Tag Archives: dating

2041. Single Women Don’t Pay — II


Ladies and gentleman, your dialogue at part I pleases me. It adds value to the blog. So, thanks. I never made this point. Men are born expecting to pay for dating and courtship. It’s in their heart to step up to that plate. I hope to show you.

Your dialogue at 2040 reveals the experiences and expectations that exist in your memory, your present, and your future. It’s quite normal. But blog contributions remain mostly outside those thoughts. My standpoint comes from how men and women are born differently. How their natures differ, how hardwired and thus default conditions lead them until they learn something else that seems to keep or merge them more comfortably into whatever life they have.

To inject myself into your dialogue, let me state something new. Out of its roots, the male nature applies pressure such that men expect to pay in the cases under discussion. That’s right. Deep in their heart of hearts, men know they should pay for everything—but they’re neither dishonest nor obligated (more later). Nature guides both sexes toward that conclusion. Let’s see if I can make it make sense to you all.

As women go so goes society, which means that males adhere to female values when women insist. Nature mandates it. While men dominate society, they do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Being competitive, the male nature expects access to be costly, and the male desire for efficiency pushes men to seek cost-relief all along the conquering way. Consequently, the primary reason that guys expect gals to pay comes out of the male drive for efficiency, which means that he starts with the expectation that he had to pay and expects to pay if she is worth it. That implies that she’s worth less if he insists or even appreciates it when she pays. It also implies that her sexual assets are more easily available, which slows her earning of his respect, which makes it easier for hit and run fun.

Let’s go back to primal urges cited throughout the blog.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to control human events. Dating pits them competitively against Nature, the female kind. Women need a brighter future. Single women look for a mate but not just anyone. They want and naturally screen for someone they can lean on when times are tough. A responsible man they can depend on. One who won’t abandon them. So, dating puts them in a highly competitive mode. Can he qualify for her? Is he worthy of her? Is he dependable and responsible? What does it say when he expects her to pay? To her, he’s responsible to win her but ducking out of paying seems irresponsible since he’s obviously unwilling to pay up front to confirm his leader role. In which case, how chintzy will he be if they continue? Tightwad husband? Weak leader? Who wants that?
  • The essence of dating is that the guy competes to earn his way into her bed first and maybe her heart later. He wants himself embedded in her heart before she ever becomes embedded in his. If he’s not fully dedicated for her first and bed second, then how does he make it easier on himself? He gets her to pay. If he’s dedicated to capturing her for herself more than sex, he’s more than eager to pay for everything—at least in his heart whether he has the finances or not.
  • If he fails to get her into bed, she defeats him. He earns no self-admiration that way plus his significance takes a hit. He isn’t likely to risk that for some money, except as anecdotal evidence encourages him.
  • His primary motivation is to earn self-admiration. The dating man earns it by achieving what he’s after. If he expects her to pay and she does, he wins. If she refuses, he loses that round. If he loses, he either loses interest in her or he decides to win her favor some other way. Either way she wins. With less interest in her, he’s worthless. With more interest in her, he’s more interesting too. If she pays as he was after her to do, the satisfaction of achieving subdues his motivation. He no longer seeks the same thing. He either pulls back or sets new goals.
  • Fears—rejection and failure among them—seduce him to avoid investing himself for access to sex with her. Spending money is small compared to his time, effort, thought, and convenience, which earn him a lot more in her heart than does his spending on her. Paying advances his agenda with least time and effort. It’s natural that he would seek that easy way to success, but it does little to buy his way into her heart.
  • His nature alerts him to this. If she’s willing to pay, she’s willing to accept him more easily into her bed. So, why not take a shortcut to finding out how productive their dating will be? He’s a producer trying for results. She’s a processor more interested in keeping things going.
  • There’s dishonesty wrapped up somewhere in human nature that causes men and women to do things contrary to what their hearts advise. Now men are hardwired to follow their hard-heartedness; but they are hard-hearted because women (except for sex) don’t rank as high as masculine interests. So, men feel little or no obligation to always pay unless they are so smitten about their date that sex gets pushed onto the back burner. He can’t afford to lose her.
  • Women, however, are not so easily excused from dishonesty. When women pay except in emergency, they shortcut their patience, amplify their fear of losing a potential mate, weaken their obligation to defend sexual assets, and help convince guys that women don’t have high expectations for mates. In short, when women don’t listen to their hearts, when they try to convince men that they are who they aren’t, the consequences work to a woman’s disfavor.
  • He realizes that anytime he can get her to pay, his job becomes easier and men are deeply involved with efficiency of effort. Paying on dates is an efficient way to keep the doors open to where he expects to take her. Paying symbolizes investing of himself but it’s not really an investment that generates hugs, kisses, affection, and all those other things that women crave from their man.
  • Modern women have started paying for or toward dating costs. Men learn to take advantage of it. However, men don’t truly appreciate it, because it doesn’t make them favor the payer more but seemingly less. Men learn to expect more out of her for less investment by him. IOW, he pays minimal price but people appreciate what they win more than what they are given. In fact, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If men pay for dates, they earn what they achieve. Moreover, by not paying, men don’t go whole hog investing themselves to win a date’s favor. By not investing himself spiritedly and honestly, he fails to brighten her future to the extent she expects. Therefore, when women pay they allow men to act less masculine, which in the final analysis within the male mind makes him less self-respectful aka less significant.
  • No doubt some men seek their date to pay in order to confirm they are at least that important to the gal. It’s not a very masculine way of looking at it, but in today’s social marketplace there seems to be an abundance of men who need confirmation in both that and other ways.

Now the sexes are designed beautifully different. I conclude that men are born with the hardwired expectation that duty calls them to pay for dating and courting. Of course, an expectation is not obligatory. But women benefit when men are made to live up to what’s resident in their hearts. When women set the standard, men step up because they won’t give up what women have to offer.

Now, this doesn’t answer the questions you all have generated in your dialogue. I will get to them soon, trying for today.

OPINION TIME. When she’s not more important than his money, she’s not respected enough for him to be a good husband. She should find it out before the altar. Pay up to get her up for a date is a major way to screen a guy for candidacy for marriage. She may tolerate his cheapness in courtship, but she will have a miserable marriage. If a man puts his money before his woman, he’s a moral failure.

 

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1305. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 43


  • The way to a woman’s happiness is far easier than for men. First, forget happiness as a goal. Second, pursue what makes her feel important. Third, find gratitude in what she does and the people in her life. Fourth, stay focused on her gratitude including gratefulness for the problems only she can resolve and frustrations only she can overcome. She only has to recognize her gratefulness for happiness to flood her spirit.
  • Why is the way to female happiness far easier than for men? Women are born soft-hearted and men are not. The difference enables women to more easily find gratitude in what they do and in those with whom they associate.
  • When prospective parents know the sex of the fetus, they switch their thinking and emotions onto the child and away from the mother. Give prenatal glory to the small-c creator, and both mom and child will benefit the most.
  • Her femaleness makes her a sex object. Her appearance makes her a sex target. Her virtues slowly exposed morph into the promise that a hunter-conqueror needs to want her to the exclusion of other men.
  • Dating is for uncovering likeability. Courtship is for exploration. Engagement is for confirmation. Marriage is for exploiting their respective strengths and fulfilling their mutual hopes and dreams.
  • When women think of all men as dolts, idiots, etc., they more easily see what’s not admirable about their own man. When women think that men are good and worthwhile, they more easily admire their man. (Admiration builds a man’s ambitions and fertilizes his sense of personal responsibility.)

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766. Beware Red Flags — Part 2


She has to make choices. I caution against being guided by her dreams about life with a man, his pledges of commitment, or perhaps their mutual intentions. She will do better deciding beforehand the choices to be made—regardless of who the man is—in these critical stages:

·        Dating is for fun. Courtship is for involvement. Engagement is for mutual examination. Church-going is for generating and improving devotion to each other. Does she know how she will handle each? How much time she will need? More importantly and when necessary, can she convince him of her rightness?

·        Pre-conquest is for generating his respect for her and shaping his thinking into more closely matching hers. Does she see this as her opportunity to shape forever their relationship?

·        Conquest is his reward—aka return on investment—for investing himself in her hopes and dreams. Did she remain chaste long enough for him to even learn her hopes and dreams? Will she yield on lust, intentions, promises, commitment, or devotion? Can she tell the difference?

·        When she yields sex, it releases him from his quest to conquer her. He changes to having an owner’s expectations, but will it be to her advantage or disadvantage? Can she tell ahead of time? For sure?

·        Marriage to him adds another mission to his life. Does she know what she has to give up in exchange for his independence?

Love-aholics and women desperate for a man can’t keep a man. Foolish women, much like adolescent girls, let love dominate their thinking. Love can’t be relied upon to successfully pick and keep a mate who will stick through thick and thin, raising kids, and providing comfort. For example, where do in-laws fit in? That’s next.

