342. Ties that bind, or not! — Their needs

Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do, but it also conflicts with what a spouse expects.

 

She needs a brighter future for her family. Mature women exploit their relationship expertise. They work for stable security and promote family development, closeness, and harmony. Immature women seek materialistic brighteners—more money, continuous shopping, unaffordable housing.

 

Those things are not that important to men. Their male nature focuses more on the present than the future. Wife expects husband to respond favorably to her wishes about their future. However, it takes skill so as not to interfere with his near-term thinking, interests, and plans.

 

Mature wives focus and coach husband on building and sustaining their marriage. Immature wives pressure husband for greater effort, for more and better of whatever he does. (When he never measures up, it sends loud messages that he’s inadequate and may even be insignificant.)

 

His needs are far simpler than hers. He only needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’.

 

Such a place is easy to come by elsewhere. Consequently, in marriage he expects fun and comfort to compensate for loss of independence.

 

It’s her home to build and dominate. When she does it well, it’s a castle to him.

 

Tradeoffs leads to cooperation—good! Disrespect for their opposing natures leads to competition—ungood!

279. What daughters never hear — Section 7

Dear Daughter,

♂2♀  If you accept being embarrassed when with men or a man, you misuse and will lose one of your greatest strengths—female modesty.

♂2♀  If you tolerate immoral behavior in a man, don’t expect his strength of character to help fulfill your feminine hopes and dreams.  

♂2♀  Your failed marriage boils down to this: You chose the wrong man, tried to change him into Mr. Right, and changed yourself into a woman different than the one he married.

♂2♀  You can expect disputes and should neutralize these sex differences when creating a home together: To you, décor and fashion take priority. To him, functionality makes much more sense.

♂2♀  You seek to be in charge of your future. Best bet calls for bonding with a man spiritually and devotedly before sexually. Why? Sex doesn’t bond men. Spirituality tames masculine aggressiveness and imposes family responsibility. Devotion to one woman seals his side of friendship and permanence. 

♂2♀  Romantic love brings together and bonds couples. Before it fades in a year or two, a myriad of little negative things can slow and even prevent enduring love from ever forming.

♂2♀  You can focus on the big things that hold a couple together—love, friendship, commitment. However, you’ll do better to focus on avoiding, quieting, and suppressing the little unacceptable irritants, fixations, and habits that slowly shred love into bits and pieces.

[More that daughters never hear are listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top.]

254. Newlywed Bonding #5 — Pain that heals

In our land of great wealth, many couples break up over financial troubles. Then, they do it again with someone else. Most just can’t learn what it takes to avoid financial instability and payday rape by creditors.

Some people avoid spending except when necessary. They rely on will power. They don’t succumb to impulses. They suppress whatever need they may have for immediate gratification. They build their lifestyle around necessities with few luxuries. Shopping has no allure. They value functionality over fashion, essentials over convenience, labor- and time-intensive over labor- and time-savers. The rest of us are different.

Here are some principles, beliefs, attitudes, convictions, and lessons that can help newlyweds step off on the right foot.

♂$♀  There will be never enough money until you have so much that ‘enough’ is never thought of.

♂$♀ Control of money will always be more important than amount available.

♂$♀  Control requires a decision process. We call it the pain that heals, or simply ‘budgeting’.

♂$♀  The budgeting process keeps a couple focused on improving their lives. With the force of self-imposed rules, it pushes them to do in the present, what they need for their future.

The list continues in forthcoming posts.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

238. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes — Part 3

        Patriarchy is natural. Throughout history no matriarchy ever arose, but our American foremothers came closest. Our forebears converted and integrated immigrant patriarchies into a female-friendly, family-centered society.

Our Judeo-Christian value system empowered husbands to dominate workplace and society and enabled wives to dominate home and culture. This empowered our foremothers to promote manly significance and indirectly shape the future without violating the natural dominance of men.

Single men were minor players in cultural development, because most men married or sought marriage. Single women adopted, upheld, and even uplifted the virtues of Womanhood as spreader of all that is good.

Husbands fulfilled wifely expectations for a more civilized life. They tamed Nature, built wealth, managed single male excesses, observed rule of law, customized family-friendliness, and brightened the future for children.

Our American foremothers knew themselves and the male nature; they honored and exploited both. They pursued separate but equal genders.

Generation after generation made the USA more female-friendly. More law and order, security, generosity, compassion, wealth accumulation. Less male aggression, abuse, violence. Greater individual responsibility for family, fathering, husbanding.     

Women harnessed masculine energies to favor female-friendly and family-centered life. Without such wifely leadership, men don’t settle down to help women fulfill female hopes and dreams. As women go, so goes society.

Our foremothers never let up. Mothers tamed boys, girls civilized teen boys, and wives domesticated husbands. And that’s missing today.

