586. Response to Viewer — Item 12a

Her Highness Jessica at article 584 claims to be confused. It seems wonderfully normal at age 22 when she says:

♦       “I have heard several men say that they are turned off by independent women.… Other men claim to find independent women sexy and arousing to their conquering ego…. Please detail which type of man likes what.

RESPONSE: ‘Turned off’ means his motives are suspect, and he fears commitment and avoids investment of Self.  [More at 587 tomorrow] ‘Sexy and arousing’ means he reacts naturally, and he appreciates the challenge. He’s much less likely to fear commitment or avoid investment of Self.

♦       “Please detail whether the ‘independent woman’ is a desirable or not.”

RESPONSE: Female independence is not a disqualifier but a qualifier just like character, likeability, and interests. It does not disqualify her for desirability, except as befuddled, narrow-minded, or adolescent-minded men think, imagine, fear, or manipulate it.

In fact, her independence in single life is essential to qualify men as worthy of her instead of vice versa. The question is how much independence? The answer is whatever she needs to gain and maintain control over her single relationships. (Also watch for article in two days entitled 588. Dominance Prevails: His or Hers?) 

I view smart women at least this independent: Mostly through the eyes rather than ears, she makes each guy absorb her actions and words, interpret them, and feel this unstated message in his heart: “No way, big guy, can you expect me to do your bidding without you paying many dear prices, which I will inform you about from time to time as we progress toward you fitting into my model of what a good man should be.”

All conveyed indirectly, of course, with a joyful spirit and smiles. Unless, that is, she’s so independent that she burns bridges behind her.

Her independence is strictly her business and any man can define it as likeable or unlikeable. Especially if he claims ‘turn off’, it should influence her not a whit. His motives are suspect. [Details next post]

581. Choices Program the Heart — Part III: Pop Scene

Our subconscious mind is our ‘heart’. Not the physical one, of course, but our inner Self—our beliefs, values, feelings, and memories that guide our life. Whatever we take in has an effect on our subconscious, and the more emotionally we absorb it, the greater the impact.

These surroundings program the female heart against feminine interests:

♦       MUSIC. Pop music programs the female subconscious with negative, unfriendly, and disparaging thoughts, ideas, and feelings. The more emotion-stirring with loudness, hollering, and screaming, then the more effective the rewriting or reinforcing of values, standards, and beliefs in the subconscious mind of listeners.

Modern pop music seems most emotional when females, intimacy, and platonic relations are demeaned. Consequently, by taking it in subconsciously, girls think less of themselves than their grannies thought of themselves. Men and boys think less of females except for whatever the music uplifts—such as sex objects, sex sans intimacy, and violent acts.

I don’t think it’s too harsh to claim that musicians and business associates purposely demean female-friendly values, standards, and expectations with their music. Obviously it works with groupies, so why not all females?

If not purposeful, then they subconsciously seek to elevate males over females, and it has the same effect.

♦       FILMS. Horror and thriller flicks deaden the female heart about real life. Seeking to be with guys, they learn to enjoy and absorb more of the unreal. One result: Captivated females retain their adolescence instead of adopting restrictive adult judgments about men and relations.    

♦       SHOWS. Media displays of casual sex—chick flicks and desperate wives—demean personal virtue. They program women to absorb masculine values that discredit and displace their feminine nature.

An anomaly: Men appreciate feminine virtue in the woman of their dreams, but they kill the concept of virtue in entertainment media. Killing virtue makes a profit, but individual men have too few virtuous women to choose from, and so marriage becomes unfashionable. Women may now work in entertainment, but they join the club to succeed, and so other females reap no benefits.

Of course women claim they can take or leave such bad influences. But can they? When they want and get more, they’ve been programmed to accept it. The programming reinforces itself in the subconscious, because the conscious mind chose to do it again or she chose not to object and escape. In these ways, choices program the heart against the best interests of females and by inference children.

575. Why Harassment? — Egregious 2

Women face unwanted sexual advances, and some egregiously offend them. Such men can be handled. (Not to include situations where physical abuse is a real threat.)

