1753. Sex Differences Redux — Part 07: She’s Modest, He’s Not

In addition to being born pretty, females’ are blessed with another primal conviction that weakens male dominance. Each female possesses conviction about her personal sensitivities and sensibilities; we commonly call it modesty. Someone else describes it better than I ever could, and I urge all mothers and prospective mothers to read her book. Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit impressed me more than any other book about female nature. The subtitle Discovering the Lost Virtue cites the relevance for men.

Though dramatically outdone by Wendy,  I shall offer some thoughts for tying men to female modesty. If you can’t or don’t read her masterpiece, although not a summary let these points marinate in your heart and mind so deeply contaminated by the feminized culture.

• Women begin life with a deep sense of modesty. As girls or women, violations cause embarrassment. Men are born immodest but respectful of female differences. Except for those they disdain or seek to demean, men try to do better when they encounter a superior trait. Men consider distinctly female traits as superior to the degree they are upheld against the pressures of masculine infringement or male dominance.
• Males don’t embarrass easily and don’t like it when they are embarrassed. Consequently, they learn early in life that females are very different and have much higher standards and different sensibilities than males. It’s precisely that difference combined with many others that earn masculine respect.
• Men don’t embarrass themselves, and they don’t feel good when they accidentally embarrass a female. Oh, they grin or laugh or maybe even plan her discomfort. (Teasing pretty women makes them prettier.) However, men adjust their behavior in the future, if she reflects deep and sincere modesty. If she sticks to her guns. Men respect her if she continually refuses to accept offense to her sense of modesty, dignity, and feminine propriety.
• Some males seek to embarrass females. Especially, adolescent males try to learn about life through one girl. They seek to conquer her inhibitions, standards, and expectations. Conquering her modesty produces effects not unlike conquering her for sex. She loses his respect, if she ever had it. As she becomes more like a male and weans herself from embarrassing moments, she becomes less respectable to him.
• As they grow up some females water down their modest instincts to be more acceptable to males. They give up that precious virtue and darken their own futures. Others choose to defend modesty standards and uphold the superior position of females in society. The latter ones have little difficulty gaining masculine respect, which is that ever so vital ingredient that precedes a man’s love.
• Modesty empowers females with a dynamic obstruction to hold back the entreaties of a dominating male, so why try so hard to ignore it? Feminists may find immodesty appealing, but how respectable are they to men; at least men with the capability and inclination to become a lifetime Mr. Right?

God, Nature, and hormones bless men and women differently. Modesty gives females their most powerful subliminal ‘weapon’ for holding in check the behavior of males. Wendy Shalit describes it much more thoroughly in Return to Modesty.

1747. Sex Differences Redux — Part 01: Their Drives and Needs

This blog turns five years old today, and time has come to republish the founding principles. All that you read here is founded on the very different characteristics of women and men.

Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes, but I disagree. Feminists just politicize differences into obscurity. See for yourself as this series expands.

Her Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, usually lonesome and perhaps desperate.

His Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman does it for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work and outside competitive interests.

Her Drive: Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units.

His Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.

Her Sex Drive. Four natural energies bring sex into play in the woman’s world:

• Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
• Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to copulate.
• Her primal need for self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating with men with the understanding that it might include providing sex.
• Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.

Those primal urges motivate women to recognize the male sex drive as more urgently driven and to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women.

His Sex Drive. Three primal urges bring sex into the man’s world:

• His drive to compete brings females onto the playing field.
• His physiological urge to copulate.
• His intrinsic urge to outdo and outshine other men.

Those primal urges combine to make males compete with males for females and compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward.

Next: The next few posts include their competing wants, compatible fears, and opposed interests in the present and the future.

