936. Virgin? Keep It Secret! — Part II

CAUTION: Readers cite this post as inappropriate for ladies. I agree. But some women need it for their bag of tricks. Men sometimes go too far. Women need extreme measures to rein in their natural but persistent curiosity. The post doesn’t offer advice; it says she can, not that she should.

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Yesterday’s post defended the strategy of females keeping their virgin status secret from everyone. However, boyfriends (and perhaps workplace harassers) keep trying to uncover at least some minimum, after which he treats her according to his standards about such females. Keeping her history secret, especially her status re virginity, provides women a way to balance male dominance.

Tactics exist to take the heat off of her. Offer tit for tat. He wants to know about her history? She wants to know about his knowledge of prim and proper sexual performance, of how things should be in real life. Not interested in his broad promises of Nirvana but details about the touchy feely side. If she’s expected to disclose what she’s done, he should disclose how he does it. Right? It’s only fair, so invite him to spell it out!

Stop signs can be erected that make a man stop talking or even wanting to continue. The more personal she makes it for him, the more he will dodge, change subject, or otherwise maneuver to escape without answering. She’s never seen a man turn sensitive about himself? Try a few of these on him.

She can use one or two of these examples until he learns better. Of course, she leads off with the old standard, “I don’t know but I’ve been told….”

• Where did you learn to do foreplay the right way? You know, Act I of what men do to please and keep rather than disappoint and lose their love interest.
• How did you learn to value afterplay (post-coital intimacy) the female way? You know, Act III of what men do to please and keep rather than disappoint and lose their love interest.
• How do men view females after conquest? Not immediately, but the next day? Does it affect you that way?
• What part or parts of sexual relations means the most to a woman? What’s the least important to a man?
• Is a beer, cig, or sleep better than snuggling? Why is that? Are you like that?
• I know men highly value conquering a female. Why is it such a big deal? Just what is it that causes that? Are you that way?
• Why do men value virginity so highly? How important to you?
• What’s the difference in sexual satisfaction for the man and the woman? Where does it end for men? For women?
• What’s the difference in satisfaction for the man and the woman? Where does it end for men? For women?

If those don’t work for her, she can expand her interests, such as:

• I’ve always been fascinated by the role of men in foreplay. Not just men but their role. Their reputation says they screw up a lot. Ditto for afterplay. How should these necessaries be performed? Or are they not necessary? What kind of expertise does it take to keep from screwing up? Where did you learn to do it right?
• How do men evaluate foreplay? What’s the purpose? Who benefits the most? How valuable is it? What and when is enough? How can you tell? How do you know when readiness is mutual, or does it matter? What are the influences that most delight a woman? How important is passion? How does a man handle it, when urgency hasn’t arisen in her?
• Let’s analyze Act III Afterplay! Is it necessary? Does it help fulfill men? Does she need it? Deserve it? How do men know when she’s satisfied?
• What causes and how do men handle premature ejaculation? Is she at fault?
• Don’t men try to bypass deep foreplay to just get on with it? Why is that?

He won’t like her tit for tat tactic. Any one or a couple of such questions should be enough to force a guy to shut down his inquiries. Most men will retreat when she asks the first question. Men want no part of describing the whys and details of their sexual performance especially before the fact. They intuitively recognize her trap and so will shut up.

Players, however, may have a bs line they can fabricate from words and phrases that worked for them in the past. If they answer as if they know what they’re talking about, then they’re players. They’re the worst guys to disclose her history, so she’ll have to get more bold until she shuts him up.

Should the rare guy talk about these things, she has plenty of opportunity to teach him how she expects such things in her life.

640. Sex differences explain men — Chap. 34

• Men fear rejection on initial encounters, but they get over it. Women take rejection much harder and recovery is especially difficult if she thinks a relationship has started.

 

• Husband takes wife for granted, when she displays the independence that men commonly show. He sees her doing well if his attention is not required. Her self-confidence and complaint-free attitude thus work against her. She takes him for granted when she focuses her efforts on the kids or her career.

 

• As men see it, single women display themselves according to the value they place on their sexual assets. Advertising and sloppy and unattractive appearance means low cost for sex. Attractive neatness and highly modest appearance translates as high cost. As women see it, they value their sexual assets as reward for a guy’s love. Ironically, after capturing boyfriend or husband, they downgrade their appearance, which reduces value of their sexual assets, which downgrades sex for imaginative rewards, which weakens his interest.

