695. Keepers for Keepers — Assortment 21

♦       If she can’t accept him as king in their home, she pushes him toward the escape hatch. His nature works against treatment less than royal. (Nothing to do with what he earns or deserves.) [10]

♦       After a man conquers a woman, he knows her well enough and perhaps as well as he desires. He can move on to something else that may or may not include her. It’s his nature. [17]

♦       Female relationship expertise demands high standards and expectations for oneself. Without values that override her emotions, living with a man does not work well. [17]

♦       A man’s desire for his woman to maintain their home is much, much stronger than her natural female objections. [4]

♦       As women go, so goes society. Consequently, the self-fulfilling prophecy has fulfilled in recent decades. Men are not ideal for family life, but were they ever by female expectations? [5]

♦       Feminists change the culture by imposing political objectives. As men are weakened politically in the workplace, they take it home and home life withers for their mates. [18]

♦       Strong-willed feminine mystique, female modesty, and moral imperatives focus a man on a woman’s uniqueness, her gender independence, the moral floor for his behavior, and the ceiling of her expectations. [18]

551. Smother Love — Part A

 Nature endows men mentally and emotionally to be top dog in relationships. The mother instinct pushes women to be number one. Not the instinct, but mothering per se is the most important job in Nature. Thus, Nature confuses both sexes, and they easily stress each other trying to harmonize home and family. 

Kids understand they are dependent on adults, until puberty disrupts what went before.

Mothering is the most important job, but that does not elevate mother to numero uno. Matter of fact, arrival of first child divides a couple into a foursome, two split personalities as it were.

The foursome works most effectively when ranked in this top-to-bottom order: husband, wife, mother, father. Now watch this clarity: Wife works for and reports to husband. Mother works for and reports to wife. Father works for and reports to mother, including the delivery of higher order discipline when mom’s just ain’t enough. Child as passenger reports to all adults. 

Think before condemning: Family life ultimately boils down to two bus drivers: With wife primarily at the wheel, family pulls together. With mother primarily at the wheel, family pulls apart. Why the difference? With mother at the wheel, she can’t resist elevating child to adult and perhaps number one status, and that drives away husband and father. 

The four split roles can work well together, when each fulfills their own mission without adversely impacting the responsibility of others.

Husband produces, provides, protects, and problem-solves. Wife orchestrates harmony between everyone in the home. Mother nurtures and rears children. Father backs up mom’s discipline and rewards mother for her efforts and sacrifices. According to circumstances at any given time, one role dominates, and three roles submit. As with barbershop quartets, Harmony!

Lack of vision, clarity, and acceptance of these roles breeds confusion that can easily lead even to hatefulness in the home. 

304. Lifelong husbands—made, not born — Part I

Many complications muck up lifelong marriages in modern America. Five follow.

1.     The wisdom of the ages is lost. Women can’t learn from their moms, because their moms didn’t listen to their moms. It exploded four decades ago. Girls and young women rebelled and spouted slogans with revolutionary zeal: Don’t listen to anyone over thirty, Down with authority, Distrust parents, Ignore authority figures. We’re several generations deep now with women shaping their lives around these adolescent values. What one generation allows, the next practices.

2.     Men do whatever they have to do to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Because many women provide unmarried sex, men are encouraged not to swap independence for responsibility.

3.     The feminine nature presented with pride and charm appeals and turns men ON for female influence about helping fulfill a woman’s hopes and dreams. Our forefathers followed that model. But not modern men. Feminist politics, theory, and dogma turn men OFF for yielding masculine independence.  

4.     Men seek justice. Women seek equality. As women seek greater equality with men, they give up justice. The PC crowd—political correctioneers— destroy justice. PCers and feminists disconnect females from male empathy and sympathy. They reject the separate but equal roles that family life requires for mutual respect, harmony, success, and longevity.

5.     Morality serves women more than men. Women can use it, men don’t need it. Our Judeo-Christian cultural heritage serves women even better. It goes beyond morals to guide men and women into separate but equal roles in home and society. However, ideologies such as humanism, secularism, relativism, and elitism replace morality and religion with values that expand male dominance, serve males over females, and throw away what’s best for families.*

* See the Worldviews page for more about these ‘isms’.

72. Submissiveness—Section 2

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.