1757. Sex Differences Redux — Part 11: Bonding

Women bond as easily as they provide sex after emotional lead up and foreplay. Causing much confusion to modern women, men don’t bond that way and are more complex than women.

The bonding process for both is simple, if one just considers their respective natures. View a man and woman as if they just emerged from the womb as full size adults with distinctively different roles in life. They’ve not yet learned anything about life or dealt with other people. No experiences, no beliefs learned, and no development of personality. Just the male and female natures in the raw, as it were.

The woman’s process starts with touching and completes with their first sex together. She senses that he also bonds and is captured, and she expects that he’s hooked. She does what makes her feel good about herself; her self-love blossoms as she more and more tries to demonstrate that she’s his Ms. Right. It satisfies her need for self-importance. However, such demonstrative actions to prove her value are usually wasted. He bonds from other stimulants.

If her gratitude arises out of their post-coital relationship, her happiness follows. If her gratefulness for him doesn’t follow her efforts, their relationship crumbles. Her bond with him may shatter, but even if she learns to hate him, it seldom completely leaves her heart.

The man’s bonding process begins with her attractiveness that stirs his loins. It concludes with his conviction of her likeability for who he is and what he does. Sex with her is not only unnecessary, it interferes with uncovering her qualities that hold promise for him and thus weakens his conviction about her likeability.

Men bond from this. She’s attractive and likeable. He respects her for her self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control. She amuses, uplifts, and pleases him. She respects who he is and appreciates what he does. His conviction confirms her likeability and he wants to keep her around—provided, that is, if the price to be determined over some lengthy time ahead isn’t too high. (For example, if she speaks too early of marriage or discloses her sexual history, the price jumps too high.)

If their relationship sours, his bond with her follows suit. Sex will only lure him back temporarily. To restore his bond, he needs to start over by seeing a new and reinforced self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control as she denies sex to him. He sees new promise, and such an epiphany opens his eyes to reappraising what else and new she has to offer him for a different kind of life together. (His nature works that way, and it’s why virtual virginity works.)

The sexes are vastly different in the ways they bond as couples. The process becomes infinitely more complex after values, beliefs, and expectations complicate both men and women in real life. But the essence is as described above. Sex with him bonds her; the promise he sees in her as likeable companion or mate bonds him.

Note this for your diary/journal: She’s in charge of whether to provide sex. She’s also in charge of cultivating herself such that he sees that she holds promise for the present and his future as he foresees it. (Her words don’t hold such promise.) In both cases, she acts and he reacts. Got it? Women determine all bonding. Thus, as women go, so go relationships, marriages, society (what we all do), and the culture (why we all do what we do).

1436. Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely! — Part III

Sex play a role in the the problems with Option B as Her Highness Denise described two options at #1428.

Option A: “Some women embrace the idea that you are single until married, meaning that even though you might spend time with someone in a romantic context, until a man proposes, you remain free to entertain the interest of whomever you desire should you choose to do so.” (Already described at #1434)

Option B: “Others claim that this is disloyal, unfaithful, etc. and that if you are seriously interested in someone, that interest ought to be expressed through a committed, exclusive dating relationship where both parties are off limits to anyone else so long as you are an ‘official’ couple.”

Option A leaves the door wide open for relationship disappointments but what else is new. Option B is even riskier for women. It too easily fertilizes relationship destructiveness as its many disadvantages come into play.

The numbering continues for easy reference.

7. Option A drags out the chase for their first sex together. Conquest delayed earns more respect of her. A man’s love is founded on respect for women generally and one in particular. So, despite popular beliefs, A more reliably breeds lasting love than B.

8. Option B relationships, at least in modern society, are built upon romantic love for her fueled by sex for him. Option A repeat dating breeds mutual respect to undergird enduring love while romantic love builds. Sex is more promise than fuel and so his respect for her escalates with each date.    

