1189. Boot Camp for Girls—Day 26: Graduation

Girls have an instinctive ability to handle boys. However, many lack enough talent and skills to win consistently. New knowledge improves talent and broadens skills. So, squeeze this baker’s dozen of truisms into your thinking of the future.   

1. HardToGet keeps a girl in the driver’s seat. Non-passionate relations make the best bus tires for rolling over the hottest boys.
2. Self-respect counts most in a girl’s character. Without it, self-confidence plummets. Earning self-confidence builds self-respect. So, she gets what she earns as she pursues her hopes and dreams.  
3. A girl’s happy future with a happy mate depends more on his integrity than anything else. Integrity strengthens mutual respect, commitment to marriage, devotion to her, and his vow-keeping.
4. A busted courtship shouldn’t be such a big deal. Multiple courtships pay off. Her man’s character depends on her making enough wrong judgments to learn how to choose the best man for her.
5. Ladylike behavior, high modesty standards, and moral expectations stir men to be gentlemanly in a woman’s presence. It also works for girls.  
6. A boy takes interest in a girl for two prime reasons. Fixation on sex energizes him temporarily. Desire for her admiration focuses him on long-term possibilities. If she enables the former, she can forget the latter.
7. Self-respect fades when you give what you oughtn’t, do what you shouldn’t, or suffer what you needn’t.
8. Do what’s right, avoid what’s wrong, but more importantly, always do what you should.
9. Kissing does matter. Sensuous suggests the rightness of you for him. Passionate suggests the rightness of him for sex.
10. Guilt guides your life, so start now affirming your intention and ability to do what you should. Most importantly, learn to forgive yourself and don’t look back. Old guilt leads to depression when loaded with doubt about how you previously handled it.  
11. A boy respects what he can’t conquer. He respects chastity in general and especially a girl’s abstinence with him. A man’s love rests on a firm foundation of respect for a woman. Boys want sex, and so he keeps trying. Where else can she get enough respect, unless she keeps denying sex but not disrespecting his trying?
12. Feminine beats plain femaleness. Mystery beats full disclosure. Modesty beats masculine morality. Monogamy beats sexual freedom. All of it makes males back off from their naturally dominant personas, which helps fulfill female hopes and dreams.   
13. If you can train boys to follow your conscience, you’re well on the way to excellent relationship expertise.

Congratulations to everyone that completed boot camp. Only you know who you are but reward yourself some way. I’m proud of you.

Regular WWNH broadcasting resumes tomorrow.

770. Re-approach Him? Not an Option!

PROBLEM. A lady asked for advice. I don’t like to give it, because I never know the full story or characters. But she struck me differently. So, I respond below and invite readers to comment, if I have missed the boat.

Her Highness Elizabeth said: “I think I’m a very feminine woman, especially considering my age (40).  Recently, I made a poor choice because I was feeling lonely and needy. I met a great guy, but revealed my feelings way too early. I think I scared him off.  Is there a tactful way to re-approach or should I retreat and leave it up to him to re-approach?” 

FIRST RESPONSE. Don’t re-approach and don’t retreat. There’s only one tactful way. Recover! Recovery cures pain, if you do it your own way. (See below.) But first:

• If he was scared off by your feelings, he wasn’t after you. He was after sex. You didn’t scare him off; he was unwilling to pay your price to continue.
• Also, don’t take personal whatever he did. He focused on what all women have to offer, and none are unique until he conquers them.
• If you run into him, ignore him as much as courtesy permits. Act as if he never happened. Reveal no regrets or shame. If he tries to renew acquaintance, make him pay a heavier price than others have to pay just to capture and hold your attention. If he won’t, he’s still not after you, just sex. Smile anyway.
• If he seeks to rekindle the spark, don’t let it happen. Treat him as just another dude that you reject, but do it courteously and smilingly. Help him realize that he missed out on a great thing, but he has missed out.
• If he repeatedly over time tries many different ways to patch things up, it could make a difference. You’re still competing over sex, so test whether he’s after you or sex. This might help: “Yes, I’ll date you again, if we start over and you honor without pestering me about my [newfound but] absolute requirement: No sex outside of marriage.”

SECOND RESPONSE. Go on the attack. Reassert, reconfirm, and re-love yourself to yourself in all your glorious independence. Being free of him and his baggage, you deserve it.

