Tag Archives: commitment

2099. Compatibility Axioms #541-550


541. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Males are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Her hard-headedness captures a man. Her soft-heartedness holds him. [199]

542. Romance to males means foreplay or prelude to it. Women define romance as what precedes foreplay. [199]

543. Women can enjoy masculine-style sexual freedom, but they eventually lose playing that man’s game. (Losing defined as inability to keep a man for life.) [199]

544. Commitment made before conquest fades or dies afterward, whereas a man’s devotion may dip a little after conquest but it returns. [200]

545. Everything looks and tastes better when you’re grateful. Finding reasons to be grateful for yourself and others simply brightens life. [200]

546. Selfishness interferes with gratitude, the absence of which causes unhappiness. [200]

547. A man’s devotion depends on his respect for a woman, which mostly floats on her wavy ocean of self-respect, exceptionalness as a female, feminine virtue, unique qualities, and likeability as potential mate. [200]

548. A man’s enduring love is built upon his respect for women generally and respect and likeability of one in particular. Need for her intensifies his devotion. [200]

549. After conquest a woman ceases to be a challenge, because a man’s most pressing goal has been accomplished. He moves on to his current mission in life, whether she’s his keeper or a dumpee. [200]

550. Modest attire sends the message she’s interested in long-term relationships. Immodest attire signals she’s interested in a man, period. [200]

 

5 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2092. Compatibility Axioms #501-510


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

501. Men flourish with a woman’s respect and gratefulness much more than her love and affection. [175]

502. Both individually and collectively, men are as handsome, charming, gentlemanly, and beneficial as women and ladies treat them. They are as unappealing, aggressive, and dominant as women call them. The self-fulfilling prophecy works both ways. [175]

503. If a woman helps a man build his castle, he primarily judges her effectiveness by how she supports what he does at work and play. He takes her support inside her nest for granted. [185]

504. If he won’t modify his habits in order to please her before they first have sex together, he sure won’t do it afterward. [185]

505. If attracted to a woman he respects or has not conquered, a man’s good side emerges. If his bad side shows up, and she can’t turn it around, he lacks respect for her. All men have both sides. [185]

506. A mature woman can adjust to her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can cope with hers. [186]

507. When words are enough to conquer, that and little else is what men offer. [186]

508. She loves three little words. Com-mit-ment counts and so does, “What’s for dinner?” [186]

509. Virtual virginity buys time to earn a man’s devotion, which bonds more tightly than commitment. [186]

510. Women sing: ♫ I can do anything he can do better.♫ Men respond: ♫ Just you wait and see. ♫ [189]

 

4 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2050. Single Women Don’t Pay — IV


Her Highness Cinnamon asked for more about paying date costs. What about gray areas? Complicated financial situations? The only right answers are what’s right for the people involved. Exceptions and gray areas always exist and people do what’s in their best interest. Whether that’s the best for their relationship may become questionable when examined under the microscope of their respective natures.

Our basic natures are hardwired in ways that often rise up to haunt our decisions. Example: She pays for dinner and he never calls again. Or, he pays, calls her, and she never answers. Such risk can’t be eliminated, but knowing more about how the sexes are born differently makes it easier to minimize risk, develop compatibility, and foster continuing relationships. All of which are of much greater interest to women than men.

Consequently, my analysis of human nature endorses men paying all dating costs except for the cost of her preparation. Analysis reveals how people behave according to the default conditions they are born with and before they overwrite their hearts with contrary lessons learned in life. Each person must figure out what’s best for them at the time, place, and date. Hopefully in what follows, women will figure out ways for them personally to reduce the risk of losing candidates before relationships develop.

College men either started or refined the art. Men propagandize women into accepting that men take all the risk when they pay. However, men don’t explain their measure of risk, which is that the guy pays but gets no sex. IOW, men twist social argument to imply that dating is prostitution in action and men are unwilling to pay. The risk is too high; he might not score the first date. If he does score and goes back, they don’t date but hang out and share costs. Propagandized females ignore their hearts. They fall for the scam. They lose the ability to earn masculine respect from which manly love arises. They lose some ability to be likeable enough for men to want to proceed into the future with them.

So, let’s examine the motivational forces that linger in the background of dating.

