Tag Archives: conquest

2057. Submissive #11 — Recovery Made Easy


Female indirectness and nudging has this inherently beautiful feature. Mistakes are the most minor, least offensive possible and therefore more easily recoverable. Trial and error feeling out a man’s preferences doesn’t cause terminal mistakes. Thus, feminine leadership by indirectness takes on the flavor of ‘it pleases me to please you’.

34. Despite what women are taught or presume, a submissive spirit tightens her relationship, strengthens her influence, and success calms her feminine ego. All three results favorably impact her primal need for a brighter future. [Guy adds: IOW she’s the main relationship driver unless she refuses or rejects gaining the most persuasive role for herself, which should commence with first date. It’s one of the greatest challenges for pre-conquest dating and courtship. Getting her man to conclude that beneath her hard-headed defense of her sexual assets lies a submissive spirit eager to arise and support him if they ever marry.]

35. Submission is what men call obedience they think they deserve in exchange for yielding independence and assuming responsibility to provide and protect. Her submissive spirit directly demonstrates support and indirectly shows gratitude for husband. [Guy adds: IOW, men think they deserve their woman’s submission more for what men do than who they are. When doubted or questioned, however, they fall back on entitlement. Also, the results that she produces out of her submissive spirit make up half of his payday for husbanding and fathering. The other half comes from his appreciation of what comes out of her mouth. The half-half ratio is subject to great variance as to time, place, and a couple’s relationship.]

36. He can best see things her way after her submissive spirit acknowledges his decision-making predominance. In that way, she dampens his dominance and makes him vulnerable to her female patience, feminine charm, and wifely indirectness. [Guy adds: With him vulnerable, wife can nudge adjustments to his decisions both proactively and reactively. When he responds agreeably to her nudging, she’s doing everything right to maximize her influence.]

37. He is primarily the provider-protector and focused on the here and now. He sees success as short term results—good job, income, home life. He knows who he is and where he is going. It is axiomatic that certain family domains are his responsibility and others are not. He concerns himself primarily with pushing that agenda where he expects to have undisputed authority. [Guy adds: All of that until, that is, she tames him into a lesser and usually more agreeable if not likeable autocrat. Which is an achievement made possible through the artistry of feminine nudging and indirect leadership.]

38. If she can’t submit, if she fights the idea, he will not commit—perhaps in words but not in his heart, that is. It doesn’t mean forever. He may commit later if he continues to perceives promise that she will ultimately buy into his expectations. [Guy adds: Before conquest, a guy likely will not expect her submission. He expects ardent defense of her sexual assets. She does wrong to convince him that she’s willing to be submissive before they marry. It programs his mind that she’s a pushover and urges him to try harder to overcome her hard-headed defense against conquest. It’s the idealized view, but she does best that enables her man to conclude that he buys her submission before marriage. She doesn’t give it away; he has to earn it.]

This series closes tomorrow with article #12.

 

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2049. Submissive #07 — Submissive is More Honorable


I continue with the list of situations that make women more aware of what’s happening mentally between the sexes. Let me know if the subject is beginning to drag. I have other subjects that I can intersperse. There’s probably 4-6 dailies left in the submissive series—re-titled out of respect for that female blessing endowed at birth.

Nearly synonymous, I often interchange dominance and submission. It depends on which term seems to best fit the situation but in most cases it means the same thing to the woman on the receiving end of typical male expectations.

14. Competition in marriage favors the primary leader—the husband. Cooperation favors the rest of the team—wife/mother and children. Sustaining her team successfully without challenging his role and self-prescribed authority generates peace in the home, which he expects her to deliver. [Guy adds: From such generated peace with husband not interfering, relationship experts generate harmony. It’s a natural urge and it brightens the female future.]

15. The mutual exchange of spouses pleasing each other, combined with going along to get along, smooths out stormy marital ripples. What is the best model to produce it? Women visualize this model, one head of the family leaves room for one neck to turn the head. There’s much to be said for it for three reasons: 1) It works pretty well as a strategic model and discourages wife from wandering deeply into husband’s domains. 2) It proclaims her role to be subordinate and submissive and thus sounds okay to husbands to talk and even joke about it. 3) It casts her in the role of indirect leader rather than trying to lead husband directly by challenging his authority. [Guy adds: Even that model can be improved upon. I’ve described it elsewhere as a family rank structure. It embellishes the influence of the neck and softens the head’s need for dominance. It’s too lengthy for here, but if you’d like to see it let me know. I’ll put it aside for a few days.]

