1193. Admire Your Bull in the Bedroom!

Each sex has one primal energizing force that overrides others in importance. From very deep within their nature, one main power supply drives people in every aspect of life.

• Women are motivated by a strong need for self-importance.
• Men are motivated by a strong need for self-admiration.

Their different needs have particular relevance for marriage. If a marriage is stable, then both spouses are probably satisfied about these primal needs. If a marriage is unstable, examine these motivational forces working in the home.

• His ability to fulfill his need internally is much stronger than hers. It adds to his sense of independence and her willingness to depend.
• A wife depends on interaction with and feedback of others to fulfill her need of being important. She particularly needs and highly values husband’s acknowledgement of her importance in his life.
• A husband has little inclination to think about wife’s importance to him. It’s a done deal that he paid for at the altar. Her sense of importance is a relationship issue, and men don’t do relationship maintenance. It’s her problem. [Not to justify or alibi, just reporting facts about masculine nature.]
• Unlike wife’s dependency, husband doesn’t depend on others to satisfy his need for self-admiration. His accomplishments fulfill his need. However, he could always use a little more, which motivates him to accomplish more that people recognize and admire him for.
• One part of a man’s need is seldom ever satisfied, because it depends almost exclusively on outside confirmation. It drives him to keep trying. He craves admiration for his sexual attractiveness, prowess, performance, or any and all parts thereof. The deeper his craving, the more he chases women. Conquest confirms self-admiration. Subsequent encounters with the same woman don’t, except as she admires his bullish accomplishments in the bedroom.  

Wife seldom gets enough of husband’s confirmation of her importance. Husband seldom gets enough of the admiration he yearns for the most. Therein lies hope for disenchanted wives. The more wife admires his bedroom manliness, the more important she shines in husband’s eyes.

The challenge for wife lies here. How does she admire his loving ways if he lacks skill, talent, consideration, or sensitivity to her interests in the bedroom? If she doesn’t, however, how does husband see wife as being of greater importance than she is today?   

I swatted a hornet’s nest with a baseball bat. However, we’re traveling today and tomorrow to see grandson coach his college BB team. So, I leave it with you while out of town. I will respond to comments beginning Wednesday.

969. Sex Differences Do Matter #04

1. Men use imagination to weaken female defenses against conquest. Women use imagination to prepare men for marriage.
2. A man nags his wife, and she’s inclined to do better. A woman nags her husband, and he responds in his own good time if at all.
3. When marriage begins to sink, she seeks to right the ship.  He seeks to escape the new flooding.
4. Women thrive on reading subliminal messages and subconscious motives. Men neither can nor are they very interested in things so indirect.
5. She likes to please her man and do it his way. He likes to please his woman, if he can do it his way.
6. Women have an easily stirred personal sense of guilt. Men don’t feel guilt as easily, and they don’t let it linger very long.
7. Women appreciate and are energized by affirming words. Men are not nearly as appreciative or energized by affirmations as by demonstrated respect.
8. Women can disagree and argue on emotional issues and remain friends, because relationship management is so important. Men cannot, because competing natures prioritize winning as more important than relationship management.

 

889. Female Sexual Freedom: A Right or a Wrong?

Nature works this way:

• Women value men according to each man’s potential or actual worth in fulfilling her hopes and dreams for home and family. Men value women in three stages: first for conquest, then for sexual availability, and finally for support in carrying out his missions in life.
• Men respond to how and why females act as they do, what females value, and what females expect in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Females are thus empowered to mandate female-friendly and supportive behavior in males. But do they?

Modern women short-circuit these Nature-based interactions and ignore centuries-old lessons. They lay claim to masculine-style sexual practice as their due and ‘right’. However, the consequences work against women, teens, and even pre-pubescent girls.

Females practicing masculine-style sexual freedom empower males to escape responsibility and obligations for what each man sees as her greatest asset: first time sex with him. Female sexual freedom also damages relationship permanence:

• If she’s so cheap and easy for him, she must also be the same or easier for other men. This dampens any extraordinariness he may have perceived in her before conquest.
• She gives readily, and he takes easily after paying attention to little but sex. Men escape proving themselves worthy of such women.
• Less proving their worth as potential husbands means no social pressures build to favor the female gender, to make females more respected generally. This emboldens and hardens male dominance, which women so eagerly criticize. But worse, it also means less respect earned by women breeds more abuse and violence against them.
• Frequent and convenient sex with no pressure to learn something new reinforces that men need not change for women or a woman. This makes men even more unchangeable, more difficult to civilize, ‘tame’, and domesticate.
• Men not successfully pressured to ease up on their natural aggressiveness and sense of independence produce less reliable men—at least as women consider them for domestic life. 
• Less pressure, minimal testing, and lower qualifications for worth to females means that fewer men become qualified for sustained relationships.
• Fewer qualified men means women spend a lot more time picking, choosing, ditching, and either putting unworthy men back in the parade or marrying Mr. Wrong. Mr. Good Enough becomes much harder to find.

Masculine-style sexual freedom promotes these things: Men go from conquest to conquest to conquest. Women become his ex, another’s ex, and yet another’s ex. Children go from uncertainty to pain to misery on parental breakups and witness no examples for doing differently in their adulthood.