  1. Men are normally the bigger risk takers. However, not with dating. Women crave dates to find mates and accept a much greater risk than men. It attests to natural female courage to date while not fully understanding the nature of men.
  2. Both sexes make easy whatever they have in mind as personal objectives. He looks short range and present oriented for results to either bed her or get a return date. She plans to explore the long range and his potential; she looks for promise of an extended relationship. He’s looking to sell, she’s looking to buy. Buyers don’t pay until they’re sold on seller’s product. Men hide their product by indirectly implying and perhaps encouraging women to think that marriage is behind a door that she can open under appropriate conditions that she must demystify. She can’t open a door to see what she gets until she yields sex, and even then he chooses the door. That’s when she discovers that his product is either 1) prospect of serious commitment and extended relationship, 2) her new role as booty, or 3) she’s dumped. Women should not pay to face three closed doors, when the odds are 2-1 against her—and she still has to morph 1) into marriage.
  3. Mutual motivation: While each date partner seeks to impress the other favorably, they do so while peeking through opposite sides of the same keyhole. He looks for sex and she for lures or links to marriage. It breeds insincerity from the get-go. Who is more likely to be insincere? The short-range or long-range thinker? I presume the short but that’s another story. For the opportunity to be insincere more easily than women, men should pay for the advantage. It’s not equality, it’s fairness. And men standup for fairness as diligently as women standup for equality.
  4. Their apparent reason for dating is to have a good time introducing themselves and exploring each other’s personality and character in face-to-face encounters. All done with having fun as the common denominator. But men expect and become the seller on dates. They market the promise of good togetherness, sell themselves as prime leaders, and choose venues and arrangements as marketing tools; as is the seller’s duty. Why should she pay seller’s expenses before she decides to buy what he’s selling.
  5. Selling is a process and not a result. Women are processors and do well at it. Men are producers and try to make processes more efficient. Which means that he changes over a series of dates with one woman; it’s an ‘admin cost’. She shouldn’t pay for the seller’s privilege to change his approach.
  6. His natural male purpose for dating is to check her out for access to sex and determine her likeability for further pursuit. IOW, his nature pushes him to uncover her weaknesses with the least expenditure of time, effort, and money. That puts a burden on him to initiate and to do so efficiently for his own sake, but it has marginal or zero benefit for her. He leads, subsumes his dominance into charm, and it denies her reasonable room to explore him except for what he chooses to reveal. He’s far more privileged for gaining knowledge about her; she’s limited for gaining knowledge about him. The proof is also in this pudding: She never knows if he will call again, but he’s not bothered that way. Therefore, he should pay for the privilege of exploring who she is and can be in his life. He pans for gold; she pays to make herself look golden just for him. Consequently, he should absorb responsibility to pay for the privilege of her presence on a date.
  7. Her natural female purpose is to help him determine just how worthy she is as potential girlfriend and how her potential for mating is superb.Her nature guides her to avoid bragging and to proceed more passively, which adds to his burden to initiate and then weigh her responses. He’s in the driver’s seat, she’s the passenger. If she proactively tries to convince him of her worth in his life, it turns him off. It begs the question, why should she pay when her options are limited to being the passive date? She has to accept what he gives. He judges her by what he uncovers. She judges him by what he discloses. As the passive participant, why should she pay when she is so limited in what she can accomplish or uncover about him—all of it being relative to how simply the same thing works to his advantage.
  8. Women primarily have fun on dates but it isn’t reusable. They learn little too, because sellers do the talking and shape the exchange of knowledge. Men primarily gain knowledge, which is reusable as he ponders future dates with the same woman. Men should pay for advantage gained.
  9. This would work to a woman’s disadvantage, but it’s an interesting thought. Why don’t women disclose how much they pay to prepare for a date? Because they sense in their heart of hearts that it’s the wrong thing to do. That relationships don’t develop well when money is brought into the equation. Better to develop the relationship and then deal with money issues after cooperative teamwork and hopefully devoted connections have been brought together out of romance.

In the final sweep up of such things, a woman dresses up at significant expense. She provides benefit to a date’s eyes, pleasure, and reputation for dating someone who thinks enough of him to dress well. After all, we dress according to the importance of the event in our lives. OTOH, men generate similar effect for their dates by spending on them. Her girlfriends measure her importance by how her dates spend on her. Never equal, but it’s highly fair when they both spend to make themselves look good and thereby impress the other. He pays date expenses, his duty. She pays preparation expenses, her duty. In both cases, the duty to impress, please, and focus their attention on each other as unique makes dating pleasurable. More so when they exploit their different natures rather than depending on lessons learned earlier in their lives.

 

5 Comments

Filed under courtship

2017. Female Blessings at Birth — 25-27


It’s the ninth group and I’m grateful for your responses.