1296. Think the Best, Don’t Doubt the Rest — #15

• The nature of males works against what most women want most. Masculine curiosity stimulates and narrowly focuses a man’s imagination on a female. Imagining conquest energizes him to chase her. Conquering her ends his natural quest. After knowing her sexually, his curiosity shifts toward other sex targets and his imagination follows. A woman conquers when she defeats that natural process. Only the promise she holds for him above and beyond his nature energizes him to provide her emotional security through marital longevity.
• Having the right to do it doesn’t make it right to do it. Girls jump on the feminist bandwagon of masculine-style sexual freedom. Acting out equal entitlement makes females no more respectable than guys. Faux guys are treated as guys, which most women don’t appreciate after they realize the dissatisfactions in promiscuity. Thus, women that copy men weaken the promise they hold for the men inclined to marry.
• Feminists convince females that men should change to respect and appreciate women more. But the realities of Feminism-laden society produce contrary effects. Nowadays men are reluctant to follow women into building family and lasting relationships. The natural self-centeredness and personal independence of males intensify into boys’ toys and games instead of helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. The result: Women are much less influential within relationships. They try to compensate by making sex more readily available outside of marriage. But it exacerbates relationship stability and generates much emotional insecurity.

1237. Cross-stressing — Part IV

For decades we’ve heard many ways that men cause divorce. But we seldom hear how the female nature interferes with marital solidarity. The previous article 1236 detailed one way and here are a few more of WhatWomenNeverHear.

Moms pressure their wifely selves into many other pressures that work against preservation of their marriage. A few examples:

• In her two roles, wife thinks husband is expendable, but mom doesn’t—or vice versa. If husband becomes expendable in both her roles, her marriage is essentially over, which may just mean living separate lives under the same roof.
• As long as marriage ranks higher than the children, then husband and wife dominate the home. If the children are rated over marriage, her motherly role easily relieves her wifely role of dominating the home.
• Moms use the best interests of kids to outweigh marital priorities and dominate the home. When it happens habitually, respect and gratitude for the husband declines.
• As time and children accumulate, those squeaky little wheels energize mom with guilt to do better for her kids. She expects father/husband to also be energized, but males don’t take kindly to guilt. They avoid or escape it, but mother/wife lives with hers and keeps expecting her man to respond similarly.
• It’s quite natural that mom/wife has a deeper, abiding, and compassionate connection to the children than does father/husband. It’s also quite natural that men don’t care much, unless women teach them differently and their current mate reinforces it.
• Moms like to sacrifice themselves on the altar of children-come-first. But that’s really a selfish expression of mom’s self-interest. She’s better able to live with herself by sacrifice because it compensates for guilt, some of which may be marital failure.
• Modern moms proclaim the righteousness of motherhood but don’t uplift the husband, wife, and father roles in the process. If motherhood is to outrank all other roles, as it should, moms should learn that lifting up those other roles works better than blaming or tearing them down. (As JFK said on other matters but it applies here, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” Also, feminists tried to elevate women relative to men by tearing down the men. Now, women are not so well regarded, respected, and honored for their uniqueness as they once were. For moms to be the superstars they try to fashion for themselves, their gender must be a galaxy of stars in the eyes of males.)

Divorce is primarily rooted in her poor choice of mate, wife becoming different than the woman he married, or family members falling prey to her wife/mother internal conflicts, or all of the above.

1041. Feminators As Terminators II

Women have for several decades listened only to women talk about men, what they do and don’t do and should and shouldn’t be. What parts of Feminism were ever imposed on society after seeking inputs from men? Little, although some male lawyers, politicians, and bureaucrats overloaded with power sought advantage. They helped radical women ram Feminism politically and legally down masculine throats with cries of inequality, sexual harassment, abuse, economic bias, and refusal to accept every kind of manly defense. Feminators continue the pressure.

Feminators: Political correctioneers filled with sour attitudes, bitterness, dreams of matriarchy, and little or no affirming use of men (because they mostly can’t capture the ones they want or keep ones they capture).

Men have been culturally intimidated, criticized, demeaned, and confused. They have withdrawn from husbanding and fathering responsibilities. Early feminists led the way allegedly trying to stamp out patriarchy, but other women tolerated and followed their lead until cultural values dismissed men as creatures credible about caring, compassion, and understanding. Feminists also led the way to free and easy sex to compensate men for allowing such dramatic cultural changes.

The results? Today, not men but women define beauty. The Sisterhood makes more and more of blonde, blue-eyed, tall, and thin. They use sex as the theme to attract men, upstage female competitors, and serialize boyfriends.

