1836. Advice to Men? Unwelcome!

During my five years of posting here, women frequently ask me to advise men on how to become better prospects as dates, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and fathers. I’ve always declined, because men resist change:

1. Attempts to change men are seen as rooted in Feminism. Men reject it instinctively.
2. Men don’t listen to men about how to improve themselves. If they don’t know already, men expect to learn all they need to know firsthand and not from a competitor.
3. Modern women forsake their natural ability to change a man when they yield first-sex together. Men have no interest in convincing women otherwise and lack interest in changing themselves to please a woman after they conquer her.
4. In the realm of women initiating change, men change for one reason. It’s to comply with a woman’s pre-conquest expectations. As they figure her out over time, men change both words and actions to facilitate conquest. (Women remain vulnerable. A man’s actions may be temporary or permanent. His words may be sincere or insincere. Only chaste time together—a lengthy courtship for instance —earns her sufficient respect for his heart to accept her refusals and appreciate her promise as a previously chaste mate. Her virgin or near-virgin status signifies that no or very few men out competed him for sex with her, which is more important than her actual chasteness. I recognize that modern men don’t seem wired that way, but it describes the male nature hidden under pop culture values.)
5. Present-day cheap and easy sex appeals to men. They thrive on their own promiscuity but abhor it in women they find worth mating. They don’t want social values and arrangements to change, but they expect to marry a woman as close to virgin status as possible. (Women can hide past promiscuity as described under Virtual Virginity as listed in the CONTENTS page.)
6. Radical feminists demeaned the male character and condemned patriarchy. Under the guise of promoting matriarchy, they initiated the self-fulfilling prophecy. Feminists believe and non-feminists accept the propaganda, and men began and continue to live up to what women expect. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled. Made to feel worthless in the process of females finding happiness through feminist values and pressures, men lost their desire to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. They continue to perceive few incentives to improve their worth except self-worth.
7. Women squawk and act desperate about male shortcomings. Men don’t pay attention, because sex is so cheap and easy. If a woman is hard to live with, men can find another woman eager to provide sex with no cover charge bigger than her hope of his commitment. Men have learned to keep open all escape options. It’s easy too with women so desperate to have dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands.

It does no good for me or anyone else to tell men they have defects and flaws that are unattractive to women. Men don’t change as women want. WADWMUFGAO* Men change in response to what makes them feel good about themselves. Just pleasing women or a woman doesn’t do that. They feel good when they want and do please a woman. Consequently, the more a woman wants to be pleased, the less he will do it. Which of course begs the question: What should she do to perpetuate a man’s desire to please her? Answer: Find gratitude in her, him, life, and everything else because gratefulness breeds happiness and men love to have a happy woman nearby who is deserving and easy to please.

Women can only influence men to change by rejecting feminist thought and gaining a better understanding of the male nature. Then, they can do it one woman and one man at a time. A better understanding of both men and women can be found in the ‘Redux’ series that starts at post 1747. That lengthy series contrasts the sexes as very different and promotes female initiatives that win greater favor with men.

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*We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.

1801. Sex Difference Redux—Part 51: Whore in the Bedroom — I

Caution.  I describe the following in terms of the different and often opposed natures of men and women. Except as expressed, I make no judgments and leave the moral, religious, political, social, and cultural connections to the reader.

History. It happened before Feminism. Wives in small social groups with husbands joked that men only want an expert in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. Men smiled jokingly with either a silent or “you betcha” response. As if trying to please men for the bedroom, Feminism was sold to women. It drove women from the kitchen and promoted female sexual freedom. Females were taught to dream as men dream, expect orgasmic satisfaction, and participate
sexually in concert with the male nature.

Over the past four decades men quit smiling jokingly with women about masculine behavior. Instead, men changed their eating habits to lean less on women, lost respect for the female gender, and now accept cheap and easy sex with many women as more than enough compensation for losing the faithful and marital devotion of one.

Women quit measuring the worth of a man by his character. Women consider sexual compatibility as the prime measure of marital potential, which encourages and almost commands premarital sex. As a consequence, marriages fall apart once romantic love fades in a year or two, or the wife acts on her decision that husband needs to change to fulfill her hopes and dreams. Sexual potential and performance displace character as the worth of a man and common sense as the supreme worth of a woman. Both women and men make poorer marriage candidates and partners.

Next, what is whorish and non-whorish behavior in the bedroom? It’s posted as #1802.

