Yesterday. Part 1 described the wife’s side as husband lost her trust and she lost her libido. Her emotions were described as going through this sequence: distrust, frustration, disappointment, guilt, indifference, and possible resentment and aversion. Her emotions feed to the husband, and most men respond very much like this:
· He senses her indifference and concludes he’s of less value to her. But he responds differently: no frustration, some disappointment, maybe indifference, but no guilt. He’s who he is, and sex IS him.
· Her indifference to either sex or him shows that she doesn’t depend on him. Also, her dependence falls further as indifference worsens and possibly ages into bitterness.
· Less dependence on him means less respect for her, which weakens his love.
· He sees no connection to his trust-busting behavior. Virtually no motivational force builds within him except to wish and perhaps look for a better sex partner.
Thus, she pushes him away. She probably thought originally that he may become motivated to change his trust-busting behavior, but she bet wrongly.
Competition. Attaching lust to distrust slowly evolves into head-to-head competition: her vs. him, a wife vs. a husband, her low vs. his high libido, her resistance vs. his higher expectations, her weaker drive to dominate vs. his stronger drive to dominate, her fear of abandonment vs. his weaker resistance to separation, her potential to make him comply with her wishes vs. his resistance to change. Men either win or flee from competition with women and especially among husbands and wives.
Losing her lust through lack of trust arises from the female nature. It’s normal. But not thinking her way out and especially keeping it out of the sex arena starts a string of unexpected consequences. Tomorrow’s article looks at libido recovery in case wife finds an interest within herself to seek it.