During my five years of posting here, women frequently ask me to advise men on how to become better prospects as dates, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and fathers. I’ve always declined, because men resist change:
- Attempts to change men are seen as rooted in Feminism. Men reject it instinctively.
- Men don’t listen to men about how to improve themselves. If they don’t know already, men expect to learn all they need to know firsthand and not from a competitor.
- Modern women forsake their natural ability to change a man when they yield first-sex together. Men have no interest in convincing women otherwise and lack interest in changing themselves to please a woman after they conquer her.
- In the realm of women initiating change, men change for one reason. It’s to comply with a woman’s pre-conquest expectations. As they figure her out over time, men change both words and actions to facilitate conquest. (Women remain vulnerable. A man’s actions may be temporary or permanent. His words may be sincere or insincere. Only chaste time together—a lengthy courtship for instance —earns her sufficient respect for his heart to accept her refusals and appreciate her promise as a previously chaste mate. Her virgin or near-virgin status signifies that no or very few men out competed him for sex with her, which is more important than her actual chasteness. I recognize that modern men don’t seem wired that way, but it describes the male nature hidden under pop culture values.)
- Present-day cheap and easy sex appeals to men. They thrive on their own promiscuity but abhor it in women they find worth mating. They don’t want social values and arrangements to change, but they expect to marry a woman as close to virgin status as possible. (Women can hide past promiscuity as described under Virtual Virginity as listed in the CONTENTS page.)
- Radical feminists demeaned the male character and condemned patriarchy. Under the guise of promoting matriarchy, they initiated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Feminists believe and non-feminists accept the propaganda, and men began and continue to live up to what women expect. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled. Made to feel worthless in the process of females finding happiness through feminist values and pressures, men lost their desire to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. They continue to perceive few incentives to improve their worth except self-worth.
- Women squawk and act desperate about male shortcomings. Men don’t pay attention, because sex is so cheap and easy. If a woman is hard to live with, men can find another woman eager to provide sex with no cover charge bigger than her hope of his commitment. Men have learned to keep open all escape options. It’s easy too with women so desperate to have dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands.
It does no good for me or anyone else to tell men they have defects and flaws that are unattractive to women. Men don’t change as women want. WADWMUFGAO* Men change in response to what makes them feel good about themselves. Just pleasing women or a woman doesn’t do that. They feel good when they want and do please a woman. Consequently, the more a woman wants to be pleased, the less he will do it. Which of course begs the question: What should she do to perpetuate a man’s desire to please her? Answer: Find gratitude in her, him, life, and everything else because gratefulness breeds happiness and men love to have a happy woman nearby who is deserving and easy to please.
Women can only influence men to change by rejecting feminist thought and gaining a better understanding of the male nature. Then, they can do it one woman and one man at a time. A better understanding of both men and women can be found in the ‘Redux’ series that starts at post 1747. That lengthy series contrasts the sexes as very different and promotes female initiatives that win greater favor with men.
*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.
Caution. I describe the following in terms of the different and often opposed natures of men and women. Except as expressed, I make no judgments and leave the moral, religious, political, social, and cultural connections to the reader.
History. It happened before Feminism. Wives in small social groups with husbands joked that men only want an expert in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. Men smiled jokingly with either a silent or “you betcha” response. As if trying to please men for the bedroom, Feminism was sold to women. It drove women from the kitchen and promoted female sexual freedom. Females were taught to dream as men dream, expect orgasmic satisfaction, and participate
sexually in concert with the male nature.
Over the past four decades men quit smiling jokingly with women about masculine behavior. Instead, men changed their eating habits to lean less on women, lost respect for the female gender, and now accept cheap and easy sex with many women as more than enough compensation for losing the faithful and marital devotion of one.
Women quit measuring the worth of a man by his character. Women consider sexual compatibility as the prime measure of marital potential, which encourages and almost commands premarital sex. As a consequence, marriages fall apart once romantic love fades in a year or two, or the wife acts on her decision that husband needs to change to fulfill her hopes and dreams. Sexual potential and performance displace character as the worth of a man and common sense as the supreme worth of a woman. Both women and men make poorer marriage candidates and partners.
Next, what is whorish and non-whorish behavior in the bedroom? It’s posted as #1802.
To judge and select a man with the best potential, women need high standards and strong-willed expectations, more hard-headedness and less soft-heartedness. Her nature and character measure the value of his character to her. The more critical her values, the better her screening ability to select a man to match her needs.
