Tag Archives: conquest

2030. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — II


Her Highness Cinnamon asked at post 2029 for more about men playing hardtoget. Not to worry that a woman’s behavior makes men act vague and unavailable. Her likeability doesn’t play as big a part as you might suspect.

But let’s talk about men first. Women come wrapped in two packages, sexually attractive and visually likeable. (That is, she’s uniquely pleasant-to-look-at; she appeals to him uniquely as company; he admires her unique virtues; he finds her uniquely fascinating; she’s pleasantly and uniquely feminine; she uniquely enjoys his presence; she’s uniquely enjoyable to be around, and all without regard for sex appeal). Men value differently and deal separately with those two things. They chase her sexual attractiveness but fall unconsciously into appreciating her visual likeability.

Sexually attractive appeals instantaneously and fades very fast after conquest. It attracts a man but he doesn’t bond and so it doesn’t hold him much beyond conquest. Visually likeable may be enjoyable but it remains relatively minor in his heart and mind before conquest; he’s too interested in other things. Even as a minor focus, however, her visual likeability becomes appealing if and as they associate before conquest.

Consequently, to grasp the reality of it, he’s quite another man after conquest. Before, he views her as sexually appealing, which binds his heart and mind together on one primary mission. After conquest, he views her as visually likeable in pursuit of satisfying himself by associating with her.

His conqueror’s right of ownership of their sexual agenda guarantees frequent and convenient access to sex, romantic love keeps those fires burning, and in the meantime he learns to appreciate the depth of her uniqueness and visual likeability. Provided, of course, that he keeps associating with her.

If she comes up short of visual likeability for his taste, he moves on to the next female target. Because sex does not bond him, conquest releases him from obligations not previously arranged and that he intends to honor. IOW, he dumps her because his high threshold for guilt enables him to conquer and depart relatively unhindered; “she should have known better than to fall for my charm.” Thus, he either continues with her as girlfriend, fiancé, potential mate, or just booty, or else he goes fishing in another lake and does so with little remorse. All’s fair in love and conquest.

——

And now back to V&U.

To Mr. Hardtoget unless she’s sexually unattractive, every unconquered woman is a target. Women don’t have to even be attractive enough to be seen with in public. Mr. V&U purposely misrepresents his interest, which is to score efficiently, that is, with the least investment of time, effort, money, and words. Women should presume they are always a target and go on alert status as soon as they spot hardtoget symptoms used by a man.

Hardtoget is an ancient(?) female attitude and tactic. Men adopt and refine it in order to more easily conquer as many women as come along. Thus, men exploit the female nature against itself.

It’s conceived to work this way. Initiating self-doubt and guilt, a woman concludes from Mr. V&U’s approach that something is wrong with her. She feels offended that a guy could not want her sexually or not want to take advantage of all she has to offer to a friend, companion, partner, mate. His tactic victimizes her attitude and, hopefully for him, she turns herself from being chased to chasing, from buyer to seller, from resistant to eager. She capitulates at being virtually ignored and so she takes the initiative that facilitates his getting her into bed; she may even lead the way or take him by hand depending on what she feels she has to prove to herself.

The easier she allows herself to be conquered, the more likely she won’t be respected in the morning. The more time he invests to conquer, the more respect she earns in his eyes. Investors appreciate only what they earn. Takers don’t appreciate what they are given, and even worse, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.

So, fair lady Cinnamon, it’s not a woman’s behavior that invites V&U. It’s her appearance. Her mistake is to feel badly about herself for thinking that a guy thinks that she’s not much of a woman, and so she takes the bait and determines to prove it to him. Set, game, match for him.

——

P.S. It may not be clear above, but this principle is embedded. When visual likeability is more prominent than sex appeal, it subdues sexual attractiveness, forces guys to spend more time researching for weaknesses to facilitate bedding her, and thereby discourages the use of V&U tactics. In the extra time guys spend on and with her, they learn that she’s more valuable than just for sex, which gives her greater potential for her visual likeability to grow and generate interest in guys for long-term relationships. She gains greater control of her destiny.

 

18 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2029. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — I


Her Highness Eleni at 2026 asked for more info about men acting hardtoget. Cocoa suggested my response as a standalone post, so here it is before the subject cools.