825. Response to Viewer — Item 25

QUESTION: Her Highness Mari at #822 asked how to overcome the husbandly inclination to do no more than fulfill the masculine primal need to eat, flop, and sleep with wife?

ANSWER: No inclination to keep her pleased means: (1) She places demands on him instead of something more agreeable, and he withdraws. Or (2) she’s shy of self-respect. We shall focus here on only the second cause.

When men coast and do only the minimum, they lack great or higher level respect and devotion for spouse—less drive to keep her pleased. A man’s devotion for a woman radiates from respect built upon this three-legged platform:

1.     Unconditional respect for the female gender inculcated before he experienced puberty.

2.     Respect built before conquest and based on his appraisal of her feminine virtue and the promise she shows as potential wife.

3.     Her self-respect confirmed, maintained, and reinforced after conquest.

Weaken any leg and his devotion weakens. After marriage she can only reinforce the last leg, so generating any change in him involves working on herself to increase self-respect. Everything’s relative, recovery is everything, but she can’t change him.

Recovery: Build up and reinforce her self-respect without disturbing him. This means do it slowly, patiently, indirectly regarding him, and give no appearance that she’s a different woman. Just a more self-respecting one. Slow, easy, and discreetly works best.

Now, I know women object, because all the blame seems to fall their way; they have to do all the work for recovery. The article above reads that “she has an arrangement of her own making.” She didn’t evaluate him relative to the first leg of the platform above, and she put too little emphasis on the second leg. She did not fully develop her promise for him. This makes the third leg tougher to reinforce.

816. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 13

• He honors her wishes for less pressure, as he seeks to conquer her. Unless he’s phony, which takes other testing, the degree, willingness, and pleasantness with which he backs off indicates his respect and potential for devoting himself to her.
• Ideal mothers civilize and teach boys to measure up to female values, standards, and expectations. Ideal fathers domesticate and teach boys for family responsibility according to manly values, standards, and expectations. (Such idealistic upbringing strongly favors the female gender.)
• The seeds of matrimony require constant watering of his mind and interests with indirectness, patience, and charm that sprinkles her modesty, mystery, restraint, femininity, female virtue, uniqueness, and self-respect all over him. She remains the same extraordinary woman he married.
• Modern wives do the opposite of what works to keep a husband. They make the institution of marriage of, by, and for mothers and children. This reverses the natural order of domestic life, as men see and honor it.
• Perhaps thinking it’s their due, modern females have expanded the female ego to a disturbance level that almost equals the male ego. This unnatural change challenges men in unworkable ways and produces the opposite of what men seek living with a woman.
• Mature but not adolescent-minded husbands like for their wives’ appearance to attract the attention of other men. Compliments to her, for example, make husband look good. It’s her reaction that may bother husband.  

805. He’s Different After Conquest

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1759.

804. Boyfriend as King? Never! — Part B

Her Highness Jessica at #802 also inquired about treating boyfriend as king. Article #803 described mistakes women make easily on the road of good intentions.

Jessica specifically asked: “How should she treat him BEFORE marriage?”

• Don’t think of how he should be treated. Think about how he should treat you, and then avoid making the mistakes cited in #803 and below.

Women should also keep these things in mind:

• Kingly treatment means he gets what he wants when he wants it. But worse, he learns to expect it and even expect more after marriage. After all, he’s due some special deference after the altar, right?
• Whether he’s after her or just sex, he expects to compete with her. She should keep the competition alive until after the altar. He should have to work for every step of progress he makes with her, have to prove himself worthy of her rather than vice versa. Kings never do that, so treating him prematurely as king short-circuits their path to or after the altar.
• It’s not what he gets as premarital king, it’s what he learns to expect. On the other hand, treating him as king after marriage meets his expectations, and he learns to appreciate what he gets rather than expect more.
• He will jump at the chance of being treated as her king. If the opportunity is denied him, it makes him look for ways to win her favor, which leads precisely to devotion.
• They both change after conquest and not for her good unless marriage came first.
• Prior to conquest, she should compete strongly with him to protect her virtue, virtual virginity, or actual virginity. She treats him as mere prince with potential but never certainty for capturing her.
• He marries expecting not to change and he doesn’t, so however she treats him before marriage is what he will expect afterward.
• When she treats him as king before marriage, she endorses his male dominance far beyond what she will be happy with in married life.

The series ends with this thought: Marriage comes after courtship, and his kingliness does too.

802. Keepers for Keepers — Assortment 22

• Women seek commitment before conquest and expect devotion afterward. They expect the reverse of what men do easiest. [13]
• If she treats him as king before their wedding day, or fails to do so afterward, she weakens his potential as a forever husband. [10]
• Separation is not far off, if a couple doesn’t develop an enduring kind of love to replace romantic love that fades before their third year together. [65]
• The female nature seeks to live up to something bigger such as God, her man, her children. Men must learn to live that way, which puts teaching in the hands of females, and leadership by example works best. [18]
• The less respect that women show the male gender, the more irresponsible individual men become for helping fulfill female hopes and dreams for home and family. [18]
• Virtual virginity substitutes for the real thing. It can hold a man’s attention while feminine mystique, female modesty, admirable virtue, and moral standards capture his devotion.  [25]
• A man leads two roles with every woman to whom he is attracted. He is one way before he conquers her and something else afterward. [27]