[More on old school America appears in posts 218 and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

233 — Dark Side of Feminism — Part 16

 

As women go, so goes society. Feminist propaganda over the past four decades was brash and captivating. Women couldn’t resist elevating themselves relative to men.

However, it left huge piles of social and domestic debris. This major political movement now approaches implosion from fatal compressions, such as:

·        Feminists pay no attention to what men say about the subject. Men are unqualified, the culprits, the enemy.

·        Men never bought in to Feminism. Their behavior changed to ensure frequent and convenient access to sex, but their nature didn’t change. (See posts titled ‘Sex Differences Do Matter’ in the CONTENTS page.)

·        Trying to conquer natural male dominance with politics and propaganda, feminists destroyed unconditional respect between the genders.   

·        Modern men possess undependable character traits, make less than ideal mates, and lather the female gender with disrespect—no calls after his conquest, early dumping, surprise abandonment, skipping childcare payments, infidelity, weak commitment, insincere devotion, abuse, violence.

·        Men are more alien than native for helping fulfill the hopes and dreams of women for their children and future.

·        The male gender focuses on sex and conquest. Individuals take out feminist-inspired discouragements, frustrations, and rejections on dates, lovers, mates, spouses, and even children.

·        Women passed to men dominance of cultural values. Masculine values and interests dominate the pop culture, which more clearly dominates the social scene and culture as newer generations take over.

For these and other reasons, Feminism fades as obsolete. Women will soon rise up with a wiser set of cultural values to inspire men to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Hopefully, it will be feminine and exploit sex differences instead of politically and fractiously trying to level those differences. 

 

 

 

 

222. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 6

Females succumb to male expectations and standards, which lower their value as mates. They accept commitment instead of taking time to generate a man’s devotion.

⌂ Commitment promises togetherness with her. ♥ Devotion delivers his dedication to her.

⌂ Commitment only promises to rule out other women. ♥ Devotion delivers it, because she’s worth not losing.

⌂ Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him. ♥ Devotion signals she’s more than worthy for him.

⌂ Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. ♥ Devotion to her lasts even though living together may not happen.

⌂ Commitment dies easily under daily pressures that eat away at promises and togetherness. ♥ Devotion of self to one person triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures.  

⌂ Promises require no work at the present. ♥ Devotion exhibits personal sacrifices today.

⌂ Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. ♥ Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication.

⌂ Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. ♥ Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else before her.

⌂ Commitment has no obligation to excuse a mate’s mistakes. ♥ Devotion finds excuses to protect one’s mate.

⌂ Promises make only vague and risky commitment, as females see it. ♥ Women crave someone’s devotion.

Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up.

Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her.

NOTE: She did it again. The nice lady that inspired post 219 also inspired this one.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

201. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 08

♀ If she doesn’t dominate the courtship agenda, she won’t have much power in any other arrangement—except separation.

♀ “We are mutually co-dependent,” she imagines. Women think or hope that men are like females in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together—wrong!

♀ If she does not like herself and love being a female, she will not appreciate any man for very long—except the older, father figure.

♀ If she stands for nothing but the fashionable, she will fall for what’s new—including another man.

♀ If women don’t condemn what embarrasses them, they undermine their self-respect and miss opportunities to gain the respect of men for female modesty.

♀ Marriage boils down to this: She chose him. As the relationship expert, she’s responsible to qualify him and place value on whatever he’s selling. Then, as the buyer, she makes whatever adjustments are necessary to live with what she ‘purchased’.

♀ Modern women use sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But short relationships show it does not work very well.

♀ Instead of making men prove they are worthy of her as the buyer and him as the seller, modern women reverse those roles in order to have a boyfriend.

 

169. Virtual Virginity #9

☼ Looking for Mr. Right, a woman has tough enemies. They include: (1) Being sexually active to keep up with her peers. (2) The lack of long range purpose and goals for her life. (3) Excessive eagerness to have boyfriend, live in, or husband. (4) Inexperience making sound judgments about HER long range future. Virtual virginity helps reduce the impact of these enemies.

☼ While her legs are crossed, a woman compares her thinking with her feelings, her wishes with the facts, her future with the promises she faces. Such clear-headedness brings far fewer mistakes.

☼ Keeping her legs crossed enables a female to control her relationships. It’s her cardinal power to test boyfriends, friends, and acquaintances for their ability to help fulfill her hopes and dreams.

☼ Of the friends, acquaintances, and newbys she knows, their potential value becomes evident when she lets ‘no sex with me’ produce and disclose to her this fallout: Mr. Wrong, Mr. Not Good Enough, Mr. Good Enough, and Mr. Right. Practice makes perfect.  

☼ Quality time after conquest is far different from quality time before.

☼ The longer she holds out, then the more the candidate for Mr. Right accepts her other values, standards, and expectations. If he fails to accept her and adjust his behavior accordingly, he’s automatically or should be Mr. Wrong.

[More on virtual virginity appears at posts 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, 44, and 25 below.] Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.