Tag Archives: courtship

2041. Single Women Don’t Pay — II


Ladies and gentleman, your dialogue at part I pleases me. It adds value to the blog. So, thanks. I never made this point. Men are born expecting to pay for dating and courtship. It’s in their heart to step up to that plate. I hope to show you.

Your dialogue at 2040 reveals the experiences and expectations that exist in your memory, your present, and your future. It’s quite normal. But blog contributions remain mostly outside those thoughts. My standpoint comes from how men and women are born differently. How their natures differ, how hardwired and thus default conditions lead them until they learn something else that seems to keep or merge them more comfortably into whatever life they have.

To inject myself into your dialogue, let me state something new. Out of its roots, the male nature applies pressure such that men expect to pay in the cases under discussion. That’s right. Deep in their heart of hearts, men know they should pay for everything—but they’re neither dishonest nor obligated (more later). Nature guides both sexes toward that conclusion. Let’s see if I can make it make sense to you all.

As women go so goes society, which means that males adhere to female values when women insist. Nature mandates it. While men dominate society, they do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Being competitive, the male nature expects access to be costly, and the male desire for efficiency pushes men to seek cost-relief all along the conquering way. Consequently, the primary reason that guys expect gals to pay comes out of the male drive for efficiency, which means that he starts with the expectation that he had to pay and expects to pay if she is worth it. That implies that she’s worth less if he insists or even appreciates it when she pays. It also implies that her sexual assets are more easily available, which slows her earning of his respect, which makes it easier for hit and run fun.

Let’s go back to primal urges cited throughout the blog.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to control human events. Dating pits them competitively against Nature, the female kind. Women need a brighter future. Single women look for a mate but not just anyone. They want and naturally screen for someone they can lean on when times are tough. A responsible man they can depend on. One who won’t abandon them. So, dating puts them in a highly competitive mode. Can he qualify for her? Is he worthy of her? Is he dependable and responsible? What does it say when he expects her to pay? To her, he’s responsible to win her but ducking out of paying seems irresponsible since he’s obviously unwilling to pay up front to confirm his leader role. In which case, how chintzy will he be if they continue? Tightwad husband? Weak leader? Who wants that?
  • The essence of dating is that the guy competes to earn his way into her bed first and maybe her heart later. He wants himself embedded in her heart before she ever becomes embedded in his. If he’s not fully dedicated for her first and bed second, then how does he make it easier on himself? He gets her to pay. If he’s dedicated to capturing her for herself more than sex, he’s more than eager to pay for everything—at least in his heart whether he has the finances or not.
  • If he fails to get her into bed, she defeats him. He earns no self-admiration that way plus his significance takes a hit. He isn’t likely to risk that for some money, except as anecdotal evidence encourages him.
  • His primary motivation is to earn self-admiration. The dating man earns it by achieving what he’s after. If he expects her to pay and she does, he wins. If she refuses, he loses that round. If he loses, he either loses interest in her or he decides to win her favor some other way. Either way she wins. With less interest in her, he’s worthless. With more interest in her, he’s more interesting too. If she pays as he was after her to do, the satisfaction of achieving subdues his motivation. He no longer seeks the same thing. He either pulls back or sets new goals.
  • Fears—rejection and failure among them—seduce him to avoid investing himself for access to sex with her. Spending money is small compared to his time, effort, thought, and convenience, which earn him a lot more in her heart than does his spending on her. Paying advances his agenda with least time and effort. It’s natural that he would seek that easy way to success, but it does little to buy his way into her heart.
  • His nature alerts him to this. If she’s willing to pay, she’s willing to accept him more easily into her bed. So, why not take a shortcut to finding out how productive their dating will be? He’s a producer trying for results. She’s a processor more interested in keeping things going.
  • There’s dishonesty wrapped up somewhere in human nature that causes men and women to do things contrary to what their hearts advise. Now men are hardwired to follow their hard-heartedness; but they are hard-hearted because women (except for sex) don’t rank as high as masculine interests. So, men feel little or no obligation to always pay unless they are so smitten about their date that sex gets pushed onto the back burner. He can’t afford to lose her.
  • Women, however, are not so easily excused from dishonesty. When women pay except in emergency, they shortcut their patience, amplify their fear of losing a potential mate, weaken their obligation to defend sexual assets, and help convince guys that women don’t have high expectations for mates. In short, when women don’t listen to their hearts, when they try to convince men that they are who they aren’t, the consequences work to a woman’s disfavor.
  • He realizes that anytime he can get her to pay, his job becomes easier and men are deeply involved with efficiency of effort. Paying on dates is an efficient way to keep the doors open to where he expects to take her. Paying symbolizes investing of himself but it’s not really an investment that generates hugs, kisses, affection, and all those other things that women crave from their man.
  • Modern women have started paying for or toward dating costs. Men learn to take advantage of it. However, men don’t truly appreciate it, because it doesn’t make them favor the payer more but seemingly less. Men learn to expect more out of her for less investment by him. IOW, he pays minimal price but people appreciate what they win more than what they are given. In fact, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If men pay for dates, they earn what they achieve. Moreover, by not paying, men don’t go whole hog investing themselves to win a date’s favor. By not investing himself spiritedly and honestly, he fails to brighten her future to the extent she expects. Therefore, when women pay they allow men to act less masculine, which in the final analysis within the male mind makes him less self-respectful aka less significant.
  • No doubt some men seek their date to pay in order to confirm they are at least that important to the gal. It’s not a very masculine way of looking at it, but in today’s social marketplace there seems to be an abundance of men who need confirmation in both that and other ways.