The Battlefield. Let’s look first at the female side of life. To love is to give. To be loved is to earn it by giving. The hardtoget guy offers little or nothing of himself except apparent lack of interest wrapped in what he believes to be inimitable charm. So why should he be loved or, more importantly, shown any of the benefits that he might or could be loved? The more he seeks you to pay attention to him rather than the reverse, the more you should be harder to get. You defeat his game plan in order to earn his respect, which weakens his desire to dominate, which recognizes you as deserving of greater influence in whatever relationship develops.

The Motivations. Men act vague and unavailable because it 1) makes conquest less costly in time, effort, and money; 2) is less risky to the male ego; 3) strengthens male dominance in whatever relationship develops; 4) quadruples the pleasure of conquest by having outsmarted her. (His devious cast of mind comes from the lack of unconditional respect for the female gender caused by the feminist-induced lack of unconditional respect for the male gender.)

Women are intent on pleasing an attractive or interesting guy or having a boyfriend. So much so that they chase a guy and yield sex thinking that he will bond with her as prelude to permanent mating. Such female mistakes while reaching for female-friendly relationships enable conquest with little or no investment of the guy’s time, money, and effort.

Play by Play. Vague and unavailable is the female game—INDIRECTNESS—exploited by men to both facilitate conquest and dominate whatever relationship follows. They want and let women do all the relationship development work. They perceive an opportunity to win sex, booty, or escape by lazily outsmarting women. They risk virtually nothing as they drift uninvolved into her nest of dreams and his access to frequent and convenient sex. Such men induce whorish behavior in women with men establishing the fee so subtly that women don’t recognize how it inflates male dominance, deflates female influence, and nullifies female hopes and dreams of long-term relationships.

How do you gals handle the guy playing hardtoget? First, never abandon your own game plan, which should be that of the female standard—harder to get. Make each guy prove himself worthy of you. Second, you ignore him more dismissively than he can possibly ignore you. You take control with polite passiveness until it grates on his nerves that his approach is NOT GOING TO WORK. Regardless of what he does, which means a lot of nothing except gentle put downs of you (inflicting guilt), outdo him at the same game. While inflicting guilt on a man doesn’t profit a woman, in this case it helps keep him uncomfortable. (He won’t take the guilt as a game changer, but it does weaken his determination that you’re a pushover for his charm and all else he has but refuses to offer.)

Make nothing easy for him; he has to earn even your smiles. Harden the shell you normally keep yourself in. With actions and not words, he has to make himself worthy of you. Any help you give him works against you. You’re the teacher who has to convince him that he’s more disposable than important, weak than strong, unappealing than admirable, less dominant than he thinks.

It may take days, weeks, or months of contact or even dates. Ultimately, he will see that he wants you under your conditions more than he wants sex with you under his conditions. That’s the game breaker for you. If he never learns to see it your way, he was only after sex to begin with or he was unwilling to pay the price of your standards and expectations. IOW the game plays out like this. Men pursue with sex foremost on their minds. Targeted women change each man’s heart behind his back (that is, mind) by enabling him to discover qualities other than sexual assets that he can admire (aka virtues) about her as person, woman, and possible mate.

If he gives up chasing you, you’ve won. He was only after sex to begin with, and finding that out is the primary objective for women. They must have the patience to determine whether he’s truly after her more than just having sex with her? Her victory and his defeat hang on her patience and the reverse on her impatience. It’s all up to her; he’s just another player in her life until he foregoes sex in order to sincerely pursue her for his mate.

Recovery. He begins to rethink his vague and unavailable approach. He takes action to pursue you sincerely and with willingness to invest himself by giving of himself. Then and only then, you start paying more than the slightest attention to him. He will do so cautiously at first for fear of losing you before he even gets started. So don’t be anxious to help him escape his discomfort; give him the freedom to fail so that he will try something more appealing to you. Moreover, success when he overcomes your resistance means much more if he’s done it by himself and without the help he tried to con out of you.

We all keep doing what makes us comfortable. Only discomfort makes us change or even want to. That’s why you should call all his bluffs. For example, be prepared and if he threatens not to see you again, say goodbye before he finishes. Show that separation does not bother you. Keep him uncomfortable with your apparent disinterest or else he reverts to hardtoget for everything that he wants out of you.

Don’t become sympathetic or even empathetic to his situation. Let him dangle in miserable discomfort at not being able to capture your heart with his newfound and expected-to-be-easy effort. Let time and his greater effort to please you resolve his discomfort. (Modern women complain that younger men lack initiative and staying power when things get tough or don’t go the easy way. Men become what women expect of them, so less determined men don’t quit when the right woman guides them with natural female charm, the kind they inherit at birth. The female blessings page at blog top provides many details of the female nature.)