16. During dating, courtship, and engagement, women lay the groundwork to win or lose in the marital power game. As the relationship expert, a very feminine female knows intuitively how to expect and handle a man’s sense of dominance and his expectation for her submission. Unfortunately, not all women listen to their hearts; for various reasons they automatically give in to their man’s expectations. [Guy adds: When women forget or forego living by what their heart tells them, they weaken their political power in the home. For example: She knows that she deserves to be treated respectfully—first as person, second as wife/girlfriend/fiancée, third as prospective mate. When she lets the first sign of disrespect pass without mention, she opens the gate. More will follow. His disrespect poisons their relationship. The only antidote is to squelch it unflinchingly at the first instance and until it stops. Do whatever it takes. Of course, if he doesn’t stop after just a couple instances, he’s nowhere near Mr. Good Enough. Evidence of disrespect means that his respect is insufficient to generate more than just a little love in his heart. So, turn him into Mr. Dumped, because he will never become her Mr. Right even after decades of marriage.]

17. Each woman knows to compete to prevent conquest before she is ready for it. However, she isn’t aware of one part of the male nature. Her discouragement of his initiative wins his respect, which is the foundation of his love. After conquest, however, competing with him weakens her likeability, the very thing he expects to keep him in pursuit. [Guy adds: Directly resisting his dominance is to challenge him. He expects and accepts it before but not after conquest. Unfortunately, women have indirect ways of resisting submission after conquest, but it sours their own attitude and weakens their likeability.]

18. Her boyfriend’s dominant attitude is offensive, domineering, and borderline unacceptable. Red flags wave. What to do? She needs a boyfriend or potential groom. She may be desperate! This one may be her last chance! There have been so few possible candidates lately! What to do? [Guy adds: If she cannot stand to be that dominated before marriage, why should she expect him to be anything but worse after marriage? Men don’t change to please their woman except before conquest, and even that can be faked.]

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow.

 

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2036. Female Blessings at Birth — 52-54


This is the 18th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

52. Since a little girl I’ve known that I expect peace and harmony in my life but not how to produce it. Later in childhood my expectations grew into dreams of how to produce it by spreading my love to a mate and children. Adult maturity tells me—but I don’t always listen—that spreading my love requires dedication to specific things and diligence to make them standard or normal. For example, produce peace and harmony without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing self or others, and blend the contradictions as if everybody is sometimes wrong but never bad. [Guy explains: Although you knew the root of it in early childhood, you didn’t realize the details until you gained relationship experience. IOW, your generating peace and harmony has been a natural endeavor from childhood onward. Think about it ladies. How early, much, and many times have you been confronted with the urge to find peace and harmony in whatever happens in your life? And what did you do but work toward it? Peace and harmony is a paramount female dream with roots in the womb, or so I believe. I italicized the how-to details that you may not yet realize are strong abilities also buried within the female nature and usable to facilitate peace and harmony. Let me know if you disagree those italicized abilities reside in your heart. If you agree, shouldn’t you grateful that you have such a blessing? Such a boodle bag of delicate skills to generate peace and harmony?]

53. I appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or my will power comes when I forgive myself. [Guy adds: See how easy it is for toddler girls to forgive themselves? But guilt interferes later. Women don’t think they deserve to be forgiven for mistakes, shortcomings, or less-than-commendable attributes. They are so used to imposing, accepting, and living with guilt that they fail to consider reality, common sense, and their unique nature. God forgives everything, to ask penitently makes you deserving. So, how does a woman forgive herself? She confesses to herself penitently and her sincerity makes her deserving. Being in a relationship with herself in front of a mirror, she can’t fake sincerity there. While a bit of guilt may linger, it needn’t be incapacitating in the least if she sincerely forgives herself and believes that recovery is everything.]