I continue taking the (currently 86) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me and some confusions I may create for awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

25. I grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to have a single bad day of life if they thought their departure was the cause. [Guy adds: Recovery from grief arises out of setting new targets in life and forming new habits to hit those targets. You need to do it two ways: 1) Impose new actions on old behaviors such that you develop new habits—e.g., dress neater than you did before, eat less than previously, or fast one day a week in memory, and do it all as tribute. 2) Persuade yourself that your loved one would not disagree with your new habits and might even be pleased with your initiative to honor them. IOW, work off your grief by making yourself feel better about yourself for doing right things made right by you deciding the departed would be pleased with your tribute.]
26. I intuitively sense that ‘commitment’ is of the mind and mouth and not of the heart. I’ve confirmed in life that people—especially men—don’t truly obligate themselves with words as well as they do with deeds. [Guy explains: Actions that symbolize devotion program the human heart with devotion; words about devotion program the heart for sincerity at best but can disguise insincerity at worst. A person’s attitude reveals what likely resides in their heart but only their actions reflect it more accurately than words. Hidden agendas are much harder to disguise with actions than with words. Consequently, the best way to take the measure of a person is to judge from their attitude and character as made obvious by or easily presumed from their actions.]
27. I don’t really expect to get all the affection I crave, but better too little than too much. (My man may be short of providing all the affection I would like, but he provides enough and I’m glad our roles aren’t reversed such that I would be the one accused of giving too little.) [Guy adds: Too much affection shown by a man generates disrespect within the woman; he appears weak and therefore not good enough. Too much affection shown by a woman causes loss of respect by the man; she appears desperate and therefore weak or vice versa.]

Example for your response: “26-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

4 Comments

Filed under feminine

1999. Compatibility Axioms #444-450


444. Wives want to be shown more affection, but husbands stay focused and specialize on their own satisfactions. Men must be trained to show as much affection as women desire. (If his parents didn’t exemplify it in childhood, he’s not likely to improve himself very much in adulthood, except when a long, sex-free courtship requires that he develop new habits for displaying affection to her.)  [153]
445. As husbands see it, anger and aggressiveness are male traits, and a wife should be above such offending behavior. (This makes feminine charm, patience, and indirectness highly effective at harmonizing a pair of self-interested people into mutual interest. Of course it’s not fair, but it exploits both the natural differences between the sexes and her greatest potential as relationship expert.) [153]

446. The greater her feminine virtue, then the greater his respect, which is balanced on the knife-edge that qualities he admire guarantee her faithfulness to him alone. Men expect fidelity first, always, and to be obvious in their woman. (Neither equality nor fairness has anything to do with it; it’s born into men.) [153]

447. A man changes after conquest. By joining the conquered, she loses being exceptional to him. (It doesn’t mean that she loses everything, just that he views and values her differently, and she must change accordingly to hold him. Unfortunately, how he changes is unpredictable, because his agendas remain hidden until he’s devoted and not just committed to her.) [153]
448. If he’s after sex more than her, she’s temporary until the next sex target comes along and maybe sooner. [153]
449. Before their first sex together, and even without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from weaker purpose or character. [154]
450. If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides more permanent alternatives for her than sex before marriage. [154]

Leave a comment

Filed under Dear daughter

1986. Self-gratitude—A New Beginning


 I’m frustrated. I can’t get the subject organized and written as I would like. So, I start at the back-end and will let your questions bring out the reasoning and details for a front end.

Women have to earn happiness, and it’s a three-step process. First, they find gratitude within themselves for who and what they are. Second, they find gratitude for other people and things in their lives. Third, they continually reinforce self-gratitude for two reasons. 1) It tends to easily weaken by comparisons to other people. 2) You can find gratefulness outside of yourself only to the extent that self-gratitude floods you own persona. The more grateful for self, the more gratitude you can find and appreciate until you realize that you’re happy.

After more than six years and a million words written, I’ve concluded lack of self-gratitude is the severest and self-induced shortcoming among females. It causes less control of self, which leads them into misery in the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, and gloom and doom. They pay too little attention to keeping their self-gratitude sufficiently inflated and pay too high a price at the box office of society.

So, I have compiled a list of things that should make women grateful when they adopt and embody them as values, standards, and self-expectations. The list is a start. I will maintain it by editing as readers convince me I should. I will also add new things at the top so readers can immediately see that new ones have been added.

You need to make a believer of yourself about each item that can be fitted into your personality, belief system, and roles in life. Remember this as you study each item. You can’t be grateful for yourself until you show yourself that you’re worthy by living up to your own standards and expectations. You have to live up to yourself in order to generate the self-worth that steadies and readies you to associate gratefully with others.

I suggest that you adopt, review, and rehearse daily until you believe some or all of the factors listed below. Consider your whole life in light of each. Where and how does each fit into your life? How does the absence of such beliefs make your life less worthy or successful? How does or can the presence of each improve your life? Make as many as possible a part of your convictions and beliefs. Start here by visualizing yourself.

