I may have bitten off more than I can chew. But I want to use and churn these principles in a bundle that I hope to make clear about the critical years that follow puberty.
- His ambitions arise out of his need for self-admiration. Her ambitions arise out of her need to feel important.
- People respect others no more than they respect themselves.
- Males don’t respect unearned gifts, and it includes sex and a female’s love.
Adolescence screws up the development of well-rounded adults who are respectful of the opposite sex. ‘Mature’ means that for their age boys or girls are well endowed with mature adult values and thinking. They are small adults in thought and action allowing for their age of course. ‘Immature’ means they haven’t learned or don’t appreciate adult values, standards, and expectations. They won’t know how to act maturely when they do become adults.
Mature Boys. Boys need self-admiration. Some learn before puberty that accomplishments provide it. They enter adolescence prepared to expand and develop new accomplishments in the teens. For example, scouting comes immediately to mind with merit badges and the community projects that some develop and build to prove they deserve to be Eagle Scouts. As teens such boys validate earlier lessons: Accomplishments provide self-admiration. They are in control of earning self-admiration and building significance in both life and the world.
Immature Boys. Some boys don’t learn in the tweens the relationship of accomplishments to self-admiration. Because they don’t accomplish much, they don’t earn much admiration from those around them either. They enter the teens unprepared for the transition that culminates in adulthood about age 21. They go to extremes of action or inaction to find ways to admire themselves. They learn that it doesn’t come easy but the admiration of others can help, so they try to earn the admiration of others by trying to please them. Such boys fail to validate that accomplishments give them control over their lives and they learn to starve for admiration. More and more they depend on others to admire them although the less they accomplish the less others admire them too. Their self-respect lowers and others can’t be respected more than Self.
Mature Girls. Girls have a strong need to feel important. Before puberty they receive it in two forms: The attention and affection of family and friends, and the sense of importance they feed to themselves by accomplishments that involve others they help or associate with. What they learn early about reinforcing their sense of importance, they validate, expand, and improve in the teen years. They enhance their self-respect. When they enter adulthood, they’re well prepared for sustaining their strongest motivational force, which is confirming their feeling of importance in life and their world.
Immature Girls. Some girls don’t learn in the tweens how to build and validate their importance to their world or themselves. They may not be given enough parental attention and affection, in which case they yearn for more of it throughout life. Also, they don’t learn to build their own sense of importance by doing for others. They pass beyond puberty expecting to be less supervised. Exploiting newfound freedom of action, they find some way to feel more important than the inadequacy currently felt. But they lack mature judgment and go too far or too fast. They lose self-respect. Their teen years pass in misery and lay a foundation for more of the same as adults.
Then, those that have it start associating with those that don’t. Maturity pursues immaturity and vice versa. It comes tomorrow as #1368.