Until he abandons his hardtoget attitude, and unless he makes himself worthy of you to even carry on a decent conversation that leads to proposals to get together or for dates, you will never earn enough of his attention for it to grow into respect and ultimately love, devotion, and promise that you’d make him a good mate. And without doing that, you’ll never get him to subordinate having sex to having you.

I suggest you also study the article 1985, How Men Decide to Marry. It’s more what the woman doesn’t do that sets the hook.

 

18 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2028. Female Blessings at Birth — 37-39


This is the thirteenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the list of female blessings for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a blessing is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth about the qualities that women inherit at birth.

37. I have always sensed that men work and remain focused better when dealing with things in the present while I do better by focusing primarily on the future. [Guy adds: It’s her default condition, and it empowers her to minimize decision-making competition and conflict. Compatibility arises more naturally when she allows him to dominate present day decisions while inoffensively, indirectly, and diplomatically getting his buy-in to her thoughts and aims about their future. Present-day decisions will be repeated sometime when she has greater influence by having prepared for that eventuality. Her investment of buying into his decisions today breeds tomorrow’s return on her investment.]

38. I instinctively know that men seek to marry a good woman and I am good enough for what a man needs. [Guy adds: Women use their own interpretation of ‘good’ and, unfortunately, listen to other women about the details. Perhaps because men don’t think about it much less talk about it. Instead, operating independently men track down, test, follow, and marry an appealing accumulation of admirable female qualities existing in one woman. It’s best summarized that men marry a virtuous woman and what they admire they consider a virtue. The more virtues men find then the more fascinating and promising her prospects. Which brings to mind, what ‘venues’ do men explore for details of her likeability and qualities to admire? Female modesty, feminine mystique, monogamous spirit, friendliness toward masculine endeavors, uniqueness relative to men, uplifting spirit, caring heart, strong mindedness that eases up when dealing against him, determination to defend what’s morally right, willingness to depend on him, spirit to work for compatibility, character strength, encouraging personality. Most of those venues arise naturally out of women who follow their female nature (aka the values, beliefs, convictions, and expectations with which they are born).]

39. I instinctively know that a man seeks my weaknesses to help get me into bed—especially the first time with him. Something inside of me says to put it off, delay it, follow my instincts, steel my will against his charm. The more I succeed, the more I control my destiny. [Guy adds: To the extent she delays but he pursues, he unwittingly discovers her strengths and traits that he can admire. Each admirable quality becomes a virtue and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers then the more quickly she becomes fascinating, which makes her more desirable for more than sex, which encourages his devotion, which can then morph into the promise he sees in her for supporting his ambitions and missions in life, which sets the hook for his appearance at the altar. (Both marital success and failure have roots going back to their first sexual encounter together, the importance of which can’t be overstated.)]

Example for your response: “39-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

6 Comments

Filed under feminine

2022. Recovery from Husband’s Wronging Her


This article responds to two ladies’ comments at post 2020.

Pinging off Cinnamon’s initiative, Her Husband’s Wife describes frequent wifely problems in this clear and simple process.

1. Husband trips up and does something wrong.
2. Wife reacts with angry outburst or motherly scolding.
3. Husband either fights or flights from wife. (His behavior worsens).
4. As the husband’s behavior “worsens” the woman tells other women about her husband’s bad behavior.
5. Other women rally on wife’s side against husband and tells wife to not let this go, get in his face, show him who’s boss etc. The wife elevates herself as being better than her husband or remains in “victim” mode to receive sympathy.
6. Husband’s doesn’t respond well to any of this.
7. A wedge is put between husband and wife.

Review that process and note how two threads weave through it. a) Women are processors and tend to keep things going; inequalities must be addressed and resolved. Men are producers and tend to seek final results. Hence, men go into fight or flight mode easily and fake settlement until the process ends their way.

b) Of course he starts the process by doing something wrong, but that too springs from his nature. His conquest before marriage empowers him with conqueror’s right. She is his. He ‘owns’ her and especially their sexual agenda. It gives him some measure of residual independence that he exemplifies from time to time after marriage. I don’t claim it’s right, equal, or even fair. Only that his heart and mind are hardwired that way from birth. Whatever deviation or special adjustment a man makes comes from being taught greater respect for females and originates before puberty. Or, conqueror’s right is severely weakened by her conquering him for marriage before he conquers her for sex. (But then after marriage it’s easier but not certain for her to lose respect for him—but that’s another story.)

