276. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’m! — Post 3 of 5

SUBJECT: Men are not considerate of her sexual wants, needs, and desires. Granted, they should be, but….

♀♥♂  Nurturing him won’t work; it’s demeaning. Teaching him won’t work; it’s humiliating. Coaching might work; good coaching shows him respect and recognizes his dignity and importance otherwise.

♀♥♂  Men heavily experienced in sexual encounters tend to ignore the smaller details. It’s too easy and habit forming to conquer and go elsewhere. So, coaching such a man requires much more adroitness than with most.  

♀♥♂  If premarital, she’s in charge of changing both his conquering spirit and defusing his conqueror’s rights. Virtual virginity lays good groundwork. (See post 248 et al.)

♀♥♂  She craves attention and affection from her man to acknowledge her importance to herself. Her sexual preferences and expectations are less important. Given that men have affection delivery disorder, progress made toward fulfilling her basic needs may provide better results than complaining about his sexual approach. (See post 3 regarding his and her A.D.D.) 

Men should consider her wants, needs, and desires. As we have seen, however, love and poor choices often interfere.

[More on this subject appears in posts 271 and 266 and follows at two future posts.

192. Weans, tweens, and teens #4—Heads Up!

Some natural principles govern development of the mind.

Involved adults ‘program’ the subconscious mind of each child. Successful programming flows primarily from nurturing in the weans and dominant leadership in the tweens. But both of these adult capabilities lose effectiveness after puberty embraces a child.  

Coaching succeeds best with teens, if adequate wiring and programming were done earlier.  

At puberty a child’s subconscious is crowded, partially filled, or empty. It’s works as if the subconscious mind were finite.

If filled to capacity with adult and mature values for self-guidance, teen peer influence will be minimized. When it’s not filled with values that endorse mature adult behavior, ‘leftover room’ will be filled with teen peer values.

Children well-prepared for adulthood aspire to reach it. Rather than claim the glories of post-puberty teen independence, they seek smooth passage through adolescence in order to reach adult goals beyond.

Consequently, those well prepared for adulthood pass mostly unscathed by troubled teens. They minimize rather than add to family problems.

On the flip side, some kids pass through puberty with minds empty or near-empty of mature adult values. They are the troubled teens.

More follows about the subconscious.

[More about the mind appears in posts 187, 178, and 177. Best viewed in that order too. Scroll down or search by a number with dot and space following it.]

131. Loose lips at Heartbreak Hotel—3rd floor

Solved—her commode seat problem. With just a little coaching, she can prevent his being inconsiderate, her being disappointed, and both being argumentative. Every user as appropriate lowers both commode seat and lid. This makes toilet obligations equal, responsibility unarguable, and commode appearance more in tune with her female sensibilities.

When she looks good, he says nothing. He’s with her precisely because she looks good to him. He only wants to see it, but she wants to hear it. She reads his silent up-check as an up-chuck. Open warfare often starts over such sex differences.

A man’s love is based on respect for one woman he sees as extraordinary. This means he does not really understand her feminine mystique, modesty, moral standards, and female imperatives. Determined trueness to these aspects of her female nature—the opposite of Feminism—uplifts her in a man’s eyes.

Men are more teachable before conquest than after, so platonic courtship shapes her future. Especially about her expectations, those thoughtful things that will prevent her being taken for granted. Flowers when? Remember what? Affection when, how often, what form? Picking up what and after who? Help with what, where, and when? What works and doesn’t work for parents and other examples? And especially and unforgettably for him, what she dislikes and can’t stand.  

Women don’t have to embrace the feminist ideology to embrace feminist values. Hence, to attract attention, women dress their daughters like hookers, sanction teen sexual activity, show cleavage to match plumber backside displays, and dress erotically. Men just go on their merry way eyeballing exposed skin and dreaming wishfully about going from older blossom to younger blossom. Boys exploit girls as ‘friends with benefits’.

72. Submissiveness—Section 2

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.