Now the sexes are designed beautifully different. I conclude that men are born with the hardwired expectation that duty calls them to pay for dating and courting. Of course, an expectation is not obligatory. But women benefit when men are made to live up to what’s resident in their hearts. When women set the standard, men step up because they won’t give up what women have to offer.

Now, this doesn’t answer the questions you all have generated in your dialogue. I will get to them soon, trying for today.

OPINION TIME. When she’s not more important than his money, she’s not respected enough for him to be a good husband. She should find it out before the altar. Pay up to get her up for a date is a major way to screen a guy for candidacy for marriage. She may tolerate his cheapness in courtship, but she will have a miserable marriage. If a man puts his money before his woman, he’s a moral failure.

 

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2000. Compatibility Axioms #451-460


451. Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature enables virtual virginity to work for her. [154]
452. This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows. [154]
453. The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine standards, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex. [154]
454. Women age most gracefully and charmingly when they intensify their natural femininity early in life. Duplicating the male persona ages women prematurely and leaves them with little grace and charm for their elder years. [155]
455. Women are naturally well-equipped with a cooperative spirit, indirectness, nurture-power, soft-heartedness, and natural but unoffending hard-headedness. These strengths help balance their man’s dominance. Each successful balancing event reinforces her efforts, strengthens her influence, and enlarges his respect. [155]
456. Extraordinary women arise from this model to hold the respect of men for life: She keeps herself looking pretty and modest, fairly independent, and attractive to men. However, she automatically tests any man she encounters as if for a relationship. She doesn’t relate well with those unworthy of her. It applies to all men, not just her man. [155]
457. Femininity in early life captures a man’s attention. Femininity practiced ardently over their years together gradually empowers her as family matriarch in later life. [155]
458. Femininity best improves a woman’s lot in life by inspiring a man to adopt her social and domestic values and expectations usually built upon her girlhood hopes and dreams. But it calls for indirectness, cooperation, patience, and charm used to admire his significance, demo her respect, and show gratitude for and dependence on who he is and what he does. [155]
459. Whether done by one or many women, feminine values and standards upheld strongly and persistently against unmarried sex go far toward reducing male dominance, aggressiveness, and violence. (First principle of masculine behavior: Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Second principle: Men even marry if that’s required.) [155]
460. He measures his manly prowess by her worth after his conquest. Much of her retention value hinges on it. He wonders roundabout and over time: Now that I have, who else conquered this woman, if she is to be anything more than a used sex target to me? [156]

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1981. Compatibility Axioms #421-430