I offer the following scenarios to show how most men tend to react to certain pressures. Certain tactics have great impact on the male gender. For example:

♦       “Stop that.” Snap out these words unemotionally at the first unwanted advance. It’s not so much your words as shock and awe of you taking command of the situation and not providing more feedback.

Don’t act angry, don’t complain, don’t explain, and don’t answer questions he may ask in surprised innocence. Don’t stare him down if you work with or for him—he loses too much face to continue working well with you. Get away if possible or turn away and change the subject—let him save some face.

Let him figure you out. Confusion and mystery he can’t stand, and so his behavior will change. Probably a different approach in order to stimulate your feedback, but he should be far less bold and offensive.

♦       “Stop that.” Snap it out on second offense too and perhaps the third and even fourth. If hits differ in words, acts, or ideas, he’s testing his real world and how to succeed. If he offends in identical manner each time, it shows no sign of testing or backing off (see tomorrow’s post, 576).

As with first hit, withhold your feelings and opinions about him. Zero feedback shifts his thinking from ‘she can’t resist’ or ‘how do I succeed’ to ‘maybe it’s me’. Again, let him figure it out. If you smile, you defeat yourself.

If he figures out ‘maybe it’s me’, then new questions settle in his mind. This is first step to stopping advances from unwanted guys.

On the subject of what offends you, be silent. Anything he learns will be used against you. The next post deals with what to do if this tactic doesn’t work!

563. Mirror time

We act according to how we are dressed and groomed. We respond to others by how they are dressed and groomed. Subtle distinctions generate more or less respect, and respect heads the non-emotional list of how we respond to someone else. 

When females spend time, effort, and money on clothes and grooming and much time before mirrors, they tend to act more feminine. When they take shortcuts, they appear and act less feminine.

When females think, act, and dress as men do, they adopt masculine ways. This means less time and effort spent at the mirror, grooming, and clothes selection. More convenience certainly, but this tendency has led women to use the color black to their disadvantage.   

Customarily, black clothing is serious, formal, and authoritative. It means much more than appearance and sends loud signals. Let’s add some light to two extremes: formal events here versus casual, on-the-job, and leisure at the next article. 

Black attire suppresses the uniqueness of females. Symbolically, it removes sex from the scene. Witness funerals, graduations, and other formal occasions when culture, custom, and social programming suppress and discourage sexually-connected thoughts. All-black helps focus everyone on theme.

Black or dark ladies suits provide an aura of authority that favors a female’s acceptance with men on the job. Lightly colored suits appear more feminine and lose some impressiveness.  (Of course feminists complain that attire shouldn’t matter, but females do better when they accept rather than try to change male nature structured so strongly around authority—having, building, and using it.)

Next: Black for casual, on-the-job, and leisure time.

526. She has ‘Issues’ — Responses

Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. She may even help as described in part one in post 525, but she needs her own ammo.

Caveat: I offer no right answers for being accused of frigidity, fear, or sexual mistreatment. Instead, I assume that she wants to choose whether he’s worth more attention and time instead of his making that choice about her.

Her response should not drive him off, but should cause confusion so that he slacks off pressuring her for sex. Conflicting signals cause confusion, and smiles can confuse any negative message she chooses to convey.

Responses: Anger and disappointment have some potential, but she gives up control of the situation. Certainty of her messages, as opposed to confusing him, puts him in fight or flight mode. A grab bag of options includes confusing messages that are less likely to prompt his dropping her:

·        SMILE and ask: “Why do you accuse me of having issues? Can I not stand on my principles and beliefs?” (Then, don’t explain further and don’t complain about his response, if he offers one. Let her question haunt him, because he has no answer that respects her as she wants to be respected.)

·        SMILE, maybe chuckle, and change the subject as if his accusations are preposterous. (Say nothing to defend her position, but don’t let him know if she’s uncertain about it. Take charge. Self-confidence steals ammo from his bag of tricks.)

·        SMILE as if she intends to keep secrets in the sex department. They disagree on ‘casual’, and it’s no time to explore those differences. (She’s waiting on certain conditions to be met, which she expects to come later.)

·        SMILE if she’s hurt and inquire if he really has other specific interests in common with her. (Put the guilt on him, and he’ll change the subject.) 