- She tries to change him after marriage. First, it signifies that he’s not respected, which he takes as challenge to his sense of significance. Second, his male nature sees an insult and instinctively resists and after repeated attempts he withdraws from her.
- When females are not highly respected as unique, valuable, and worthy of special manly interest for more than sex, even sexual rewards diminish in value. Masculine competition slacks off, and enthusiasm for females fades with it.
- Men compete with females for one thing: first-time sex together aka conquest. The more that women refuse to be conquered, the more respectful men become of women. Recognition, acceptance, and other non-sexual rewards increase in value, and masculine enthusiasm rises accordingly. It works that way for the female gender and for individuals.
- The abundance of cheap and easy unmarried sex releases men to more closely follow their nature. They spend their enthusiasm on other things, e.g., playing with toys, competing in games, exploring high-risk adventures, and shaping human events that pay little regard to the interests of women.
Men have not changed their nature as women expect. Consequently, females can’t succeed dealing with males as they think they ought to.
Social pressures imposed by modern females convert male behavior – but not the male nature. Women claim that men are doing what women don’t want, and the self-fulfilling prophecy delivers more of what women think about. Men grow into the image that women have of them.
More and more with each new generation over the past few decades, boys and men changed their behaviors to match what females focus on and talk about. Such as: Compliments are sexually suggestive and so men quit. Gentlemanly behavior is chauvinist, and so men quit. Women are not the weaker sex, and men started punching them more often. Men are only after sex, and men would have backed off except females relieved the pressure by making cheap and easy sex ever more popular.
Males now change their behavior to attract females for sex instead of to qualify as the mate of one. If women want femmy men as requirement for frequent and convenient access to sex, men will get femmy. Men turn away from the masculine toward the feminine. They even duplicate female behaviors.
Men shift away from integrity and toward the fashionable. They downplay rugged individualism and favor relationships. They abandon the macho image for wussiness. They trade aggressiveness for the appearance of faux neutering. They yield their manliness to political correctness. They use disreputable or unrespectable celebrities as role models. They duplicate females by trying to get emotional fulfillment through other people instead of the male’s natural way through his work. They display faux empathy and sympathy (such as by inquiring quickly after anyone’s surprise or stumble, “Are you okay?”).
Even though men now hug and openly proclaim their love of other men, it is a female-inspired front and their masculine nature remains unchanged. Deep inside men are still not females. The behavioral changes that women expect generate some but not the important qualities they want in their man. Even worse, men accumulate resentment and resistance and retaliate in a broad range of actions from self-centered silence to extreme violence.
Unless taught otherwise before puberty, boys show disrespect for girls and girls show too much respect for boys. The lack of balance distorts the adolescent world to dramatically disfavor girls.
- Gossiping demonstrates lack of respect. Both boys and girls do it, generate teen anxiety, and cause bad relations. Gossiping slows and often stops among adult men that rise above their adolescent leanings. But it doesn’t slow among females, because their natural drive to help and improve others never dies.
- Boys gossip about girls to spread knowledge about sex. They seek background info to determine how to escape their own virginity, gain sexual experience, and facilitate conquests. Who puts out and doesn’t, plays around and doesn’t? Who’s hot and who’s not? Respect for the girls has little to do with boys in this frame of mind. The teen boy’s primary mission is to score. Failing that, he ridicules unyielding girls to protect his sense of significance and reputation among peers.
- Girls gossip about boys to spread knowledge of how to handle the imperfections of boys. Not just their unworthy behavior but their uniquely masculine faults that girls think they can remedy. They respect the boys except as they think particular boys need to be upgraded. But girls lack experience to inform them what boyhood imperfections mean in adult life, what ‘defects’ symbolize character flaws from a ‘growing up’ mentality.
- Reputations spread and girls face boys who have preconceived notions of each girl’s character and willingness to accept advances.
- The more a boy pursues a girl with the preconceived notion that advances are unwelcome and her resistance is impenetrable, the more he pursues her sincerely for who she is and not the sex she can provide. It’s why grandparents caution girls to guard their reputations.
- Withholding sex earns the respect of boys. Yielding slows or stops the earning of a boy’s respect. Yielding promiscuously destroys all promise a girl might hold for one boy to marry. Men don’t marry females that their peers have conquered.
Masculine love is based on respect first for the female gender and second for a particular woman. Cheap and easy yielding of sex earns a girl no respect and, consequently, qualifies her for less manly love later in life. (For more see four series titled Respect…, Virgin…, Virtual Virginity, and Virtue… in the CONTENTS page at blog top.)