421. Husband may forgive, but he can’t forget. Feminists claim that women need no forgiveness for previous love and sex interests. But, to men, it’s neither love nor forgiveness that counts. It’s her screwing other men, bending to the will of his competitors, and who knows when she may do it again? [145]
422. Her sexual history is best kept secret. In any event, she should never disclose any detail. The first detail will ignite his curiosity for more, followed by his imagining the worst about everything she does not disclose. He will likely pump her for more info, or resentment will accumulate within his ever-active imagination. (Resentment can kill the likeability that is so critical to compatibility.) [145]
423. Females learn the most and best lessons by insisting on retaining virginity, both real and virtual. Keepers don’t dump a woman over that. If he won’t honor her wishes before conquest, he’ll do worse afterward. [147]
424. He strives to get her to yield sex. She seeks his acceptance of something more important. The battle of the sexes revolves around the subsequent battle of wits and wills. It takes a lengthy, likeable, and complimentary courtship to convert him to her way of thinking. [147]
425. She’s of high interest to him. Her insistence on remaining virgin-like injects and stirs uneasiness and uncertainty into his manly desire. It pressures him into the passenger seat of their relationship. He tries harder to earn the driver’s seat by proving himself worthy and acceptable for sex. If he still can’t earn acceptance into the driver’s seat by conquering her, he either hops out of the car or accepts whatever greater ‘price’ she expects. [147]
426. If she doesn’t yield and he dumps her anywhere along the courtship trail, she escapes with a higher sense of self-worth. He was not a keeper, and she found it out without losing the battle of wills. [147]
427. Her refusals to yield earn a man’s maximum respect. Men respect will power and hers tops his best will and effort. [147]
428. If he dumps her for not yielding, she earns the maximum self-respect regardless of what he says to the contrary. It’s also good practice for her. [147]
429. Mr. Good Enough’s love will be based on respect for her. The greater her self-respect, the greater her ability to sustain his respect. [147]
430. Her gentle but firm refusals to yield indirectly tame his masculine ego and condition his dominant nature to accept her as a power to be reckoned with. It brightens her future, polishes her self-image, enhances her self-interest, and promises more worthiness as his potential mate. Thus, women move closer to their dreams and goals by protecting their real and virtual virginity. [147]

 

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1980. Compatibility Axioms #410-420


411. Using sex to capture a boyfriend is easy. Sex infatuates boys, but it does not bond men. Thus, unmarried sex paves the road to ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, or -wife. [143]
412. Women have no greater direct influence on their own personal world than when they refuse to provide unmarried sex. Yielding weakens their influence and determination and it enhances the guys’ dominating spirits. [143]
413. Women have two major windows in which they can by design change their man: A long courtship before they first have sex and years later in marriage after Nature softens his heart. Both periods, however, require patience, indirectness, and feminine charm. [143]
414. Women reject a long and chaste courtship. They prefer the joys of sex—or to have a boyfriend. They bypass the opportunity to make sure he’s Mr. Good Enough with potential for Mr. Right after a couple of decades of marriage. Taking the road of sex instead of opportunity, she feels greater pressure to ‘fix his faults’ soon after they marry, It’s a sure-fire way to push him toward other arms. [143]
415. Women want to change their man after marriage but find that they can’t. The male nature resists her pressures to change, except as a woman delays his premarital conquest and stimulates him to more deliberately earn her. As he explores her for weaknesses that may lead them to bed, he uncovers and admires other qualities. Admired qualities become virtues, which morph into fascination that holds his interest in her. [143]
416. A long sex-free courtship resolves uncertainty about a man’s character and potential for successful marriage. Most men reveal their true character when facing a woman’s hard-headed and continuing delays for their first sex together. But, women are in charge of courtship only as long as it remains platonic (although men easily yield wedding prep control). [143]
417. A simple test of a man’s devotion: With his actions, he honors her interest ahead of his own. If, however, he continually pleases her at the expense of his manly dreams or obligations, she will lose respect for him and he will eventually become dumper or dumpee. [143]
418. Spill her guts and end up in ruts. Her status regarding virginity and details about her love life are personal and, if known to her man, will likely be used against her sometime, someplace, somehow when she least expects it. [145]
419. Knowing her sexual history, suspicion sprouts from her man’s imagination when future troubles plague their relationship. She may not even recognize it, because the questions and consequences arise in his mind. As Einstein said: Imagination is greater than knowledge. [145]
420. Husband may run into one of her former love interests. What to do? How to avoid? Will he know for sure? How was their sex? What does the other guy think about the woman he passed on to husband? Is she still interested in the ex? Competitors want to know such things. [145]

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1966. Compatibility Axioms #361-370


