Her Highness Not-so-annonymous Anne (aka Annonymous) seeks to better understand her marital dynamics. Earlier she provided info that prompted 1405. At post 855 she explains further and stimulates two articles, yesterday’s (1407) and this one. Today’s post springs from this part of Anne’s comment:
“(On second thought, I DID change, and that seems to be something you’ve said husbands do NOT want to see. Even if I thought my change away from super-independent woman to doting wife was “for the better,” maybe he did not. Is it possible he wants me to have stayed that way and just sort-of got bored with the “new [super-devoted] me”?!)”
The short answer is probably yes. Details follow about wifely behaviors on the spectrum from doting to prudence.
‘Doting’ at one end means demonstrating great love and fondness for someone. Synonyms: loving, devoted, affectionate. Go too far and wife loses and her marriage crumbles. These are too far:
- Wives whose conscientiousness exceeds their education about the male nature tend to become too doting.
- Her ONLY guides for good wifeing are her conscience, her drive to live up to the expectations of others outside her marriage, or her dedication to religious and moral principles that can have multiple meanings when being translated by her trying to live with a man.
- She’s overly attentive with excessive concern, caring, and affection usually translated as ‘mothering him’.
- She tries ever harder because nothing she does seems to work as she expects. She follows up by misinterpreting husband’s feedback until much relationship damage is done or it’s too late.
- She has dedicated herself to being the ideal or perfect wife.
- She tries to please herself by pleasing her husband. She uses her intentions rather than his expectations. She ignores logic. She repeatedly exerts more of herself in response to his not reacting as she expects, and so she becomes ever more doting.
- The more she dotes, the more he withdraws. She selfishly tries to earn more of husband’s attention, affection, respect, and favor. The more he fails to respond, the sooner she puts on the martyr’s crown. It has the unfortunate effect of closing her mind to other options. Martyrdom is quite glorifying, or so she thinks, and she keeps inflicting the same punishment and guilt upon herself. Husband meanwhile and guilt-free has been reaching for the ejection handle.
- If she tries to make husband like her as a great and noble wife, she fails. She comes across as trying too hard and he thinks he’s not worth it. The more humans try to make someone like them, the more likely they fail. Such people become unlikeable. It never works because the target loses respect for the person trying. In the sales game, the harder a salesman tries to convince the buyer that he the salesman knows what’s best for the buyer, guess what happens. No sale!
Responding to Her Highness Anne expanded into two articles. Tomorrow’s post describes the prudent wife.