Less endowed and fortunate females have to use extremes. They make do without competitive appeal. It embitters them and pushes some toward Feminator roles. Men go along for the frequent and convenient sex, but it weakens commitment and virtually prevents manly devotion to one woman especially for life.

When men define beauty, there’s room for almost all females as keepers. When women define beauty, all but the best are excluded from keeperhood. Feminism enabled the latter and Feminators emerge because of it.

878. Is He Serious or Playing Around?

This post responds to Her Highness Abigail. At #875 she opined: “I wish it was easier to figure out which men are ready and which are playing around before you spend too much time on them.”

Ben Franklin guides us well on this point: He said the way to help people out of poverty is to make them uncomfortable in it. Women can make men uncomfortable in their immaturity and thus enable greater maturity.

The more signs of immaturity he displays, the more likely he’s just playing around. It doesn’t seem just, but it’s a fair way for women to find out what they need to reduce risk and wasted time. Moreover, just evaluating men for signs of maturity adds maturity to her.

Females that ask personal questions make men uncomfortable. They have four ways to respond: Tell her what she wants to hear. Dodge, evade, or fake it until she thinks he makes it. Get the heck away from her. Or, finally and toughest, he can respond hesitantly, cautiously, and very unsmoothly but to the best of his earnestness, ability, and knowledge. Only the last option suggests maturity of the kind women should look for.

Now, as to the questions, don’t expect direct answers. Women should feel their way along and allow time for the guy to think things over and maybe respond in a day or so. Guys don’t normally think about such things, which is why women should inquire. Too rapid a response may indicate glibness rather than sincerity or well-developed opinion. He shows considerable maturity when he routinely takes time to answer but inevitably gets back on the toughest answers. He respects himself and her enough to respond with his best thinking.

The following will make men uncomfortable coming from a woman; he wonders what she’s after and immediately concludes marriage. So, the questions should be scattered, asked randomly as events broach the subject, and made much more indirect than shown here.

Responses provide reasons to measure a man’s maturity and immaturity. She’s the judge, and she should become good at inquiring, if she hopes to judge well and thus find a good man. These are examples and not a checklist. CAUTION: Pick and choose the best for you and focus on the themes more than the specific wording.

1. What’s the last book you read? Any lessons you learned? Any facts that you can use? Any opinions that you developed? Recommend it for females? For me?
2. What do you owe your boss? Your company? Your fellow employees? Those who support or help you in your employment?
3. What’s the main theme for success in a male-female relationship? What’s vital? What’s fatal?
4. Ever think about joining the military? Peace Corps? Missionary work? Pray much or lightly? Receive any joy in church?
5. If you had to preach a sermon in church, what would you choose for subject?
6. It’s been said that ambitious men need someplace to go early in the morning. They need it to add purpose to their life. Where would that be for you? What gets you moving in the morning?
7. What’s your greatest ambition? To do what? When? How prepared are you to tackle it?
8. Where did you get your work ethic? What is your work ethic? Not familiar with the term? Really?
9. What female now highlights your life? No! Not me, of course. And not a love interest. What do they contribute to you?
10. Who is the greatest male in your life? Why? What do or did you gain from your association?
11. What do you like best about children? Least about them? If a relative died and left you as guardian of three children, what would you do and how would you do it?
12. What do you dream of becoming? Of doing?
13. Got a bucket list? No? Then how about we compile and compare our respective lists.
14. What’s your best friend’s most admirable trait?
15. Who do you admire the most? Why?
16. What makes marriage work? Who has responsibility for what? Why?
17. Do children help or hinder a marriage? Why? How many do you want? And what do you expect from them?
18. If you could have one picture of anything you dream up on the wall at home or work, what would it be?
19. If you could play any role in any movie you’ve ever seen, what would it be?
20. What makes a man brave? Courageous? Have you ever been there?
21. What made your father courageous? Your mother?
22. What’s your greatest accomplishment? Really? That big? That important? Receive any recognition or honors? Do you miss what you didn’t receive?
23. What does wifely submission mean to you? You know, how the bible describes it? What do their differing responsibilities show you? Who’s most responsible for marital success?
24. What’s your favorite scripture? Where’d you learn it? Can you quote it?
25. What’s your favorite religious song? Why? Can you sing it now?
26. Do you support anyone or anything with contributions? Who else deserves your money?
27. Who is your favorite teacher? Why? Did he/she help with your learning or with shaping your character? What changed about your character? What other benefits did you receive? What lingers with you today?
28. For whom are you grateful? For what are you grateful? From where does your sense of gratitude come? Why should you even be grateful, if you get no more than the minimum?
29. What do you like about femininity? Feminism? No, tell me something good about Feminism/feminists. There must be something!
30. Can and will you describe your character to me?

