Each sex has one primal energizing force that overrides others in importance. From very deep within their nature, one main power supply drives people in every aspect of life.
- Women are motivated by a strong need for self-importance.
- Men are motivated by a strong need for self-admiration.
Their different needs have particular relevance for marriage. If a marriage is stable, then both spouses are probably satisfied about these primal needs. If a marriage is unstable, examine these motivational forces working in the home.
- His ability to fulfill his need internally is much stronger than hers. It adds to his sense of independence and her willingness to depend.
- A wife depends on interaction with and feedback of others to fulfill her need of being important. She particularly needs and highly values husband’s acknowledgement of her importance in his life.
- A husband has little inclination to think about wife’s importance to him. It’s a done deal that he paid for at the altar. Her sense of importance is a relationship issue, and men don’t do relationship maintenance. It’s her problem. [Not to justify or alibi, just reporting facts about masculine nature.]
- Unlike wife’s dependency, husband doesn’t depend on others to satisfy his need for self-admiration. His accomplishments fulfill his need. However, he could always use a little more, which motivates him to accomplish more that people recognize and admire him for.
- One part of a man’s need is seldom ever satisfied, because it depends almost exclusively on outside confirmation. It drives him to keep trying. He craves admiration for his sexual attractiveness, prowess, performance, or any and all parts thereof. The deeper his craving, the more he chases women. Conquest confirms self-admiration. Subsequent encounters with the same woman don’t, except as she admires his bullish accomplishments in the bedroom.
Wife seldom gets enough of husband’s confirmation of her importance. Husband seldom gets enough of the admiration he yearns for the most. Therein lies hope for disenchanted wives. The more wife admires his bedroom manliness, the more important she shines in husband’s eyes.
The challenge for wife lies here. How does she admire his loving ways if he lacks skill, talent, consideration, or sensitivity to her interests in the bedroom? If she doesn’t, however, how does husband see wife as being of greater importance than she is today?
I swatted a hornet’s nest with a baseball bat. However, we’re traveling today and tomorrow to see grandson coach his college BB team. So, I leave it with you while out of town. I will respond to comments beginning Wednesday.