We have been blessed by Her Highness Heather at 1384. She beautifully clanged the pity bell, which enables me to ring the gratitude bell. Pity easily conquers women unless they fight back with the proper antidote, gratefulness. Thanks to Heather’s clear descriptions, many women may benefit because they are caught in similar situations.
As with all of us, a person’s attitude reflects their heart and self-pity gains prominence or dominance in the absence of gratefulness. If women are not grateful enough, they’re not happy enough. They look to blame others, which is quite natural but also the root of pity.
Whether you are an interested reader or buried in self-pity, please don’t take offense. It will only stall initiative to squelch the pitiful side of life with newfound gratitude.
I analyze the lady’s wonderfully descriptive comment as if gratitude is lacking in the heart of every woman, because it usually is to some extent or another. Her entire comment is broken and quoted in lower case; my response is bolded and bracketed.
- “Not having extended family is a huge problem today.” [You’re not grateful for what you do have? You generated a nice home and family. Can it not be made to be enough? As mother you are capable and able to make the world a better place with home-schooled children. Can mothers do better? As wife you are capable and able to keep husband’s nose to the grindstone of earning a living and remaining responsible for his family. Can you do better without him?]
- “My husband simply drives around listening to sermons and takes customers out to lunch for his job.” [Does listening to sermons improve or worsen his living a dedicated Christian life? You have time to diagnosis your problems and what’s wrong with your life. Are you stuck on that? Does it creep over into envy or jealousy for what he does daily instead of what he does long range to brighten the economic future for you, home, kids, and marital relationship? If you have time for those negative thoughts, can you convert them into positives?]
- “I am home schooling four children.” [Congratulations. How can you have the heart to continue, if you’re not grateful for the sterling characters you’re building into an extended family with you as future matriarch?]
- “He knows his job is so much easier than mine.” [Yes, easier because of experience, ambition, and gender attributes. Knowing he has the easier job compliments you with his gratefulness. You wouldn’t like it if he did your job and thus took yours away, right? Can you find gratitude in NOT having to do his job?]
- “I cannot be a good wife or mother without time to myself.” [Sure you can. You already are. How did you get where you’re at, if you aren’t both good wife and good mother? You found time to find pity. Can you find time to find gratitude?]
- “I consider time to myself to be cleaning without the children. I can’t even imagine having time for friends or reading a book or taking a bath without one of the children in it.” [I can’t tell you but you can figure out how to gain the private time you desire. You need only adopt one new habit. It will enable you to generate both imagination and time for yourself. I describe it below.]
- “Modern society has left women alone with only their inadequate husbands to turn to.” [If husband is inadequate, wife is usually responsible. She either married the wrong man, or the atmosphere she generates in home and relationship induces him to change in ways that make her ungrateful.]
- “Men just can’t run a house for even an hour like a woman can.” [Exactly, just as God designed, Nature endowed, and hormones continue to energize the sexes as distinctly different. A man’s sense of responsibility is broad enough to care for family. A woman’s sense of responsibility is specific enough to handle the details by squeezing in touches of female devotion here, there, and everywhere.]
The “fix” for all of your problems lies in one word—gratefulness. First, grateful for yourself. Second, grateful for your husband. Third, grateful for your children. Fourth, grateful for the life husband and children (and God if you are a believer) provide you.
If you expand your gratefulness in yourself, it will enable you to find gratitude both for the others and provide a more self-charmed life. It may sound too simple, but resolution requires renewed dedication to yourself. I suggest you adopt the practice, develop the habit, and make the most of this process:
- Commit to letting the following determine your bedtime. Arise each morning before everyone else and sit in front of a big mirror for 30 minutes. Demand that everyone honor your privacy and do so without complaint. Dedicate the first 30 minutes of your day to you talking to the mirror and generating your own feedback.
- Study yourself in ways you haven’t for a long time. Fix up, plan to fix up, and otherwise make improvements on everything you see in head and body. Every little improvement brings gratitude, so enable yourself to find new ways of improving your appearance. If you see need for a professional makeover, get it, but don’t give up your 30 minutes every day. Make it a lifetime habit, because it’s the tap root of happiness.
- Details are spread through other blog articles, particularly those cited in 1440 and the subject expands at 1721.
And you say: The price is too great! And I say: The consequence of pity is unhappiness. Pity and gratitude are mortal enemies. They can’t co-exist; pity kills happy.
I like to make the holiday season personal in this way. Today we Americans give thanks for what we have and who we love and like. At Christmas we Christians give thanks for who we are in the eyes of God and family and friends. Recognizing and displaying our gratitude is the common theme. The holidays are thus made happy because happiness flows from gratefulness.
Gratefulness civilizes us and the more the better. The process of finding ways to express gratitude for others displays a unique respectfulness that makes women smile more and men work more responsibly on behalf of family. Their natures cause this; women are happier during the holidays because they more easily find and spread gratitude than do men.
I wish a Happy Thanksgiving Day to Americans everywhere. To others, I hope they can find ways to find and spotlight gratefulness for who they are and whom they love and like. We only uncover and release the good life together when we unconditionally respect and find gratitude for each other. Turkey comes second.
This summary completes the series about grateful actions that can lead to mutual happiness.
Wife directly demonstrates her gratitude for husband, which makes her happy with him.
♦ That’s it. Her happiness-seeking ‘job’ is simple and easy.
♦ Unless, that is, she can’t show gratitude. She may have chosen or turned him into Mr. Wrong. Or she may suffer low self-esteem or high self-centeredness and expect more from him than she can ever give.
Husband indirectly demonstrates his gratitude for wife, but success depends upon her confirmation.
- He shows his gratitude for her by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving for her and the kids.
- Success comes from her respect and dependency, which makes him grateful for who he is and what he does, and this opens the door for his happiness.
You may conclude this, and it’s true. The best evidence of her gratitude is to reward him with respect and recognition for his efforts on her behalf.
One final reminder: A few negative words can poison good intentions and nullify positive actions. Consequently, words, discussions, and opinions either confirm his contributions or mutual unhappiness follows. (Full disclosure is vastly overrated.)
Ladies, this could be the most meaningful series in the blog, if you can master it. It does, however, require study and perhaps restudy.
A mutual attitude of gratitude jumpstarts mutual happiness, but it doesn’t come easily. The sexes display gratefulness differently. However, she’s the relationship expert and controlling partner for cultivating it!
So many women miss this natural outcome: Consistently treat your man unlovingly, and whatever love you had dies faster than his departure.
Truism: Feelings follow actions. We can’t feel one way and act another for very long. For example, we can’t love a person and act unlovingly for very long or vice versa. Our daily choices invariably determine how we feel, and gratefulness energizes the female nature.
- Her actions that show gratefulness generate gratitude within her. Since the female nature embodies a deep sense of caring, serving others generates gratitude for the people served. Becoming more grateful encourages her to be more direct and action-oriented in service to others.
- Husband expects to be primary recipient, but his mind and heart work differently. He reciprocates indirectly with his job and work.
- He expresses his gratitude for her through daily actions of producing, providing, protecting, and problem-solving for her. That’s who he is, that’s how and what he does, and that’s enough in his mind. He indirectly shows his gratitude for her.
- He daily proves himself worthy. His actions speak, and words are unnecessary. It’s up to her to stir him to expressing words she longs to hear but that he seldom volunteers. It calls for relationship expertise.
- His job and work generate gratitude within him, but gratitude for himself more than anyone else. It’s the outcome of male nature identifying so closely with job and work.
There’s also a paradox: The root of mutual gratefulness calls for her to be more direct, because he indirectly displays gratefulness. More tomorrow.
Some women believe in little, so they tend to believe whatever a man says. This makes them soft-headed. 
Having unmarried sex with a man bonds her, but not him. This keeps her from objectively evaluating him as potential Mr. Right. 
- Providing sex easily, she acts as the seller before conquest. It’s her as buyer before the altar, and seller afterward that leads to marital permanence. 
Males crown their natural aggression and dominance with violence, unless women tame, civilize, and domesticate them. 
- A woman thrives on her man’s devoted attentions, because it confirms her value and importance to him. 
Nagging and criticizing a man don’t teach him to lather affection on her, because both alienate him. 
- First things first: A woman needs to obey her female nature to become extraordinary so a man will marry her for keeps. 
Respect to, gratefulness for, and dedication pledged to and kept with one man inspires masculine fidelity, but it doesn’t guarantee it. 
Firstly, thanks to Pops for providing me the opportunity to contribute. I’m not sure how often I will be able, but hopefully those times will be useful to his efforts — and perhaps even to some of you.
Secondly, I congratulate my Dad for his labor of love that is WWNH. He has dedicated the majority of his retired life to what each of you see here. Before I was accidentally prescient enough to recommend blogging to him, he spent the better part of 10 years writing different versions of what he thought might become a published book, and perhaps another of his great achievements.
In fact, a few years back, Sean Hannity from FOX News Channel came to SMU in Dallas for a speaking event. I hatched a plan where I would slip Dad’s latest outline in a manila envelope to Sean during autographs. Maybe he could help in some way. I did. DOA.
We’ve often chuckled over the past couple of years about how better it’s been that he never achieved the “finality” of a book. You see, this blog, each of you, and the inherent interactivity afforded by blogging on WWNH have provided him a much greater reward than the fame or fortune (neither of which he needs nor desires) that a book ever could.
I have also seen the difference that WWNH has made in many of your collective highnesses’ lives. That’s where the real rewards lay, not only for you, but also in the lives of Guy and his most beloved, Principessa Gracie.
Lastly, if you are or have been an active participant in the WWNH dialogue, you’ve probably made Guy’s day at some point, or many times over. If you are more of a lurker, I encourage you to get off the sidelines. The rewards of the collective knowledge and experiences of this community are unbelievable, but even more so for all when YOU contribute.
I’ve decided to.
Men see and hear too much of this to show much eagerness for marriage:
♦ She teaches or guides daughters about safe sex, expects them to experiment, and ignores the importance that deferred gratification adds to the maturing process. Fathers harbor contrary feelings.
♦ She just cannot be grateful for her husband doing what he’s best equipped and prepared to do—producing, providing, protecting, problem solving.
♦ She orients her thinking and feelings around harsh and loud and total self-centeredness, opposite to the female nature.
♦ She stresses her faithfulness to feminist ideology and political objectives.
♦ She tears down manliness and masculinity to uplift herself or get what she wants.
♦ She thinks about herself more than him and works with other women and what they should and can do.
♦ She offers unmarried sex after little more than chit-chat, and then after marriage complains about lack of foreplay.
Dear Daughter: More nuggets for review.
♦ The earlier in life the better to teach males about romance. This makes teen girls critical in the development of romantic men. 
♦ Shapeless and excessively covered boobs shift manly focus to other women. 
♦ Romantic love, mostly based on infatuation and lust, does not require a man’s respect. Moreover, romantic love fades after a year or two. 
♦ Morality serves women, but men don’t need it. Mothers and other females must see that boys and men live within the moral expectations of women, or male dominance gets out of hand. 
♦ Men with a wounded spirit work harder to recover and do better. Women with a wounded spirit seek someone to nurse away their hurt. 
♦ Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s beating out all those other guys. 
♦ Love to a man means showing respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does, and that’s what he expects from a woman. 
♦ Love to a woman means showing attention and affection, and that’s what she expects of a man. 
♦ If she duplicates masculine-style sexual freedom, it makes her the subordinate player in a man’s game. 
♦ Hunter-conquerors highly value difficult targets. This makes hardtoget work. 
♦ Feminism demeans masculinity to get what women want. Femininity uplifts and honors manliness to get what women need.