I am grateful for myself because I:

  1. [Next new one goes here]
  2. [Have] the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been giving the gift of caring for. [MLaRowe]
  3. As a nurse can help others. [from Nancy]
  4. Have a nice, more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I finally began to restore it.
  5. Can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa.
  6. Depend on my man by doing for him rather than him doing for me.
  7. Am capable more of giving that taking and am grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself.
  8. Am capable of finding new ways every day by which to show to my man how he is respected for who he is and what he does.
  9. Am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read the signs of it.
  10. Can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt.
  11. Am worth any man but only a few are worthy of me. I have all the qualities I need to make one earn me and I work daily to make those qualities become virtues in the eyes of the best men.
  12. Refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities by spotlighting my objection with word or departure. No more F- or C- words or similar filth in my presence, and that’s just for starters.
  13. Grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to miss a single good day of life if they thought they were the cause.
  14. Have learned that commitment is of the mind and mouth and devotion speaks of the heart through actions.
  15. Recognize my man is short of providing all the affection that I would like to have. But he provides enough and I’m just glad our roles aren’t reversed such I would be the one accused of giving too little.
  16. Recognize that my man’s handiness is the birthright equivalent of my prettiness. Pleasing each other comes easily in those domains.
  17. Have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My free will enables me to make the best choices that maximize the benefits to all concerned.
  18. Enjoy promoting my man’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. It’s such a vital part of his sense of significance that I am unable to let my attitude be construed as a threat.
  19. Get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones.
  20. Want a man of my own, but who is unchangeable except before conquest and after many years of age when more maturity and less testosterone morph him into Mr. Right.
  21. Use to our advantage how my man focuses primarily on the present and I focus primarily on the future.
  22. Promote my man’s producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving as the primary foundation for the strengthening and preservation of our family.
  23. Can assuage my fear of abandonment by promoting and helping my man promote his sense of significance.
  24. Am the primary determinant for brightening my future within our future together. It all depends on the choices I make, man I choose, and relationship we develop with my relationship expertise.
  25. Appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me.
  26. Can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly please myself with how truly pretty I am.
  27. Feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men.
  28. Am honest in all affairs of the heart. I can handle the disappointments it may cause, because I’m overly grateful when Mr. Not Goodenough departs.
  29. Have so many blessings to count. Let me see now, which are the best at this moment in my life?
  30. Think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else.
  31. Forget after I forgive. Forgiveness is the true expression of ultimate power, and true forgiveness causes the giver to forget.
  32. Appreciate and use my instinct and intuition that prompts me to be kind and tender hearted. I acknowledge two things. 1) We women are born to be good, and our kind and tender heartedness enables us to do good. 2) Men are born capable of doing good and become as good as we women teach them to do good.
  33. Am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I.
  34. Can visualize peace and harmony in my home and know that I must determine what it is without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing in hopes of getting it, and blend the contradictions as if nobody is wrong.
  35. Appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or use of my will power comes when I forgive myself.
  36. Know how to find and screen Mr. Good Enough and that he will be blessed to have me behind and helping lead him to all his victories.
  37. Don’t need my man’s faults to fade away soon after we marry. I’m patient enough to watch him morph from Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right over the span of a couple of marital decades.
  38. Resolve my own problems. That’s where I’m most independent and so considerate that I accept blame rather than impose it on others. My self-worth soars with each instance of sacrificing myself to lift blame from others.
  39. Can reward myself at the mirror in numerous ways such that I don’t crave overly much recognition when away from it.
  40. Can eagerly honor this rank structure in our family: husband, wife, mother, father, and children.
  41. Love my ‘new self’ at breakfast after mirror talk and enjoy the calm atmosphere that I bring to launching family into their respective days.
  42. Unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people who I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t.
  43. Am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband while reserving the free will to take exception when appropriate.
  44. Reap great pleasure spreading my self-identified joy wherever I go but especially in my own home.
  45. Find gratefulness in all that I and my loved ones do.

How grateful do you now feel about yourself? More or less than when you started the list? Regardless, you should be energized to study further and consider options you had trouble accepting on your first viewing. The more self-gratitude you purposely generate by accepting individual factors, the sooner the misery multiplex will fade in importance and happiness will find you sooner.

16 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter, feminine

802. Keepers for Keepers — Assortment 22


  • Women seek commitment before conquest and expect devotion afterward. They expect the reverse of what men do easiest. [13]
  • If she treats him as king before their wedding day, or fails to do so afterward, she weakens his potential as a forever husband. [10]
  • Separation is not far off, if a couple doesn’t develop an enduring kind of love to replace romantic love that fades before their third year together. [65]
  • The female nature seeks to live up to something bigger such as God, her man, her children. Men must learn to live that way, which puts teaching in the hands of females, and leadership by example works best. [18]
  • The less respect that women show the male gender, the more irresponsible individual men become for helping fulfill female hopes and dreams for home and family. [18]
  • Virtual virginity substitutes for the real thing. It can hold a man’s attention while feminine mystique, female modesty, admirable virtue, and moral standards capture his devotion.  [25]
  • A man leads two roles with every woman to whom he is attracted. He is one way before he conquers her and something else afterward. [27]

6 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter