Tag Archives: envy

480. What Moms Never Hear —I: Babyhood


Two minds merge at birth, but moms seldom hear this:

©     Nurturing or its lack develops and shapes her child’s self-esteem. How provided and who provides the nurturing determines how the child likes and appreciates Self for life.

©     Father has drives that conflict with nurturing. He’s driven to shape human events, whereas mother is driven to shape human lives. Trying to alter or close this natural gap does so at the expense of infant’s self-esteem.

©     Mother with a good mothering self-image nurtures her baby well. She usually strives to be the main authority, protector, and perhaps exclusive nurturer.

©     Mother naturally does well unless she lets negative feelings—e.g., selfishness, envy, jealousy, overwork, and frustration—slip into her thinking and reshape her nurturing.

©     Mom is the most qualified and prepared to make everything positive and consistently appreciative of infant. Unfortunately, she’s also the most influential for souring a child’s appreciation of Self.

©     A mom’s low self-esteem, unflattering self-image as mother, or detached self-interest as a nurturer can easily interfere with her quality of nurturing. This bodes ill for the child’s self-esteem.

Mom does her best. She does even better, when father is available. For more about her nurturing and father’s contributions see the NURTURING series in the CONTENTS page at blog top.

Details about self-esteem follows at post 481.

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460. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS — Assortment 14


Dear Daughter: Some more nuggets worthy of your review:

v Whether girlfriend, fiancé, or wife, she is responsible to sustain her man’s devotion. Otherwise, her behavior squelches it. [17]

v Women as lovers and live-ins contribute little to harnessing masculine aggression, because their potential for being dumped significantly reduces their influence. [18]

v Women either set civilizing, domesticating, and cultural values through home life, or men foist masculine hubris on female sensibilities. [18]

v The better she looks to herself, often measured by the reaction of others, the faster she learns in iddy-biddy steps to like herself more. [11]

v Envy causes the appearance of husband’s comfort arrangements to cry out for her correction. So, wives try, tempers fly, husbands defy, and then say goodbye. [9]

v Modern females advertise and provide the sexual equivalent of video games just waiting to be played. He hits the jackpot with shack up, and she pays off. [15]

v Maximum cleavage or near-nipple exposure focuses men on sex instead of the female and downgrades her other qualities. [12]

v Husbands want to be confirmed as significant, but wives provide affection. Wives want to be shown affection, but men assume that their continuing presence signifies affection. [4]

v If he shows disrespect for her before their first sex together, it will worsen after conquest. [9]

v Her strengths working for her: Don’t marry until he needs no more upgrades to please her for life. [17]

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66. Hard-hearted Hannah


A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. Weaknesses follow:

♥ Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.

♥ Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their agenda.

♥ Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.

♥ Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.

♥ Fearsomeness brought on by mistakes or failures that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 

Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

 Loneliness imagined when he’s not alongside her.

♥ Lonesomeness caused by husband’s absence at work.

♥ Moodiness that flows from her inability to control events in her life to her satisfaction.

♥ Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.

♥ Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

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40. Her mushy thinking—Part 2


Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women go soft in their thinking. Mushy, that is. Poor results dealing with men usually follow:   

♀—She mates with a bad man or inadequate mate. When dumped or forced to drop him, she picks up with another loser, and then another….

♀—She thinks that men are like women in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together. We are mostly co-dependent, or so she imagines.

♀—She flaunts her co-dependency and faults her man when he has more important things to do.

♀—She becomes jealous too easily of the hold that his job has on him.

♀—She cheapens sex and herself in a man’s eyes by using sex to capture him. Men will hang around her until another sex target comes in view, and some may even go through the process of linking up, shacking up, and perhaps marrying up. But, split up is not far behind, because his respect for her is less than required for his permanency.

♀—She fails to grasp that sex primarily satisfies his raw appetite. When his ego is deeply massaged by hunting and overcoming all the obstacles to conquering her, his self-respect, respect for her, and her holding power over him skyrocket. This still does not mean that he will stay with her, but she has no better form of insurance. (Boyfriends cannot be sued for malpractice, at least not yet. A hundred or so years ago many people were sued for ‘alienation of affection’.)

♀—She thinks a hunk makes her feel good or look good to her sister females, so she puts more value in a man’s appearance than his character. His appearance tells nothing about how he will treat her, only how he admires himself. His character may already be corrupted for living with a female.

♀—She fails to recognize that men evaluate her character and non-sex assets before they first have sex. Afterwards he pays much less attention to what else she has to offer. (Hollywood and TV work diligently to hide this part of the male nature; they prefer to show the wishful but fruitless thinking of females who know little about men and nothing about the females’ strategic power potential when using virtual virginity.)

♀—She is so caught up in romantic love that she lacks both knowledge and skill to generate a man’s enduring love to replace their romantic love that will fade in a year or so.

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17. Dear Daughter — first letter


♀ After a couple has sex the first time, he owns their sexual agenda. It’s his right of conquest. If she balks and does not learn to outsmart or outmaneuver him on the issue, he departs sooner or later.

♀ A long courtship without sex enables her to slowly grow the conviction that she needs and trusts him for who he is and not just for being a man and what he says. On the other hand, having sex with him bonds her, but not him, and this keeps her from objectively evaluating him as a potential husband—for her.

♂ Sex differences are more important in relationships than sex likenesses. One woman claims that femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. The Reverend Billy Graham says of his 54-year marriage, “Ruth and I are happily incompatible.” As another man claims, “It took the first 35 years to get her trained exactly like she wants me.”

♂ Do you think your man can’t get any worse? I once heard a guy introduce his wife to another man this way in the presence of three male friends: “This is my ugly wife, (her name).”

♀ A mature woman can cope with her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can with hers.

♀ A wife is a reflection of her husband. A wife is a reflection of her husband. A wife is a reflec….

 ♂ After a man conquers you, he knows you well enough to move on to something else that may or may not include you. It’s his nature.

♀ A woman needs to obey her nature to become extraordinary so a man will marry her for keeps. Feminine mystique, strong-willed female modesty, and female-protective moral standards generate reflections of extraordinariness in each man’s eyes.

♂ Extraordinariness to men means that he and other men haven’t had her and can’t have her without paying the dearest price of masculine freedom.

♀ Female relationship expertise demands high standards and expectations for oneself. Without values that override your emotions, living with a man does not work well.

Describing workable marriage is simple. Men seek freedom, but wives seek to curtail it. This obligates each woman as girlfriend, fiancé, and wife to respectively generate, intensify, and sustain her man’s devotion to her. Only that—reinforced by his dedication to legal, moral, or religious principles—will consistently overpower a man’s natural urge to hunt and conquer or just seek somebody younger.  

♂ Remember this, kids always have lower status and stature than husband, if you intend to keep him.

Men can be intuitive too. When you think he deserves your criticism, he instinctively disagrees.

Never trust what people say motivates them. Not to accuse them of lying, but to point out that most explanations have collateral if not hidden agendas that make the speaker look good or someone else appear to be less so.

♀ Romantic love is based on infatuation that arises from masculine lust and female dreams. It fades after spending a year or two as a couple. Enduring love, the kind that lasts forever, is neither as spontaneous nor easily terminated.

♂♀ Successful marriage is a swap meet. He yields his freedom for her dedication to him and his dreams. She yields her independence for dependence on him.

♀ Wives can dress two ways: Seductively to attract other men, or attractively and modestly so as to reflect credit on husband. The former endangers, the latter helps sustain marriage.

Selfishness and self-centeredness by either mate add toxins to a couple’s life. It may take years, but the relationship expert—you—can learn to detoxify most of what arises.

♀ Here’s some advice on how to capture and hold a good man: Love being female, act it, and don’t envy men except for those with admirable character traits. Keep legs crossed at least until after—but never in response to—his serious proposal for marriage. (Make him wait longer and never shack up—that’s the man’s game.) Be patient waiting for his actions to expand into devotion at the level you can live with forever. Make him the seller and make yourself the buyer for marriage. Don’t marry until he needs no more upgrades in his devotion to you to please you for life.

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