·        SMILE and query him about himself to change the subject. (What ‘issues’ does he have that he would expect her to so eagerly embrace casual instead of devotion? Why embrace his self-interest by yielding her own interests?)

·        SMILE mysteriously while asserting she’s ‘normal’. Greater mystery will stop his efforts to soften her resolve. (He’ll depart or take another strategy, if she puts the guilt back on him for even suggesting that she may be other than ‘normal’.)

·        SMILE and assert devoted love is normal and casual sex abnormal to relationship solidarity. (She might ask: Is he more interested in sex than a solid relationship? Why? How? Penetrating questions expose his character.)

·        SMILE and in some subtle way assert innocence as more valuable than experience. (Let him conclude what all that means.)

Accusing a female of issues against casual sex is a standard male technique. She cheapens herself if she falls for it.

A more profitable response: Don’t accept casual, commitment, or her devotion for him in lieu of his devotion for her. It’s called female dominance.  

525. She has‘Issues’ — Reasons

I dedicate this series of two articles to Princess Easybreezy who rang the door bell and Princess Shirshir who opened the door at post 518.

Women refuse casual sex, and men accuse them of frigidity, fearfulness, or sexual mistreatment. She must have some ‘issue’. Or else she’d never refuse the sexiness of whatever guy charms her at the moment. Let’s look at some reasons here and responses in next post.

Reasons: Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. However, she often helps rather than discourages him.

·        To penetrate whatever mystery she holds, he provokes her for explanations that he may argue against further.

·        The female nature wants to dispose of accusations, pursue resolution, and settle all matters, especially with an attractive man. Men intuit and exploit this as weakness.

·        She says more than just No. She explains her stance against casual sex, or about waiting for marriage, instead of keeping it mysterious until later. Any explanation gives him ammo for his next verbal thrust, accusation, and description of her ‘unreasonableness’ in this mind game.

·        He may act mad, and maybe he is. It’s still his game plan, and he’s using the guilt delivery system to provoke, madden, and convince her that he’s more right than she.

·        The one that can’t stand to lose the other will lose. If he’s great, and she can’t stand the thought of losing him, he’ll read her silent messages of weakening resolution, and keep pressuring until she caves. It may take days or weeks, but her resolve will dissipate simply because she convinces herself that he’s the keeper for her.

·        If she treats him as expendable, he reads it as if he’s about to lose her. His ego regurgitates the unpleasantness. If she’s worth it to him, he’ll stay around for more of the game. If she’s not worth playing the game with, he’ll depart. Either way she wins.

Some response options follow in next post, 526.

519. LOVE vs. RESPECT—Section III

He knows how to capture her love, although it doesn’t mean he will succeed. But once she loves him, he knows little about how to keep it or her respect except by being himself in all his masculine glory. Once he conquers her, if he can’t be who he is, he’s virtually lost.

♫     Why? Perhaps this: Women in boys’ childhood and girls in adolescence failed to plant seeds about the female character with its unique sensibilities, sensitivities, indirectness, and expectations. IOW, what makes her tick behind her talk? How can a man compensate for what he can’t see or hear?  Why must he deal with her indirectness, when directness gets things done and he favors action over words?

♫     To build or sustain self-respect, he competes for respect of others, and shapes human events according to what’s possible, practicable, desired, and compatible with his self-respect. Experience and feedback reinforce self-respect, or he took the wrong path and knows to try something else. The masculine value system clearly marks the way, and most of the time leaves self-respect intact.  

♫     Dealing with females differs. His path is littered with unknowns. He’s used to dealing with well-recognized signs of respect or its lack. He has a standard way of handling both, but experience with men doesn’t help much.

♫     She’s used to dealing with emotions that discount the importance of respect. This makes her reasoning challenge his self-respect, and he knows little about handling it.  

♫     Women don’t hyper-value respect as men do and consequently don’t appreciate the importance of self-respect to their man. Instead, women use female values which may or may not have the effect they desire. When it doesn’t work, she tries harder often to fail harder.

Women need to consider self-respect in this analysis: The military makes it work, and that’s next.

516.1 — Female Dominance