572. The Male Glance — Part II

Part I (570) describes men observing females. This flip side describes female preparing to be observed.

Females focus continually on how they appear. The female nature craves manly attention. She takes it as routine confirmation of her value to Self and to those she loves. Compliments work very well, but even flattery beats nothing. Known males are usually best, but strangers can be appreciated for attentions and what they say and do for her—if nice of course.

If father, husband, or boyfriend does not provide a sufficiency of attention, she yearns for more. Virtually any man can provide it, which is better than none, but good looking and eligible guys are much, much, much, much better—even if she’s committed to another.

Compliments confirm and reinforce value of herself to herself. Whatever her preparations and grooming for the occasion, she did well. Pride suffuses her spirit, and her prettiness and attractiveness are reinforced in both mind and appearance. She’s doing the right things with herself.    

Denied the attentions she thinks she deserves, especially as a girl, disappointment sets in. Over time she becomes careless, desperate to get her own man, or disgusted with Self, men, or both. Greater absence of attention follows, and her self-image becomes so devastated that she rationalizes sloppy or manly appearance as her choice. Depression follows easily.

PS. Incidentally, women complain about hits from workers on construction sites. Women shouldn’t; they are not the sex object they presume. Men show off to buddies and outshine competitors with boasts and outrageous displays of bravado. She’s the vehicle they use and not the target, unless she acts suggestive or responds provocatively.

439. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 12

Dear Daughter: More nuggets for review.

♦ The earlier in life the better to teach males about romance. This makes teen girls critical in the development of romantic men. [8]

♦ Shapeless and excessively covered boobs shift manly focus to other women. [12]

♦ Romantic love, mostly based on infatuation and lust, does not require a man’s respect. Moreover, romantic love fades after a year or two. [7]

♦ Morality serves women, but men don’t need it. Mothers and other females must see that boys and men live within the moral expectations of women, or male dominance gets out of hand. [18]

♦ Men with a wounded spirit work harder to recover and do better. Women with a wounded spirit seek someone to nurse away their hurt. [4]

♦ Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s beating out all those other guys. [7]

♦ Love to a man means showing respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does, and that’s what he expects from a woman. [4]

♦ Love to a woman means showing attention and affection, and that’s what she expects of a man. [4]

♦ If she duplicates masculine-style sexual freedom, it makes her the subordinate player in a man’s game. [12]

♦ Hunter-conquerors highly value difficult targets. This makes hardtoget work. [8]

♦ Feminism demeans masculinity to get what women want. Femininity uplifts and honors manliness to get what women need. [1]

333. What daughters never hear — Section 09

The female nature provides women with extraordinary skills for eliminating confusion interacting with men. But, women don’t trust their nature anymore, so they look for admin, legal, or political assistance.

♂♥♀ Some women follow their nature and dress up fishing for compliments. Other women dress down, abandon their female nature, and miss compliments that could uplift their feelings.

♂♥♀ Men see a female as more lovely when she is happy, merry, cheerful, full of life. Her glass half-empty shrinks it.

♂♥♀ Men flirt to good naturedly but cautiously intrude and avoid or delay outright rejection.  

♂♥♀ Men tease to make a woman smile, which makes them prettier, more feminine, more appealing. It’s affection in the form of attention.

♂♥♀ Women can’t tell the difference between being hit on and just teasing. They automatically think the worst of uninvited initiatives.

♂♥♀ Married men compliment her. She takes offense, because she concludes he’s flirting and married men should not do that.

♂♥♀ Married men flirt. She calls it harassment, because men are no darn good.

Brooding about men after the condemnations of Feminism, women either can’t read, or they misinterpret masculine intentions. The unintended consequence: Women want more attention than they are getting from the opposite gender, and need more affection than they get from their man.

[Eight other posts about this title are listed in the Content page at the top.]

294. Virtual virginity #16

♥  Even though previously married, virtual virginity success lies with her friendly feminine charm and persistent refusal to have unmarried sex. If he won’t honor her wishes or forces himself on her, he’ll be worse after conquest, during shack up, and even after marriage.

♥  This springs from adolescent thinking: If he conquers a true virgin superstar in looks, his significance among peers skyrockets for having the freedom to dump her. 

♥  Virtual virginity’s power shifts all the attention from him to her. 

♥  His ‘conqueror’s rights’ emerge after their first sex together. It’s as natural as her succumbing to his charm or looks.

♥  Virtual virginity gives a woman time to impose her values and blend her relationship into a joint effort, because he’s willing to listen as he searches for her weaknesses that will enable conquest.

♥  If they divorced and she wants him back, virtual virginity works best. If they have sex anytime for any reason, he will not change. If he really, truly, emphatically wants her back, he will change into a different man if she refuses sex until remarriage.

♥  Conquering a virgin is the ultimate, but not as women think. He’s first among his buds. It pads both ego and bragging rights.

[More about virtual virginity appears in posts 273, 248, 231, 212, 198, 181, 169, 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, and 44. Post 25 describes options for girls. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following.]

288. Chaste courtship works — Part 8

♂©♀  The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together.

♂©♀  Mr. Right does not arrive in her life. She turns the man in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as his devotion to her. To her mind, he never quite gets there. But, he also never finds out what she’s been doing—until it’s too late, and they are aging gracefully together.

♂©♀  Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate mutual interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the scene.

♂©♀  Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. (Such as those at post 59.) 

♂©♀  Most women have two options: give of herself as a helpmate, or live life alone, lonesome, and often desperate. Young women claim it’s b…s…, but they’ve not aged yet either.

♂©♀  In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not dating tho. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage.

