Tag Archives: bitterness

565. Response to Viewer — Item 11


I dedicate this series to Her Highness Katrinka. She asked “Why is it so hard for fathers and sons (specifically grown sons) to be close?” I cite the father mostly, but mother plays a more critical role than included here:

  • Being of independent nature, men receive no reassurances from being close to one another as women do. So closeness has to be generated over time.
  • Father and son compete as do all men. Their competitive relationship forms in the tweens and solidifies in the teens.
  • Men don’t change much, unless they get saved. So, how they get along in early compete mode determines how they relate later.
  • Leadership can vary greatly, but absence of both respect as a person and trust that matches maturity level breeds an unwilling follower.
  • Throughout childhood, hold him back and earn his scorn. Help him along and earn his desire to belong. 
  • When father pays little or no attention to son’s upbringing, mother has too much influence. She’s reflects or expresses disappointment in father to the son, and he takes up her offense. 
  • Helicopter mothering prevents son learning from mistakes and failures. It leads to lack of both self-respect and self-confidence, which conflicts when father has those traits to spare.
  • Mother elevates son over father; she treats him as adult rather than child. Son shows no respect for father, because he learned he can be equal while acting like a child.
  • Trust and respect for father can easily be killed by son’s bio mom and bitter ex-wife of father, especially when son is in the tweens living with her. 
  • A son continually aims for independence, declares it, and expects it without argument soon after puberty. If father fights and suppresses this drive along the way, bitterness arises and follows later in life.
  • When father leads uncertainly, unpredictably, distrustfully or with whims, temper, and anger, then son’s disrespect grows proportionally.
  • If father suppresses son’s growth toward independence, son resents hell out of it and bitterness may well follow for life.
  • If father lets son outcompete father in decision making, repeatedly outwit or beat down father to get or do what son wants, or let’s son get too independent too fast for his britches, disrespect develops and lasts for life. 

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516. Exes with Benefits? — II


The lead article in this series introduced the subject of sex after breakup and how to reconcile successfully, should she ever desire it.

Chastity with an ex makes her the driver and him the passenger. It reenergizes his natural drive to conquer and squeezes it beneath her commitment to serve herself with abstinence.

Under such pressures, his renewed respect can redound to new love. But whether it does or not and regardless of final outcome, she wins and he loses.

If she might want him back, or just wants to test to see if he’s worthy, she works on herself in such a way that he works on himself:

©     She commits and accepts him only for a platonic friendship and courtship. This silhouettes her chastity and honors her self-respect, both of which men respect.

©     She finds moral reasons to remain chaste and reinforces such reasons continually to herself.

©     She stamps out any lingering bitterness in herself and finds ways to kill any bitterness he may have.

©     She forgives his past offenses, and it includes forgetting them.

©     She knows that to explain herself shifts the advantage back to him. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t explain about withholding sex. It’s just the way she is NOW. One exception: next.

©     When pushed, she acknowledges that she’s saving herself for first or next husband, whoever it may be. No hurry. Ex may qualify, but who knows at this time. That’s all ex should know, because that’s all she should be committed to.

©     If ex wants to qualify as husband, let him try. Fewer words by her convince more easily, because rejection speaks so loudly.

©     Her chasteness becomes believable and valuable when he concludes that other men also run into her new commitment to abstinence.

©     Unless incompatibilities intrude such as bitterness, saving herself for another man eats at him. This induces change in men worth their salt.

 Never foolproof, but chastity works better than anything else to change the male mind.

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451. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 13


Dear Daughter: You may have missed some of these.

Ø For a man’s total admiration, marriage is the only truly forgettable reason for her having had sex with another man—and maybe not even marriage. [7]

Ø Greater potential exists for building home and family, when she shapes her man’s role with cooperative indirectness rather than competitive directness. [8]

Ø Sealing male friendships with sex cuckolds her man every time he sees one of her male friends, whether she actually did it or not. [7]  

Ø Mothers civilize and domesticate boys. Chaste girls tame and teach testosterone terrors to honor female expectations. Grateful wives finish the process of making great husbands. Otherwise, men disappoint women. [18]