Her Highness Cassy at 1161 complains about kiss-and-run boys. She and friends are dedicated to virginal weddings. But so many guys have carnal intent behind their attentions and compliments that “they’re just ‘sweet talking’ us.” After just one kiss, they never come back. Cassy and her friends know too little about boys and perhaps not enough about their selves. So, I take Cassy and friends back to the basics and this series may run for several days.
God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize both sexes. I describe boys in raw and uncomplimentary terms and girls as all-powerful before marriage. Neither will actually show up as described here. But girls should capitalize on their power and defend themselves as if such boys are real.
Girls should anticipate the worst and adjust their judgments upward as each boy displays values that show him to be worthy of kinder thoughts, that show him worthy of her attentions and considerations. That is, each girl should expect each interested boy to earn his way into her life. This boot camp aims to show how and why their natures interact, compete, and otherwise disturb and miss compatibility in the adolescents’ world. Right and wrong are not included. Those issues remain for individuals to apply to what they read.
- Males are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Before marriage successful females maximize use of their hard-headedness and minimize their soft-heartedness.
- Females have one mission in life. To live life and preferably in company with a man. The primary mission in girlhood aims to retain virginity for two reasons. Girls know intuitively that husbands value it highly. The females’ easy sense of guilt guides them away from yielding their most unique asset until they learn how to maximize the return for having yielded.
- Males have many missions oriented around accomplishing things. The primary mission in adolescence is escaping virginity. A bonus accomplishment for sexually experienced boys is to conquer a virgin.
- Influence with a husband grows directly out of his respect for her. By withholding premarital sex, she gains the greatest respect. The foundation of masculine love is respect for women generally and one woman particularly. Consequently, cheap and easy sex among females weakens masculine love in the home. Both as discourager before marriage and husband having to face tempting unconquered females outside the home.
- Boys and girls have opposing strains of A.D.D. She has Affection Deficit Disorder. He has Affection Delivery Disorder. She should never expect to receive what she gives in affection. To measure his affection, evaluate his actions. Sincerity will be wrapped in actions that show he’s attracted to and by her presence.
- Before marriage males expect to compete with females. After a boy or man conquers a female, her competitiveness with him turns him off.
In the final analysis, boys train themselves to be men. How they turn out as men of value to women and children depends on how girls train both boys and themselves in adolescence. More follows tomorrow in #1164.
God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize females to both withhold and provide sex in order to promote their self-interest. It:
- Energizes females to gain advantage, which
- Induces males to follow the female lead regarding sexual relations, which
- Motivates men to do whatever females require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex, which
- Splatters smack dab on the feminists’ political platform that promotes masculine-style sexual freedom, which
- Encourages women to duplicate male behavior and especially the sexual, which
- Provides men with cheap and easy access to sex, which
- Enables men to ignore female hopes and dreams, which
- Encourages men to overlook womanly worth and pursue sex instead of a good woman or effective wife, which
- Makes men select wives for sex and hope they possess good wifely traits, which
- Informs women they can bypass promoting good wifely traits and provide sex in order to capture a boyfriend/husband, which
- Prompts women to compete with each other for boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, which
- Breeds distrust among females; makes them more insensitive, hard-hearted, and prone to be unhappy; and drives them to men for close friendships;** which
- Lowers female standards and expectations of men as husbands, which
- Enables girls and new generations to outcompete older sister females and further lower standards and expectations for sexual access, which
- Attracts men away from women their age and toward younger ones, which
- Intensifies female drive to have a boyfriend/husband, which
- Inspires women to copy masculine traits and techniques to elevate their status relative to men and outcompete sister females, which
- Makes females less attractive to men for anything other than sex, which
- Decreases the need for men to prove themselves worthy of women generally and one in particular, which
- Relieves men of competing with men for female favor, which
- Puts men in the role of competing directly with females for sex, which
- Returns the ball to the females’ court and loops this endless process back to the top for further concentration of human behaviors around sex and against the best interests of women and children.
The cultural values surrounding cheap and easy sex thus grind female hopes and dreams into the ground of society. Recourse seems to be for women to become more like men, follow them into the trenches of work and war, and fabricate hopes and dreams that compensate for bypassing primal female urges.
Tomorrow, we’ll see the loop that better fulfills NATURAL female hopes and dreams.
**This bullet is germane and fits perfectly. It was inspired by Her Highness Violet and added a day after the rest of the post.