• Develop a new habit or two that exposes you to men when you’re alone. For example, start an exercise program. Spend an hour at Starbucks once or twice a week reading a book (but not your laptop; with it you’re not alone). Go to church alone after reading post #42. In all you do make enjoyment of yourself your primary objective. Don’t think about attracting or capturing a man, or you’ll respond poorly to guys that want to rescue you from your loneliness.
• I strongly urge upgrading your appearance in public. Ditch comfort clothing and easy-to-groom appearance. Spend more time fixing up. Add some class when painting the barn.
• Groom and dress classier and more feminine than other females. Change your hair style to something more feminine. It’s not that you necessarily need it, but improvements attract attention, your feminine spirit and confidence will soar, more men will take notice, and you’ll have a new pack of candidates.
• To select a good candidate, you should have several to choose from. But men won’t anoint themselves, unless you appear striking to their manly eyes. Striking to men means more attractive than others nearby or in their minds’ eye.
• Recover? Yes! And do it in your most mysterious, modest, and feminine way? Let your feminine glory shine so the world knows you’re more than just alive.

HOMEWORK. I also suggest reviewing three series listed in the CONTENTS page titled HardToGet, HardToGet Pays Off, and Virtual Virginity. They may help restore you to attack mode. (Don’t look for answers but focus on educating Self about men and you.)

RECAP. My themes above may be overshadowed by the details. Stick to the themes! Retreat when dumped? Never! Re-approach him? Never! Both signify desperation, and men love to capitalize on the weakened hard-headedness and the too-mushy kind-heartedness of desperate females.

Good luck, Your Ladyship, but remember that luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

748. Favored Quotes — Collection 6

• Doing “too much” can backfire on you… men are soooo different from us. Even with your very best intentions, doing too much for a man can come across as doting, mothering and babying. Not good. (LB at 718)
• I am always seeking validation and/or approval…. I guess, in his mind, marrying me and staying with me are his way of validating me. (Robin at 718)
• Dressing in pants does change a woman’s behavior, demeanor, heart, and society to the detriment of all. … Ladies throw away your jeans, pants, flip flops, baseball caps, shorts, back packs, t shirts and don something Grace Kelly or Princess Di would wear. Truly, you will be amazed at the compliments you will receive from both men and women and your true friends will admire you for it. (Lady Carmen at 741)
• Raise your children to be respectful and mannerly especially to their father. … Teaching your children to respect their dad builds confidence and security in them and in their parent’s marriage. (Jill at 742)
• I adore my role as ‘housewife’. (LindaL at 746)
• The more feminine I am around him, the more cherishing he becomes. (Ladylike at 746)

740. Where Has All the Glamour Gone? Part A

Why did the female gender throw out glamour as a theme for distinguishing women from men? Glamour adds an extra touch of class to a female’s presentation to both herself and others. Why have modern women given it up?

Encarta Dictionary shows three definitions of glamour:

1.     Exciting allure—an irresistible alluring quality that somebody or something possesses by virtue of seeming much more exciting, romantic, or fashionable than ordinary people or things.

2.     Expensive good looks—striking physical good looks or sexual impact, especially when it is enhanced with highly fashionable clothes or makeup.

3.     Spell—a magical spell or charm.

Wouldn’t women be blessed if they had any of those descriptions? Well, it doesn’t come naturally. The great wealth of American society enables and encourages it, but women have to exploit it.

Glamour adds great feminine value to women. When glamorous attractiveness makes her act and appear ladylike, men are pushed inescapably toward gentlemanly behavior. Not totally for getting sex either, but out of more respect for her. Ladylike appearance by itself quiets a man’s boldness for sex but lights his energy for finding out more about her.

Now, admittedly, I don’t do night life, so I don’t see what women look like going out at night. But, if daytime at work or shopping is any indication, they have no reason to blame men. Most women look common and stand out for nothing but sex targeting. Many invite hits and many don’t, but they all long for gentlemanly pursuit.

Whatever the reasons, it’s as if army riflemen were pushed into battle without ammunition. They would be ill-equipped to capture the enemy’s attention, hold him at a distance, and take control of whatever situations arise. Instead, their only option would be to readily lay down their arms.

Why do women do it? That’s tomorrow at #741.