Ø Men need no lessons for ‘wham, bam, thank you, mam’. They learn how to treat a woman differently by being rejected for sex by girls and other women before the present one. [18]

Ø In our Judeo-Christian culture, men naturally dominate the present in both society and workplace. [8]

Ø In our Judeo-Christian culture, women intuitively dominate the future in both home and culture. [8]

Ø Her appearance and attitude determine whether the hunter-conqueror plans for a short or long campaign. She falls behind when he concludes short. [12]

Ø Hardtoget keeps her in charge and puts men on the defensive. It forces each man to prove his worth to her, if he chooses to pursue. [7]

Ø Forgive mistakes and forget imperfections, especially your own. Else, they eat into you, and you digest them into bitterness. [11]

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444. When women take up football


Vince Lombardi unintentionally weakened home life when his football leadership expanded the masculine spirit this way: “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”

Unfortunately, women seek to be more like men, and so they copy Vince.

The female nature favors how one plays the game rather than winning for its own sake. Nevertheless, modern wives adopt the Lombardi spirit. They self-induce ingratitude and bitterness for their man, because they don’t get their way or win domestic squabbles. Daughters learn to copy mom, and the next generation amplifies ingratitude and bitterness.

This weakens a major cultural standard that favors women and children and compounds many social and domestic ills—even bitterness beyond divorce, which so injures offspring of all ages.

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337. Unsafe at Any Speed


When most females ‘put out’ easily and casually, sexual relations work against female safety. Males take rejection personal, as female condemnation.

Each attractive female has what he’s after, because male hormones push for sex. When sex is cheap, he looks for easy stuff rather than spin wheels screening for the female of his dreams.

Her rejection spawns bitterness, aggression, and violence. Rejection imagined as extremely personal turns boys, and those men who can’t handle it, toward extreme aggressiveness and even violence.

When No Sex without Marriage is the strategy used by most women and honored by girls, males do not so easily take rejection personal. If rebuffed, they assume her character and moral standards reject his invitation, so females are not rejecting him personally.

This turns men away from sex for its own sake and pushes them to compete for a woman with sex as follow-on. This requires and males accept that they suppress aggressiveness and violence. They make themselves more female-friendly.

In this way, the sexual habits of most females stifle male aggression and violence toward individuals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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56. Submissiveness—Section 1


I  separate two similar terms but very different concepts—submission vs. submissiveness. They are related but not synonymous. Treating them alike doesn’t just cloud over, it blacks out the vital issues.  

When the subject of ‘submission’ arises, people jump to conclusions. Such as, wife must capitulate to husband’s domination. He’s the boss even before push comes to shove. This makes it arguable, and women rightfully argue unfairness and injustice.

I regard ‘submission’ as without merit. It’s a prop for political advantage and pits women against men. It causes damage, because it’s more arguable than relevant.

On the other hand, ‘submissiveness’ is a cooperative spirit usually expected of the wife, the relationship expert. Regardless of its name and who has it, such a spirit is essential for marriage to work.

Any organization needs a CEO, a final authority who makes the toughest decisions and answers for failures. Two-boss organizations inevitably fall apart, and people—think kids—are confused by two equal authorities to whom they report. It’s so easy to play one against the other.

Without the presence of a submissive and cooperative spirit in one partner, disagreements rise to disputes, which promotes resentment, which causes alienation, which transmutes to bitterness, and makes matrimony crash from acrimony.

More to follow.

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14. When women are loose, they lose


When most females ‘put out’ easily and casually, sexual relations work against female safety. Males hitting on a female take rejection personal, as female condemnation. She carries what he is after, but when sex is cheap, the male nature pushes hormonally for sex and not the female. Rejection spawns bitterness, aggression, and violence. Rejection imagined as extremely personal turns boys, and those men who can’t handle it, toward extreme aggressiveness and even violence. 

When No Sex without Marriage is the strategy used by most women and honored by girls, males do not so easily take rejection personal. If rebuffed, they assume her personal character and standards reject his invitation, so females are not rejecting his person. This turns men away from competing for sex for its own sake and pushes them to compete for a woman rather than sex. This requires and males accept and rationalize that they must suppress aggressiveness and violence. In this way, the sexual habits of most females govern the level of male aggression and violence.

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