9. Option B presumes that mutuality of intent is accomplished. It’s easy for women. But it goes against the male nature. Why do women persist in trying to get men to act more like women? When men have so much difficulty remaining faithful after marriage, why think it can be done successfully under female terms before marriage? (I’m not saying women shouldn’t try it but they need another strategy than B. Specifically? Okay. Encourage, foster, and patiently await the development of his devotion before seeking commitment and awarding designation of ‘boyfriend’.)

10. Option B is worded in female-talk. ‘Committed’ means much less to men than women. ‘Exclusive’ places unwanted pressure upon a man. ‘Official couple’ rings sourly to the male ear. ‘Seriously interested’ comes to females much sooner and dramatically than to men. Summarized, such terms promoted by women more easily turn men off than buy their relationship loyalty. With this exception, however. He’s devoted to her far beyond just commitment. For such a man, Option B conditions are alright with him before she verbalizes and seeks mutual agreement. In other words, she didn’t even have to mention such an arrangement. He’s devoted and WANTS to be restrained by her presence in his life.

11. If a man will cheat on a woman, he does so because he lacks respect for her, lacks regard for her importance in his life, and lacks self-respect of his own integrity. Men first must learn to treat women respectfully. Option B provides little emphasis for it to happen. However, Option A does. The competitive challenges of serial dating (or appearing to) keep a date alert to treat her respectfully. His acting respectfully generates permanent respect. Thus, A encourages and B may or may not encourage growth of his respect. B at best provides fewer opportunities for her to earn and him to reflect his respect.

The list continues tomorrow in Part IV at #1437.

1220. Ties That Bind and Blind — #11

• Providing sex can lead to a man’s verbal commitment, but that’s not the same as actions that prove his devotion. It takes virginity—real or virtual—to energize and enlarge devotion to its lifetime best. 
• Every love affair has a fundamental weakness without this: Both partners respect the opposite sex more than their own gender. 
• Before their first sex together, without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable and intolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from lack of purpose and character.
• Femininity in early life captures a man’s attention. Femininity practiced ardently over the years gradually empowers her as highly respected matriarch in later life.
• Love ballads impinge on the heart with an appeal that females enjoy and appreciate. Yet, modern women don’t use such music to program their subconscious for success dealing with males and living with one man.
• Women use sex as bait, which has immediate but limited value to a man. After conquest she’s fishing with an empty hook in the water.
• She says, “I can do it all,” but the female nature itself prevents her getting it all—e.g., escaping loneliness late in life without a man.

1125. Keepers for Keepers—Assortment 31

• A man’s discoveries of a woman’s strengths and attributes fade after their first sex together. He need not look further. It’s his nature more than her.
• Being feminine makes a woman very unique, which maximizes her value to men.  
• Her affection and love do not register as gratitude for him.
• His ego and sense of significance are the same.
• If she expects his devotion, remember that it arises from what he does for her, not what she does for or thinks of him.
• If she expects to be a big trophy for him: The harder to get, the bigger the trophy.
• Men usually keep their love under wraps. When they express love, they do so through actions designed to please her. He shows his love in spurts.
• To her, his words speak more loudly than his actions. It’s quite the opposite of his view.

1051. Ties That Bind and Blind — #02

• After a couple has sex the first time, he owns their sexual agenda. It’s his right of conquest. If she balks and does not learn to outsmart or outmaneuver him without torturing his sense of significance, he departs sooner or later.
• Early in life testosterone hardens a male’s head and heart for survival. A woman can soften her man’s hard-headedness after many years as a good wife. Also, testosterone fades in old age and softens his heart. Feminist theory, propaganda, and pressures try to soften male heads and hearts before Nature allows, and so men rebel and women pay the price.
• Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that compatibility arises and couples succeed because of sex difference more than sameness.
• Women think men are primarily after sex. So, wives use sex to punish or manipulate their husband. Such a wife’s devious intentions pave the road to wifely hell.
• Her dreams can be toxic. She wants a baby badly before her body clock tells her No! So she feigns unwavering devotion to some man and marries for the wrong reasons. She has already elevated child over spouse—lethal for a lifetime with father.

