This post responds to Her Highness Abigail. At #875 she opined: “I wish it was easier to figure out which men are ready and which are playing around before you spend too much time on them.”
Ben Franklin guides us well on this point: He said the way to help people out of poverty is to make them uncomfortable in it. Women can make men uncomfortable in their immaturity and thus enable greater maturity.
The more signs of immaturity he displays, the more likely he’s just playing around. It doesn’t seem just, but it’s a fair way for women to find out what they need to reduce risk and wasted time. Moreover, just evaluating men for signs of maturity adds maturity to her.
Females that ask personal questions make men uncomfortable. They have four ways to respond: Tell her what she wants to hear. Dodge, evade, or fake it until she thinks he makes it. Get the heck away from her. Or, finally and toughest, he can respond hesitantly, cautiously, and very unsmoothly but to the best of his earnestness, ability, and knowledge. Only the last option suggests maturity of the kind women should look for.
Now, as to the questions, don’t expect direct answers. Women should feel their way along and allow time for the guy to think things over and maybe respond in a day or so. Guys don’t normally think about such things, which is why women should inquire. Too rapid a response may indicate glibness rather than sincerity or well-developed opinion. He shows considerable maturity when he routinely takes time to answer but inevitably gets back on the toughest answers. He respects himself and her enough to respond with his best thinking.
The following will make men uncomfortable coming from a woman; he wonders what she’s after and immediately concludes marriage. So, the questions should be scattered, asked randomly as events broach the subject, and made much more indirect than shown here.
Responses provide reasons to measure a man’s maturity and immaturity. She’s the judge, and she should become good at inquiring, if she hopes to judge well and thus find a good man. These are examples and not a checklist. CAUTION: Pick and choose the best for you and focus on the themes more than the specific wording.
- What’s the last book you read? Any lessons you learned? Any facts that you can use? Any opinions that you developed? Recommend it for females? For me?
- What do you owe your boss? Your company? Your fellow employees? Those who support or help you in your employment?
- What’s the main theme for success in a male-female relationship? What’s vital? What’s fatal?
- Ever think about joining the military? Peace Corps? Missionary work? Pray much or lightly? Receive any joy in church?
- If you had to preach a sermon in church, what would you choose for subject?
- It’s been said that ambitious men need someplace to go early in the morning. They need it to add purpose to their life. Where would that be for you? What gets you moving in the morning?
- What’s your greatest ambition? To do what? When? How prepared are you to tackle it?
- Where did you get your work ethic? What is your work ethic? Not familiar with the term? Really?
- What female now highlights your life? No! Not me, of course. And not a love interest. What do they contribute to you?
- Who is the greatest male in your life? Why? What do or did you gain from your association?
- What do you like best about children? Least about them? If a relative died and left you as guardian of three children, what would you do and how would you do it?
- What do you dream of becoming? Of doing?
- Got a bucket list? No? Then how about we compile and compare our respective lists.
- What’s your best friend’s most admirable trait?
- Who do you admire the most? Why?
- What makes marriage work? Who has responsibility for what? Why?
- Do children help or hinder a marriage? Why? How many do you want? And what do you expect from them?
- If you could have one picture of anything you dream up on the wall at home or work, what would it be?
- If you could play any role in any movie you’ve ever seen, what would it be?
- What makes a man brave? Courageous? Have you ever been there?
- What made your father courageous? Your mother?
- What’s your greatest accomplishment? Really? That big? That important? Receive any recognition or honors? Do you miss what you didn’t receive?
- What does wifely submission mean to you? You know, how the bible describes it? What do their differing responsibilities show you? Who’s most responsible for marital success?
- What’s your favorite scripture? Where’d you learn it? Can you quote it?
- What’s your favorite religious song? Why? Can you sing it now?
- Do you support anyone or anything with contributions? Who else deserves your money?
- Who is your favorite teacher? Why? Did he/she help with your learning or with shaping your character? What changed about your character? What other benefits did you receive? What lingers with you today?
- For whom are you grateful? For what are you grateful? From where does your sense of gratitude come? Why should you even be grateful, if you get no more than the minimum?
- What do you like about femininity? Feminism? No, tell me something good about Feminism/feminists. There must be something!
- Can and will you describe your character to me?
Women always want to know more about their man. These suggestions provide opportunity to learn more. Uncovering his intentions by evaluating his maturity can determine whether he’s playing around or not. It guarantees nothing, but she’s the judge and can live with her decisions more easily than just guessing about his intentions.
It’s neither the questions nor the answers that count. It’s his reactions to many questions. Does he show effort, respect, and desire to please her in the numerous ways he reacts? Signs of his maturity lie therein.