1800. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 76

1. You wish to raise a girl to be a happy woman? Teach her how, help her do it, and then repeatedly confirm her proficiency in finding gratitude in every part of life. Not even love has a more blessed effect on her development for finding love.
2. Feminism is the philosophy of envy of men, the creed of anger at men, and the gospel of politics-first at the expense of men. Its inherent virtue equalizes unhappiness for females living with men.
3. In the most offensive but realistic description of what happens in the male heart after he conquers a female, the male assumes ‘ownership’ of the female’s sexual assets and dominance of their sex lives together. Men don’t compete with a conquered woman; they assume the dominant role, expect cooperation, and presume the right to have sex at their masculine call.
4. Why do women try to prettify themselves exclusively with clothes and skin exposure? Prettifying themselves with extended mirror time works much better. Pretty is first how she sees herself and that becomes how others see her.
5. Marry a man beneath you and your disappointments never end. Not just with his disappointments either, as you will have no restraint on detecting and perhaps inventing new shortcomings of his.
6. Self-esteem is set before the conscious mind opens in the third year of life. Self-image emerges after that and toddlers realize their sexual difference but can be easily or accidentally misled as to their sexual identity.
7. When guys exploit the college scene to prove their competence by conquering women, they lose respect for those conquered by other guys. Their regard for any purity or trustworthiness of women slacks off and reduces respect for the female gender.

1781. Sex Difference Redux—Part 35: Female Dominance

Dominance means for someone to get their way and differs greatly between men and women. Male dominance is intermittently used, because men presume it to be unnecessary in order for them to get their way. To the extent a husband doesn’t impose his dominance, his wife perceives mini-voids and opportunities to expand her influence—and it’s a primal urge.

Male dominance is instinctive, well recognized, and focused on the present. With little or no conscious thought behind it, however, femininity easily outwits it, grows its own counterpoints, and smooths the harsh edges from it. In the natural course of events, female dominance yields to male dominance in the present so women get their way in the future.

Female dominance operates in background. It is reasoned, designed, reinforced, and proved daily in reality. Strategically, female dominance relies on indirectness, patience, negotiation, and cooperation and avoids direct competition with a man. Men don’t easily recognize the subliminal influence of female dominance, except when they see it in other couples and much later in their own married lives. On the other hand, the essence of a man’s devotion is his willingness to accept her dominance of things of vital importance to her.

Femininity counters masculinity with uniquely female logic, reason, gender influence, multiple agendas, deeper feelings, personal persuasiveness, parlaying the present for the future, and whatever else women individually and collectively use or can create to get their way.

Seldom acknowledged, women naturally rush to get their way whenever they find their man may be acquiescent. Wives almost never abandon their primal urge to brighten their future by improving their husbands. The only real obstruction is resistance in the form of male dominance, which is why women work hard to avoid their husband imposing it. She can eventually get her way if she honors his dominance today. That, incidentally, paves the road of his devotion.

The balance of dominance within a couple shifts later in life as the ratio of hormones changes for both sexes. The level of estrogen-to-testosterone falls as women pass through mid-life. They become more assertive and even aggressive, which enables them more easily to get their way. At about the same time in life, the level of estrogen-to-testosterone rises as testosterone decreases in men. It lowers masculine desire to get their way, and men acquiesce more easily to their women’s desire to lead.

Feminism set out to conquer male dominance. Men were offended and became irritated, moved out of the limelight, and privately reinforced their sub-culture insistence that males dominate females. Our foremothers knew how to make male dominance tolerable and less offensive. But modern women let feminist politics intrude their relationships, and for the past few decades male dominance has come out of the closet into which our foremothers had stuffed it—not stuffed completely but smoothly enough that devotion to wives and children became common.

The rest isn’t history so much as female misery. Men rise to leadership roles early in life, and women later. We now see many highly attractive, assertive, and even aggressive middle-age women finding that they have no man with whom to enjoy getting their way more easily, no man to lead through the fun, fulfillment, and ravages of aging. It’s slow to happen, but women have begun to realize that feminists taught women to overpower rather than use male dominance to help fulfill female hopes and dreams.

1747. Sex Differences Redux — Part 01: Their Drives and Needs

This blog turns five years old today, and time has come to republish the founding principles. All that you read here is founded on the very different characteristics of women and men.

Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes, but I disagree. Feminists just politicize differences into obscurity. See for yourself as this series expands.

Her Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, usually lonesome and perhaps desperate.

His Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman does it for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work and outside competitive interests.

Her Drive: Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units.

His Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.

Her Sex Drive. Four natural energies bring sex into play in the woman’s world:

• Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
• Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to copulate.
• Her primal need for self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating with men with the understanding that it might include providing sex.
• Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.

Those primal urges motivate women to recognize the male sex drive as more urgently driven and to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women.

His Sex Drive. Three primal urges bring sex into the man’s world:

• His drive to compete brings females onto the playing field.
• His physiological urge to copulate.
• His intrinsic urge to outdo and outshine other men.

Those primal urges combine to make males compete with males for females and compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward.

Next: The next few posts include their competing wants, compatible fears, and opposed interests in the present and the future.

1741. Return to Decency

Her Highness Anne at article 1740 sparked this article. “Can women promote a culture of [decency and cultural exceptionalism] in the midst of today’s filth? …[W]hat can they do beyond the family?” Any resolution requires problem ID.

Our fast-disappearing Judeo-Christian culture still enables women to lead and men to follow. No other culture or religion does that. Female-dominated cultural values proved until the 1960s that filth and indecent conditions aren’t present when women don’t permit it. The present filth, family separations, violence, disrespect, irresponsible men, and numerous other female-unfriendly conditions arose out of Feminism, which purposely polarized the sexes.

Feminists and followers spread the originators’ lesbo-hatred of men. They demeaned and treated men as irresponsible, lazy, burdensome, inadequate, not admirable, not respected, and unnecessary for fulfilling female hopes and dreams. The self-fulfilling prophecy kicked in. With a new generation of boys coming online every six years, after eight generations males have become just what women claimed and TV, movies, and commercials continue to ridicule (as pointed out by Her Highness Boomer Babe).

Feminism, leftist politics, and cheap and easy sex came to dominate society. The male-dominated conditions will continue to worsen until girls and women demand through actions that men get rid of filth, restore decency, remain responsible for offspring, prevent violence, spread more respect in society, and on and on and on. (Men aren’t like women. They don’t much value what they hear. So, female words don’t work, but female actions impress men.)

It also worsens because women continue to do all the wrong things, and especially they try to talk and discuss relationship problems away. In short, the male gender continues to be demeaned as inadequate. Men see it as impossible or not worth it to be admired and respected by women. Consequently, they fulfill their natural need for self-admiration in ways that women disapprove as demeaning to females. (Ever heard of wham bam, booty call, porn, abortion?) Anyway, that’s the problem.

The solution lies in the hands of women. Men follow when women lead with female-friendly values, such as feminine mystique, female modesty, lifelong marriage, sex only inside marriage, family chain of command, he rules the roost and she rules the rooster, standards for ladies and gentlemen, and on and on. In this case, men are simple. In return for their handiness and hardiness at providing and protecting, they expect only respect for who they are and admiration for what they do. Do those things to match her man’s self-interest and a woman achieves one pinnacle of female life—if that’s truly what she wants.

Desirable change will come only from women. They have to start noticeably and generate change with femininity, indirectness, persistence, and hard-headedness to first teach all the men in their individual lives how to act around, treat, and entertain women as ladies and well-respected wives instead of women of the night and short-term lays. With actions that seem to demand it, they have to expect that men will rise to meet a woman’s expectations.

Of course it’s tough and will take several generations. Even though it has to be finally accomplished through motherhood, prospective mothers must be inspired from individual women going to work on every man to whom they are exposed. It’s taken us five decades to get where we are; that’s eight generations of new kids. So, you can expect it to take the same to restore some measure of what women long for. Modern men are not immutable, but as always with men, change comes slowly.

Who starts it and when? Government has the interest perpetuate a war between the sexes. Pastors can’t overcome the fear of losing tithes, offerings, and youngsters to replace oldsters that pass on. So, from where else but single and married women does the necessary fearlessness come? Only women have the courage to convince men that decent female values are superior to the trashiness of male values.

What can you do beyond the family? Convert yourself to a full-blown lady and associate outside the home. You can work on your extended family and pastor; school board and politicians; and friends and business associates. It’s slow and not always rewarding, but ‘pretty time’ (per article 1440) will make you feel better about yourself and provide many supplemental rewards.

Men heed it when females demonstrate how ladies can become more attractive, pleasant, respectful, less demanding, and of better support for their man. Men have only to see differences in female behavior, heed in friendly fashion, and work with women to improve their lives together or in association. In short, women need to stand up as ladies for sex differences and relationship equality and denigrate the abrasiveness that flows from Feminism and its failed attempt to suppress male dominance.