54. I am so grateful that I get to choose my man my way. I will know him when I see him or very soon thereafter. [Guy says: In girlhood you dream so much about Mr. Right that every candidate appears fully qualified and you’re ever ready to sweep him off his feet. You set aside heart-felt caution as soon as you declare him Mr. Right. Your mind, however, says ‘heads up, you’re headed for trouble’. Your heart responds with ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I’m going to shoot the works, go all in. Your mind agrees and says ‘I can earn his love’. Oops, your emotional reasoning just hit a major snag; you turned yourself from buyer into seller. You try to make yourself worthy of him rather than the reverse. It may work for a year or so if romantic love captures you both but not permanently. When you act eager to capture him, you don’t earn his respect. Too eager and he learns to disrespect you. So, how do you sweep him off his feet after your eagerness and buyer’s spirit convince him—even before conquest—that you only qualify as possible booty? A stand-in for acceptance, a stand-by for sex means his feet stay anchored to the ground. It also means he quits looking for your qualities that he can admire as virtuous. Internal confusion causes your mistakes. Women misread their heart, which doesn’t tell them to sweep a guy off his feet. In fact, it’s the opposite. Instinctively, her heart says, ‘If he wants me he has to earn me’.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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2030. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — II


Her Highness Cinnamon asked at post 2029 for more about men playing hardtoget. Not to worry that a woman’s behavior makes men act vague and unavailable. Her likeability doesn’t play as big a part as you might suspect.

But let’s talk about men first. Women come wrapped in two packages, sexually attractive and visually likeable. (That is, she’s uniquely pleasant-to-look-at; she appeals to him uniquely as company; he admires her unique virtues; he finds her uniquely fascinating; she’s pleasantly and uniquely feminine; she uniquely enjoys his presence; she’s uniquely enjoyable to be around, and all without regard for sex appeal). Men value differently and deal separately with those two things. They chase her sexual attractiveness but fall unconsciously into appreciating her visual likeability.

Sexually attractive appeals instantaneously and fades very fast after conquest. It attracts a man but he doesn’t bond and so it doesn’t hold him much beyond conquest. Visually likeable may be enjoyable but it remains relatively minor in his heart and mind before conquest; he’s too interested in other things. Even as a minor focus, however, her visual likeability becomes appealing if and as they associate before conquest.

Consequently, to grasp the reality of it, he’s quite another man after conquest. Before, he views her as sexually appealing, which binds his heart and mind together on one primary mission. After conquest, he views her as visually likeable in pursuit of satisfying himself by associating with her.

His conqueror’s right of ownership of their sexual agenda guarantees frequent and convenient access to sex, romantic love keeps those fires burning, and in the meantime he learns to appreciate the depth of her uniqueness and visual likeability. Provided, of course, that he keeps associating with her.

If she comes up short of visual likeability for his taste, he moves on to the next female target. Because sex does not bond him, conquest releases him from obligations not previously arranged and that he intends to honor. IOW, he dumps her because his high threshold for guilt enables him to conquer and depart relatively unhindered; “she should have known better than to fall for my charm.” Thus, he either continues with her as girlfriend, fiancé, potential mate, or just booty, or else he goes fishing in another lake and does so with little remorse. All’s fair in love and conquest.

——

And now back to V&U.

To Mr. Hardtoget unless she’s sexually unattractive, every unconquered woman is a target. Women don’t have to even be attractive enough to be seen with in public. Mr. V&U purposely misrepresents his interest, which is to score efficiently, that is, with the least investment of time, effort, money, and words. Women should presume they are always a target and go on alert status as soon as they spot hardtoget symptoms used by a man.

Hardtoget is an ancient(?) female attitude and tactic. Men adopt and refine it in order to more easily conquer as many women as come along. Thus, men exploit the female nature against itself.

It’s conceived to work this way. Initiating self-doubt and guilt, a woman concludes from Mr. V&U’s approach that something is wrong with her. She feels offended that a guy could not want her sexually or not want to take advantage of all she has to offer to a friend, companion, partner, mate. His tactic victimizes her attitude and, hopefully for him, she turns herself from being chased to chasing, from buyer to seller, from resistant to eager. She capitulates at being virtually ignored and so she takes the initiative that facilitates his getting her into bed; she may even lead the way or take him by hand depending on what she feels she has to prove to herself.

The easier she allows herself to be conquered, the more likely she won’t be respected in the morning. The more time he invests to conquer, the more respect she earns in his eyes. Investors appreciate only what they earn. Takers don’t appreciate what they are given, and even worse, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.

So, fair lady Cinnamon, it’s not a woman’s behavior that invites V&U. It’s her appearance. Her mistake is to feel badly about herself for thinking that a guy thinks that she’s not much of a woman, and so she takes the bait and determines to prove it to him. Set, game, match for him.

——

P.S. It may not be clear above, but this principle is embedded. When visual likeability is more prominent than sex appeal, it subdues sexual attractiveness, forces guys to spend more time researching for weaknesses to facilitate bedding her, and thereby discourages the use of V&U tactics. In the extra time guys spend on and with her, they learn that she’s more valuable than just for sex, which gives her greater potential for her visual likeability to grow and generate interest in guys for long-term relationships. She gains greater control of her destiny.

