Tag Archives: gratefulness

2080. The Battle over House Work — Part III: How She Wins


This is a dynamite cocktail that should cause a big noise. Women find more and better ingredients for earning happiness when they do daily housework without involving their mate. I may never prove it to you but the following proves it to me (and I never thought it possible until first draft of this series.)

Recall from part I: She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs confirmation from others to spread her gratefulness and thus earn—not receive or find—happiness. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration and basically needs little confirmation to find satisfaction.

Recall from part II: When she thinks like a man and rewards herself for satisfaction, it pits her against him. They compete. She becomes jealous of his beating her because satisfaction is not the governor of the female heart and he so easily trumps her in that realm. When she pursues happiness instead of satisfaction as her daily goal, they become more compatible.

——

He’s simple and not much concerned with happiness. If he’s satisfied with himself, he’s relatively happy. His pursuits stop with satisfaction. Since a satisfied need no longer motivates, he reaches for something else at the end of an accomplishment or workday. His duty day ends long before bedtime.

Being more processor than producer by nature, her satisfaction comes from the little things she achieves. Example: Love never ends but kisses do. Shopping never ends but the last trip did. Nesting never ends but housekeeping ends at bedtime. Relationship management never ends except when sleep comes. Each little thing satisfies her—kisses, packages, dishes washed, she pleases someone.

She’s quite opposite and far more complex. Satisfaction is but a stepping stone rather than an achievement. However, it feeds gratefulness to herself for herself. Grateful that she’s capable and motivated to nest to her satisfaction and appreciation of hubby. Moreover, self-gratitude happens to be the entry toll for the highway to happiness.

Satisfaction from the dozens of little things each day make her grateful for herself. She can and did do those things, which adds to her sense of self-importance, which adds to her sense of self-gratitude, which enables her to be grateful for others and things, which places her on the endless highway to happiness.

What’s the nature of the relationship management beast that’s born when wife determines that husband should help with housekeeping?

  • She thinks in terms of equality, which is never achievable and she won’t like it when he makes nesting decisions that override hers.
  • She feels less important because he won’t agree or stir from his dominant convictions.
  • She takes on the role of competitor with assertiveness and eventually aggressiveness.
  • She blames him for her tiredness but he has no connection with that and doesn’t feel guilty.
  • She imposes guilt, which men reject or dispose of quickly from a competitor.
  • She becomes jealous of his inactivity, comfort, or diversions. Other things about him become wrong or intolerable. Tiny red flags creep into her psyche.
  • She envies his complacency about household things. Mistaking complacency for disinterest, anxiety mounts and she starts losing interest in keeping house and dedication to him.
  • She squelches her spirit of joy. It dissipates behind new expectations of not losing whatever arguments she has started.
  • She sets lose the beast of declining mutual respect, wherein she’s the biggest loser because his love is based on respect but hers is not.

So, what are the benefits when she takes full responsibility for housework and leaves him to his satisfying R&R? The benefits don’t accrue until she teaches herself to maximize her natural qualities designed to generate compatibility out of sex differences.

By not becoming jealous, envious, or anxious about hubby’s recovery habits, she enables herself to stay in tune with the positive side of her nature. Her worry can shift to future goals and not be entangled with his lounging, careless or carefree attitude. Her attitude can become more affirming of those around her. She can become more grateful for herself because of the peace and harmony she’s able to cultivate. Her spirit of joy can soar, which releases her to manage relationships from the highest possible position in life.

In short, she’s better able to put the full force of her nature into the nesting process—both relationship management and housekeeping. The former with feelings and the latter with labor. But the labor is not labor as commonly thought of. Repetition frees up her multitasking mind to address and solve issues, plan her immediate future, and simultaneously breathe a calming spirit into her home as things happen while she cleans.