We all want to change the world but not ourselves. Women leading with high standards and expectations are best suited to overcome the natural resistance of both males and females.

You may conclude that I alibi for men. Not so. Neither you nor I can tell men what to do—and succeed. Only women have the God-given natural power and relationship expertise to twist the male tail into knots of compliance with female expectations.

1643. Favored Quotes—Collection 33

“Ladies: if you own a home and want to get married, for goodness sake, rent it out. Do not have HIM move in with you. The MAN is supposed to find the wife…not a woman is supposed to find a husband…he must have the house or apt…and you are supposed to move in with HIM when MARRIED or else he doesn’t respect you even if you do marry him. [Anon… at 577]

“The conversation contained the words ‘stop it’ which I would repeat several times over the next few months. I never raised my voice; in fact I spoke much more softly than usual, as I knew he felt as badly as I felt. Neither of us had wanted this type of interaction. I forgave without needing an apology (although he did give one). [His girlfriend correcting Guy Jr’s offenses to her sensibilities as described in post 1493]

“Besides, the world needs happy and smiling ladies!” [Miss A at 1630]

“Gentlemen become more admirable and handsome when they use their manly strength for protecting me rather than trying to wear me down for unmarried sex.” [Catherine at 1631]

“Secular education breeds feminism.” [Daughter of Thunder at 1559]

“Not only did a handsome gentleman open the door for me, but he brightened with so much pride and happiness after I said, “Men are never more handsome than when they do such things for ladies.” He didn’t take it as a hit at all. His response made my night.” [Catherine at 998]

1594. His Little Interest in Sex — Part I: Feminist Causes

Her Highness Pink Peony inquired at 1590, why so many and even Christian wives complain that “their husbands didn’t want sex with them and some were newlywed.…what would cause this and what would a wife do in such a circumstance without making it worse?” The answer lies completely within this concept: lack of respect.

As I address Feminism, keep this in mind. I’m proud of legal, political, and economic gains of women. I exclusively address the causes and effects within the social and domestic arenas, where men and women relate with each other as couples.

The lack of respect has roots in Feminism and the death of Ladyhood. They led to the demise of gentlemanly behavior and generated the more direct cause of wives’ disappointment in husbands—that is, cheap and easy sex made ubiquitous and promiscuous sex made popular. The following cause-and-effect upheavals spread into an epidemic.

• Women inspired by Feminism demean males. Feminist cohorts teach enthusiasts to regard men as unrespectable. Not just for what they do, but for what men think, stand for, and are capable of doing. Ostensibly, the macro purpose is to kill paternalism, and political correctness is a greatly popular micro tactic. (Contrary to feminist’ hopes and promises, maternalism hasn’t developed but paternalism intensifies.)
• To compensate men for ill-treatment and prevent cultural upheavals, feminists promote and propagandize cheap and easy sex. Women buy into the propagandized game so enjoyable, profitable, but also less risky to men. The interests of traditional women are buried in social activity that promotes sex as entertainment. (Hate is easier to generate than love, entertainment is easier to promote than moral uprightness, sex is easier to promote than monogamy. The easier ways harm marriages. Consequently, our ancestors promoted the social and domestic strengths found in Judeo-Christian morality.)
• Compensated by plenty of sex, modern men go along to get along. Marriage is exclusively the woman’s game to promote and sustain. Husbandly and fatherly responsibility weaken and smother marriages with parental irresponsibility for raising the next generation. Each new generation causes further deterioration of traditional values formerly controlled by Womanhood. Daughters outdo their moms who outdid their own moms. (Adults now substitute pets for having children; they fear their own ability to raise children who might be as difficult to raise as they were. It symbolizes adult disrespect for both themselves and any children they might have.)
• Each new generation creates their own set of social values, standards, and expectations. Consider this: We get a new generation every six or seven years as the next has to make itself different from the last about the time they enter first grade.

The fallout of those upheavals still churns and twists the cultural values, standards, and expectations out of the hands of women—the traditional dominant power—and into the hands of male-dominated entertainment and electronic media. Fifty years ago men dominated society (what we all do) and the workplace; women dominated the home and culture (why we do what we do). Nowadays, men dominate all four arenas except for micro incidents in judicial and administrative matters and political correctioneers looking to advance their agenda.

The cheap and easy sex epidemic invades the home of married couples and infiltrates the bedroom. That’s where this series takes us, but the consequences of cheap and easy sex come first—tomorrow.