[More about making caste courtships work at posts 174, 163, 154, 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down sequentially or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

277. The Fun Syndrome

      Have you heard? Many women fall prey to this manic-depressive sequence.

     Tween girls are propagandized by fashion and entertainment industries that teen life is fun and should be fun, fun, fun.

     As they pass through puberty, the pop culture, entertainment media, and boys emphasize sex as the ultimate road to fun.

     Nature protects girls at first. Their biological makeup and childish nature reject sex for ‘later’. But they welcome whatever else is fun. Unless taught differently by mothers or siblings as necessary for popularity, girls intuitively value virginity over fun.

     This moves fun to the top of girlhood priorities, while sex rises to the top for boys. Then, as boys become more meaningful in their lives, the fun imperative reinforces itself among girls. Unfortunately, it too often carries into adulthood.

     Teen minds and bodies develop. Boys and girls merge socially for fun. Separation of fun and sex begins to melt, as girls grow through adolescence. Erotic fashions attract greater attention.

     Infatuation sings with fun, but romantic love broadcasts greater fun. (Girls probably can’t tell the difference, and boys can’t separate it from adventure.)

     Having a boyfriend becomes the ultimate path to girlhood fun. It reinforces a girl’s confidence, social importance, and envy of others. She can also lord it over girlfriends. The ‘security’ of having a boyfriend frees her for riskier behavior.

     But then, sooner or later, her fun is not his. He expects more. He convinces her sex is fun too. Merging her infatuation with a boy’s hormone hurricane, she yields expecting true romance to emerge.

     Romantic love has to be fun. So, if sex is required to hold their fun-filled romance together, it symbolizes fun. Even if it disappoints her, she still has him as status symbol.

     Accepting sex as fun matches his nature perfectly, but it violates her own. She adopts masculine as more important than female values and learns to act more like a guy. Her identity becomes embedded in masculine fun, fun, fun.

     Fun trumps strictly female interests. Mothering, nurturing, nesting, and family responsibility lose appeal. The female strengths of ladyhood, female modesty, and feminine dignity disappear.

     However, one female blessing remains. Weddings, the ultimate attention and affection producers for the bride, produce immense fun. Obligations and vows are taken seriously, but the heritage of fun lingers inside her.

     As soon as romantic love fades in a year or two, as it inevitably does, the fun ends for her. Responsibilities of partner, wife, and perhaps mother begin to burden. Domestic burdens grow, and depression arrives. It tickles her drive to restore fun to her life.

     She needs new fun, and she learned earlier that it starts with a new man. So, she dumps partner, husband, and perhaps father of her kids to seek another. When romantic love with new guy fades in a year or two, she moves on. And then she finds…?

     Values learned in the tweens and reinforced as a teen turn wives into physical adults but mental adolescents. Manic until romantic love fades in a year or two. Depressive until the next romance starts.

     Her childish need for fun overwhelms satisfaction with current mate, but she rationalizes the fault to be his. For example, he pays no attention to her sexual wants, needs, and desires.

     Such women never grow out of the adolescent idea that romance is both the ultimate and only fun. Every so often it requires a new man. So, they dump husbands, who probably never see it coming.

 

 

 

    

276. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’m! — Post 3 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♀♥♂  Nurturing him won’t work; it’s demeaning. Teaching him won’t work; it’s humiliating. Coaching might work; good coaching shows him respect and recognizes his dignity and importance otherwise.

♀♥♂  Men heavily experienced in sexual encounters tend to ignore the smaller details. It’s too easy and habit forming to conquer and go elsewhere. So, coaching such a man requires much more adroitness than with most.  

♀♥♂  If premarital, she’s in charge of changing both his conquering spirit and defusing his conqueror’s rights. Virtual virginity lays good groundwork. (See post 248 et al.)

♀♥♂  She craves attention and affection from her man to acknowledge her importance to herself. Her sexual preferences and expectations are less important. Given that men have affection delivery disorder, progress made toward fulfilling her basic needs may provide better results than complaining about his sexual approach. (See post 3 regarding his and her A.D.D.) 

Men should consider her wants, needs, and desires. As we have seen, however, love and poor choices often interfere.

[More on this subject appears in posts 271 and 266 and follows at two future posts.

268. Weans, tweens, and teens #10 — Self-centered

          This post continues the description of subsets that make up the universal motivator, self-interest (post 223). Mature self-interest arrives after a child passes through three stages that are simplified here for clarity.

Selfish (post 239), self-centered, and self-tests are actions that motivate children at various stages of growing up. This post summarizes selfishness and then addresses self-centeredness.

In the last half of the weans, selfishness is the standard order of the day for toddlers. Such children promote their interests ahead of what’s agreeable with others. It becomes an undesirable habit, when they learn that it pays off. 

As effective parenting discourages selfishness, the child learns to think long instead of short term. He learns that spitefulness does not pay but fairness usually does. Groundwork is thus laid for the next stage after toddlerhood.

Self-centeredness arises during the tweens and takes two forms in every child. Whether viewed as good or bad, he behaves to make himself feel good about himself.

Parents consider it bad, when a child focuses repeatedly on getting others to make him feel good about himself. The child dwells on getting attention, affection, or appreciation. After repeated failures to be satisfied, he often escalates to outrageous behavior.  

Parents consider it good, when a child energizes himself to make his life better or more interesting. He depends upon himself to feel good about himself. He learns to benefit from turning off his selfish and self-centered switches when associating with others.

Self-centeredness in the tweens determines what’s ahead for the child and helps shapes his adult self-interest.

Lessons learned take on permanence as puberty arrives. Following that, the teen years provide the third stage of developing adult self-interest—self-testing. That’s the next post in this series.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]