She rules best who does the rest. It’s the pleasantness of mom’s nesting habits that kids carry into adulthood as her most endearing quality. The greatest love of mom—especially by men—arises out her strength of character and willingness to insist that everyone obey her rules within a never-in-doubt delivery of respect, trust, and affection. Contrary to what girls love to think, love does not cure all, and especially not cure men of habits misplaced in time and place.

By not taking offense at husband’s R&R habits, she enables herself to exemplify the goodness of woman. It frees her to more easily cultivate hubby to help when she needs it. For example:

  • She feels no guilt to ask him to help on tasks for which she has too little aptitude or strength. She can more easily detect tension and know how to convince him with gentleness and charm, which adds to her unique value within him.
  • She can pleasantly expect and patiently await his learning that certain things are his responsibility. When he accepts something as his duty, she has won from him also the sense that she’s worth it. Examples: 1) Men, not ladies, haul the trash. 2) Her duty is to clear and clean the floor. His duty is to deal with—other than back on the floor—whatever she picks up and places on his side of the bed or in his favorite chair but never spitefully. 3) If her commandment is a place for everything and everything in its place, and she lives by that code, then the family is easily taught that mom’s word is law and everyone falls in line. Husband included. It’s a technique right out of an imagined dominance handbook.
  • Free to dominate nesting routines, she can pleasantly expect that he live up to her standards. Examples: Make it habitual to lower both lid and seat when finished in the bathroom; light a candle before leaving a stinky bathroom; help clean up after she supports entertaining his associates.

I surprised myself with this article. I fell for the pop culture spirit that expands male dominance. It previously seemed fair to harangue hubby for dodging housework.

Now I object based on the strength, patience, and other qualities embedded in each female at birth. Girlhood hopes and dreams boil down to this as the predominant objective. A happy life with a loveable and loving husband, loveable and loving children, and sailing together into the sunset of their lives in total harmony.

Of course such dreams require a lot of work. Not strange to me, but women have every quality to make it work in a two-step process. First, they find and develop ways to be grateful for themselves each and every day. Second, they find and develop the habit to respect, trust, show affection, and show gratefulness to those around them. If others don’t deserve that out of her, she isn’t following her heart but her propagandized conscious mind.

 

3 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2079. The Battle over House Work — Part II: What They Do


Recap of part I: She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs confirmation from others to spread her gratefulness and thus earn—not receive or find—happiness. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration and basically needs little confirmation in order to be fully satisfied.

Each subconsciously pursues those objectives but with this distinction. Confirmation by her man that she is important is essential for her happiness. But his woman is not necessary for his satisfaction. Furthermore, she has to earn happiness 24/7 whereas he earns satisfaction every day through his decisions and accomplishments. Her pursuit is continuous, and his comes in daily spurts. At the end of his self-defined workday, he finds satisfaction with himself. Only nearing bedtime does she get a happy sense of gratefulness that she’s done all that she could or expected of herself and even that provides too little satisfaction.

Their primal needs intrude too. He needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. A satisfied need no longer motivates. At the end of his workday, he’s motivated by something else. His primal need kicks in for well-deserved rest and relaxation. His work day is done. (No alibi, just an inborn trait turned into deep-rooted habit before a mate comes along. Who but a man figures out so many variations of R&R?)

She, on the other hand, needs a brighter future. The foundation for it arises out of her primal drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Nesting is home keeping of which housekeeping and everyday relationship management are parts.

Thus, a man’s work comes in daily spurts. A woman’s work ends when she feels she has done all she can at the time and place.

Her days turn sour when she thinks in masculine terms of satisfaction instead of feminine terms of gratefulness for who she is and what she has. IOW, she hates her days and herself when she adopts the male objective of stopping for less than essential-for-health R&R. Two reasons: 1) She’s satisfied with little achievements and not big ones. So, stopping when she’s satisfied dissatisfies her in the long run. She has too much to do. 2) Acting outside her nature angers her and she takes it out on her mate. She blames him for not relieving her workload, when, in fact, doing housework allows her to multitask and simultaneously resolve issues in her mind and plan for the future. IOW, by keeping her body active doing simple/redundant tasks, it frees her mind to concentrate on more important things. Example: What she expects to gain or how she will handle specific issues over the next few hours/day/weeks/months/years. It’s the reverse of worry, which comes mostly when her body is inactive.