——

What’s the solution? Cinnamon advised a friend this way: “…whether he was in the wrong is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT because men don’t like to be berated and criticized by women, and consider it disrespectful when a woman does this, under any circumstance. I told her that her daughter should have ignored the behavior and been cordial to him when he got home but not overly friendly, to pull back just a little bit in order to signal her displeasure but in a subtle way.” It’s a good start on the process of ending a disruption.

Women, being processors, should be able to work the forthcoming recovery fairly easy as it capitalizes on female strengths inherited at birth, For example, patience, soft-heartedness, hard-headedness, future more important than the present, fear of abandonment, ability to find gratefulness in little things, urge to nest even stronger than urge to love someone, and urge to heal others’ wounds. Plus, women have adaptability and survivability skills that make females the superior sex and enable women to naturally generate balance with male dominance.

Now, imagine this. A woman offended immediately ends the process at step 1 above and invokes a new process by and only within herself. He never hears her take exception to his wronging her. Her ordeal ends for him except as his conscience begins to smolder with guilt and regret, which she should neither expect nor be surprised when it emerges. In her mind, she puts him aside as a participant. She works through it all by herself. Now, this process is written for the severest or repeated wrongs. If an offense is less severe, ease off at appropriate places in the process.

  1. She reminds herself that she’s the relationship expert and he’s an uninterested party only for this process. It’s all up to her and she doesn’t seek advice of girlfriends or family. It’s her ballgame to pitch her way such that husband learns who she is internally rather than what others influence her to become. She aims to settle them into a two-sided mating that depends on no outside influences. (If she must talk to someone, let it be her mirror image, her best friend.)
  2. Her objective: Let him figure out himself what, how, when, where, and even if he wants to please her. When it’s his idea and he repeats pleasing her many times to correct his wrong, it becomes habitual, which makes him uncomfortable at displeasing her. That is what it takes for him to NOT “trip up and do something wrong” in the future.
  3. She keeps to herself disappointment in him. She stops all bossing. She stops all criticizing him as she did previously. In all matters dealing with him, she uses indirectness, seed planting, hints, and other signs that she regards him in a different light. He reads her that he’s respected less and has to earn her favor even in things disconnected from his offense. However, he’s guilty of nothing but his original offense. She never acknowledges or confirms lack of respect of him as her husband, home CEO, dependable provider/protector, or any other role he fills satisfactorily.
  4. She tries to forgive him without ever muttering a word about it to him. Forgiveness is more for her than for him. When she finally does forgive him, she doesn’t tell him until he works his way back into her good graces over an extended period of time.
  5. He knows that he’s disappointed her. As she keeps her thoughts to herself, she earns his respect. It’s not too unlike earning his respect by keeping her legs crossed during dating and courtship.
  6. If he wants to talk, explain himself, or confess, she listens but says nothing except “Okay” or “I accept what you say.” Let him talk his way into expressing regret, asking forgiveness, and making promises as he sees fit and on his own time and opportunity. He’s the home CEO. He’s the leader. Let him lead. Make it his show, let him express his regrets all alone without her offering criticism, condemnation, judgment, or even encouragement. If he doesn’t earn her forgiveness with more than a few words and subsequent actions over an extended time, he will not appreciate her gift of forgiveness. If she forgives easily, he doesn’t appreciate it fully but learns what works the next time he needs to seek it. So, this process of hers should last for many months and perhaps years.
  7. Of course the question comes up about sex. If he didn’t cheat, his offense should have no effect on their sexual behavior. If he did, it’s another question addressed in the blog. On the CONTENT page at blog top, search for “cheat.”

By her invoking that recovery process, she sets him aside to live with his heart and mind to open and accumulate regrets. Without inputs from her about his doing her wrong, his curiosity stirs his imagination and his conscience. Only out of that mix do regrets compound into behavioral changes.

 

23 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2020. God Designs, Nature Endows, Hormones Energize


I’m taking off for 10 days or so. Today I post a quick summary of what both sexes ‘inherit’ at birth and some relationship principles and standardized practices that result from it. All else on the blog is derived from or somehow connected to this refresher. It should be worth more than a read-through.

Men are born as the dominant and women as the superior sex. The immovable object of dominance versus the irresistibly adjustable and survivable force of superiority brings a well-designed and natural balance to the world. However, the balance is inevitably disrupted by personalities and politics in the home, across the country, and around the globe.

These blessings are hardwired into the heart and mind before birth. What people learn later often interferes or overrides, but that may or may not make it better.

