539. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 23

Radicals, revolutionaries, and activists declared war on men and gave birth to Feminism. Adverse effects and social debris still fall on every woman and impact every child. Outcomes include:

N  Over three decades women disallowed and disrespected masculine feedback about feminist theory and dogma. Now, modern women don’t know men, and what they do know is mostly wrong.

N  Husbands lose their sense of personal responsibility, because wives value their own independence so greatly that they become ungrateful for whatever their man does do.

N  Wives seek so much household equality they are unwilling to negotiate separate-but-equal and respect-over-love domain responsibilities. Who’s the final authority on what issues?

N  Personal, mutual, social, cultural, and traditional respect continues to disintegrate between and within the genders. (Hook ups without call up, shack up without marry up, split up without warning, marry up without responsibility, break up without loss of benefits.)

N  The cultural concept of separate but equal genders has been torn down by the politics of gender disparagement.

N  Wives declare husbands inadequate and worse. Unknowingly or unwittingly or both, they fulfill the Pygmalion prophecy and turn husbands into more of what wives don’t want. (See previous article 529—Non-judgmental? Ha!)

254. Newlywed Bonding #5 — Pain that heals

In our land of great wealth, many couples break up over financial troubles. Then, they do it again with someone else. Most just can’t learn what it takes to avoid financial instability and payday rape by creditors.

Some people avoid spending except when necessary. They rely on will power. They don’t succumb to impulses. They suppress whatever need they may have for immediate gratification. They build their lifestyle around necessities with few luxuries. Shopping has no allure. They value functionality over fashion, essentials over convenience, labor- and time-intensive over labor- and time-savers. The rest of us are different.

Here are some principles, beliefs, attitudes, convictions, and lessons that can help newlyweds step off on the right foot.

♂$♀  There will be never enough money until you have so much that ‘enough’ is never thought of.

♂$♀ Control of money will always be more important than amount available.

♂$♀  Control requires a decision process. We call it the pain that heals, or simply ‘budgeting’.

♂$♀  The budgeting process keeps a couple focused on improving their lives. With the force of self-imposed rules, it pushes them to do in the present, what they need for their future.

The list continues in forthcoming posts.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

222. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 6

Females succumb to male expectations and standards, which lower their value as mates. They accept commitment instead of taking time to generate a man’s devotion.

⌂ Commitment promises togetherness with her. ♥ Devotion delivers his dedication to her.

⌂ Commitment only promises to rule out other women. ♥ Devotion delivers it, because she’s worth not losing.

⌂ Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him. ♥ Devotion signals she’s more than worthy for him.

⌂ Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. ♥ Devotion to her lasts even though living together may not happen.

⌂ Commitment dies easily under daily pressures that eat away at promises and togetherness. ♥ Devotion of self to one person triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures.  

⌂ Promises require no work at the present. ♥ Devotion exhibits personal sacrifices today.

⌂ Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. ♥ Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication.

⌂ Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. ♥ Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else before her.

⌂ Commitment has no obligation to excuse a mate’s mistakes. ♥ Devotion finds excuses to protect one’s mate.

⌂ Promises make only vague and risky commitment, as females see it. ♥ Women crave someone’s devotion.

Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up.

Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her.

NOTE: She did it again. The nice lady that inspired post 219 also inspired this one.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

41. Hook up to Pain and Misery

Women want more female-type love and affection from their man, and would appreciate more platonic attention from other men. What pleases women, however, has been driven out of the cultural values that shape everyday society.

This places females at the corner of Pain and Misery trying to cross against the traffic as they head for the recycle bin. Relationships crash and loop back through a series of painful episodes for females. The series looks like this:

Hook up. Females hook up to show love that is seldom returned. Males hook up for sex and keep their true emotions hidden. Without his devotion first, she becomes either a temp or keeper, and he takes her to the next level of link up or shack up. Or, she becomes a ‘safety’ or duty slut for the next time he is left without a sex partner. Or, she registers with him as leftovers for recycling by other guys.

Link up. Females desperately link up to have a boyfriend. Males link up to have convenient sex regularly, while awaiting the next target to conquer. Men only have to show an interest in matrimony. This keeps her on the string, until he dumps her at his convenience.