Modern women have been politicized to expect equality in all things. Instead, God intended or Nature produced fairness as the rule for marital compatibility. Seeking equality in social and domestic arenas causes internal conflict in females and resistance in males. It’s their nature to respond that way.

The primal motivation of women is to improve their sense of self-importance. They feel more important when their mate more directly helps with house work. When he avoids it, her sense of importance declines. Her gratitude for him also declines. The inequality spurs her to blame him for her dissatisfaction and unhappiness. So, when she thinks they should share equally, she makes motivating him to help her more important than making herself grateful for him, her, and theirs. She blames and lathers guilt with a wet mop.

Her blame disturbs his primary motivation, the need for self-admiration. While he doesn’t need admiration from outside himself, blame energizes him to fight back in order not to lose it. His fighting back of course dims her future, diminishes her reasons to be grateful, and weakens her sense of importance. It makes harder her fight to prevent loss of female dignity.

When she thinks like a man and seeks satisfaction, it pits her against him. They compete. She becomes jealous of his beating her because satisfaction is not the governor of the female heart and he so easily trumps her in satisfaction. When she chases happiness instead of satisfaction as her daily goal, they become compatible.

In modern days, compatibility shrinks in large measure because women expect men to share housework duties. More coming in post 2080 but you won’t like the truth of it.

 

2 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2060. Female Blessings at Birth — 58-60


I return to the project of asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 20th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the list. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can figure out better ways to lead better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, friend, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals. They need only acknowledge just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life. That is, born to be compatible with themselves, others, and particularly a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add comment with each blessing, perhaps I could be wrong in your eyes. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and trying to describe truth. I search for the blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance, the superior sex vs. the dominant one. Women deserve it but they have to do most of the work to keep the battle of the sexes balanced in their favor.

I continue to ask for your opinion to confirm or deny, true or false.

58. While I never thought of it in these terms, I recognized early in childhood that dad’s authority status was higher than mom’s and parental authority exceeded that of children. While it didn’t keep me from challenging everything in life, recovery from my mistakes was aided by their superior ability and status. I am grateful for only driving them out of their minds instead of me out of their hearts. [Guy adds: After the conscious mind opens in the third year, girls become sensitive to the role that authority plays in their lives. They have the ability to automatically acknowledge authority figures, and how they will respond to the use of authority. Of course it doesn’t take long before they also learn to test authority figures, perhaps even to play one against another. Success breeds self-respect and self-confidence. Failure provides lessons learned as part of self-development. They learn quickly that authority can aid self-development. Boys are not born so resilient or quick as learners.]

59. The more I am grateful for others, the more important I am to myself. [Guy adds: And self-importance pumps self-gratitude into your heart. IOW, by finding gratefulness outside yourself, you magnify it within. You inherited the ability at birth—you can be grateful for yourself just by continually looking and finding it elsewhere. And, your happiness flows from gratefulness, both for self and others.]

60. Unless I can do nothing about it at the time, I love the ‘renewed self’ that pervades my spirit when I spend time ‘fixing up’ at a mirror. It encourages me to purposely make up to please myself for being so pleasant to look at. [Guy adds: It’s powerfully useful first thing in the morning. Departing the mirror with uplifted spirits encourages you in the role of importance to family and leads you dynamically to help others achieve success and you to achieve importance in the day’s events.]

Example for your response: “60-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

2 Comments

Filed under feminine

2047. Submission #05 — MHW’s Great Teaching Moment


A recent comment amazes me. To honor the author’s perspicacity, I interrupt the daily sequence to publish it as a sterling addition to this series. I sure wish I could make things as simple and clear. I trust you enjoy it as much as I.

