Tag Archives: female nature

2006. Trust, Respect, and Competition

This parenthetical thought in #2004 spurred Her Highness Cocoa’s curiosity. “Incidentally, a man’s respect declines for a woman conquered by someone for whom he lacks respect.”

She posed these questions: ”What are the elements that make a man less respect another man? His job? His income? His wife? His attitude and manners??? And once this respect is less or lost can it be restored? Also, do the same principles apply to man respecting a woman?”

For the most part of the male nature, two elements determine one man’s respect for another.

1) Can the observed be trusted according to the trustful values and expectations of the observer? Yes generates respect; no generates little or no respect. The greater the trust perceived, the greater is the respect returned. The higher the trust standards in the observed, the greater the respect of the observer. Dealing with untrustworthy people denies a man the opportunity to earn self-admiration—he never knows where the firm ground lies upon which he can stand. By causing that, untrustworthy people nullify his ability to respect them.

2) Is the observed man the competitive equal or better of the observer? The better the competitive ability of the observed over the observer, the greater the respect the latter has for the former. The greater the observer views his ability to out-compete the observed, the less opportunity he has to earn self-admiration and, therefore, the less respect he has for the observed.

Can loss of respect be restored? Yes. Christian salvation enables men to accept the risk of unconditionally respecting other men until disrespect is earned. Also, enhanced trustworthiness can upgrade respect. If the observed man is not respected for whatever reasons but he showers respect upon the observer, then to the extent that the observer perceives greater trust in the observed, the observer’s respect grows for the observed.

It’s one of life’s fascinating paradoxes. Trust sent one way returns as respect and vice versa. But respect does not beget respect nor does trust beget trust.


Do the same principles apply to man respecting woman? Yes, in the matter of trust. It works the same. a) In the matter of competition, it works the opposite. b) More difficult to explain, she loses New Man’s respect by bad mouthing her ex.

a) His male nature tells a man that he’s the competitive better of a woman, and his dominance confirms his self-admiration. If a woman initiates competition, it’s obvious that she fails to recognize his dominant role, which threatens his sense of self-admiration, which earns his distrust out of fear that he could lose to her, which forces him to admit her as possibly superior, which forces him to show respect for the winner if and when she defeats him. Men can’t admit to losing to a woman, and so they find solace in avoiding it by disrespecting her as soon as she initiates competition. They hope showing disrespect will trigger a change in the female mind to back off the competition, but of course it seldom works that way. But yet, the self-fulfilling prophecy works and his show of disrespect transmutes into real disrespect and weakening of his love.

To men a woman competes and is perfectly respectable trying to conquer a man for marriage before he conquers her for first-time sex. After his conquest, however, further competition weakens his respect and love. His conqueror’s right expects and the female nature delivers her cooperation to the exclusion of competition. Thus, they self-develop according to their natures.

b) I re-quote this from the top. “Incidentally, a man’s respect declines for a woman conquered by someone for whom he lacks respect.” Women favor full disclosure with New Man but it backfires when she describes her past relationships. Not just sexual history either. Bad mouthing her ex broadcasts to New Man that she has poor judgment, knows too little about men, and cannot be trusted to not talk about him if they ever break up. Those factors discourage New Man’s respect for her and a man’s love is based on respect. Consequently, bad mouthing her ex weakens her relationship with New Man.

Nothing in human relations is ever simple. It’s all relative, all cause and effect between the sexes.



