925. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part III

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR	ALPHA	BETA	GAMMA
Earns respect by showing:	Attitude of significance & dominance.	Willingness to go along to get along.	Willingness to work for it.
Fills masculine role of producing, providing, protecting, problem solving	Totally self-confident about his ability, so he tackles it eagerly.	Varies greatly as product of his self-confidence and drive to give of himself.	Lacks self-confidence and tackles everything cautiously or not at all.
Guilt:	Suffers very little guilt except when he disappoints Self.	Guilt more closely aligns with female guilt.	Accepts guilt easily, and especially as females lay it on him.
Handles fear with:	Actions that either remove or minimize causes.	Mixture of worry and actions to keep his mind occupied.	Worry long before action.
Handles mid-life crisis	Tough on his psyche, self-confidence, and to deal with; can take actions that appear drastic; a trophy can generate wild swings in his moral compass.	Handles it better than alpha, but still may take drastic action; his moral compass easily loses its magnetic hold on him; likely includes trophy hunt and maybe 20-year ditch.**Post 65	Handles it better than alpha β not likely to alter his persona; may not experience it; believes he’s forever young.

An extra dollop of thought: If a beta pursues a woman, she says she just wants to be friends. If an alpha pursues her, she gets excited and goes into full disclosure mode. Both are the opposite of what she should do to maximize the odds for one of them being Mr. Good Enough. Parenthetically, an alpha pursues without fear of rejection, so making him work harder increases his commitment. Betas weaken in pursuit mode; the direct interest of a beta means pursuit of sex more likely than pursuit of her, so why should she seek friendship?

NOTE: More follows tomorrow and beyond.

759. Response to Viewer — Item 22a

At post 751 Her Highness Easybreezy says: “The men around me these days I just don’t find all that appealing.”

Social pressures cause the phenomenon, and I’d bet many women are plagued by it. I can’t offer much without describing the background. Tomorrow’s post addresses the foreground.

Question. Why do men seem so unappealing?

History. Men used to work energetically to develop a relationship that resulted in marriage, and most men married fairly young and for life. No more, or at least not enough of them do it that way. Men now set the standards for cultural values that women, especially wives, used to dominate.

Feminism. The genders drifted apart over the past four decades. Instead of the institution of family pulling the sexes together with common interest, Feminism promoted female-dominant relationships under the guise of ending patriarchy. The male nature didn’t change but resisted instead. Free and easy sex compensated the male gender, so boys and men let females play their feminist games.

However, mutual respect between the genders wilted along the way. A man’s love is based on respect, and the male heart developed leaky valves.

Surgery. Men need heart valve replacements. Qualifications for surgeons are strict: Only non-feminist, ardently feminine, hard-headed, and soft-hearted females need apply. Only they can do surgery that makes male patients appreciative, grateful, and ultimately devoted to one surgeon.

Objectives. Women seek marriage, but men don’t unless they have to. Consequently, men show no signs of being marriage-minded, it registers as unappealing, and it leaves females wondering what they do wrong.

Guilt. Women feel guilty and blame men but men don’t accept any guilt. When women make themselves more appealing, men will become more appealing. But that’s tomorrow’s post.

688. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 25

Over the past three decades, Feminism expanded the natural battle of the sexes into a political war of the sexes. Trying to kill male dominance, feminists expanded their political capabilities. They made great strides economically, politically, and legally, but women lost the ability, skill, and patience to keep a man.

• Females that dress ladylike, classy, or even prissy are of the now-distant past. Women abuse male preference for females to look good. Mutual advantages disappear.
• Mystery decays to full disclosure. Comfortable attire decays to sloppy. Complimentary modesty decays to skin tight. Simple decays to erotic. Grooming decays to natural. Pregnancy decays to beer belly.
• Manly respect decays, as females appear less attractive by choice and less worthy of much masculine effort. Manly disinterest rises for everything but sex.
• Guilt and personal redemption fade, and blame and finger pointing explode. Relationships spiral into collapse or unhappiness.
• Less unconditional respect for the opposite sex translates to less womanly influence to counter male dominance. The original mission of Feminism was to overcome patriarchy, but male independence increases and family responsibility decreases.   
• Women play the feminist game with political correctness, which pushes Truth aside. Men respond with whatever’s needed to continue frequent and convenient access to sex, and it becomes easier with each new generation.
• Modern women starve for male attention uncluttered with sex or innuendo. Under threat of sexual harassment and PC, men are conditioned to not pay compliments to females.

The fallout from Feminism continues to pile up.

656. Good News to Lift Female Blues — Part II

Judeo-Christian values in our foremothers’ hearts made up the spirit of general goodness that energized their husbands to build the most advanced civilization that ever arose in the world. 