361. Men delight in easy conquest. It adds temporary value to her, but devalues her as keeper. [132]
362. Few things expose a man’s character more readily than being repeatedly denied sex by a woman on whom he has set his sights for conquest. [132]
363. Boys raised with little affection before puberty neither provide nor respond well to affection later in life. [132]
364. Hunter-conquerors can be grateful and possess good intentions, but their drive to conquer another woman never completely dies. It’s the male nature, and only devotion earned by one woman discourages it. [132]
365. A woman’s refusal for unmarried sex builds virtue. It earns a man’s admiration and respect, which energizes his imagination and convinces him that she will probably be faithful to him. (“If she won’t yield to my talent and charm, she won’t yield to anyone else either,” or so he thinks and if her other signs don’t cause questions.) [132]
366. Courtship without sexual relations teaches boys and men to suppress their aggression and honor a female’s standards and expectations. The process also exposes males to her non-sexual qualities that earn admiration and are seen as virtues. [132]
367. Easily available, unobligated, and unmarried sex aids the conquerors’ pursuit. On the other hand, men must work harder to impress and ‘sell’ themselves as guardians of female interests when women abstain outside marriage. [132]
368. Fathers may acquiesce, but they don’t take kindly to mothers accepting and supporting the inevitability of a daughter’s unmarried sexual activity. [132]
369. Failure of a man to honor a woman’s standards and expectations—e.g., claiming her sexual history to be none of his business—means more failures will follow after conquest regardless of what he says before that monumental event. [132]
370. A man’s initial love of a woman is based on respect earned about her virtue, self-respect, and likeability as mate. His enduring love is overwhelmingly sustained by her respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. (Very different from women, so see the next article, 1967, to be published tomorrow.) [132]

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1948. Compatibility Axioms #301-310


301. Virtual virginity means keeping her legs crossed before marriage. It puts her in the buyer’s seat and forces a man to be the seller, to make himself worthy of her instead of the other way around. (Men don’t truly appreciate what they don’t earn.) [125]
302. Her attractiveness spikes his interest for sex. It’s up to her to convert that interest over to her. Heeding granny’s advice to keep a dime between her knees works best. [125]
303. Her first refusal for sex spreads a man’s interest to try harder, to know her better. Subsequent refusals push him to look ever deeper for weaknesses he can exploit to convince her to yield. (Presuming he accepts her refusals as other than rejections of him.) [125]
304. As her refusals continue in courtship, he serendipitously discovers her admirable strengths and non-sexual qualities. These earn more respect both for her potential as a keeper and promise for mating. (Provided, of course, he’s more interested in her than just conqueror’s sex.) [125]
305. By yielding sex before marriage, she reverses their natural roles. She becomes seller to his buyer, and he’s paid her price when she yields. It’s too late for her to raise the ante; the door closes partly or fully on his investing more in her even though the potential for it resides in the male nature. [125]
306. As the seller, she settles for less than she deserves because she has only one conquest event with each man. (Women may not see it that way, but men do. Men change after conquest, and it forces women to change to stay abreast of the conqueror.) [125]
307. Conquest is a relationship-changing event for a man. He quits looking so interestedly at a conquered woman. Nature releases his heart to pursue something or somebody else. [125]
308. By yielding unmarried sex, she lets a man know what price she charges for submission. This naturally, automatically, and subconsciously programs his mind on how their relationship will work in the future. It enlarges his expectations for getting his way with her—we’re talking greater male dominance here, aren’t we? [125]
309. The longer and more intensely without sex that he stays focused on her, the greater their bonding and the more promising their future together. [125]
310. Just a friendly touch in passing or a pat on the back sends a message of trust that earns a man’s regard if not respect. If he mistakes her friendliness for something else, she has uniquely subtle ways to turn him off without offense and immense power to discourage with offense. Friendly touching in passing is a small price women pay. It helps hold onto the respect of men other than their own, which magnifies their gratefulness for both men and themselves. [123]

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1939. Compatibility Axioms #251-260


251. Born hard-headed and soft-hearted, the former serves women best before marriage and the latter afterward. Her hard-headedness stimulates competition. Her soft-heartedness contains patience that fuels cooperation. [109]
252. A woman’s sexual history affects her man’s sense of significance whether she knows it or not or accepts it or not. [111]
253. If he won’t honor her values, standards, and expectations before conquest, he likely won’t afterward. [113]
254. Conquest convinces him that he’s worthy enough for her; he need not try harder. She’s left to prove  that she’s more worthy for him but without her greatest ‘convincer’. [113]
255. If he won’t romance her before they get into foreplay and intercourse, he likely won’t learn to do it for their future together. [113]
256. Courtship works best when he’s the seller and she’s the buyer. He convinces her of his worth. [113]
257. Marriage works best when he’s the buyer and she’s the seller. She convinces him of her worth. [113]
258. A woman thrives on a man’s devotion but too easily forgets that it arises from what he does for her and not what she does for him. [113]
259. If she yields sex to him, she should expect conqueror’s rights to kick in. First, he’s convinced that he’s worthy enough and can stop chasing her. Second, he takes charge of their sexual agenda. [113]
260. The harder she is to conquer, the more trophy-like she appears to him. [113]

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