Filed under sex differences

1964. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 89

  • The ultimate goal of women is to find happiness. Not naturally endowed to know how to get it, they find happiness through learned behavior that stimulates the finding of causes and reasons to be grateful.
  • The endless goal of men is satisfaction, and their nature continually guides them toward it. Each knows quite naturally how to gain it through fulfillment of his many missions. Throughout life, satisfaction compiles into his sense of significance, which is to men what happiness is to women. His woman’s dissatisfaction with his satisfaction attacks his sense of significance, and he translates that as an attack on his worth as person, man, and mate. Enough of her dissatisfaction encourages him to change mates.
  • Men prefer to be admired, respected, appreciated, and loved by women and in that order of importance. Women prefer to love men their way, but female love consists mostly of what pleases her rather than what her man prefers.
  • Chivalry is virtue in men. Women admire chivalrous actions and men love it. Men love being admired by women even more than being loved by a woman. Chivalry is the manly result of unconditional respect of men for the opposite gender, which arises out of the unconditional respect of women for the male gender.
  • Just knowing his woman’s sexual history lowers her value to him. If he conquers after well-respected men, she gets no credit. If he conquers after disrespected or disreputable men, her worth plummets. Of course, it’s not fair. But a man judges a woman first by her physical faithfulness to him exclusively. If she didn’t wait for him to come along, his respect declines because she let those earlier men beat him. Men are in constant competition with one another. Men who have had her before him are men to whom he has already lost in the manly competition of earliest conqueror. It breeds an even deeper sense of loss if they ever meet and know of each other. (Present-day custom may soften the impact but the male ego suffers according to male nature more than custom.)  [121]


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1961. Compatibility Axioms #331-340

331. Women have to negotiate, trade off, and even ‘train’ men and their man to help pursue female interests. For example, she can rule the rooster, if she empowers him to rule the roost. [126]
332. Women for decades have proclaimed publicly that men are only after sex. For personal and political reasons, females rationalize that they deserve and can enjoy without penalty the benefits of the male nature. Those assumptions mislead women. They adopt masculine traits and habits and expect men to copy feminine traits, but the process breeds incompatibility. Men don’t change their nature. They fake what they have to in order to achieve frequent and convenient access to sex. [126]
333. When women don’t take advantage of their female nature, men respond unfavorably. When women don’t appreciate their femaleness to the fullest, men don’t either. For example, when women act like guys, men treat them like guys. If men marry guy-women, they don’t stay married very long. It’s very feminine females that make men take advantage of their male nature and shift responsibly into domestic compatibility. [126]
334. It happens after one-night stands or several dates. Women hook up only to wonder why his promised call never comes! The best odds for getting a call, for getting him to come back, is this: Refuse to hook up in the first place. [130]
335. Her mindset largely governs the ringing of her phone. It starts with the presence or absence of an attitude of gratitude about herself and her potential value for a man. If she doesn’t value herself highly, men won’t either.  [130]
336. If she’s ungrateful for herself and sees sex as her potential, she should expect booty calls. If she’s grateful for herself and sees denying sex as the tool for expanding her potential, she can expect calls to explore her other interests. [130]
337. Sex does not bond a man. It captures him until conquest and maybe a few more times. So, even when he does call after hook up, she may be viewed as potential duty slut. [130]
338. A woman holds a man by making him grateful for her in ways other than sex. This takes time and the delay of his conquest. [130]
339. To men after conquest, sex just happens, their relationship just is, and taking her for granted comes easily. Those are natural conqueror’s rights initiated by her yielding. So, her strategy and tactics before his conquest govern her life with each man. [130]
340. She may not know how or want to use it, but she holds the dominant position with a man until she yields. Use it or lose it. Lose it and she can’t use it. [130]


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1829. Sex Difference Redux—Part 77: Created to Do Good — II

Theme:  As mate and parent, we often slip, slide, grope, and sometimes fail. Both prevention and recovery are possible.

Part I described conflicting ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’ (e.g., love and criticism). Capable of doing good with the positives, we instead live by ‘ungood’ negatives. Unwanted outcomes flood our lives such as breakups, divorce, and child rebelliousness.

A technique exists to make couples more compatible and families more harmonious. Women are created with the capability of doing both. (Men are not so endowed.) Girlfriends, wives, and mothers need only rely more deliberately on their female nature to proactively strengthen their leadership roles. Borrowed from an old tune, women become stronger leaders when they accentuate the positives, eliminate the negatives, and find all the gratitude in between.