  1. Both sexes inherit everything they need to be compatible with a mate of the opposite sex. (In life, however, their free will enables them to think, learn, and do things that directly discourage their natural compatibility.)
  2. Women inherit everything they need to be happy, but they have to earn it. Happiness is the result of their finding and reinforcing gratefulness for themselves, other people, and things vital for compatibility and family. (However, the development of happiness is retarded to the extent they lack gratefulness about and for themselves. You can’t share what you don’t have.)
  3. It’s the counterpart to happiness for women. Men are born to be satisfied, but they routinely earn it with their multiple missions and daily accomplishments. (A man’s return home daily from the job is a sign of satisfaction and cause for celebration. You have noticed that he acts that way, right?)
  4. Ambition provides men with an endless string of missions in life; he’s never finished doing man things. Women have one mission, to live a good life for self and family; they try to make all else fit in.
  5. The prime motivational force within women is their continuous effort to prove their sense of personal importance. However, they are not self-sufficient. Instead, they form and confirm their importance through connections with other people.
  6. The prime motivational force within men is their continuous effort to earn self-admiration. Most everything they choose to do is aimed toward it. They may appreciate the admiration of others, but they don’t have to have it. They find enough within their independence. (Men are thus self-sufficient in both self-admiration and personal satisfaction. Confirmation and encouragement help but are not essential.)
  7. Women are born pretty and men are born handy. (Both, however, are particularly vulnerable to have their advantage suppressed by childhood influences that may include denial by caregivers.)
  8. Women are born modest and men immodest. (Girls, however, are particularly vulnerable to have their natural sense of modesty altered by childhood influences and even ‘stolen’ by caregivers.)
  9. Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones.
  10. Men need only a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. Women need a brighter future.
  11. Men primarily want independence to do as they wish in adjusting to the challenges and situations of life. Women primarily want someone to be available and able to help when insurmountable personal issues and catastrophes intervene with their importance and pursuit of happiness; usually a man best fits the bill.
  12. Men fear insignificance, especially when indicated by their mate. Women fear abandonment, first by their father and then by their mate.
  13. Men focus on the present; they expect to be able to handle what arises with the future. Women focus on the future; they think it their duty to shape it today in the most female-friendly manner for them and family later. [The rest that follows below are more like 'apps' than simple inheritance.]
  14. Men are primarily producers and women are primarily processors. The producer mindset causes men to provide, protect, and problem solve within their domains of responsibility; that is, when they perceive it their duty to do so. Women as processors shape and integrate the results of producers into relationships.
  15. Men are primarily competitors and tend to cooperate only when they see the need. Women are the opposite.
  16. Hardwiring gives rise to the eternal war of the sexes. Men seek to conquer women for sex. Women seek to conquer men for permanent mating. (Marriage isn’t a natural inheritance but pleasant insurance wrought by the irresistible force of the female sex.)
  17. Men seek to mate with a respectable and virtuous woman. He respects a candidate’s natural inheritances, such as sexual uniqueness, female modesty, feminine mystique, and strong preference for monogamous marriage. Second, he admires certain of her personal qualities, which then become virtues to him.
  18. Women seek to mate with a man devoted to her, and devotion is both created by and reflected from whatever he does to please himself by catering to her interest.
  19. A man’s love is founded on respect. The more he respects women generally and one in particular, the more and deeper he’s capable of loving.
  20. A woman’s love is based on her sense of self-importance to provide a particular man with what she thinks he needs to fulfill his life.
  21. Successful mating depends upon satisfactory results within daily interactions. Specifically, why, how, and what he does to and for her. And why, how, and what she says to and about him. (Compatibility falls apart quicker and more easily from repeated doses of minor irritants—his actions, her words, or both—than their relationship is held together by the bigger influences of love, vows, and sex.)
  22. Men change after conquering a woman for their first sex together. He’s released from the hunt to set new goals. His respect slows or stops its growth. He assumes control of their sexual agenda. He decides her role in his life.
  23. Single women change after being conquered by a man. She has bonded and imagines that he has too. Guilt plagues her that she may have made a mistake. Recognizing that a relationship-shaking event has occurred, she settles into anxiety about what the future holds. To live with her anxieties, she tries to convince herself that she now has him headed to the altar. She craves any kind of feedback from him as to what happens next.
  24. Men compete with men for the best woman. They compete with women for conquest, after which they refuse or avoid competition, mainly because they fear losing to a woman they ‘own’ by virtue of conqueror’s right.
  25. In the marketplace where couples form, women compete with women by making themselves virtuous. It comes first from making themselves physically attractive and second from qualities of personality, character, and likeability that individual men find admirable. When she senses that she’s competitive with other women, she feels worthy and deserving and becomes a buyer in the relationship marketplace with each man as a potential seller; whoever he is, he has to earn her. If she feels non-competitive, unworthy, or undeserving, then she acts desperately and makes bad choices throughout the marketplace.
  26. Making herself sexually attractive in public adds two female-unfriendly biases to the male mind. 1) It diverts his attention from her as person, woman, and potential mate and polarizes his interest on conquest. 2) It reminds that women are all alike sexually after conquest. She thus kills her own uniqueness when she invites his mind to think about sex instead of her.
  27. The female sex is born with aptitude, ability, and interest to perform as relationship experts, managers, and sustainers. Males are born with a deep aversion to being changed by someone else. Consequently, they lack interest in relationship management as it implies that they should change, which is to admit they are guilty.
  28. To men, physical infidelity is both worst and intolerable. To women, emotional infidelity is worse than the physical, because it constitutes mental and probable physical abandonment.
  29. Guilt plagues women; they have the inherent ability to live constantly with loads of it. Men can’t or won’t live with guilt. They resist, rebuff, resent, and rebut when someone flings guilt in their direction. They refuse to accept burdens of guilt that don’t originate within them personally. When they do accept self-imposed guilt, they may or may not take correcting or compensating action. Whether they do or don’t, they dispose of all guilt by forgetting it sooner rather than later. They don’t carry it well or long.
  30. Men marry on the promise that their woman will support and encourage his missions in life. Women marry on the belief that their man can achieve greater things within the framework of her guidance.