 

• Men respond more to thinking than feelings and don’t like to think that they change. They are also more reluctant to divulge what lies in their heart. Women respond more to feelings, disclose them more readily, and change them more easily.

572. The Male Glance — Part II

Part I (570) describes men observing females. This flip side describes female preparing to be observed.

Females focus continually on how they appear. The female nature craves manly attention. She takes it as routine confirmation of her value to Self and to those she loves. Compliments work very well, but even flattery beats nothing. Known males are usually best, but strangers can be appreciated for attentions and what they say and do for her—if nice of course.

If father, husband, or boyfriend does not provide a sufficiency of attention, she yearns for more. Virtually any man can provide it, which is better than none, but good looking and eligible guys are much, much, much, much better—even if she’s committed to another.

Compliments confirm and reinforce value of herself to herself. Whatever her preparations and grooming for the occasion, she did well. Pride suffuses her spirit, and her prettiness and attractiveness are reinforced in both mind and appearance. She’s doing the right things with herself.    

Denied the attentions she thinks she deserves, especially as a girl, disappointment sets in. Over time she becomes careless, desperate to get her own man, or disgusted with Self, men, or both. Greater absence of attention follows, and her self-image becomes so devastated that she rationalizes sloppy or manly appearance as her choice. Depression follows easily.

PS. Incidentally, women complain about hits from workers on construction sites. Women shouldn’t; they are not the sex object they presume. Men show off to buddies and outshine competitors with boasts and outrageous displays of bravado. She’s the vehicle they use and not the target, unless she acts suggestive or responds provocatively.

570. The Male Glance — Part I

Here’s some more jack about Jack. Females come in second for attracting his attention. Movement comes first. The following simplifies a common but complex scenario that men undergo and women suffer.

As hunter-conquerors, men automatically glance toward movement. Dangers alert him. Males disinterest him. Females interest and may attract him.

For a female passing nearby, in rapid-fire succession and before conscious thoughts ever stir, a man’s subconscious automatically assesses her as appropriate or inappropriate for him, an up or down check:

♂      Her general appearance and prominent features trigger interest or disinterest for sex. If she’s interesting, value is assigned attractiveness as sex target. She’s either worthy and he could possibly pursue, or both conditions are not met.

♂      If she’s worthy and he can pursue, his conscious mind engages to consider action. The subconscious glance is over. Ogling may follow.

♂      If he’s not interested or she’s not eligible for pursuit, her sexual allure is automatically ignored and targeting forgotten. (If not forgotten, his conscious mind has taken note.)

♂      His habits of thinking through such situations may tell him ‘No, forget it’. Strong convictions about morality, integrity, and respect for the female with him or obligations to another woman can stop the process with his glance. The object’s attractiveness is still appreciated, but the subconscious triggers disinterest, because it has been programmed to do so. (For example, devoted husbands, pastors, and conscientious gentlemen do it well.)

♂      Habit, disinterest, or lack of opportunity causes an instant ‘No’ to register, and the subconscious mind shifts to other matters.

♂      It all happens in a flash and directly from hardwiring of the brain. To this point, the conscious mind has been occupied elsewhere.

If ‘No’ has not registered subconsciously at the glance, the conscious mind shifts to the subject from whatever engaged it. 

Ogling is habitual or conscious. If habitual, and thus programmed in subconscious mind, the females in his life never taught him better. If done consciously, he has little respect or weak interest for the gal he’s with.

Scanning another woman offends and lingering looks insult the woman he’s with. It’s nothing new. However, only females teach males not to do it. Mothers teach boys to respect females generally, girls dump boys that do it and word spreads, and women describe their disappointment to guys that scan or ogle.

More than a glance at another woman reveals conscious thought, which is why women are offended or insulted when their man does it. With only a glance caused by movement, however, men retain a natural innocence.

542. Heart over Head — Redux B

♀ Women don’t insist that men prove themselves worthy of ‘her highness’. Instead, they act desperate to have a boyfriend and shift into compulsive mode trying to keep whatever they land.

♀ Women encourage or initiate first-time sexual relations. It squelches the man’s conquering spirit, which means no personal investment in her, which transmutes to little value for her—beyond booty, of course.

♀ Women seek a man that is sensitive, caring, and responsive to female wishes, but such men already have boyfriends. (Source: anonymous email)

♀ Depression flows from a sense of too little control over one’s life. Women yield premarital control to men, when they enable conquest.