That’s right. Find gratefulness, appreciation, and thankfulness in everyone and everything that happens. Refocus the thoughts of mate and children away from the negatives by figuratively drowning them with your gratefulness. Use gratitude to overwhelm negative thoughts and words, and otherwise lure yourself, mate, and children toward expressing the positives. (Actions follow our words, habits follow our actions, and our heart follows our habits.)

Moreover, happiness flows out of gratitude. Finding gratitude shifts attention from the negatives to the positives and keeps a person on track for a happier life. In the simplest of expressions, gratitude is the keystone to both marital compatibility and family harmony.    

When we don’t focus on the good but let the ungood resound inside our relationships, we stumble as mate and parent. We may live as we expect, but we’re still dissatisfied. We try to live better, but we always keep trying and ending with worse. We do poorly, and self-criticism discourages us from trying anything else. We do nothing, and dissatisfaction finds us more easily than anything else. By not aiming at finding gratefulness in everyone and every happening, we stumble and relationships tumble for lack of the goal that both bonds and seals—gratefulness for both self and others.

The female nature urges women to seek happiness. Many fail for lack of aim. Finding gratefulness works, because it’s the natural root of happiness. Men are not inclined to chase it per se. When they back unconcernedly into a happy life, they credit their mate and the benefits of living with her.

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1827. Sex Difference Redux—Part 75: Her Promise Outranks Her Beauty

Women fashion their appearance to always be sexually attractive. She expects to not only attract a man but keep him after their first sex together bonds them tightly in a lasting relationship. She hopes far too much and depends on what doesn’t work.

Men live contrary to that female expectation. The male nature treats women differently according to these groupings. 1) Sexually attractive and unconquered, which men incidentally see as beauty. 2) Conquered by him and he may or may not see promise in her. In either case, she no longer reflects the beauty he beheld pre-conquest. 3) Others of non-sexual interest that may or may not hold promise for him. They’re important, but we can ignore them here.

Before conquest, men see beauty and chase after sex. After conquest, beauty morphs into promise and men evaluate and perhaps exploit that. The successful conqueror sees promise in her for filling different roles in his life. He looks for and evaluates her promise as great or steady sex, booty call, steady girlfriend, have her live in, move into her place, supporter and encourager of his work effort, potential wife, mother of his children. If he sees too little or no promise of interest to him, then he finds an easy or abrupt way to depart.

The promise he sees in her is the final return on investment she receives for their first sex together. Pre-conquest, her promise was developing but subordinate to her beauty. Post-conquest, the promise he beholds dominates his decisions.


Men see sexual attractiveness as beauty. It lures and guides their hunter-conqueror persona toward first-time sexual relations with female targets. Hoping he will bond during sex, women misinterpret the result of conquest. Relative to her, the conqueror is a different man than the one who bedded her.

Out of curiosity to know her better in order to bed her, a prolonged chaste courtship keeps masculine imagination focused on uncovering whatever promise she holds for him. The courtship process enables her to disclose her character and personality for him to interpret and convert into promise for his life. She’s not the promise that she verbalizes.The more he figures her out for himself, the more impressionable and convincing her promise is to him.

Once they have sex together, his curiosity and imagination move on to other things in his life. Whatever her promise at conquest, it’s effectively sealed against further growth. Conquest convinces him that’s he’s right, and he knows the promise she holds for him.

Pivoting on conquest, promise outranks beauty. Beauty attracts but promise keeps a man. Those are the causes and effects that flow out of the male and female natures when women depend on sexual attractiveness to keep their man. It doesn’t work, because men are different.

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1734. “Relationship Management”—It Doesn’t Work

I base the following on the nature of men and women without considering values, beliefs, and expectations that make the relationship game strictly personal.

Women sense a need for relationship management— of getting their husband directly involved—when their sense of importance slips or the sense they are loved fades. Wives have bought into the concept even though indirectness works much better for getting what women want out of men.