The following comes without change as Her Highness My Husband’s Wife posted it at 2044.

This subject is so good with so many aspects to explore and think about. Wives/husbands/pastors always focus on the “submit” verse, but I believe there is great value to a wife in understanding the other half of the equation regarding her husband in Ephesians 5:25 (“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”) If you were to sum this verse up in one word, it would be “SACRIFICE.”

So then a wife looks at HOW a husband sacrifices DAILY for her…some examples would be:
• Working to pay the bills with a job he doesn’t particularly like = sacrifice
• Picking a practical vehicle to save vs. sports car = sacrifice
• Despite so many attractive women, being physically faithful to wife = sacrifice
• Giving up his independent lifestyle to be with her = sacrifice
• Spending less time with the guys to be with her = sacrifice
• Limiting time spent on hobbies to be about family business = sacrifice
• Quitting a partying lifestyle to be more family oriented = sacrifice
• Forgoing new camping equipment to buy household items = sacrifice
• Staying with her despite her failures/imperfections = BIG sacrifice
Of course each marriage is unique in the way husband gives up things for her and his family. It’s quite humbling when a wife sees really how much husband does which ultimately injects GRATEFULNESS for him into her heart. Of course he won’t always sacrifice perfectly as women don’t always submit perfectly.

I see this contrast in my marriage clearly when I compare my husband’s single friend to him. The single friend is all about buying whatever he wants, getting all sorts of women, doing what he wants/when he wants, he doesn’t always have to work, etc. etc. It’s every man’s “fantasy!” Then I look at my husband who has given up so much and his “independence” for the sake of “us” and it’s pretty amazing. It’s HIS version of “FREE TO SERVE” with his FREE WILL.

 

12 Comments

Filed under Her glory

2035. Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. #38


She’s been with the Lord for six months, but this story Grace would have told if we had recalled it. About the turn of the century, she and I visited a favorite chain restaurant. We had recently become acquaintances of the owner/operator. He’s working the day shift as shift manager.

We’re sitting in an end booth, he leans over the end and chats with us, obviously doing so in passing rather than visiting. We subsequently learn he’s professionally charming and loaded with integrity. With those talents he’s also an excellent leader and has gone on to higher position in his company. He just treated me to lunch yesterday, and it reminded me of this story.

Anyway, back to the booth. The three of us are laughing and enjoying something. Suddenly a good looking, ultra well-dressed woman unknown to us appeared at his side. She was already deep into throwing a hissy fit. Her red face spewed these words that reflect her anger better than I remember the accuracy. “You knew I was coming. I’ve been here (??) minutes. You should have been at my table already. You need to tell the servers what to do. You’ve been moving about and purposely ignoring me. You’ve embarrassed me before my friend (lunch partner).” The tirade probably continued for double the time it takes to say what I just wrote. She made no effort to keep her voice down.

So embarrassed his teeth turn red, he remained well composed. With gritted teeth he gently told her to return to her table and he would be there shortly. He waited until she got there and excused himself with our blessing and sympathy. I thought how can he be so calm?

After he departs, Grace turns to me and says, “That marriage won’t last.” And, of course it doesn’t except for a few legal-processing months. I wish I could have witnessed their ‘togetherness’ after he got home from work.

Ladies, don’t visit expecting husband to forsake his duty to cater to your whims. Leave all your whims at home. Pick up your patience umbrella and wear your gratefulness hat. You’re special but your presence magnifies his concerns, whether he acts like it or not. Everything becomes more important except what he can dispense with for the moments he spends with you. His decision and not yours.

The moral: There is no end to the benefits that wife’s patience and understanding bring to hubby’s job site. With it she makes him look good. By showing ultra respect for him and gratefulness for his associates/employees, she makes him look great.

 

8 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2032. Female Blessings at Birth — 43-45


A NOTE FIRST. Ladies, your interest in these female blessings that arrive with birth seem to be waning. Am I boring you, or is interest in the subject already worn out? Shall I drop the subject?