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677. Nature in Action


♦       In the marital marketplace, female virtue adds the greatest value to her. Character virtue adds the greatest value to him. Both are difficult to appraise and appreciate without lengthy engagement.

♦       She shapes their relationship to meet her expectations. Dating for other reasons wastes her time and his money, because ultimately she’s after a lifetime partner.

♦       Her purpose for dating is all about pleasing HER, but she works through him. With charm and indirectness she triggers his curiosity, stimulates his imagination about her, and generates mutual hope about what they can become together. He’s just after fun and games and doubtless sex, and it pleases her to divert him into pleasing her in other ways.

♦       Some people prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change. (Not original but source long forgotten.)

♦       Parents plant faith in toddlerhood, reinforce it in the tweens, and encourage it to blossom in the teens. Since faith knows no vacuum, what parents don’t implant, someone else does.

♦       Think of yourself as victim, and you’re freed up to await help from others.

♦       Authority imposed with hot temper kills respect. Also, hot temper flare ups don’t build respectable respect but fearful respect.

♦       If she has limited or constricted ability to be grateful, unhappiness follows her easily.

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540. Unmarried women shape society: Part 1


Before the sexual revolution, married women shaped society by dominating the culture. After the 1960s unmarried females enabled men to dominate the culture, and now the society works against females. She always has choices, however….

©     Her Nature: She shapes their relationship to meet her expectations for fulfilling her hopes and dreams. Dating for other reasons wastes her time and his money. Is this current practice?

©     His Nature: Dates using her money benefit him financially but weaken his emotional ties to her. If she’ll pay, she’ll play—his game, that is. Using his money adds value to her as person instead of sex object. Spending on her invests himself in her and her interests, as long as he doesn’t see it as cover charge for sex. This final point uplifts virtual virginity to best strategy and hardtoget as best tactic. Is this approach popular?

©     Money: Wasting his money harms her reputation, but using hers weakens their relationship. Acknowledged by females?

©     Look Alike: If she won’t yield sex, they shouldn’t spend her money. Her money works best when she handles it under the same principles as her chastity—as reward for giving up his independence in marriage rather than as bribe to stick around or settle down prematurely. Do women nowadays see it this way?

©     Booty: Dateless sex makes her valuable for booty call but under his terms. Something may develop beyond conquest, but what stirs his interest about her beyond sex? Her money?

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499. DATING 9 — Investing Self


J If men see no need to date, what does that say about female values, standards, and expectations? Women object to male dominance, but men dominate the dating scene by not dating except on their terms. Women object to the concept of submission to husbandly leadership, but they submit to anything just to have a date or boyfriend, and then try to escape submission after marriage.

J To the male mind, sexual likeability isolates itself from personal likeability. Sex does not bond men, so it has little staying power once he thinks ‘that’s enough’ or ‘who’s next’.

J He measures her personal likeability by his respect of and appreciation for who she is. It keeps him around. Time spent with her bonds him tighter and reinforces his staying around.

J A guy doesn’t invest himself in dating any girl that buddies or their associates are screwing without dating her. Unless it’s strictly for sex, that is, and he can’t conquer her any other way. Then, he has to dump her right after conquest to save face with the guys that scored with her without a date.

J If a guy won’t invest himself by dating a woman, he sure won’t invest himself by marrying her. If he does, it’s for reasons other than her personal merits. Such as: Help him get through med or law school! Get job through her father! Hopeful of her inheritance!

 

 

 

 

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259. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 12


♀ A woman’s soft-hearted nature should be reserved for husband and kids. Relying on it during dating and courtship makes her vulnerable to join her sisters in the ex lane.

♀ When a hottie becomes haughty, she might as well be a nottie—after conquest, that is.

♀ Expectant mothers duplicate tee-shirted, pot-bellied men, which drives expectant father’s eyeballs to every attractive female within sight.

♀ He cheats on her, so she cheats on him. The former hurts her, the latter terminates their relationship.

♀ Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend or husband they can’t keep.

♀ It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men resist change and defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. In her eyes, his resistance makes her see his faults as her failure to correct him. Her failures turn him toward inadequacy. It started with her accepting him with faults she could not stand.

♀ Behind each ex there’s an inadequate man. He’s either dumper or dumpee. Yet, she chose him with inadequate qualifications, and her choices will always determine her outcomes.

♀ Short-term romantic love seduces women into ignoring the need for her man’s respect. Hence, when romantic love fades in a year or two, his respect for her is not enough to fuel his long-term enduring love.

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 246, 229, 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]

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