Her Highness Sara prompted this series asking about identifying Mr. Right. I twisted her question so that we look for identifying Mr. Wrong before a woman goes too far.
A man’s potential for husbanding/fathering can be estimated by objectively and unemotionally evaluating red flags before your eyes. This post cites red flags regarding in-laws. Some flags are raised by marriage whether invited or not.
· Beware if your candidate’s character, religion, and ambitions were formed significantly different from your parents. If he’s from ‘another world’ or culture, think twice, thrice, or more. (Young couples are very unqualified for evaluating in-law interactions many years in the future. Romantic love may also delay recognizing early problems, but a couple’s life suffers greatly when she finds she later has to take sides.)
· The thought of him as son-in-law revolts your parents. Beware if one or both can’t stand him personally. (Don’t think for a moment you can reverse their opinions; they’ll always look for the worst in him. They also will forever suspect your judgments for having brought him permanently into their lives. Anecdotes always cite exceptions, but the odds are small.)
Other red flags are raised as the result of your curiosity and questioning:
· Have him describe his parents. After meeting them, do you agree?
· Can you love and do more than just get along with his parents after you’ve spent some time with them? Your intentions don’t count. Especially regarding his mother?
· He will likely treat you much the same as his father treats his mother. Observe closely. Okay with you?
· Is his mother overly protective of him? Does she tamper with his intentions or question his decisions? Beware if yes.
· Has he fully cut mom’s apron strings? Does he have to consult her before making decisions? Double beware if yes.
· Does his mother show a deep and intrusive interest in HOW you will build your nest, his castle, your relationship? (Don’t expect him to tell her to back off, early or later. Better for you to do it before marriage, and let her reaction raise or lower the red flag.)
· If he’s not close to his family, he probably doesn’t highly value family connectedness and closeness. It will likely carry over into the family you build with him. Okay with you?
More tips tomorrow.