Knock up. Females get knocked up accidentally or deliberately. Males knock them up and create ‘baggage’ for her—often unrepentantly too, because the pill puts all responsibility on her.

Shack up. Females shack up to test or simulate marriage on the economy plan. Males shack up for commitment-lite sex provided economically.

Marry up. Females gleefully marry up trying to go first class. Males marry but commit cautiously. She expects him to change, but he won’t. He expects her to stay the same, but she changes. Men comfort themselves ahead of time that little more than a lawyer’s fee will enable escape.

Muck up. Wives thanklessly throw up their hands in frustration at the man who ‘brung ‘em to the dance.’ He is neither good enough nor inclined to make her happy. Husbands resent wifely ingratitude, interpret it as his insignificance, and reach for the abandonment switch.

Split up. Women split up with high hopes of kissing another frog into princehood without having learned that they neutered their ex. Men ignore monogamous commitments and turn their other princely cheek to be kissed by another female—quite often, though, just his hind cheek.

Pay up for her. Women tearfully pay up and turn desperate for another frog to kiss, quite often someone else’s husband. Her life no longer matches her youthful hopes and dreams. Even when she does have a man to call her own, she calls him ‘not good enough.’

She married him ‘as is’ but cannot accept him that way. Having little or nothing to be grateful for, she burrows deeper into depressive unhappiness. A few wives earn more successful marriages the next time around, but others don’t. Their bad decisions started with hook up.

Pay up for him. Men take the hit in the wallet for having chosen the wrong woman, as they see it. So, they specialize in going blossom-to-blossom to fulfill their conquering urge. Men who have undergone the wallet-hit ignore or reject calls for commitment by another woman, because she does not carry wife malpractice insurance to pay him off the next time. Remember, when their marriage sours, men turn against marriage.

End up for her. Women end up in the recycle bin looking for another man. Sometimes she steals one from  a sister female. She is doomed to repeat living in the fast lane to pain when she starts at the top of the painful loop with another hook up. Odds are she could do better by insisting on marriage before sex. Her future brightens, if she conquers him instead of enabling him to conquer her. Remember, when their marriage sours, women turn against men.

End up for him. Men end up looking for the next conquest. They know clearly how and what they intend to avoid with the next female in their life.

40. Her mushy thinking—Part 2

Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women go soft in their thinking. Mushy, that is. Poor results dealing with men usually follow:   

♀—She mates with a bad man or inadequate mate. When dumped or forced to drop him, she picks up with another loser, and then another….

♀—She thinks that men are like women in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together. We are mostly co-dependent, or so she imagines.

♀—She flaunts her co-dependency and faults her man when he has more important things to do.

♀—She becomes jealous too easily of the hold that his job has on him.

♀—She cheapens sex and herself in a man’s eyes by using sex to capture him. Men will hang around her until another sex target comes in view, and some may even go through the process of linking up, shacking up, and perhaps marrying up. But, split up is not far behind, because his respect for her is less than required for his permanency.

♀—She fails to grasp that sex primarily satisfies his raw appetite. When his ego is deeply massaged by hunting and overcoming all the obstacles to conquering her, his self-respect, respect for her, and her holding power over him skyrocket. This still does not mean that he will stay with her, but she has no better form of insurance. (Boyfriends cannot be sued for malpractice, at least not yet. A hundred or so years ago many people were sued for ‘alienation of affection’.)

♀—She thinks a hunk makes her feel good or look good to her sister females, so she puts more value in a man’s appearance than his character. His appearance tells nothing about how he will treat her, only how he admires himself. His character may already be corrupted for living with a female.

♀—She fails to recognize that men evaluate her character and non-sex assets before they first have sex. Afterwards he pays much less attention to what else she has to offer. (Hollywood and TV work diligently to hide this part of the male nature; they prefer to show the wishful but fruitless thinking of females who know little about men and nothing about the females’ strategic power potential when using virtual virginity.)

♀—She is so caught up in romantic love that she lacks both knowledge and skill to generate a man’s enduring love to replace their romantic love that will fade in a year or so.