Women always want to know more about their man. These suggestions provide opportunity to learn more. Uncovering his intentions by evaluating his maturity can determine whether he’s playing around or not. It guarantees nothing, but she’s the judge and can live with her decisions more easily than just guessing about his intentions.

It’s neither the questions nor the answers that count. It’s his reactions to many questions. Does he show effort, respect, and desire to please her in the numerous ways he reacts? Signs of his maturity lie therein.

817. Ego Warfare — Part II

Her Highness Miss Dawn triggers good discussion by stating that the male and female egos seem to be the same. She follows with: “Why is it that men assume that women have no ego? No pride? A sense of hating to lose? Of desiring sovereignty over one’s life? To not be bossed around? Fear of humiliation? Disdain for embarrassment?”

True, women have egos. However, pitting one man against one woman, it’s not the same in size, intensity, or unwillingness to yield. A man’s competitive and dominant nature energizes his ego and triggers his will to win with much stronger effect on a woman than vice versa. He fights for the win today; she anticipates and appreciates better what tomorrow has in store.

Her ego is tempered by higher order priorities, such as natural preferences to cooperate, smooth and soothe rather than exacerbate, initiate shifting to indirectness, and use patience for resolution. She fights, but if necessary, she yields, so she can keep open future options.

Men don’t assume that women have no ego, but they don’t pay as much attention for this major reason: Feminists have harped so long and so much about the unbending and unforgivable male ego. Remember male bashing emails a few years ago? They insinuated that females lacked an ego. Endless feminist blaming of men whipped the subject to froth. Ignored ideologically, the female ego went underground.

As to her pride, embarrassment, humiliation, lack of sovereignty, and hatred of losing and being bossed around, men don’t think about such things. Women have taught men to expect the opposite.

• More easily than men, women know that pride goes before the fall, so they don’t show or push it as intensely as men.
• Her sovereignty and dependence on a man are mutually exclusive to him. His thinking starts with that premise, until she negotiates something different.
• Not to be bossed around is a much stronger resistance in the male rather than female nature. Women would rather get their way in the end; they yield a  battle to win the war.
• Humiliation is a function of ego damage. The male ego damages more easily than a female’s, especially when it’s inflicted by the opposite sex.
• Women act more sensitive and embarrass more easily. A man doesn’t accept that she should be embarrassed by his behavior, when he’s not.

These are not excuses for what happens, but natural pressures that make men inconsiderate of the female ego and women highly aware of the males’.

NOTE: Ego Warfare opened with article 368.

816. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 13

• He honors her wishes for less pressure, as he seeks to conquer her. Unless he’s phony, which takes other testing, the degree, willingness, and pleasantness with which he backs off indicates his respect and potential for devoting himself to her.
• Ideal mothers civilize and teach boys to measure up to female values, standards, and expectations. Ideal fathers domesticate and teach boys for family responsibility according to manly values, standards, and expectations. (Such idealistic upbringing strongly favors the female gender.)
• The seeds of matrimony require constant watering of his mind and interests with indirectness, patience, and charm that sprinkles her modesty, mystery, restraint, femininity, female virtue, uniqueness, and self-respect all over him. She remains the same extraordinary woman he married.
• Modern wives do the opposite of what works to keep a husband. They make the institution of marriage of, by, and for mothers and children. This reverses the natural order of domestic life, as men see and honor it.
• Perhaps thinking it’s their due, modern females have expanded the female ego to a disturbance level that almost equals the male ego. This unnatural change challenges men in unworkable ways and produces the opposite of what men seek living with a woman.
• Mature but not adolescent-minded husbands like for their wives’ appearance to attract the attention of other men. Compliments to her, for example, make husband look good. It’s her reaction that may bother husband.