679. Respect Revisited — II

Once together as couple and on through marriage, his staying power depends on respect she shows him, and his love depends on respect she earns from him. One-sided and confusing, yes, but it determines outcomes.

• No serious relationship arises or succeeds, when she shows disrespect for him. He determines what’s disrespectful, and unfortunately for her feminists teach females that it doesn’t matter.
• The male bases his self-respect on strengths—character, intelligence, physical, mental, moral, conqueror, or whatever. He dispenses respect for others on strengths he admires or lacks, be his matching strengths inferior or absent.
• The male nature works this way about first sex together: If she can resist his eloquence and persistence so charmingly, think of all those other guys that tried and must have also failed.   
• Unmarried females have to earn a male’s respect. When they learn why and how as teens, they’re much better prepared for life and marriage. When they don’t rise above their adolescent hormones to learn, men more powerfully dominate and dim their future.
• Unmarried males chasing females don’t worry about respect. A man’s energetic pursuit holds up his self-respect in spite of even her disrespect. (She may be playing hard to get.) But once she accepts him as suitor, he has won the battle and is due the respect of conqueror even before they have sex but especially afterward.

The final section of this title publishes tomorrow.

535. Do women know jack about Jack? — Part 25

J Jack can love a woman, but Jill shouldn’t expect his love to be as unconditional, intense, and inseparable as hers. Other allegiances about work and other interests work against it. She sees it as leftover independence.

J Jack commits to Jill. He accepts new missions of his design. In his eyes commitment elevates his sense of importance and significance. What he’s done strengthens him more than who she is.

J In the manly side of the world outside the home, Jack earns what he expects will be Jill’s appreciation. He also expects it to wax and never wane.

J Jack’s natural competitive spirit justifies conflict and encourages winning. He’s a natural scrapper. Getting in his face makes Jill an opponent. He feels no guilt, unless, perhaps, he exceeded his own boundaries of propriety, and even then he probably won’t apologize.

J Jack needs no full-time woman, but he can dedicate to Jill if she helps accomplish his various self-defined missions outside the home.

J Many surprises that come later have roots in a couple’s first sex together. It’s a highly consequential event for the man and hangs much of the scenery for what follows on their stage. 

J If plenty of unmarried sex is avail, then Jack tends to take refusal personally. If not avail, Jack tends NOT to take it personal. (Details at post 50)

114. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 4

A man’s discoveries of a woman’s strengths and attributes fade after their first sex together. He need not look further. It’s his nature more than her.

A man’s love is based on respect for an extraordinary woman who outshines most others. She becomes extraordinary in his eyes, if he has to work hard to impress her, hold her attention, and otherwise prove himself worthy of her. Her attractiveness just gets the ball rolling.

A man’s natural loyalty lies primarily with his job or whatever he must do to satisfy his sense of significance. The right and extraordinary woman can get a permanent arrangement. Others cannot, except for temporary comfort and functionality.

A man’s not really interested in her, if he’s not intrigued by her feminine persona. Or, if he ridicules her female modesty. Or, if he mocks her moral, religious, feminine, or parental standards. Or, if he insists that she do something she knows is not good for her.

A man’s respect for women generally and one in particular is not essential to a temporary relationship, but it is for a permanent one.

A woman that uses gratitude, indirectness, and endless patience can turn an inadequate husband from frog to prince to king. Love and affection are not enough though.

A female’s denial of unmarried sex spurs a male’s imagination to go beyond words of commitment and show devotion through new and innovative actions. If it doesn’t, she’s more temp than keeper.

After a couple’s first sex together, the man assumes control of their sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, or he moves on.  

After conquest the infatuated but not fascinated man focuses on life with her as sex partner at the cheapest cost to him—girlfriend, lover, live in, or wife if necessary.

Even before a man starts a relationship, she’s his target for conquest. Her value goes up with his difficulty achieving his goal. How he handles her obstacles discloses if he’s truly into her.  

[More about knowing jack about Jack appears in posts 97, 91, and 7 below. Just enter the number in the Search box above.]