First, women expect men to directly help restore relationship harmony, but men can’t do it. They’re simply unable; they lack the skills, willingness, or both. Additionally, facing his wife with management on her mind, a husband senses that she expects him to change, which emboldens his natural resistance to let anyone change him. He’s his own man and not about to change, so she can forget expecting anything different out of him.

Second, wives expect to find and develop some kind of new or different behaviors to which each spouse will mutually agree. However, that expectation takes the woman’s mind off the only thing that works to restore harmony. Or, perhaps she just forgets it.

Relationship harmony arises out of a wife’s self-love and strong sense of self-importance. It’s a closed loop that works this way. Self-love gives her the ability to love. Her sense of self-importance energizes her to seek confirmation, so she makes herself important to husband and expects his love in return. Husband shows love for her, which both confirms and reinforces her self-importance, which then confirms and reinforces her self-love. Lose her importance and she’s loved less. Become more important and she’s loved more.

The road to wife being loved more to her liking begins with self-love. Daily enhancement of her prettiness (as suggested in daily article 1440) enhances self-love immensely. Strong satisfaction with her sense of self-love also improves her self-importance and vice versa.

In the final analysis, the more a woman loves, the more important she becomes to others and more likely she will be loved. Thus, wife’s ability and willingness to make herself important to her husband—governed by social and moral propriety to discourage masculine excesses—is her greatest strength. When she uses it, ‘relationship management’ doesn’t come to mind as potential solution to her problem, the inclination to blame husband fades away, and she more easily promotes harmony in the home.

(NOTE: Modern unmarried women feel that sexual availability makes them important for more than sex. After many years, they eventually learn that unmarried sex provides neither and even takes away much of both self-love and self-importance.)


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1481. Keepers for Keepers—Assortment 45

  1. She says, “I can do it all,” but the female nature itself prevents her getting it all—by herself, that is.
  2. He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.
  3. Whether for one or many, girlhood abstinence reduces male dominance.
  4. If they work at it, women predominantly govern domestic and socializing methods, customs, and values. They have what men want most.
  5. Unintended consequences of unmarried and extra-marital sex overpower the hopes and dreams of the female gender. Outcomes reverse what Feminism originally sought to contain—male dominance.
  6. By not using the leverage of No Sex without Marriage, women expose themselves—mentally as well as physically.
  7. Organizations with two equal bosses ultimately collapse in favor of the more dominant and with unintended consequences.
  8. If he can rule the roost, she can learn to rule the rooster. If she must rule the roost, he will find another hen. It’s the male nature more than her.
  9. Males and females differ. Feminist theory and dogma can’t reverse what God designed, Nature provides, and hormones energize.
  10. Nagging arises from a woman’s heart hardened by selfishness. Not having what she wants, she seeks satisfaction through others.
  11. A combination of Feminism, ambition, selfishness, and ego twists women into an attitude that their own private interests are more important than other things.


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1161. Female Blunders

  • A woman makes no personal investment of time and effort to create attractiveness. Instead she crumples herself with unwashed old sweatshirt or tee, bulging or formless pants, no color in face or clothes, hair hanging as curtains or still messed up from sleep. She expects to be judged solely on her date preparation, special event attire, or husband’s indulgence.
  • A woman expects that providing sex will bond a man as it does her. But her appearance has greater bonding effect. Sex is pretty much the same with any woman. Admittedly, a man’s ego satisfaction may soar from conquering trophies or virgins, but women essentially put out what all others provide.
  • Only non-sexual attributes make women different than other females. Women today dress, act, appear almost clone-like, and duplicate their round-heel female sisters. But they expect men to treat them as unique.
  • Men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If men don’t correct their shortcomings, it’s because women never define, describe, and expect those shortcomings to be fixed before they provide sex.
  • Men like to spring unexpected compliments on women. The female nature enjoys the practice, likes the compliments, and knows how to handle unwelcome hits. However, feminists and advocates ended the practice by squelching the unsolicited attentions, compliments, and favors of men. Women now go without frequent feedback to confirm their sense of prettiness and importance.


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