• We’re all imperfect, but imperfections take nothing away from nurturing, parenting, leading, and coaching kids, when we have God’s support and backing.        
• Religion provides guidelines for assuaging one’s guilt. We all have it sometimes, and many are frozen with it, or we rationalize our way out of it. But God will forgive us, if we ask, for whatever brings on our guilt.
• Christians forgive, because God forgives us. Forgiving someone releases our minds to also forget what they did to us, just as God forgives and forgets.
• Christians learn that goodness comes from what we do, not from our intentions.
• The Christian spirit does so much to lift the Sour Sister mood that inflicts older women.
• We’re all plagued with two deep but negative emotions: We don‘t always deserve the gifts and blessings we get in the world, and the undeserved triggers guilt within us. Believing in Jesus Christ eliminates the dilemma. Because we don’t deserve the endless blessings that God’s Grace provides, thankfulness suppresses the urge to feel guilt.

The Judeo-Christian way of life is not just good. It’s proven to be the greatest in the world for elevating Womanhood to ‘Head of the Culture’.

561. Guilt

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1758.

526. She has ‘Issues’ — Responses

Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. She may even help as described in part one in post 525, but she needs her own ammo.

Caveat: I offer no right answers for being accused of frigidity, fear, or sexual mistreatment. Instead, I assume that she wants to choose whether he’s worth more attention and time instead of his making that choice about her.

Her response should not drive him off, but should cause confusion so that he slacks off pressuring her for sex. Conflicting signals cause confusion, and smiles can confuse any negative message she chooses to convey.

Responses: Anger and disappointment have some potential, but she gives up control of the situation. Certainty of her messages, as opposed to confusing him, puts him in fight or flight mode. A grab bag of options includes confusing messages that are less likely to prompt his dropping her:

·        SMILE and ask: “Why do you accuse me of having issues? Can I not stand on my principles and beliefs?” (Then, don’t explain further and don’t complain about his response, if he offers one. Let her question haunt him, because he has no answer that respects her as she wants to be respected.)

·        SMILE, maybe chuckle, and change the subject as if his accusations are preposterous. (Say nothing to defend her position, but don’t let him know if she’s uncertain about it. Take charge. Self-confidence steals ammo from his bag of tricks.)

·        SMILE as if she intends to keep secrets in the sex department. They disagree on ‘casual’, and it’s no time to explore those differences. (She’s waiting on certain conditions to be met, which she expects to come later.)

·        SMILE if she’s hurt and inquire if he really has other specific interests in common with her. (Put the guilt on him, and he’ll change the subject.) 

·        SMILE and query him about himself to change the subject. (What ‘issues’ does he have that he would expect her to so eagerly embrace casual instead of devotion? Why embrace his self-interest by yielding her own interests?)

·        SMILE mysteriously while asserting she’s ‘normal’. Greater mystery will stop his efforts to soften her resolve. (He’ll depart or take another strategy, if she puts the guilt back on him for even suggesting that she may be other than ‘normal’.)

·        SMILE and assert devoted love is normal and casual sex abnormal to relationship solidarity. (She might ask: Is he more interested in sex than a solid relationship? Why? How? Penetrating questions expose his character.)

·        SMILE and in some subtle way assert innocence as more valuable than experience. (Let him conclude what all that means.)

Accusing a female of issues against casual sex is a standard male technique. She cheapens herself if she falls for it.

A more profitable response: Don’t accept casual, commitment, or her devotion for him in lieu of his devotion for her. It’s called female dominance.  

522. Sex differences explain men—Chap. 30

This post has been reissued as Birthstones of Compatibility, #1544.

497. DATING 8: College and Other Inequities

Equal opportunity in the sex game ripens into inequality. College girls claiming masculine-style sexual freedom ruin dating for their gender, and it flows off campus with each graduation.

M Men only need a place, women need a reason. As more Feminism-charged, freedom loving women only need a place, social pressures make dating unattainable for women with different expectations.

M The other women feel pressure to abandon female-friendly practices. They try too hard, and inequalities compound: Abortions! STDs! Single motherhood! Anguish! Dumped! Guilt! Frustrations! Desperations! Embarrassments! Depressions! Worries!

M Social fallout includes: No cherishment by a man! No manly devotion to her for herself! No popularity except for sexual action. She gives men more for less. Only attractiveness and sexual activity keep manly attention, although never enough, focused on her.

M If sexually inactive, she’s threatened with: Few if any dates! Only temporary, pass-through prospects! No candidates for marriage! No brightened future with a devoted man! No Mr. Right! And Mr. Good Enough slips through her fingers! No husband!

J Men have opportunities for sex aplenty! Little need for much investment of Self.  

J College men look forward to shifting the chase to the off-campus world—except those that need to find a mate to help put them through grad school and then dumped.

J Men have few premarital sex threats: Some risk of STDs! Fear she may entrap by dropping the pill!

J The male nature protects him from relationship ills so common to females: No abortions! No anguish! No desperation! No embarrassments! No depressions! No worries! No responsibility! No guilt!

J He’s also protected from ego damage: No dates, but who needs them? Someone’s ex, but that’s okay for conquest. No wife, because available females aren’t worth it!