative influence.

Women can and should develop their own training techniques. She has to make it her habit to train men to romance her. It starts at first encounter, becomes vital in dating, and fully develops in courtship. By the time they become engaged, his habit should be well established to participate with her more closely, more affectionately, and more intimately. Effectiveness training her man determines the frequency and worth of her future paydays.

This question will arise so I shall answer ahead of it. How do you train a man to be a romancer? 1) Follow your heart, female instinct, and feminine intuition. Follow not what you think you’re owed, due, or need. Follow not what others tell you to expect in response to your initiatives. Follow not what your girlfriends do. Follow not what you wish for. Do what makes you feel more like a woman when you do something with him or yourself. If you hurt, wait for his solace. If you’re happy, don’t over play it. If he gets uncomfortable with you, let him dig himself out of the hole. Keep your self-interest as first priority; he has to catch and capture you. Reverse that last sentence and automatically poison your female nature for guiding you.

2) Require him to earn your affection, love, and worth as potential mate. Make him the seller and you the buyer in everything. If he does it with words, it doesn’t program his heart to favor you. If he does it with actions, you gain the maximum benefit of his heart programmed to your favor.

3) Gently and smoothly invite cuddling when just sitting around. Don’t push on him for anything. He must be lured. Let him get familiar with how easy you are to please when close together. Don’t tell him but gently and slowly encourage him to realize how important physical closeness is to you. He doesn’t need it; he has to learn to like it in his own heart, patiently slipped in by you. Don’t whisper sweet things to him expecting him to do the same; he won’t. You should hint and plant seeds that sweet words inspire you to greater things as date, girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You can be especially effective while cuddled if you talk and act more as you did when he married you. He doesn’t want to talk or hear about the wedding; he wants to hear and see you duplicate yourself as his fiancé.

4) Regularly and frequently use a phrase I coined twisted to fit whatever the situation: Men are never more handsome than when they please their girlfriends/fiancees/wives with (as appropriate) sweet talk, whispers of devotion, violets, hand-picked wild flowers, cuddling up for TV, surprises, unexpected date night, date night just concluded, little gifts, unexpected thoughtfulness, waltzing her around the kitchen, singing to her, holding a pleasured smile in front of her face. Use it at every opportunity for even the slightest things that touch on romance.*

If you haven’t figured it out by now, “men are never more handsome” programs both hearts with appreciation of the other. It sweeps up many romantic ingredients into daily habits at whatever stage of relationship development.

Women know what they want and expect as romance from a man. They don’t, however, know how to get the quality or quantity they expect. Men don’t know much about what romance means to women. Even worse, they can’t figure out how to deliver whatever it is that women expect. It may become understandable with tomorrow’s post about his side of the story.

——

*The phrase works best when kept in third person, i.e., using ‘men are’ and ‘wives’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘wife’ or ‘me’.) As written it’s a compliment. As ‘you’ and ‘me’ it’s sucking up which earns suspicion rather than appreciation.

Also, until he becomes a more romantic guy, I suggest these not be used with the ‘men are never’ phrase: helping with the dishes, opening car doors, washing her car, taking out the trash, setting the table, planning for visitors. Unless, of course, she feels those things are part of romancing her.

 

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2023. Female Blessings at Birth — 31-33


This is the eleventh group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the (currently 88) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

31. I get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones. [Guy adds: It’s such a primal urge that women capitalize on using those skills as just other tasks among many. For example: They work around the house by putting off after-work relaxation. They hug children and even adults because it feels good. They amplify feeling good about themselves by sharing intimacy.]

32. I understand my work is never done, and that’s as it should be. [Guy adds: Both brightening her future and living a good life require extra output to confirm her importance to both herself and others.]

33. I understand that lovemaking is the man’s game but after-play intimacy is pretty much exclusively mine. [Guy adds: Orgasm releases him for sleep but not her completely. Even if she goes orgasmic, intimacy afterward is an endless wish that easily goes unfulfilled. Her mate’s sexual satisfaction is not sufficient to convince her of her overall importance. As with too few displays of affection, she seldom gets enough intimacy to confirm what she needs. She faces this male shortcoming. Men are poor readers even of their mates and even poorer appreciators of the female need for intimacy.]

Example for your response: “33-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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1999. Compatibility Axioms #444-450


444. Wives want to be shown more affection, but husbands stay focused and specialize on their own satisfactions. Men must be trained to show as much affection as women desire. (If his parents didn’t exemplify it in childhood, he’s not likely to improve himself very much in adulthood, except when a long, sex-free courtship requires that he develop new habits for displaying affection to her.)  [153]
445. As husbands see it, anger and aggressiveness are male traits, and a wife should be above such offending behavior. (This makes feminine charm, patience, and indirectness highly effective at harmonizing a pair of self-interested people into mutual interest. Of course it’s not fair, but it exploits both the natural differences between the sexes and her greatest potential as relationship expert.) [153]

446. The greater her feminine virtue, then the greater his respect, which is balanced on the knife-edge that qualities he admire guarantee her faithfulness to him alone. Men expect fidelity first, always, and to be obvious in their woman. (Neither equality nor fairness has anything to do with it; it’s born into men.) [153]

447. A man changes after conquest. By joining the conquered, she loses being exceptional to him. (It doesn’t mean that she loses everything, just that he views and values her differently, and she must change accordingly to hold him. Unfortunately, how he changes is unpredictable, because his agendas remain hidden until he’s devoted and not just committed to her.) [153]
448. If he’s after sex more than her, she’s temporary until the next sex target comes along and maybe sooner. [153]
449. Before their first sex together, and even without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from weaker purpose or character. [154]
450. If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides more permanent alternatives for her than sex before marriage. [154]

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1995. Self-gratitude — Her Angelic Presence


She loves others and is grateful for some. She fails to appreciate, love, and be grateful enough for herself. She envies the best in others, but fails to look for and find it in herself. Internal pressures cause it. It seems unfortunate, but it’s not. It’s a natural defense against overextending herself. It prevents female expressions of dominance that can be rightfully claimed by the natural superiority of her sex, but which inevitably run into the superior and thus highly respected physical strength of males. In short, her naturally enforced accommodation with her nature helps bring balance to mating.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love yourself more, but that you should love yourself specifically for your superior qualities and abilities and not your desire to impose your will on others. See the difference? You benefit when your superior spirit and admirable character float in the view of others without demanding they do your bidding. They see your participation in their lives as so routinely important that you’re neither questioned nor challenged. Your presence is enough to cause self-gratitude to grow in the hearts of family members, but the taproot is your own self-gratitude.

Always deserving of more affection than you receive, you’re needful of a strong sense of importance more than affection. You make yourself important and leave to others to sense the need to show you affection. It enables you to live with the A.D.D that afflicts both you and your man. Nevertheless, with almost angelic composure, low expectations for yourself enable you to set and dominate the values, standards, and expectations of home and family. In that lays practical confirmation of the self-gratitude that you can absorb while privately seated before dresser mirror. And therein lays the reason for the poet’s claim, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” [William Ross Wallace]

 

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