As children grow they are bombarded with values, standards, and influences that alter, replace, or even contradict what they are born with. It especially makes women less aware of what came with their birth, but it doesn’t make them less needful of their internal guidance computer, which is their heart as hardwired before birth.

——

EDITORIAL COMMENT

Society is what we all do. Culture is why we all do it. Females are born this way. They can’t dominate society; men do that too extensively. But they do inherit at birth the capability to indirectly set, impose, and police the values, standards, and expectations by which men govern society. For example: Men conquered the west but women civilized it. Morality crumbles today, because women allow and even join in to make it happen.

Our foremothers mastered the art of dominating the culture in the first several American centuries. They managed the social and domestic value systems indirectly but so well that two male-dominated religions morphed into our female-dominated Judeo-Christian culture. The same value system that is now being ripped apart by making Christianity and religious belief illegal, immoral, unethical, or politically incorrect.

As women go so goes men. Within the female nature lies the capability to recover our female-friendly culture. Men can’t and won’t do it without the indirect influence of their woman—not women—their woman. It will take the breakfast-table, pillow-talk transfer of wifely expectations into society via individual men, which further implies that husbands have to recapture dominance of society from single men, which further implies that wives must restore their dominance of nest and home.

Oh, were it only that easy.

6 Comments

Filed under Culture & Politics, sex differences, Sociology 101

2011. Female Blessings at Birth — 10-12


Fourth group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

10. I can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa. [Editor says: She’s born to be adaptable, and mutual worth that is mutually appreciated breeds cooperation and confirms compatibility. Women, as the relationship experts, drive the compatibility bus.]
11. I depend on my husband by doing for him rather than expecting him to do for me. [Editor says: It enlarges her sense of self-importance to do for him, and he interprets it as respect and gratitude that he deserves. Reversed, ‘him doing for her’ all the time translates as his appreciation for her. Being appreciated is temporary to her and has little influence over events that add to her importance and shape her thinking about everything else. Consequently, she becomes much more influential when ‘she does for him’ rather than the reverse. She’s born to do it that way, the intuitive way.]
12. I don’t depend on my boyfriend. He does for me rather than me doing for him. [Editor says: It calls for the opposite reasoning of #11 above. His actions ‘doing for her’ program his heart toward devotion for her. Without actions to please himself for pleasing her, his heart doesn’t reprogram, his devotion doesn’t develop. Furthermore, conquest slows or stops his actions to please her to the same extent, because her yielding sex their first time together tells him that’s all he has to do. He now ‘owns’ their sex agenda so all is well in his world.]

