Tag Archives: breakup

590. Sex differences explain men — Chap. 33


  • Women specialize in hope, because it brightens the future. Men specialize in determining respect due to others, because it determines much of what happens today.
  • Wives hound husbands to become more considerate and better fathers. Men become better fathers, when they are treated as better husbands.
  • Women do more to earn gratitude than to earn respect. Men do the opposite.
  • Sleeping with married men not their husband stabs all women in the back. Sleeping with a married woman not his wife stabs only one man in the back. (Thanks to Princess Dogsandfitness for the first half of this.)
  • Women work better with words than numbers, whereas men are opposite.
  • Men are fascinated by storms, and females fear them.
  • In a breakup she wants to know about the other woman, about her competition. Her anger prevails. He wants no discussion, no talk about infidelity. It disappoints her, highlights his guilt, and men dodge guilt whenever possible.
  • She accepts guilt readily. He doesn’t and is more complex. (Details at article 561)
  • She’s a love machine. She loves and makes it work. He’s a work machine. He works and turns it into his love.

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520. Exes with Benefits? — III


After a breakup, if she wants him back, she lets him work on his own mind and heart. Chastity triggers it like nothing else can. Some additional thoughts:

·        What should be free no longer is. It drives little boys crazy. Men can be little boys grown tall.

·        He has trouble believing that she’s not a pushover. So, he makes mistakes that offend her. He hasn’t changed. His mistakes strengthen her resolve. No benefits unless he marries her will eventually sink in.

·        Her resolution strengthens her. Ever mindful of how to hit her hot buttons, he fails, and she earns new respect that grows to admiration after a while.

·        Newfound admiration reminds of former times and tends to rekindles his residual love.

·        Denied sex, ego motivates him to prove his charm and worth and win her once again. She can then decide on the merits of his earnestness and his newly developed worthiness.

·        If chastity pushes him away and he shows no interest, he demonstrates unwillingness to accept her standards and expectations. She wins, because he refuses to be different from whatever he was before breakup; she dodged another mistake with him.

·        She also wins if chastity keeps him returning to associate with her. He slips back into his natural hunter-conqueror role. This means that he once again tries to woo and win her. Perhaps only for sex, but that’s always the starter.

·        Greater respect for her and admiration for her chasteness will haunt him to conquer again. Not that he’ll come back to her, but the failure will haunt him. He can’t grasp that he can’t go where he’s been so many times before.

·        The longer she remains chaste with him, the greater his interest in teaming back up with her. Time works for her, because chastity inspires his curiosity, which fires up his imagination to conquer, which fires up his ego to try over and over until he’s victorious. (The past still haunts: From the instant they met, it was a mind game for dominance of her sexual assets.)

Let me close with this reminder. Einstein claimed “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” She has tremendous power to stir a man’s curiosity with other than sex. His imagination can’t leave her mystery alone, if he can’t conquer or re-conquer her.

So much for exes. This series ends here—at least for now.

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516. Exes with Benefits? — II


The lead article in this series introduced the subject of sex after breakup and how to reconcile successfully, should she ever desire it.

Chastity with an ex makes her the driver and him the passenger. It reenergizes his natural drive to conquer and squeezes it beneath her commitment to serve herself with abstinence.

Under such pressures, his renewed respect can redound to new love. But whether it does or not and regardless of final outcome, she wins and he loses.

If she might want him back, or just wants to test to see if he’s worthy, she works on herself in such a way that he works on himself:

©     She commits and accepts him only for a platonic friendship and courtship. This silhouettes her chastity and honors her self-respect, both of which men respect.

©     She finds moral reasons to remain chaste and reinforces such reasons continually to herself.

©     She stamps out any lingering bitterness in herself and finds ways to kill any bitterness he may have.

©     She forgives his past offenses, and it includes forgetting them.

©     She knows that to explain herself shifts the advantage back to him. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t explain about withholding sex. It’s just the way she is NOW. One exception: next.

©     When pushed, she acknowledges that she’s saving herself for first or next husband, whoever it may be. No hurry. Ex may qualify, but who knows at this time. That’s all ex should know, because that’s all she should be committed to.

©     If ex wants to qualify as husband, let him try. Fewer words by her convince more easily, because rejection speaks so loudly.

©     Her chasteness becomes believable and valuable when he concludes that other men also run into her new commitment to abstinence.

©     Unless incompatibilities intrude such as bitterness, saving herself for another man eats at him. This induces change in men worth their salt.

 Never foolproof, but chastity works better than anything else to change the male mind.

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513. Exes with Benefits? — I


A couple breaks up without bitterness or maybe with it. They retain interest in each other, or they don’t. Marriage or remarriage enters her mind as wish, desire, or possibility or perhaps not. The critical question: Will they under any condition have sex together after breakup?

Restored sexual privileges work against permanent reconciliation. Unless they both change, they will return to more of whatever they had before breakup. The ex with benefits has little reason and no incentive to upgrade from whatever he—or she—was before.

It’s a one-way street to new relationship, and she has to direct traffic. She has to willfully impose new expectations and standards about sex.

©     She can change fairly easy, but he won’t, except as he confronts new mystery surrounding barriers to sex previously ‘owned’.

©     Chastity, imposed solely because of break up, causes mystery. It’s another aspect of feminine mystique that makes men want to join up with a woman’s interests.

©     Dedication to chastity earns greater respect and self-respect for her. Respect being the foundation of a man’s love and dependent on her self-respect, higher standards regarding sex increases her stature in his eyes two different ways.

©     Chastity incentivizes men, especially exes. He can’t believe she can resist him after what they had together. He knew her hot buttons before, but what happened? How come he’s suddenly not good enough? 

©     She’s different, unreadable, and willful, which earns newfound respect as long as she doesn’t explain, complain, or let her thoughts be known about the whys and wherefores of it all. One exception: next.

©     Chasteness is valuable, and she owes it to her husband. Whoever the next one is, he’s worth it. That’s all ex should know. So what if she didn’t feel that way earlier in life. She now lives a new life with license to be different.

©     Chastity reenergizes his conquering spirit. This makes him choose. Conquer her again, or go elsewhere? The greater challenge lies with her, a known entity now filled with unconquerable unknowns. It’s unmanly not to rise to the competitive challenge she throws at him. Can he leave such a puzzle unsolved and unconquered?

©     His conquering spirit reenergizes his drive to prove himself worthy, so he chases her. As he gives more and more of himself, he slowly restores the conviction that he can’t live without her. (The movie Fireproof exhibits this natural phenomenon that love comes from giving, but most men must be taught, and it should start in toddlerhood.)

Chastity is not foolproof, but the odds favor reconciliation much more than granting benefits to any ex.

The next post in this series describes outmaneuvering his sexual imperative.

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