517. The ABCs with C-words about Sex

 Sex either enables or disables the compatible merging of the male and female natures into a successful relationship. Not coitus but the before and after expectations. Sex differences make the difference.

COMPETITION—The Male Strength

Men are made to compete with men. (Disregard table and fun games here.)

Except when trying to conquer her, a man avoids hard-headed competition with a woman. Women too easily outtalk or outsmart men seeking to conquer them. So, men conclude, it’s best to avoid competition on other matters. The prospects of conquest warrant head-to-head mind games, but nothing else.

Men don’t want a woman to think he can’t hack whatever comes up, so losing mind battles reveals incapacity. It can too easily demo some bit of insignificance, which he fears.

Pushy male dominance is a surefire way to avoid competing with her, so he uses it to stop discussion, squash dissent, and avoid loss of face. It’s his nature, not the woman. (Male subordinates of female bosses often favor indifference rather than compete to win a point or advise her.)  

After conquest, he expects sex to be cooperative and not competitive. Why not? Her nature favors the former over the latter. But that’s not the whole story.

COOPERATION—The Female Strength

Men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. When Womanhood speaks, men pay attention. If a woman sets standards and high expectations, a man will step up, elevate his effort, and smooth his attitude—but only before conquest.

Beyond that turning point, he expects routine access to sex with her; it was the target of his natural conquering spirit. Conqueror’s rights are an intrinsic primal urge, hardwired and hormonal. Consequently, he can’t stop his expectations; she certainly can but at risk of losing him.

A man will not long play games or otherwise compete for sex with a woman he has conquered. If she persistently uses sex to get her way, he will rebel quietly, privately, noisily, or physically. Whichever way he chooses, he won’t tolerate it very long and soon seeks another woman.

It’s especially true in marriage. He paid the ultimate price to have frequent and convenient access. When she starts to pull back or shy away, his competitive spirit energizes him, because she challenges his conqueror’s right. So, he pushes for and expects easier access or unlimited sex to prove that he’s right. This makes her resent, resist, rebel, and retaliate in order to restore her self-respect. He pushes harder, she does too, and they start living separate lives under the same roof, or worse. 

Compatibility has one switch for sex. They compete before conquest. They cooperate after.

34. Sex and the fickle girl—Part I

Women too often ignore or forget these facts of life. 

♀♂ Marriage and associated responsibilities don’t uplift men, they constrain.

♀♂ Women need men more than the reverse, especially those women hopeful of a permanent relationship.

♀♂ Women work to love. Men love to work.

♀♂ To stay with a woman, men must be rewarded for husbanding and fathering—as the male gender sets standards, and each man measures the benefits.

♀♂ A man’s love is based on respect for her and her likeability supporting him in his work.

♀♂ Women expect to hear affection expressed in multiple ways and demonstrated on frequent occasions. Men don’t think that way. (Both have A.D.D. as described in post #3 below.)

♀♂ Without moral standards, female expectations, and motherly teachings that tame, civilize, and domesticate the male nature, masculinity emerges as unfriendly dominance, aggressiveness, and even violence. (This puts women in charge of cultural values—or they abdicate as modern women are doing.)

♀♂ Women like to claim that men are only after sex. Actually, sexual availability is the measure by which men judge women for their loyalty to and dependence upon a man.

♀♂ Women play an auxiliary role in the natural side of the masculine life. This requires that each woman seeking to live with a man compensate by energizing him to help pursue her individual interests, hopes, and dreams. (Of course women have other options, but they should expect to eventually lose their partner. She can change his behavior but not his nature.)

 

♀♂ Women can enjoy masculine-style sexual freedom, but they eventually lose when playing the man’s game. (More later)

♀♂  Divulging her sexual history to a man injects poison into their relationship. (More later)

 

30. Unstable love

Love stimulates male-female togetherness. Its positive and affirming emotions, however, lack strength to hold a couple together. Three major threats rooted in human nature trump love.

First, romantic love—based primarily around lust and infatuation—fades in a year or two. Recent research narrows the average to about 18 months. If some kind of enduring love for one another has not ‘evolved’ by that time, then split up inevitably follows.

(A man’s enduring love arises from a foundation of his respect for an exceptional woman and her likeability as a supportive mate. A woman’s enduring love arises from a foundation of her gratefulness for who and what her man means to both her present and her future.)

Second, negative influences too easily compound to kill love. Infidelity, disrespect, nagging, mental or physical abuse, lack of affection of her, and ungratefulness for him come quickly to mind. The continual repeating of one or a few negative influences shatters the foundations of love—respect, likeability, and gratitude—and love bleeds out through the cracks.

Third, mothers often elevate their children over their father. Such women lower father’s status and stature as bossman, hero, and one up to whom the kids should look. When a man has to play second fiddle in his mate’s home orchestra, he’s prompted to cancel his union membership and look for a ‘job’ elsewhere.

Women have pretty much convinced everyone that men are the primary culprits for mucking up relationships. Relative to men, women are the relationship experts, so even equal blame may not be appropriate.