 

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2029. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — I


Her Highness Eleni at 2026 asked for more info about men acting hardtoget. Cocoa suggested my response as a standalone post, so here it is before the subject cools.

The Battlefield. Let’s look first at the female side of life. To love is to give. To be loved is to earn it by giving. The hardtoget guy offers little or nothing of himself except apparent lack of interest wrapped in what he believes to be inimitable charm. So why should he be loved or, more importantly, shown any of the benefits that he might or could be loved? The more he seeks you to pay attention to him rather than the reverse, the more you should be harder to get. You defeat his game plan in order to earn his respect, which weakens his desire to dominate, which recognizes you as deserving of greater influence in whatever relationship develops.

The Motivations. Men act vague and unavailable because it 1) makes conquest less costly in time, effort, and money; 2) is less risky to the male ego; 3) strengthens male dominance in whatever relationship develops; 4) quadruples the pleasure of conquest by having outsmarted her. (His devious cast of mind comes from the lack of unconditional respect for the female gender caused by the feminist-induced lack of unconditional respect for the male gender.)

Women are intent on pleasing an attractive or interesting guy or having a boyfriend. So much so that they chase a guy and yield sex thinking that he will bond with her as prelude to permanent mating. Such female mistakes while reaching for female-friendly relationships enable conquest with little or no investment of the guy’s time, money, and effort.

Play by Play. Vague and unavailable is the female game—INDIRECTNESS—exploited by men to both facilitate conquest and dominate whatever relationship follows. They want and let women do all the relationship development work. They perceive an opportunity to win sex, booty, or escape by lazily outsmarting women. They risk virtually nothing as they drift uninvolved into her nest of dreams and his access to frequent and convenient sex. Such men induce whorish behavior in women with men establishing the fee so subtly that women don’t recognize how it inflates male dominance, deflates female influence, and nullifies female hopes and dreams of long-term relationships.

How do you gals handle the guy playing hardtoget? First, never abandon your own game plan, which should be that of the female standard—harder to get. Make each guy prove himself worthy of you. Second, you ignore him more dismissively than he can possibly ignore you. You take control with polite passiveness until it grates on his nerves that his approach is NOT GOING TO WORK. Regardless of what he does, which means a lot of nothing except gentle put downs of you (inflicting guilt), outdo him at the same game. While inflicting guilt on a man doesn’t profit a woman, in this case it helps keep him uncomfortable. (He won’t take the guilt as a game changer, but it does weaken his determination that you’re a pushover for his charm and all else he has but refuses to offer.)

Make nothing easy for him; he has to earn even your smiles. Harden the shell you normally keep yourself in. With actions and not words, he has to make himself worthy of you. Any help you give him works against you. You’re the teacher who has to convince him that he’s more disposable than important, weak than strong, unappealing than admirable, less dominant than he thinks.

It may take days, weeks, or months of contact or even dates. Ultimately, he will see that he wants you under your conditions more than he wants sex with you under his conditions. That’s the game breaker for you. If he never learns to see it your way, he was only after sex to begin with or he was unwilling to pay the price of your standards and expectations. IOW the game plays out like this. Men pursue with sex foremost on their minds. Targeted women change each man’s heart behind his back (that is, mind) by enabling him to discover qualities other than sexual assets that he can admire (aka virtues) about her as person, woman, and possible mate.

If he gives up chasing you, you’ve won. He was only after sex to begin with, and finding that out is the primary objective for women. They must have the patience to determine whether he’s truly after her more than just having sex with her? Her victory and his defeat hang on her patience and the reverse on her impatience. It’s all up to her; he’s just another player in her life until he foregoes sex in order to sincerely pursue her for his mate.

Recovery. He begins to rethink his vague and unavailable approach. He takes action to pursue you sincerely and with willingness to invest himself by giving of himself. Then and only then, you start paying more than the slightest attention to him. He will do so cautiously at first for fear of losing you before he even gets started. So don’t be anxious to help him escape his discomfort; give him the freedom to fail so that he will try something more appealing to you. Moreover, success when he overcomes your resistance means much more if he’s done it by himself and without the help he tried to con out of you.