♀ The soft-headed woman signs up with any male offer just to have a man.

♂Promiscuity dulls the male heart against respect for women. This reduces their ability to respect, and hence love, one woman.

518. Virtual Virginity #23

©     Men are hunter-conquerors, and boys are little men that learn from teen girls. Each generation of girls teaches boys to aim toward being civilized and domesticated men. Or else, boys grow up to be big time conquerors and dominators. A famine of teen sex teaches the former. Plentiful teen sex teaches the latter.

©     Men can’t stand criticism about sex, so they prefer virginity. Virtual virginity makes a man forget that he may be criticized. Continued refusals make it worth the risk, and so VV lathers her with value.

©     Virtual virginity doesn’t make her judgments foolproof. It does, however, enable her to distinguish the important things: long term devotion from short term commitment, the Marrying Man from the womanizer, the mature from the immature, the sincere from the phony, the temperate from the intolerable, the believer in something admirably greater than himself from the believer in the mundane or things that shock female sensibilities.

517. The ABCs with C-words about Sex

 Sex either enables or disables the compatible merging of the male and female natures into a successful relationship. Not coitus but the before and after expectations. Sex differences make the difference.

COMPETITION—The Male Strength

Men are made to compete with men. (Disregard table and fun games here.)

Except when trying to conquer her, a man avoids hard-headed competition with a woman. Women too easily outtalk or outsmart men seeking to conquer them. So, men conclude, it’s best to avoid competition on other matters. The prospects of conquest warrant head-to-head mind games, but nothing else.

Men don’t want a woman to think he can’t hack whatever comes up, so losing mind battles reveals incapacity. It can too easily demo some bit of insignificance, which he fears.

Pushy male dominance is a surefire way to avoid competing with her, so he uses it to stop discussion, squash dissent, and avoid loss of face. It’s his nature, not the woman. (Male subordinates of female bosses often favor indifference rather than compete to win a point or advise her.)  

After conquest, he expects sex to be cooperative and not competitive. Why not? Her nature favors the former over the latter. But that’s not the whole story.

COOPERATION—The Female Strength

Men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. When Womanhood speaks, men pay attention. If a woman sets standards and high expectations, a man will step up, elevate his effort, and smooth his attitude—but only before conquest.

Beyond that turning point, he expects routine access to sex with her; it was the target of his natural conquering spirit. Conqueror’s rights are an intrinsic primal urge, hardwired and hormonal. Consequently, he can’t stop his expectations; she certainly can but at risk of losing him.

A man will not long play games or otherwise compete for sex with a woman he has conquered. If she persistently uses sex to get her way, he will rebel quietly, privately, noisily, or physically. Whichever way he chooses, he won’t tolerate it very long and soon seeks another woman.

It’s especially true in marriage. He paid the ultimate price to have frequent and convenient access. When she starts to pull back or shy away, his competitive spirit energizes him, because she challenges his conqueror’s right. So, he pushes for and expects easier access or unlimited sex to prove that he’s right. This makes her resent, resist, rebel, and retaliate in order to restore her self-respect. He pushes harder, she does too, and they start living separate lives under the same roof, or worse. 

Compatibility has one switch for sex. They compete before conquest. They cooperate after.

499. DATING 9 — Investing Self

J If men see no need to date, what does that say about female values, standards, and expectations? Women object to male dominance, but men dominate the dating scene by not dating except on their terms. Women object to the concept of submission to husbandly leadership, but they submit to anything just to have a date or boyfriend, and then try to escape submission after marriage.

J To the male mind, sexual likeability isolates itself from personal likeability. Sex does not bond men, so it has little staying power once he thinks ‘that’s enough’ or ‘who’s next’.

J He measures her personal likeability by his respect of and appreciation for who she is. It keeps him around. Time spent with her bonds him tighter and reinforces his staying around.

J A guy doesn’t invest himself in dating any girl that buddies or their associates are screwing without dating her. Unless it’s strictly for sex, that is, and he can’t conquer her any other way. Then, he has to dump her right after conquest to save face with the guys that scored with her without a date.

J If a guy won’t invest himself by dating a woman, he sure won’t invest himself by marrying her. If he does, it’s for reasons other than her personal merits. Such as: Help him get through med or law school! Get job through her father! Hopeful of her inheritance!