Respect and trust rise and fall between individuals. One would think that when one goes up or down, the other would follow. It does for males but not females. (As used here, ‘trust’ covers more than just sexual fidelity.)
The male nature produces these consequences:
- He expects a female’s respect, but he doesn’t expect to be trusted.
- Men more easily respect than trust a woman. Husbands and wives especially
- Men expect a female’s respect for who he is. He expects her trust to come from what he does, says, or promises. But it doesn’t, unless she dislikes herself (aka low self-esteem).
- When husband detects a decline in wife’s respect, his duty as trustful spouse also declines. As her judgment moves, his sense of duty follows. Respect is a gift that he earns. Take back the gift, and he’ll react at significant cost to her.
- Husbands belittle, demean, or shame wife and expect her to remain respectful of and faithful to him. Why? Because of conqueror’s rights. Once earned and confirmed by conquest, her respect and trust are due. (You shout, “It’s unfair,” and I reply, “It’s Nature.”)
The female nature produces these consequences:
- Women more easily trust than respect a man. She can lose respect and still trust her man and vice versa.
- Respect of a man depends on how she values what he is and does. Trust of a man depends on how she values herself as deserving of him. So, because it depends on how well she likes herself, trusting a man is easier than respecting him.
- Wives more naturally trust than respect their husbands. If not, low self-esteem is at fault. She presumes husband is faithful to her until signs show otherwise. It’s a natural ‘preventer’ of unneeded distress. The potential pain inherent in life, plus her constant focus on brightening her future, makes her mind naturally steer clear of anticipating husband as being distrustful.
- She expects a man to love her for who she is. His trust should come from how he loves her. She’s like that, why shouldn’t he be? But his trust comes from how he’s respected and trusted, and not from his love of her.
- Wives belittle, demean, or shame husbands and mistakenly expect them to remain trustworthy. Much less will worsen a wife’s life. For example: Wife finds faults and shortcomings that override husband’s good qualities and downgrade the respect she has for him. Because men link respect and trust together, he perceives that her trust is also downgraded. Unintended consequences follow. Less trust generates two adverse effects: His weakened sense of duty to be trustful, and his distrust of her as good wife.
Trust shown neither proves nor guarantees trustworthiness. However, trust someone without reason, unconditionally, and it indirectly sends and subconsciously earns respect for both parties.