We all keep doing what makes us comfortable. Only discomfort makes us change or even want to. That’s why you should call all his bluffs. For example, be prepared and if he threatens not to see you again, say goodbye before he finishes. Show that separation does not bother you. Keep him uncomfortable with your apparent disinterest or else he reverts to hardtoget for everything that he wants out of you.

Don’t become sympathetic or even empathetic to his situation. Let him dangle in miserable discomfort at not being able to capture your heart with his newfound and expected-to-be-easy effort. Let time and his greater effort to please you resolve his discomfort. (Modern women complain that younger men lack initiative and staying power when things get tough or don’t go the easy way. Men become what women expect of them, so less determined men don’t quit when the right woman guides them with natural female charm, the kind they inherit at birth. The female blessings page at blog top provides many details of the female nature.)

Until he abandons his hardtoget attitude, and unless he makes himself worthy of you to even carry on a decent conversation that leads to proposals to get together or for dates, you will never earn enough of his attention for it to grow into respect and ultimately love, devotion, and promise that you’d make him a good mate. And without doing that, you’ll never get him to subordinate having sex to having you.

I suggest you also study the article 1985, How Men Decide to Marry. It’s more what the woman doesn’t do that sets the hook.

 

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2028. Female Blessings at Birth — 37-39


This is the thirteenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the list of female blessings for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a blessing is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth about the qualities that women inherit at birth.

37. I have always sensed that men work and remain focused better when dealing with things in the present while I do better by focusing primarily on the future. [Guy adds: It’s her default condition, and it empowers her to minimize decision-making competition and conflict. Compatibility arises more naturally when she allows him to dominate present day decisions while inoffensively, indirectly, and diplomatically getting his buy-in to her thoughts and aims about their future. Present-day decisions will be repeated sometime when she has greater influence by having prepared for that eventuality. Her investment of buying into his decisions today breeds tomorrow’s return on her investment.]

38. I instinctively know that men seek to marry a good woman and I am good enough for what a man needs. [Guy adds: Women use their own interpretation of ‘good’ and, unfortunately, listen to other women about the details. Perhaps because men don’t think about it much less talk about it. Instead, operating independently men track down, test, follow, and marry an appealing accumulation of admirable female qualities existing in one woman. It’s best summarized that men marry a virtuous woman and what they admire they consider a virtue. The more virtues men find then the more fascinating and promising her prospects. Which brings to mind, what ‘venues’ do men explore for details of her likeability and qualities to admire? Female modesty, feminine mystique, monogamous spirit, friendliness toward masculine endeavors, uniqueness relative to men, uplifting spirit, caring heart, strong mindedness that eases up when dealing against him, determination to defend what’s morally right, willingness to depend on him, spirit to work for compatibility, character strength, encouraging personality. Most of those venues arise naturally out of women who follow their female nature (aka the values, beliefs, convictions, and expectations with which they are born).]

39. I instinctively know that a man seeks my weaknesses to help get me into bed—especially the first time with him. Something inside of me says to put it off, delay it, follow my instincts, steel my will against his charm. The more I succeed, the more I control my destiny. [Guy adds: To the extent she delays but he pursues, he unwittingly discovers her strengths and traits that he can admire. Each admirable quality becomes a virtue and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers then the more quickly she becomes fascinating, which makes her more desirable for more than sex, which encourages his devotion, which can then morph into the promise he sees in her for supporting his ambitions and missions in life, which sets the hook for his appearance at the altar. (Both marital success and failure have roots going back to their first sexual encounter together, the importance of which can’t be overstated.)]

Example for your response: “39-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2022. Recovery from Husband’s Wronging Her


This article responds to two ladies’ comments at post 2020.

Pinging off Cinnamon’s initiative, Her Husband’s Wife describes frequent wifely problems in this clear and simple process.

1. Husband trips up and does something wrong.
2. Wife reacts with angry outburst or motherly scolding.
3. Husband either fights or flights from wife. (His behavior worsens).
4. As the husband’s behavior “worsens” the woman tells other women about her husband’s bad behavior.
5. Other women rally on wife’s side against husband and tells wife to not let this go, get in his face, show him who’s boss etc. The wife elevates herself as being better than her husband or remains in “victim” mode to receive sympathy.
6. Husband’s doesn’t respond well to any of this.
7. A wedge is put between husband and wife.