739. Next to the Last Straw

Great bonding brings couples together, but it doesn’t keep them glued as one. Instead, unresolved disagreements and small irritants pile up to dissolve the glue and cover a relationship with rubbish. It smothers from the accumulation of irritants of which these offend men:

1. Embarrass him in public
2. Make him appear insignificant or treat him that way
3. Elevate kids over father or especially over him as husband
4. Show disloyal spirit toward him
5. Threaten, remind, or present him with sexual infidelity
6. Nag him beyond what he calls nagging (A nagatha per Mrs. Guy)
7. Challenge him as family CEO in front of others
8. Fail to provide what he expects as normal routine
9. Boss him around in what he considers his castle
10. Belittle him especially before the kids or friends
11. Withhold sex without health or physical reason
12. Manipulate him
13. Harp on his weaknesses
14. Reproach him before others
15. Groom carelessly such that his attention on her fades
16. Favor masculine vs. feminine appearances
17. Use feminist themes to get her way
18. Show unexpected immodesty
19. Show disrespect for him
20. Show her lack of or reduced self-respect
21. Overspend against his will
22. Reflect indifference to his sexual performance
23. Distance herself from close association with him
24. Make her interests dictate his behavior
25. Present him with her problems that defy his solutions

I’m not qualified to compile a list for women. If some deal-breaking irritants for women are sent to me, I’ll provide editorial treatment and publish them as if women need to be told.

720. Quips from Mrs. Guy #5

• If wife can’t appreciate what she has, what she has won’t get better. Ditto for husbands.
• If behind every successful man is a surprised woman, he married a snitch, witch, or bitch.
• My heartstrings continually plink out these tunes for marital longevity: My Attitude of Gratitude and I’m My Leader’s Favorite Cheerleader. 
• It’s not original, but I love it: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
• Problems are every day, so recovery is everything.
• Full disclosure is vastly overrated even after 54 years of marriage.
• A man’s work is never done, or so he should be told. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that her work is never done. She’s gonna do it anyway. He will too, but only for the woman that appreciates him for it.
• The world’s biggest con job: The devil has convinced us that he doesn’t exist.
• We have never turned on TV in the morning nor had it in the bedroom. It makes day and night more female-friendly.
• Feminine means the opposite of this: Hunched over the plate, taking mouth to the fork, and eating as pot bellied men consume. 

700. Wife’s Dependency — Section 5

I close this series with two posts and two patterns. This first one points to things that build compatibility. Tomorrow the second one points to the opposite.

These tradeoffs worked well to build compatibility over the past couple centuries:

♦       She depends on him for producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving, which confirm his importance and value to her. She acts and talks her reliance on him, especially in front of others because it reinforces her own thinking and, consequently, her feelings.  

♦       He shows her deference in respectful ways that enable her to build admirable status and stature to confirm and lift her self-respect.

♦       He gives what she needs and doesn’t block her potential to earn high status and stature in home and community. In return she exploits it with graciousness that generates more feminine and ladylike behavior, which generates more status and stature, which generates more respect and love from him.

♦       Her ladylike behavior also makes her appear more independent of male domination, without reflecting adversely on him. She makes him feel fortunate for her, and so he looks good to others—especially male competitors.

♦       Enraptured with her femaleness her feminine side shines. She’s busy being her self-respecting self and brightening her future by generating his dependency on her. She contributes so much to family and home that dependence on him becomes virtually a right.

Tomorrow the flip side of this coin.

607. Prettier is as Feminine Does #5

‘Pretty’ is how she looks to herself. She’s done her best to attire and groom herself well. Her physical attributes shine and physical weaknesses go unnoticed to her.

·        If women have natural prettiness and don’t enhance it, they weaken their femininity. If they copy men they lose it. This makes them even less pretty once they’re conquered.

·        Physical appearance is not everything to men. The following add prettiness, because they reinforce her femininity and improve a man’s view of her: She has a joyful spirit. She makes him feel good about himself. She smiles a lot. She invents ways to be grateful. She loves his jokes or expressions of humor. She laughs easily. She encourages him. When figuratively knocked down, she gets up eagerly to continue whatever the struggle. Not to say she should do these things for men but for herself. Adopting such behaviors reinforces devotion to her female nature, which enhances her femininity and prettiness. This enhances her self-esteem and self-image.

[Personal opinion to close the series: Can women make themselves uglier than with skin tight shirts over a pregnant belly? They shame motherhood three ways: They copy beer-belly men; make future father look like a wuss; and reject modest attire that makes motherhood feminine, pretty, and so unique that nothing tops it. They also take away from the pleasant motherly glow that lights and prettifies a pregnant woman’s face.]