——

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 15th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add following each blessing, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

43. I appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me. [Guy adds: Modesty is as natural to women as aggressiveness is to men. I urge every woman to study and teach daughters out of Wendy Shalit’s marvelous book, A Return to Modesty — Discovering the Lost Virtue. First, modesty is admirable to men simply because such apparently fun-depriving uniqueness is so foreign to their nature. Second, modesty is a woman’s most powerful weapon for getting a man settled into his expected role of honoring female sensibilities, both hers and that of other women. The more she respects her modest nature with affirming actions, the more easily she earns the respect of men, which is the foundation of a man’s love. (Ladies, I regret repeating myself so much, but many readers will be reading this as their first or near-first exposure to such concepts as men love according to their respect for a woman.)]

44. I can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly encourage myself with how pretty I truly am. [Guy adds: A female’s best friend is her mirror image. To the extent that she exploits that friendship, she strengthens her self-image, self-worth, and self-interest. Without a mirror nearby, she’s virtually lost in thought about her appearance. Anxiety about it can make her lose focus on other things, or she can use the mirror to change the subject. With a mirror she can restore confidence, eliminate anxiety, and restore herself to whatever track she was on in any situation. That’s why she’s designed, endowed, and hormonally energized to believe that she’s pretty—it’s her salvation for any tough situation when she learns to use it in company with her compact-available best friend.]

45. I feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men. [Guy adds: Women lack the masculine self-confidence that whatever they choose to do is okay within themselves. The spirit of Feminism suggests to women that they will feel more self-confident and like themselves better by duplicating masculine habits in dress and behavior. But it doesn’t work as advertised. Instead, they have to try other more masculine habits, but that doesn’t work either. Consequently, modern women continually feel less than good about themselves. They try harder and harder but the pop culture pushes them in the wrong direction, that of adopting male initiatives, welcoming male dominance, and tolerating excess male aggressiveness. Thus, women wean themselves away from their natural ways of always feeling good or better about themselves, which means they don’t find gratefulness in themselves, which means they can’t find all that much gratefulness in their lives, which means that they move further and further away from ever finding happiness that emerges from a strong spirit of gratefulness particularly for being female.

Example for your response: “45-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.

 

10 Comments

Filed under feminine

2009. Female Blessings at Birth — 07-09


Third group and I thank you for offering your opinions.

I take the (currently 84) default attitudes for a test drive, to purify them with deeper analysis by more people. I request readers either confirm or deny each numbered item below with or without comment. To make it easier, I’m only posting three at a time.

Just reply to this article and identify each item by its number and indicate true/false. Accept each default as true to begin with. I will rewrite or delete as results of your analyses justify it.

True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life. If you learned an item during your life, try as best you can to determine if you actually learned it or just confirmed what already existed in your heart. [If learned or foreign to you, label the item False.]

  1. I have the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been given the gift of caring for. [from MLaRowe] [Editor: The born-in prime motivator of women is to earn self-importance, which requires from others confirmation of her worth. Consequently, women gain and amplify their importance by doing right things morally and caringly.]
  2. I as a nurse can help others. [from Nancy] [Editor: Witnessing the results of nursing amplifies her sense of self-importance, guides her in doing the right thing, and adds to the gratefulness she feels for herself.]
  3. I have a nice and more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I intend to restore it and expect to have it shortly. [Editor: She always expects to make herself more attractive, but guilt easily triggers dissatisfaction when her appearance goes untended. Yearning for near-perfection, she’s seldom satisfied except momentarily. Striving to attract men, feedback enables her to manage her appearance successfully. (However, her nature doesn't guide her on this momentous fact of life. It’s not body shape that attracts men; it’s how whatever her shape is cared for and presented.)]

Example for responses: “6-T (comments if given)” works okay to reflect your opinion of true to that one item.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

10 Comments

Filed under feminine