Review that process and note how two threads weave through it. a) Women are processors and tend to keep things going; inequalities must be addressed and resolved. Men are producers and tend to seek final results. Hence, men go into fight or flight mode easily and fake settlement until the process ends their way.

b) Of course he starts the process by doing something wrong, but that too springs from his nature. His conquest before marriage empowers him with conqueror’s right. She is his. He ‘owns’ her and especially their sexual agenda. It gives him some measure of residual independence that he exemplifies from time to time after marriage. I don’t claim it’s right, equal, or even fair. Only that his heart and mind are hardwired that way from birth. Whatever deviation or special adjustment a man makes comes from being taught greater respect for females and originates before puberty. Or, conqueror’s right is severely weakened by her conquering him for marriage before he conquers her for sex. (But then after marriage it’s easier but not certain for her to lose respect for him—but that’s another story.)

——

What’s the solution? Cinnamon advised a friend this way: “…whether he was in the wrong is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT because men don’t like to be berated and criticized by women, and consider it disrespectful when a woman does this, under any circumstance. I told her that her daughter should have ignored the behavior and been cordial to him when he got home but not overly friendly, to pull back just a little bit in order to signal her displeasure but in a subtle way.” It’s a good start on the process of ending a disruption.

Women, being processors, should be able to work the forthcoming recovery fairly easy as it capitalizes on female strengths inherited at birth, For example, patience, soft-heartedness, hard-headedness, future more important than the present, fear of abandonment, ability to find gratefulness in little things, urge to nest even stronger than urge to love someone, and urge to heal others’ wounds. Plus, women have adaptability and survivability skills that make females the superior sex and enable women to naturally generate balance with male dominance.

Now, imagine this. A woman offended immediately ends the process at step 1 above and invokes a new process by and only within herself. He never hears her take exception to his wronging her. Her ordeal ends for him except as his conscience begins to smolder with guilt and regret, which she should neither expect nor be surprised when it emerges. In her mind, she puts him aside as a participant. She works through it all by herself. Now, this process is written for the severest or repeated wrongs. If an offense is less severe, ease off at appropriate places in the process.

  1. She reminds herself that she’s the relationship expert and he’s an uninterested party only for this process. It’s all up to her and she doesn’t seek advice of girlfriends or family. It’s her ballgame to pitch her way such that husband learns who she is internally rather than what others influence her to become. She aims to settle them into a two-sided mating that depends on no outside influences. (If she must talk to someone, let it be her mirror image, her best friend.)
  2. Her objective: Let him figure out himself what, how, when, where, and even if he wants to please her. When it’s his idea and he repeats pleasing her many times to correct his wrong, it becomes habitual, which makes him uncomfortable at displeasing her. That is what it takes for him to NOT “trip up and do something wrong” in the future.
  3. She keeps to herself disappointment in him. She stops all bossing. She stops all criticizing him as she did previously. In all matters dealing with him, she uses indirectness, seed planting, hints, and other signs that she regards him in a different light. He reads her that he’s respected less and has to earn her favor even in things disconnected from his offense. However, he’s guilty of nothing but his original offense. She never acknowledges or confirms lack of respect of him as her husband, home CEO, dependable provider/protector, or any other role he fills satisfactorily.
  4. She tries to forgive him without ever muttering a word about it to him. Forgiveness is more for her than for him. When she finally does forgive him, she doesn’t tell him until he works his way back into her good graces over an extended period of time.
  5. He knows that he’s disappointed her. As she keeps her thoughts to herself, she earns his respect. It’s not too unlike earning his respect by keeping her legs crossed during dating and courtship.
  6. If he wants to talk, explain himself, or confess, she listens but says nothing except “Okay” or “I accept what you say.” Let him talk his way into expressing regret, asking forgiveness, and making promises as he sees fit and on his own time and opportunity. He’s the home CEO. He’s the leader. Let him lead. Make it his show, let him express his regrets all alone without her offering criticism, condemnation, judgment, or even encouragement. If he doesn’t earn her forgiveness with more than a few words and subsequent actions over an extended time, he will not appreciate her gift of forgiveness. If she forgives easily, he doesn’t appreciate it fully but learns what works the next time he needs to seek it. So, this process of hers should last for many months and perhaps years.
  7. Of course the question comes up about sex. If he didn’t cheat, his offense should have no effect on their sexual behavior. If he did, it’s another question addressed in the blog. On the CONTENT page at blog top, search for “cheat.”

By her invoking that recovery process, she sets him aside to live with his heart and mind to open and accumulate regrets. Without inputs from her about his doing her wrong, his curiosity stirs his imagination and his conscience. Only out of that mix do regrets compound into behavioral changes.

 

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