Example for responses: “10-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

12 Comments

Filed under feminine

2010. Dressed to Kill—His Imagination That Is


PREFACE. Feminists endorsed and encouraged it. Women dress down for female convenience rather than dress up for attracting male attention. Doing so minimizes and neutralizes the male urge for sex and is supposed to help promote the death of patriarchy. Feminists and advocates even used shame via sexist and harassment claims. Didn’t work, did it. Male dominance worsens, because men have been made desperate to defend themselves against politics. They try harder and even fight back; they take it out on women who act more like enemies than friendlies. The natural and unconquerable male urge for sex has morphed into disrespect for female-friendly interests.

REALITY. The real world produces unintended consequences. Using politics to alter human nature, Feminism’s fallout continues. 1) It neutralizes masculine interest in one woman and spreads manly interest to all females. 2) Makes conquest more relevant and respectable to men than family responsibility. 3) Weakens unconditional respect for the opposite sex, both ways too. 4) Makes girls better conquest targets and trophies. 5) Makes the marital marketplace less friendly for female aging. 6) Destroys interest in lifetime togetherness for couples. 7) Demolishes the girlhood hopes and dreams of women.

A woman’s appearance sends messages that women can read but men decode subliminally. For example, these are common. Sloppy attire symbolizes the lack of admirable qualities, aka virtues. Low-care grooming symbolizes low self-respect, which precludes fascination. Dressed below what the occasion calls for can be read as self-worth of lesser value, aka low self-image, than that of the others present. Overdressed for an occasion can signal pretention, phoniness, or fashion ignorance. An overly erotic appearance signals cheapness. None discourages the masculine urge for conquest, but all of the above discourage manly interest in anything beyond first-sex together.

To be more specific, how does a woman’s skin-tight clothing influence men? Flab and flaws discourage or offend male eyeballs, turn off masculine curiosity, and reduce the interest of men looking for more than sex. Lack of perfection dulls his eye-viewing except for conquest. The thought arises that she appears desperate and will yield easily. In exchange for conquest he accepts that she will look worse unwrapped. So does he want her?

Einstein said, “Imagination is greater than knowledge.” However, without curiosity a man’s imagination doesn’t energize to penetrate beyond her surface appearance. His eyes reveal all the knowledge he needs. Skin-tight wrappings reveal that beneath it she’s careless, not neat, and probably desperate. An acceptable conquest but little else, perhaps nothing beyond it. Whatever his interest becomes, he forms it without knowing or even caring what she really looks like undressed. That’s the wrong way to teach a man to devote himself to one woman.

Her careful and neat dressing in loose but attractive clothing has another and very opposite effect. It opens his curiosity, fires his imagination about how she will look unwrapped beyond his apparent knowledge, and sparks his interest to find out more about her. Her not appearing desperate, he judges her as challenging.

Subsequently searching for her weaknesses that may help get her into bed, he learns of her admirable qualities (aka virtues). Over time they accumulate and hopefully transform her into a fascinating woman by his standards.

Non-judgmental is a popular but misleading buzzword and even worse for women. People could not survive much less live successfully without judging others. Female clothing and appearance invite or discourage masculine interest. Women shape their future when they shape their appearance to make themselves feel good about pleasing manly eyeballs. Skin-tight clothing has the effect opposite of what men find attractive for more than sex. Thus, skin-tight clothing defeats a man’s interest in spending enough time to uncover a woman’s fascination.

10 Comments

Filed under Her glory

2001. Male’s Primal Urge to Conquer Females


This article may shock you. It’s about the most unique aspect of the male nature. The way men are born and before they experience life growing up or associating with women. Before they are trained and pressured by women to hide one trait within their nature, which in turn brings out many causes and effects.

You have your unique modesty. Men have a unique urge for first-time sex with attractive women. When you understand and respect this unique trait in men, you will be better prepared to handle that which often offends girlfriends, lovers, live-ins, and wives.

Every man’s interest is stirred by sexually attractive females. Your man’s reactions to seeing one is NOT automatically a reflection against you. It may be but more likely it’s not if you mean anything to him except for sex. His primal urge is not disloyalty to you. It’s his nature exposing itself, a subconscious urge jumping up before your easily offended eyes. You should ignore it until you find confirming signs of his betrayal of you. Or better yet, be grateful that he chose you. (If you had it once, you must still have it unless you let IT slip away.)

Urge to conquer is one of two actions common to all men. His glance at a moving object is natural (as explained elsewhere) and more than a glance is natural at a sexually attractive female. Your taking offense just adds harmful pressure to your relationship. However, in no way do I alibi for men who take their interest beyond a good look, beyond what their nature prompts and their society-developed character should avoid.

