593. Desirable or Washed Up? — #3. Stud or Dud?

This continues post 592 and a review may help with this one.

Wife’s sexual desirability flows from husband’s conviction of his studliness, which arises from her convincing actions. (Not the desirability of foreplay or arousal, but the kind that makes him think of her sexually when away. It brings him back to her, reliably.)

Is he Saint Stud or just Sir Dud? Only he can tell. His conviction comes from her actions. He finds actions hard to doubt but not words, especially if his sexual self-confidence is weak.

Three actions are the most convincing: (1) Easy availability negotiated within her sensibilities. (2) Willingness negotiated within her health. (3) Eagerness and joy displayed frequently and honestly.

·        Those actions make her desirable, because they signal that she needs him and only him. No one else will EVER do, or so he concludes.

·        Earning her devotion is the energetic and symbolic equivalent of her winning his love (details at 592). The sign that he deserves what he earned lies with confirmation of his sexual dynamism, although in truth his dynamism may be more imagined than real. (As Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” So, whose imagination? Both!)  

·        Negative feedback indicates ‘his dudliness’, and it conflicts with his self-defined studliness. The greater the conflict, the more he knows better and feels pushed to search out and find the truth. Where, who, how, when? Or so he ponders and eventually acts!

·        His conclusions count for everything. Her actions speak loudest and indirectness outweighs directness. Only his conclusions confirm that she needs him and that he, therefore, has earned what he deserves—her devotion. It’s a loop that only wife can close.

·        Her sexual need of him impresses and shapes his mind with her desirability. When his thoughts turn to sex, they turn to her anticipated eagerness and joy. This elevates ego over libido and her over everyone else.  

·        Women seek loving affection and expect it will overcome marital twists and turns. But it doesn’t make her desirable. Too much reliance on loving affection can spillover into fawning, babying, and mothering that short circuit her desirability. (Of course too little by him ruins post-coital intimacy. But it’s not her loving affection that stimulates his. It’s tender heartedness in all likelihood bred into him by females earlier in his life.)

·        We’ve focused on wife’s sexual desirability in husband’s mind. Of course, females seek to be desired for other than sex. It’s perfectly normal, but enabling him to earn her devotion makes everything else easier.

·        There’s a vital caveat: Unless he devotes himself to marriage, he has no real interest in upgrading his devotion or earning hers. Marriage sets his mind on the path to earn her devotion to him. Shacked up, for example, requires no legal or formal investment of his Self, so he senses less if any obligation to earn her devotion.

And, in another of God’s major blessings for females: Aging will change her appearance, but it need not change her sexual desirability.

235. Boob language — Part 10

♫ Erotic attire has one-person value: It puts the male mind on track to conquer or to show her off. Neither track is about her true self.

♫ After nakedness and conquest, there’s little left. Her ad campaign dies with conquest, as it kills his imagination except for future arousal. (Conquest is the man’s end-game. Booty sustains him between conquests.)

♫ Dating as a sex object plants the seed of booty for him but maybe only something better for her.

♫ Men want to move toward conquest at their pace. More mystery, modesty, and doubt about scoring slow it to her pace.

♫ Suggestive attire is more effective than erotic attire at energizing the imaginative side of the male mind. (The more he has to imagine, think, plot, and worry, the better for her.)

♫ The appeal of boobs lies in the challenge to get to them. Once uncovered, conquest is assured.

♫ Modest attire signals covered boobs to be protected boobs. Cleavage drastically eases his worry to gain access.     

 [More boob language appears at posts 220, 205, 188, 102, 98, 81, 52, 49, and 12. Search by the number followed by dot and space.]