The conquering urge in males causes or produces these effects across relationships and society:

  1. The males’ primal urge to have first-time sex with many women is divorced from female interests. A target’s interests have influence only to the extent that she conditions his thinking to subordinate his nature in order to please her for other things.
  2. His conquering urge is single-mindedness that springs open at sight of a sexually attractive female and repeats itself until a particular target is conquered or disposed of mentally. The urge prevails above and beyond the actual, practical, and even impossible conquests. Social and domestic pressures generated by women cause men to civilize their involuntary urges into more compatible and female-friendly behavior.
  3. The urge to conquer stands disconnected from warm and kind feelings. However, emotional connections with sex targets develop as a woman’s refusal to yield to conquest spurs his frustrations into delving deeper into her psyche.
  4. Whether dating or courting, he looks for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Accidentally, serendipitously, or purposely programmed by her, he discovers qualities of vital interest to him. Those he comes to admire are considered virtues. Wanting to marry a virtuous woman, the more virtues he finds before conquest, the more promising she looks as potential mate. That places her higher on the ‘keeper spectrum’, and so he chooses to spend more time with her rather than just vanish. What determines the outcome? How she conducts their relationship before conquest such that her worth as potential mate outweighs his urge to conquer. Effectively, she waters down his urge with her feminine mystique, female modesty, virtuous fascination, and monogamous spirit plus a gigantic patience and immense likeability that he thrives on whether it’s obvious or not.
  5. Civilizing influences and social and domestic pressures tame male sexual aggression. Men are pressured to hold in check and disguise their conquering urge. Exploiting female innocence and desire for romance, men manage to harmonize it with social interactions.
  6. Romance opens the door to her heart, which cracks open the door to earlier conquest, which stirs men to be romantic although it’s foreign to the male nature. So, romance forces men to go against their nature in order to conquer according to their nature. (Another reason that both sexes fail to understand the other.)
  7. After conquest he’s a different man relative to the conquered. First, conquest releases his nature to consider other targets. His primal urge is reinvigorated. Second, he views the just-conquered woman in a totally different light. The spectrum runs from marriage to immediate disappearance with these possibilities in between: romance her, probable keeper, friend, booty, dumpee. The choice he makes depends upon the pre-conquest relationship that she as the expert was able to develop.
  8. With each woman conquered, his life changes relative to her. Whatever relationship developed before that, it will be different afterward. Whereas he expected and responded to her competitive spirit, especially to protect her sexual assets, he expects it to end. He afterward expects her cooperation sans competition. Discovering new virtues in her is both harder and slower after conquest, because he’s no longer looking for weaknesses. Effectively, the respect she earned before conquest is the level of respect she will enjoy subsequently. This is the real enigma of conquest: She is no bigger or better than what he conquered. She doesn’t lose anything; he just doesn’t recognize much more worth in her until a lengthy and happy marriage teaches him otherwise. (Now, obviously there’s a measure of hyperbole in that claim. But the essence is true. A woman’s worth as a woman—as opposed to her worth to him—is generally the worth she earns defending her sexual assets.)
  9. The conquering urge lasts for life. It can only be tamed and women must do the taming. The intensity fades later in life but the sight of a sexually attractive female stimulates his interest long after age-related practicality or marital obligations prevent anything else.*

Consequently, women know so little about the male nature that they—even as the relationship experts—misplay the dating and courtship agendas.

If wife gets jealous because husband looks at attractive women, she should judge on what he does and not what he thinks momentarily. She’s no less valuable to him; he just reacts instinctively. To her it’s simple-thoughtlessness. To him its single-mindedness inherited at birth. To be sure, men should train themselves to be less offensive in their natural habits, but many men just don’t respect women generally or their woman in particular enough to do that.

Men are born with the primal urge to conquer as many as practical. It’s up to women to learn how to exploit it rather than be victimized. Don’t you at least suspect that our ancestor women developed the institution of marriage to at least check and hopefully check mate the male nature?

——

*Several years ago I renewed a dormant friendship with a school chum (both are 83). A couple of visits, dozens of emails, and exchanges of opinion on common-interest subjects brought not one mention of attractive women. Both of us became widowers this year. In the past few days we have exchanged several emails on the subject of sexually attractive women. Oh, not speculating anything. Just that particularly noticeable ones improve the appeal of TV (from which I have weaned myself for other reasons). Even as octogenarians, female attractiveness attracts because the primal urge never dies. Hope wilts but not the urge.

 

28 Comments

Filed under courtship